Sil's Grumpy 5 Year Old

Tell him if he's cranky, the doctor said he's overtired. He needs to catch up on his sleep to get past this. He has to go to bed right after dinner for a week then you can see what happens. If he's cranky again, he must need more sleep and another week starts. He could get time to vent after school then if he's cranky after that, he has to go to bed early.

Snap him out of his self absorbed bullcrap by letting him know how good he has it. He thinks life isn't fair? Well dogonit, he's right. Teach him about the world. Show him poverty and sickness. Show him that not everyone gets an award, deserved or not. Tell him that there are some families out there that don't have TV's, and some don't even have a refridgerator or a bathroom. They dig a hole in the ground and poop in it.

Ask him about the kid who got an award in class. Ask him what that boy did to get the award and tell him that if he wants an award he must work hard and do better than anyone else in class because no one EVER gave an award to a whiny brat. (Well technically that's not true, there are a lot of kids these days that get trophies and awards for doing nothing because parents don't want them to feel bad about not winning... which creates situations like this...)

He needs to learn to appreciate what he has and not lament what he doesn't have. He needs to develop compassion and empathy. He won't ever do that if he's not exposed to the unfairness and downsides of life on this planet.

If my daughter ever complained about things not being fair I'd tell her, "Suck it up buttercup, life isn't fair and the sooner you learn to deal with it, the happier you'll be. I love you, and no matter what happens out there in the world as long as you have people that love you, you'll have the best that life has to offer."

When my kids start the non stop complaining, I make them take a nap! :) But we have also done the, "okay, now tell me three good things about school, or sports or family(what ever he is complaining about)". Have a rule that when he says something negative he has to also say 3 things positive about that situation. It's okay to help him out until he gets the hang of it. So if another boy got to do something fun in class and he didn't- that's his one negative, help him see what positive things went on in school. Maybe he learned something new, or got to be first in line, or slide down the slide at recess, etc. And same with his brother and sister. Baby sister hit me- negative, now 3 positives, baby sister loves to play with me, I can make her laugh, she likes to share her chewed up food.
And don't make it for just him, have your whole family participate to. We used to have a kindness journal(which I need to start again) but whenever someone saw someone else do something nice, we would write it down in our journal(just a note book) that was kept on the kitchen counter. On Sundays, we would sit down and read what had been written about everyone. It was a lot of fun and my kids loved doing it but I forgot about it when we moved.
~C.

He's in 1st grade, far too young to overthrow you as head-of-household! He needs to realize that to be independent he also has to behave positively, not negatively as he has been. And since he's "sensitive" he especially needs not to be coddled or his behavior will get worse.

1) Set a timer for the amount of time you will tolerate his venting. Once that time is over it's time for him to move on to other topics, even if you have to remind and redirect him. Tell him complaining and whining are over for the day. If he wants to continue after that say something like, "I really am sorry you had such a horrible day. It sounds like you need a nap." And send him to his room to lay in bed for 30 minutes, not play. If he's OK after that amount of time he can come out, but if he's still grumpy he stays in there another 30 minutes.

2) Make dinner and if he doesn't like it he may be excused, you don't listen to his complaining (it's rude and disrespectful) AND he doesn't get anything else to eat (but of course he can have his dinner food if he gets hungry.) Before he goes to bed have a talk with him and tell him that he needs to eat the food you prepare him, not be rude and complain about it, and that you expect better behavior out of him.

Also have him help in at least a small way in preparing the meal; rinsing the veggies before you cut them, pouring milk, setting the table, etc., if he has a hand in preparing it he may have a different attitude about it. Also give him a choice in the meal, something you already considered such as, "Should I make green beans or carrots, serve fresh fruit or applesauce, etc?" then let everyone know he made the choice in selecting whichever.

3) Have him set out his clothes the night before, after his bath, before bed. Tell him what he'll need, shirt, pants, socks, jacket or hoodie, etc., and have him pick it and lay it out. If he has any complaints the next day kindly remind him HE picked the outfit out.

4) Tell him the school year has a looooong way to go, and that he will more than likely be receiving an award at a different time. (Teachers do try to make sure every student receives an award at some point throughout the year.) Tell him he should be happy for other children when they get an award and he doesn't, he would want them to be happy for him, wouldn't he? Tell him to make sure he claps for them to let them know they did a good job. Also tell him we don't get awards because we want them, we get them because we did something to earn them, and the teacher can't give him one until he does what he's supposed to do without being grumpy about it.

