Winning Against Whining????

Updated on September 17, 2007
L.O. asks from Sterling Heights, MI
12 answers

My daughter is 21 months old. She talks very well and seems bright..She has always been a high maintenance child. Lately the battle has been over her whining. There are days when she gets up in the morning and starts crying and it seems like she cries all day. She cries for videos, to go in the basement to go for a walk,,, and on and on... and even if I give her what she wants - she is happy for a minute but then cries over something else. Some days she is fine, and other days she just whines all day. She gets 11 hours of sleep most nights and gets a 2-3 hour nap every day.. any help moms??

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M.R.

answers from Lansing on

I tell my kids to take that whine to the trash can and throw it away! They end up laughing so hard that they forget about their whining and eventually stop.

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N.W.

answers from Detroit on

I think it's the age. They are testing you. We used to tell my son (now 3 1/2) to use his words. Other than that we would answer him "no we can't to that right now" or whatever and if the whinning continued I would ignore him until he stopped (which, i know is easier said than done- but it worked).

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C.V.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Hi Lisa,
My son started whining when he was little and I would always say to him, "I can't understand stand you when you whine, when you can talk to me without whining Mommy will listen." It took a week or two and there times when I felt like I was saying constantly but he got it. He is now 4 and never whines. Be consistant. If she is whining don't give in to what she wants because it shows her that if she whines long enough she will get what she wants. Good luck.
Chris

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K.K.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Lisa, hi. My name is K.. I have a seven year old and a five year old. I think your daughter is just going through a phase. a whining phase. My son was a whiner. It seems like he whined about everything!! But it only lasted a couple of months and then he went back to his usual self. I think it is about attention. Some children require a little more attention thatn others. My son needs alot, my daughter, not so much. Your daughter will be just fine. I wouldn't give in to her every time she whines when she wants something. That is just teaching her that whining will get her what she wants. And if she knows that, she'll never get out of that phase. This is just my opinion. So I hope it helps you a little, I don't think you should worry alot about that though.

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B.W.

answers from Grand Rapids on

There is only one place for whining...the bed room, cause "I don't want to hear it"
When she starts tell her she needs to go to her room till she can tell you nicely what she needs. If she doesn't go ignore her.

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R.W.

answers from Jackson on

Have you ever had a day when you just wake up grumpy and cranky? Kids have the same kind of days except they don't have the maturity to put their own unhappiness on the back burner for the sake of others.

You can try reflecting her feelings. Oh Sweetie I know you are sad/upset, what would make you feel better? Or Honey I'm sorry that you are upset but we can't watch a video right now. Make sure you give lots of hugs and cuddles on the bad days you're NOT rewarding undesirable behavior you are comforting your little girl on a bad day.

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T.S.

answers from Kalamazoo on

Lisa,
I drive school bus and have a very young kind. She has done just fine on and off the bus, but Wed. she was just screaming "i want u to take me daddy".... her dad tried sooo hard but was still going to give in and take her to school..
i told him to put her up and i put her in a seat and told her that screaming was not allowed on miss tammis bus... i thought dad was gonna keel over... not even 1/2 mile down the road she was laughing.. after she was at school i called dad and told him.... the first thing he said was "thank you and that he was going to try this with other things too" I know its hard but be very consistent no matter!!!!!!!
good luck
T.

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C.S.

answers from Detroit on

My suggestion is to not give in to the whining. When she is whining tell her you're not going to listen to her until she talks like a big girl and uses her words, then don't listen. Walk away from her. It will probably take her a few days to get it but if you are consistant and don't listen to her want or need when she is whining she'll stop doing it. My 4 year old son still goes back to the whining if I let him. It's a constant battle with my 12 year old too. You just have to insist on word not whining or it will never stop. Good Luck!

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E.A.

answers from Detroit on

My daughter does exactly the same thing! She is 27 months old and before she hit about 20 months, she was happy, laid back, funny, and an overall GREAT kid! THen we hit the terrible twos and everything seems to be a battle. She WHINES about everything: going down for a nap, when she doesn't get fruit snacks for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, when she wants to watch another show on TV. Whenever she does this, my husband or I look her in the eyes and say, "I love you, but I don't like the whining. I said NO." And walk away from her. If she THINKS there is a chance she will get her way, she will continue to whine. Everyone I talk to and everything I read says that this is just a phase and you need to give it as little attention as possible (SOOOO DIFFICULT, I know). When she whines, tell her you don't like that whine, and walk away. Even if she doesn't understand the words, she'll understand the meaning.
Good Luck!

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J.S.

answers from Kalamazoo on

OOH this is the fun time of parenting.. my son does the same exact thing.. he is a little over 2 years old and when he does whine for something when he is asking i tell him to quit whining and ask me right.. if he is whining because he wants something that i dont want him to have or do i tell him no and to stop whining and then i ignore him... it has been working for me his whining has cut down alot..

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M.K.

answers from Detroit on

I have heard great things about the Love and Logic Parenting books. Personally, I have never read them, but am going to a seminar on Oct. 20 to hear their thoughts - one of their topics was about this subject. Sorry, I am not there just yet, so I don't have any good, tried and true advice, but thought the books may be useful??!!?

Good luck!

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L.N.

answers from Benton Harbor on

Hi~
I do the same as Christine; 'I can't understand you when you whine'. It works. I think a key point is that you say 'even if I give her what she wants', that is probably part of the problem. Remember that your kids can whine way longer than you can be patient, and even one time of giving in just teaches them to whine longer. Be consistent and firm...never, ever give in to whining. However, as soon as she asks nicely, I would give her pretty much whatever she is asking for to start, so she gets the message loud and clear. When our guy was waking up whiney, we made him turn around and go right back upstairs until he 'changed his attitude'. It's perfectly fine to be angry/upset/frustrated, etc...but the poor attitudes need to be kept in his room. Didn't take long!

Good luck...stick to your guns!
~L.

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