Whiney 3Yr Old

Whitney

My son is going through the same stage. Someone gave me the idea to tell him I can understand him and ask him to repeat it in his soft voice...worked like a charm.
L.

Supernanny has the answer to this one: The daycare doesn't put up with it and neither should you. If he whines at you (as my 4 yr old loves to do) answer him in the same voice so that he can hear how ridiculous it is.

"If you want a cookie, ask in your big boy voice."

Kids whine to get what they want. Just don't give it to him until he asks "properly" or as Supernanny says "prohpally."

its a phase, my son went throught it he will be 4 in jan and he is slowly fading out of it. He would break down and cry and whine all the time. One of the things i would do is ask him to rephrase himself in a big voice and when he does you resay what he would say in a whiny voice and then again in a normal voice and ask him which one sounded better. Also make him rephrase himself before you give him what he is wanting, and dont give it to him until he can ask for it in a big voice. As far as the crying if you are playing with him and he will cry at everything you do or do not do calmly get up and say i am done playing with you until you can play like a big boy. Let him throw his fits put him in a special spot where he can cry and he can get up when he is done, kinda like time out but he can decide when he is done crying instead of you telling him that he can get up for being in trouble. Just a place for him to gather his thoughts. Good luck it does get better.

M.,
I have 4 kids of my own and have been in early childcare for almost 20 years- I always tell the children "no whining" and to use their big boy/girl voices. It does get very annoying but I do not respond until they use a voice/tone that is not whining. He is not doing it a daycare because he knows it doesn't work there- chances are you and you parents give in to him (so you don't have to hear the whining) and he knows how to "push your buttons" You will all have to work together not to give in and to ignore him until he stops whining. Once he stops whining- tell him you like/love it when he uses his big boy voice - positive praise and reenforcement will help him see which "voice" to use. There is also nothing wrong with walking away from him when he is whining.
T.

When your son whines do you give him what he wants? If yes He is learning that it is the way to get things from you. My daughter did the samething until I gave words to the whinning. If she pointed at a cup and whinned, I would tell her do you want the cup say cup don't whine. It will take a little bit to stop but don't give into his whinning. Good luck hope it works out.

Being a single mom has to be the toughest job on the planet, there's not a lot of thanks and certainly no downtime. I hate to say this, but its true that your DS will save all his 'tough' emotions for you, mommy. The whining, the tears, the meltdowns will all happen because he knows he can do those things in front of you and you will still love him. There are some things you can do to moderate the behaviour, and you've heard those already. But be aware that he does need to have a safe place where he can be himself....its just the same for us. If you go to visit a friend and spend that day at their house, its fun, its fine, but its nice to go home and let your hair down so to speak. Your son is doing the same thing. He needs to know very clearly what the limits are so he can begin to define himself within those limits: ie whining won't be tolerated, meltdowns are OK, but must be done in the privacy of his room, etc.

GL!

I can definitely relate. We have a little girl that will be 3 in early November. She has been going through this whiny stage for months now as well. What I have been doing is saying, "please do not whine, use your nice voice and tell me what you want." I say this ALL the time in same form or fashion. It seems that it is finally starting to get better, but there are some days that I want to pull my hair out. Being tired makes it worse. Her daycare says she is perfect when she is there and any time she is with grandma or grandpa she is great as well. It is more at home. I have also started making alone time for just her and I (we have a 5 month old baby girl that I beleive is attributing to some of the behavior). I know kids go through this stage, some longer than others. The best thing I can tell you is that it will pass. Try not to give it attention when he does whine. Let him know that he will get attention when he speaks nicely. Good luck!

HA they say its the terrible 2's noway its the terrible 3's. He is testing your limits and your parents limits.

demonstrate cheerful tones and ask him to repeat after him. keep it fun. let him know that you love him but it does not get him anything, and stick to that. if he whines while you play with him, demonstrate how to ask without whining, and let him try it. If that does not work, leave the room.

I can't "get you wrong" because i am on my second child ho is three. Just this morning he spent about 30 minutes screaming in his room because his "toast wasn't right." So here we are at 9:30 just finishing breakfast. # year olds do this boy or girl (I have both). I think this has to do with chemical development in the brain. So my best advice is to not listen. If it is a small upset or whine and she is calm, make a "peace couch" in the living room or guest room (not used, cleaned area). Just put them in thee like a time out and say you can come out when you can talk to me calmly. This take time to train. Otherwise, when a big fuss happend, put her in her room. We switched the handles on the door. I say: You choose whether you will be in here with the door open or closed. Right now, my son comes out and I end up locking the door for about five minutes. then I go in to calm him down. give him two mnutes of calm before he can join the family. you will have to help him leran to breath and calm down at first...like training a dog. but by 3.5 and if you are consistant, she should be able to do it herself. Of course, my 4.5 year old daughter just flipped out over her brother grabbing a 'ticket" she had colored for a game she was making up. It took her about two minutes to calm down but she is working on it. so good luck...and not sure this is the best method. but honestly, I read every book and it all sounds so great on the page. but what it really is for you is toget them beyond you for a minute so you don't loose it and hit them or something. Just don't let the whining build to that point...and it will. Nip it in the budd fast.

My neice and nephew are pretty whiney, too. What I've found is that they don't whine when they are with me because I set very obvious boundaries and am consistent with enforcing them.

For instance, if we are having spaghetti for lunch, my niece will say immediately, "I don't like spaghetti. I want chicken nuggets." "No. We're having spaghetti for lunch. Eat the spaghetti or wait until supper to eat." She'll eat the spaghetti and say it's very good. But her dad would have caved and given her the nuggets.

At preschool they have to have structure and enforced boundaries in order to manage a classroom of children. Studies have shown that children who know the rules (boundaries) and have them enforced, are happier. I find that they are also not so whiney. The key is for the parent to be consistent. BTW, Super Nanny & Nanny 911 are good at showing how this is done on a daily basis, if that helps.

It could be like Crista said - he's withholding his emotions at daycare. Or it could be that he has learned that whining works at home & not at school. That's the case with my kids. They're not whiny at all at church or preschool, but they definitely are with me, my husband & my parents. I'm working on it, but it's not easy. The only thing that seems to work for us is to ignore the whining. I don't respond unless they use a big girl/big boy voice. If they keep whining while I'm ignoring them, I say that I hear a noise, but I can't tell what it is. If it devolves into a tantrum, I smile & say - looks like we need some time in the bedroom - that's a bummer. When I'm consistent with these things, it definitely helps. Good luck!

It's very h*** o* little kids not to be around their mommmy all day. They learn to withhold their emotions at daycare because the people in charge don't care about them the way parents do, and he's well aware of that.

When he finally gets to see someone who loves him (you & grandparents), he lets all those emotions out.

When my 2 and 4 year olds get whiney while they are communicating to me, I say "I don't understand what you're saying when you whine. Can you ask in your big girl voice?" If you are consistent and don't cave when the whiney voice is used and respond positively when he uses a normal voice, that is positive reinforcement and a clear expectation for him. Kids will get away with whatever you allow. Good luck!

Ignore him when he whines, plain and easy. The first time say nicely "you know I will not talk to you until you ask me in a nice voice".....then walk away.
He is whining and it is normal, but don't give him what he wants or engage in conversation when he whines. It will take a while but he will get it. It is normal behavior. If he cries, find out by asking what is wrong and if he whines just ask "you know I cannot understand you when you whine and I want to help you, so can you please talk to me calmly?". He is seeking attention and it is normal. Hang in there it is a phase and as long as he realizes he will not get what he wants doing it, it will stop.