5) Life ISN'T fair, and never will be. i won't go into how unfair it was to the thousands of people who died 10 years ago tomorrow. Or the children who get horribly sick with cancer at very young ages. You get where I'm coming from. Life isn't fair, agree with him on that, and tell him since he knows it isn't he shouldn't expect it to be. The best he can do is deal with life as it comes to him and make the best our of it. (Lemons into lemonade, so to speak.) When he starts to whine and complain on how unfair life is have him sit and write down 3 things that are good in his life. Do it each and every time he complains about something and he just may stop complaining (unless he likes writing.)

6) Tell him his brother and sister are so fortunate to have him as a big brother, I'll bet his sister is "bugging" him because she wants to be with him or he has something she thinks is cool and wants to play with it, too. Tell him yelling at her isn't nice and hurts her feelings, and he knows how that feels. Does he want her to feel the same way? She loves him, he should love her back.

It sounds as if he needs to stop focusing so much on himself and think of others. TV portrays lots of things in distorted ways that make kids think that's the way life is supposed to be. I'd wean him off TV, and only allow him to watch when the entire family is watching something together. That way if he starts to get negative ideas you can head them off by simply changing the channel or turning the TV off. Maybe Family Game Night or reading would be better activities for him to pursue. Here's some food for thought on how TV affects our children:
http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/tv_affects_c...#

And since he's in 1st grade it may be time to get him into a sport with other kids his age. He'll get a bigger perspective of the world and learn to pursue things as a group rather than alone selfishly.

Try to nip the behavior now or you will have one moody child on your hands in years to come. {{HUGS}}

I love goingon4boys' answer! It's brilliant. He needs a good dose of reality! He obviously feels as if he should be catered to at all times and she needs to get a handle on it fast! Telling him the doctor said he's mad because he needs more rest and quiet is so funny and brilliant! I'd bet his attitude changes once he has to go to bed right after dinner ("annoying" little sister or not). I'm totally going to use this one if I need to one day!

Has anyone asked him why he's so upset all the time? Just wondering. Not to sound judgmental, but I was just curious...why is a 5yo in 1st grade? It could possibly be that he's overwhelmed and doesn't have the maturity to exhibit his stress in any other way. Before he gets punished more or has more things taken away from him, try to empower him. Show him he can control something in his life. It sounds like he's feeling like his world is a little out of control right now. Just a different perspective is all. Good luck to your SIL and you.

Sometimes kids get fixated on something bad and it snowballs. There are some things we cannot change (like the award going to another child) and some things we can.

Maybe try a "gripe box" where he puts his gripes on an index card and at the end of the week the parents put them through the shredder to be rid of that experience.

And also try to steer him toward solutions. If another student got an award, he can be upset, but what did the student do that he did not? What is the teacher's criteria? Can he do that next time and have a chance? Is he good at games at home? Can he see that sometimes even though the game is fair sometimes he wins and sometimes someone else wins but they all "win" in that they had fun?

With whining I think it goes back to when he was 2. "I understand that you are upset about something, but your whiney tone makes it hard for me to understand you. If you want to talk to me, you must come back with a normal voice."

My SD can spend an entire dinner detailing her awful school day and sometimes we just need to tell her enough is enough. Did anything GOOD happen?

my son is about to turn 5 next month...i swear he is as moody as a 13 year old, too. honestly the whining and complaining get SO old. i have used alternately, asking him not to talk unless he has something NICE to say (works for the minor blah's), and sending him to his room, if it's a worse case of yuckies. lately he will start and i will start to get annoyed and just when i am about to lay down the law, he smiles hugely and says, "oh mom i'm just JOKING." and laughs. it's crazy b/c i know he really was in a pizzy mood, and i don't know how he does it. he just turns it off. i want to laugh at him but then i feel like that would just encourage it. little monsters! gotta love 'em!

I only skimmed the other responses, but here's my two cents:

1) I think they should make sure he's not stressed or overwhelmed. A 5yo in 1st grade? Also, is he getting enough sleep? Etc., etc.

2) My daughter just turned 6 the other day and has been in a complaining mode since turning 5. I think it's the age. If I find she's doing a lot of complaining, I tell her to go to her room by herself a while and she can come down when she's feeling more pleasant. When she comes down, if she still wants to talk about whatever bothering her, I help her to do it in a more constructive, polite way that focuses on solving the problem, not just complaining. My points are that she learn: a) she can't be around people if she's going to be grumpy and complaining all the time and b) how to deal with her frustrations more appropriately.

That being said, the fact that she still goes through complaining phases says that this won't "solve" the problem in that he'll stop complaining, but it may teach him some things he needs to learn.

Hope this helps!
B.