What Would You Do If Your Husband...

I would tell him to shut the hell up. If you are both working, then he has no right to tell you that you sit around and do nothing. If he is helping just a little bit then you shouldn't say anything to him either. Even people who are SAHM, should not be expected to keep the house clean. I don't care if one person works and the other does not, housework should be a joint effort.

When I ask my husband to clean and he says no, I won't cook him dinner. I also won't do his laundry. I'll take it downstairs and let it sit. My husband does nothing and a lot of times when I ask he says no. We both work full time.

Use a relly fresh cleanser like Mr. Clean, ammonia or Pine Sol--it makes folk think things are REALLY clean. lol

He is projecting his shortcomings onto you!
Chances are, he knows he's slacking!
Seriously, I was at a Halloween party with my son today from 4:00-10:30 and when we got home, everything looked just like it did when we left.
Then he asked me if we "had any cough syrup up there"....?????!!!!
6+ hours home alone and you couldn't look in the medicine cabinet for cough syrup? Suffer then! Lol
I feel ya, Sista! Good luck with the strike!
Let us know how it goes.

My husband doesn't do much around the house either. I used to bug me a lot, until I realized I hated every weekend because I focused on how he sat around watching tv while I continued to work my butt off.

I decided it wasn't fun to be angry every weekend so I gave myself permission to take those days off too. The kitchen is my pet peeve. I hate it to be out of order and left a mess, but he doesn't care. So on the weekends, I look the other way. He does bedtime for the kids on Sunday nights and I use that time to put the kitchen back in order for the week to come.

I also do a ton of laundry but it bugs me that he never puts away his clothes. So, we changed that too. I wash and dry, then put his clean clothes in a laundry basket, with the exception of hanging his work shirts. He doesn't care if his clothes are folded and put away. He is perfectly happy to pull underwear and socks out of the basket as he needs them.

The kids are required to do their share, so we both supervise their efforts...clearing their own places at the table, putting away their own shoes and clothes, picking up toys, wiping down the bathroom counter after brushing their teeth. Giving the kids chores means things are getting done but neither of us have to do them, plus they are learning responsibility. Our kids are 3 and almost 5, so your daughter is plenty old enough to learn to clean up after herself a bit too.

The rest of the housework is mine and I fit in a little everyday. My house is never all clean at the same time. I've learned to accept it.

If you can't adjust the way you look at things, or adjust the way household responsibilities are divided, then it may be time to hire someone to come in and do some of the work.

I'm fully in support of a wife / mom strike when ingratitude enters the picture. I think this works really well with adolescents and teens. It may be amusing for them at first, then the wake-up call sets in.

The one thing that could wreck it is belaboring the point with any nagging or bringing up what's already happened. You guys already had the falling out, now just be matter-of-fact, not emotional, as you let this play out. Continue until there is an apology and acknowledgment that things needs to change. Sometimes our calmness shakes things up way more than being super-emotional, which can turn men off.

Please let us know how it worked out!
=)

My husbands chores : take out the trash, and take the recycling to the recycling center.

My chores : everything else, including homeschool our children.

He does make supper 75% of the time, because he likes to cook and I'm usually exhausted by then. He doesn't clean up after it, though...nor does he clean up after his midnight meal and when I wake up, I have more dishes to do even though I did them after supper the night before. :)

I find it's much easier to simply ask when you want a specific chore done, and to realize you are the woman and should take care of your house. Since I incorporated that into my life, I'm much happier, honestly.

I would absolutely NOT follow the advice of "throwing the dishes away" or "hiring a maid", etc. You are a married couple, and not only would these things hurt YOUR wallet, too, that's about the most immature response I could ever think of. Want to pick a VERY long fight? Sure, throw the dishes away like an idiot while there are starving people in the world. Yeesh.

