Do You "Know Your Audience?"

Edit: lol, I just realised in my answer I said that I loaded the car with groceries, and then later on said we didn't have time for grocery shopping. Just to make it clear, my mum would ring up on Friday afternoons to ask us to collect certain items such as bulk dog food and bulk longlife milk for her. She couldn't leave my father at all and so relied on others to pick things up for her. :)

Yes, yes, yes! It's incredible the insensitive complaining some people do! My MIL did this the other day: my husband and I work full-time in responsible jobs, and we have three small boys in day pre-school and kindergarten. My husband employs his brother who is 34 and living at home with his mother. Until two weeks ago when my father died my husband and I would load the car with kids, clothes and groceries and every Friday after I finished work, we would drive the hour away to my father's home so that I could nurse him as he died, and my husband would work all weekend trying to maintain my father's farm. On Sunday evening we would head home where my husband would head straight back to work (he works 12-hour nights)' and the whole thing would start again. We were exhausted and emotionally drained. We didn't even have time to do our grocery shopping, and we haven't had a vacation for ever (we've never taken our children for a break). This went on for months. Then one day my MIL came to my work and told me how my BIL was so upset by MY father's illness (they hardly knew each other and then my BIL didn't better coming to the funeral)' and told me how much my BIL needed a break from work and that my husband should give him time off. I didn't know what to say. I just looked at her.

Well, I think what we all need to keep in mind is that everything is relative. When I worked FT, I thought I was SO busy. Then I had a baby and I learned what hectic means. Still, now I have an elem school aged child and work PT and I do not know how I could possibly find the time to work 40 hours per week. Guess what? We're ALL busy....just different kinds of "busy" I think!
Rule of thumb for MIL visits: Bite that tongue then bite it some more!

Complaining is annoying as a general rule because as Denise said, everything's relative. A good rule of thumb is to not complain and then to ignore or change the subject when someone else does too.

I do bite my tongue. My big thing since moving here (where there is A LOT of military wives with children) is that I can't complain about my husband working too many hours even though it's really upsetting when I've moved out here away from family and friends and then he's gone from 7:30am to 8pm. I want to whine and scream "it's not fair", but at least I know he's coming home, and when. I consciously refrain from complaining about it to someone who's husband is gone for another 6 months or so.

Yes, of course. It's called having social skills. Unfortunately, sometimes people forget to use them. =)

Yes, very much so. I don't complain about my husband to my friend who is a widow, and I never complain about my kids or my own stress level to my friend with a disabled grown son, two kids being home schooled and a permanently disabled, critically ill child who she cares for round the clock in her home, which is set up as a PICU. I don't complain about my workload to people who desperately need a job. I don't complain about parenting to my friend who lost a child. I don't complain about aches and pains from a tough workout to my friends with MS and rheumatoid arthritis.

I have a relative who lives a life that certainly seems comfortable on the outside but she is always, always complaining about how tired and stressed she is. I try to be genuinely sympathetic, but some days I want to say please don't tell me how busy and stressed you are (literally most of the complaints are about the weather lol), given that you have one child who is in school and you stay at home, you have good health, a lovely home and nice family. Try having 4 school-age kids, a FT job and a PT business and tell me how tough your life is, cupcake! But then I think of my friends who are bearing true crosses and I thank God that I am blessed with what I have and say a prayer for my complainer that she learns to see things more positively.

It's all about emotional intelligence. Some people get it, and some don't. Try to just let it roll off your back, or give people like this the "poor you" that they're looking for and move on. It can be so tempting to want to say "do you seriously think you have something to complain about?" and then send them a link to the FB page of my friend whose child is so ill and say "be thankful for what you have" but that would be unkind. The sad thing is that these people truly do feel sorry for themselves and are missing out on all they have been blessed with.

Some people really don't care who they complain to, they just do it because they want to have a listening ear and they are so focused on their own problems they are blinded to others. If when she complains about hers, you re-iterate yours, then she might realize hers isn't so bad after all.

.

I'm not sure what you mean. I think everyone tries not to say things that are insensitive. Not sure why you would not say to someone with two autistic children you are busy when you are. I have four kids, one who is autistic spectrum, I am sitting here on a computer, clearly I have free time as well.

I am curious about this because people who don't know me well at work are shocked to hear what all I have on my plate. But, but, but you smile all the time. Err, yeah, would crabbing about it make the day better?

I guess it is just to me if someone said they were busy I wouldn't assume it to mean they are busier than me but that they feel at that moment that they are busy as compared to the rest of their lives or something.