My 6 Year Old Is a Complainer

anyone would be worn out from listening to that all day. and you're not doing her any favors by being patient and accepting of it.
i'd nip this in the bud right away. every complaint would result in an unpleasant consequence until she learned to knock it off.
khairete
S.

My 7 yr old granddaughter was a complainer about everything. It made it very difficult to be around her because you'd do something fun and she'd nitpick and complain about something. So I told my daughter that it was time to teach her grace and gratefulness.

Start by letting her know that there will always be things we don't like but those things shouldn't keep us from feeling happiness and joy in life. When she starts to complain about something stop her and ask her to think of 3 things about the situation what make her happy. If you do it every time she'll start to look at the happy side herself before being a 'Debbie Downer' becomes a habit.

Ask her what her plan is.

Daughter: I'm cold. I don't like this cup. I'm tired.
You: What's your plan? or What are you going to do about it?

aka let her solve some of these "problems" that aren't really problems. She wants your attention and this is her way of getting it.

As for not accepting "no" for an answer, you say, "I already told you no once. I am not changing my answer." or "You've already asked that and I've already answered." She asks you again, tell her she has to go to her room until she apologizes.

Every time she starts, send her to her room. She will eventually get the message.

It sounds like your 6 year old has learned how to push your buttons. Perhaps you are giving her too much attention when she complains. Try walking off, as if you never heard a thing.

My daughter is 5 and has been in school and around kids since Month 2 of life.
My daughter has recently been a complainer. I have had talks with her that we are to be grateful about everything. Everything is a gift. Some kids don't have food to eat or toys to play with. We are to be grateful! I tell her if you complain, you will tell me 5 things you are grateful for. I want her to be a positive thinker and sayer. This has been slowing down the complaining. It really is nice to hear what she is thankful for. At times she couldn't think of anything so I would get her started. Well you were complaining about having to walk. We are thankful that we have legs to walk on. The lady on dancing with the stars doesn't have legs. She dances with "Prosthetic legs, (fake legs) that help her walk and dance."
When she complains about having to name 5 things. I say give me another one or you will get a spanking. She starts fast usually with "I am thankful for food".
This has help me decrease my anger because I am beginning to see things she is thankful for. A light at the end of the tunnel. Now, I have a plan.

we just took a parenting class.. and the instructor over and over said.. you need a rule.. and a consequence..

so make up a rule.. tell her the rule.. if she breaks the rule.. she gets... .. whatever the consequence is..

AS in... sweetie.. it makes mommy so tired.. when you complain .. ... (give an example of a complaint...you hear from her..) we need a rule.. IF you complain.. I will give you one warning.. the next complaint I hear... you will spend 5 minutes in your room.. .. If I hear another cmplaint.. 10 minutes..

I love you and I want to spend time with you... but complaining is a bad habit and I think we need to help you learn to say positive things..so our new rule will help..

ALSO... make suere you demonstrate good positive behavior..

Send her to her room and tell her she can come out in a bit once she can stop complaining/whining. Also, you don't have to respond to every complaint. Sometimes if you say nothing it stops. Then again, sometimes it just makes them more adamant.

You can start your day or activity with a warning. 'Honey, I'm starting lunch. Please no complaints about what we are having. Now, would you like celery or an apple?' Or 'Here is the milk you asked for. Please don't ask for a different cup.' If she asks for a different cup say no and offer to put the drink in the fridge for later. If she asks for something in a whiney voice tell her to try again with a normal voice.

You could also try asking her what her top three complaints and top three good things of the day were before bedtime. If you make it a daily thing she will kno she will have a time to air her complaints and then you follow it up with positives to end on a good note.

Finally, give yourself a time out. Have a cup of tea by yourself. Tell her to play in her room or watch an episode of her favorite show and that you will join her once you have a break. Ten minutes to read a chapter or make a pot of tea does wonders for my patience.

I was having issues with my 5.5 year old accepting no. I told her that when I said that was the end of the discussion, it was the end, if she persisted, there would be a consequence.

Also, any negative talk, straight to your room. Grumps are anti-social. And if you can't be around another people in a pleasant mood, then off to your room until you can --I live by this rule too, btw.

Thank you, Jubee, for the short but perfect answer.

I agree that your being more 'graceful' isn't the wise compensation for the situation. It only teaches her that her feelings are more valid/important than others and that she has the right to gripe (instead of be proactive).

My son is six and capable of making a sandwich if he gripes at me about food.

One trick, though, is that when we are in a hard season, I'll often ask him "pick one veggie/food you absolutely *don't* want on your plate". This is often very helpful, he focuses on what he thinks is 'worst' and this makes the other things which do show up on his plate more attractive.

Making sure he is welcome to 'fix' many of the things he doesn't like usually helps immensely.