(***I guess you missed the point where I said if I want my husband to do something, I ask him to do that SPECIFIC thing and that usually works. Like, "Hey, will you vacuum while I finish the dishes?" And just because this is 2012 and not 1952 doesn't mean a woman can't take pride in being a housewife, EVEN if she works. Okay? I don't expect to take out the trash or change the oil...not because I CANNOT do these things, but because I'd PREFER not to! Call me old fashioned, but you know what? I am content. My answer was NOT an attack on you, so why did you attack me? I am saying that basically I used to get frustrated but since I resigned to doing it "all" and asking him for help when I really want it, I am much happier.)

You go girl. He is just throwing this stuff at you in order to get you to leave him alone so that he doesn't have to do anything. Don't fall for it. Your strike should last long enough for him to actually SEE how much you actually do.

Take pictures now while it's clean.

Dawn

Hit him in the wallet-dishes that get left out on the table get thrown away -and then buy a new set-keep doing it-for the stuff under the deck-call 1 800 junk-they'll be happy to pick it up-for a fee, of course. Hire someone to keep the toilets glistening, an accountant to pay the bills , and a pet care company to handle the kitty litter. While you're at it, take a leave of absence and book your mani/pedi every week. Save money buy cutting off the cable TV-all that ought to bring him around.

1. Get a cleaning lady. 2. Get a whiteboard to make a list of items that need done for both of you 3. Divide the jobs 4. Remember to have fun with daughter and take time for yourselves the mess will be there tomorrow.

I had similar problem with my husband no I have opposite. He is obsessed with house tasks and forgets to spend time with his family...again leaving me feeling frazzled bc I'm non stop with 3 kids and still doing "most" household items.

My husband is a stay-at-home Dad and I STILL had to go on strike about housework! So YES, I have. Your husband sounds a bit like mine - in that when I have an issue, he responds with defensiveness as well.
I think you are taking the right approach given how he responded to you.

I too am exhausted and I too would be surprised (& upset) to see my husband just leave dirty dishes after I'd clean up. My solution, I stopped rushing to get things done; his response?he does A LOT more of the cleaning. Sometimes so much cleaning, that I just have to move out of his way before I get run over with the vacuum. We both work full time and week nights are just for dinner and the kids, no heavy cleaning until the weekends. Don't sweat it, after your cool down, maybe sit down and have a conversation with your husband and clear the air out. Good luck.

Couldn't do it, I'm to crazy about having a clean house. But I did get a cleaning lady!!! And it was the best money I have ever spent. Working full time and taking care of a family is hard enough never mind trying to keep up with the house. Also, I do online food shopping, not sure if they have that in your area, check with your grocery store. It's an extra 10 dollars but saves me a tremendous amount of time. And basically I save money, no room for impulse purchases.

I don't go on strike because I can't stand the mess. What I do is focus on my laundry first. I wash, fold, and put away my clothes first, his clothes goes neatly piled on the ottoman. I don't turn his shorts right-side-in, I leave them just as he wore them and they come out of the wash. I received a text message the other day that said he had his underwear on backwards.

As for the mess on the table, it is time to teach your DD to pick up her mess. There is no reason she can't clean after herself. It will only get worse as she has more homework.

My daughter is now 7 and she helps with minor cooking duties. It really helps a lot. She retrieves, washes, and puts away veggies, loads the food processor, pushes the button, then removes the food (I remove the blade). She throws out all the veggie ends and I just work around her. It works out well.

House cleaning is not worth fighting about, although, yesterday my DH told DD not to change her clothes because mom is special when she has to do laundry.

I am proud of YOU!!!!

Stop being a door mat for this lazy man. Don't do anything but feed your child and yourself and only feed the animals. Do not clean the litter box, do not clean the bathroom do not do laundry except to make sure you and your daughter have clean underwear and such but leave everything not essential to the next few days attire, do not do the dishes, do not take out the trash, do not run any errands, let him pay the bills, they take a few minutes and can be put on the mailbox for the next days mail delivery, etc....

Do this for 1 week minimum and he will see what a blessing you truly are.

I have a cousin that I love dearly, we went to stay with her family a few times several years back. She had married a man who had a son. She had raised him since he was about 8-9 years old. The last visit was when he was an older teen, still in high school and just starting to drive.