When my 5 year old starts to complain endlessly, I think it's usually because she's feeling lack of control and a bit of boredom. So first, I try to give her as many choices as possible throughout the day. They don't need to big huge decisions, but even asking "What kind of sandwich would you like? Would you like to help make it? What color do you want to wear today? Hair up or down?" I also try to shut her down less, even if it means a bit of inconvenience for me (like if she wants to do a messy craft project or wear a thousand barrettes in her hair).
Second, the more 'big girl' things she can do for herself, the more she automatically acts like a 'big girl'. So if she wants a different cup every night for dinner, try showing her where the cups and milk at located (if she doesn't already know) and let her get her own drink each night. If she complains about being tired try sympathizing then asking how she can fix that herself (rather than offering a solution). And even in daily activities she may not complain about, giving her more autonomy may reinforce the 'big girl' attitude, like she can take her own shower all by herself, pick out outfits (with weather considerations) all by herself, and even help younger siblings all by herself. In my girl's world, this really seems to make her feel like she's one of the grown-ups, and it means a lot less whining.
Third, outdoor time helps my girl. Maybe free-playing outside burns out all their energy to complain, or the sun puts them in a better mood.

The last solution, if all else fails, is to simply respond "You get what you get, and you don't get upset," and then go about your own business. :)

I agree with Jubee. Let her figure out how she is going to correct the problem, she is old enough to comprehend that. Good luck!

She's not in kindergarten with her peers? I'd say that's what the issue is if she's not. She's supposed to be in school. So she's bored. It's so wonderful with the kids go to school at age 5. They get so much cognitive stimulation by being away from home and getting exposed to so much information.

I have to agree with Jubee here, too -- sounds like the way to correct her complaining is to provide her with opportunities to work out a "problem" for herself. And provide consequences for continued complaining -- "no means no"...

She's not in kindergarten with her peers? I'd say that's what the issue is if she's not. She's supposed to be in school. So she's bored. It's so wonderful with the kids go to school at age 5. They get so much cognitive stimulation by being away from home and getting exposed to so much information.

Yep. That would drive me nuts too. You have to stop her though because it will effect all her future relationships. I have boys and if they said that I'd tell them to "get over it". I would tell them that people don't like listening to complaining all the time and they had to stop. You are doing her future husband a BIG favor by breaking that habit.

I think she is trying out her independence.
I've experienced some of this w/our kids.
The best thing I have found w/my youngest (the most independent) is to
give a choice when possible.
For example, I am making lunch, would you like soup or a sandwhich?
If I am defrosting ground beef for dinner & I'm stumped as to what to make, I say "do you think I should make tacos or shepherds pie for dinner?".
I give choices on our day. "We have a free hour, should we go to the park
or the zoo?" etc.
"Go pick out your clothes".
"Do you want tuna or turkey for lunch?"
On a fun day "Do you want to visit the zoo or find a park we've never
gone to?".
Let's go see a kids movie "Do you want to see xy&z or this one?".
My little one complains about an itchy shirt or uncofortable shoes. Here's the deal.......they probably have favorite clothes/shoes that truly are more comfy. So I say "go get changed into something comfy for the park."
Again, I give choices.
Sometimes I don't have time but I do try to think ahead so I can give choices. These "young people" are finding their voice. We should encourage it while still setting boundaries. It can be done. It just takes
forethought. (Yes it can be exhausting when we are in a hurry but we are raising little people. I want my children to be independent and to be able to make good choices in life. It starts here!).
You may find you have less complaining if you let her amke some choices for herself.
Hang in there!!!

Hi G.. That would have driven me crazy and I probably would not have been patient or tolerant about handling that behavior.

Since your child is of the age to be finishing kindy or first grade, I'm going to assume that you homeschool. Homeschooling can be a great educational option, but it also may mean too much time together.

If she has so much time to complain, I'm wondering if she's bored and spending too much time at home? It may be time for dance class, gymnastics or an art class. Also, one of the benefits of home schooling means a less structured environment than the formal classroom setting, except that there are some children who need that structure. I'm not saying that you should opt for outside schooling instead, but to look at the structure of the day and determine if there is too much free time.

Being tolerant and kind about this annoying and sometimes rude behavior means that you are affirming to her that it's okay to behave this way. It's part of parenting to teach her that it's not. Also, I can't see what is happening in your house but if you are doing too much for her, it's time to teach her to solve her own problems. Teach her that when sister is getting on her nerves, rather than coming to you, she just needs to say that she's going to play in her room alone now. Complaining about the cup she got would have gotten my kids the response of "I guess you really don't need a drink right now. Go to your room til you are ready to apologize." But really, are you serving drinks to a six year old? She is more than capable of getting herself a cup of water, and therefore, picking out a cup. You're cold? I don't need to hear about it. Go to your room and get yourself a sweatshirt. If you are doing too much for her, she is seeing you as someone whose role it is to meet her every need and that she is the center of your universe. It's time to nip that behavior in the bud, Mom. Good luck.

How to stop whining and complaining in you and your kids - by Scott Turansky and Joann Miller