I was helping her one day while she had gone to run an errand. I was emptying her dish washer and asked her step son where stuff went. He truly had no idea even where the glasses went. My cousin had always been the one to ask him if he wanted something to drink, she got the glass down and handed him a full drink, she loaded the dishwasher, she put the dishes up, hubby didn't even know where stuff went.

That is really repulsive to me....that poor child's future wife will be expected to be a servant to him because he has been taught to be dependent on a woman for even a drink of water out of the fridge...that is truly sad. I asked her why she did this, I really really really didn't understand. She said it made her feel loved and needed. They cared about her because they were always asking her to do stuff for them. In my book it should be the other way around, they love her so much they want to be helpers to her and show her how much they appreciate and love her by helping her have free time to do something for herself.

Many women make this mistake. They think it is their job to supply every service that a man or child may need. That is so terribly sad. She is setting these children up to be selfish and uncompromising in their future relationships.

So go on strike but do it right. Do nothing that is not for yourself or your child. Feed the animals but that's all. Don't do anything else. Let him cook, let him sit in the bathroom with a dirty toilet. Show him exactly what you are worth.

Once he realizes what you are, and that is NOT A SERVANT, then you can talk to him about assigned chores.
++++++++++++

I sat down with hubby one time and had been having issues with him not helping. I decided to show him the way a man needs to be shown, they are quite visual.

I got on the computer and googled a lot of sites about chores and housework. I had a super long list of daily, every few days, weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, every 3 months, twice per year, and yearly chores.

I typed them all out on a ton of sheets of paper. I cut them into strips. I put each time frame in a different box. I had one labeled daily, one box labeled for each time frame.

Then I sat him down at the table with me, I explained what was going to happen. I told him he was going to draw one out of each box. Then I was going to draw one out of each box and we would be assigned that chore for 1 year. That way it would be fair to him and to me. Neither of us would be overworked or expected to do too much with our work schedules.

He was appalled, told me it was my job to do the house. I told him to choose, be a helper or a hindrance but either way I was not his bond-servant, chattel,
workhorse, that I had worth as a person and would not be treated as anything less.

He started drawing slips out. Once we were done he was shocked at how many he had. I was really glad to offer him a deal once we were done. There are some chores that he got that I really enjoy such as laundry, I really didn't want him to do the laundry. I can't handle the static when he decides there is no need for dryer sheets since he doesn't like the smell. I did change to Bounce Free after a while just for him though.

So we compromised and I took some chores he did not want and I gave him some that I could not see myself ever doing.

I did tell him that he had his list now and that they were expected to be done on time. I did not care if he paid someone to do them for him. If he didn't want to mow the yard himself then he could pay someone out of his own spending money to provide that service, it did not come out of family money but his own assigned spending money.

This worked for us for several years. I did do some compromising but once they see you fold they do try to take advantage of that.

Now that he is on disability and I am retired we both do stuff around the house. He did dishes today and swept and mopped the kitchen while I took a nap. I have been running a fever and coughing up green pus so I needed the rest. He fed the grand kids lunch and snack, he cleaned up after himself, and he even cleaned out the fridge.

Life is pretty good once you re-train them to think outside their box of childhood learning. He is a good man that just needed to understand life is different when a woman is working outside the home, she is equal in the relationship nowadays instead of June Cleaver.

Reminds me of a joke that I've seen (more than once, and possibly here):

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?' 'Yes,' was his incredulous reply. She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'

my fiance has made comments along these lines before. One day specifically he came home and asked what was for dinner and when i said i didnt know yet, he said something like really? cause youre soo0o busy during the day that you couldnt figure that out, you probably were on facebook for 2 hours, what did you do today? When i said 3 loads of laundry, dishes, vaccuumed, plus took care of the baby & had to take all the clothes off 3 of our shelves , sort them out and refold them-again, because of the mess you made out of them this morning. (& then he proceeded to make it seem like it was my fault the shelf was a mess because he gets dressed in the dark in the morning with just the tv on if the baby is asleep.. o0h poor you!!) .. anyway i did figure out dinner, went to the store, cooked.. but the next few days after that i didnt do any laundry, i didnt clean the disaster that is our room on a daily basis, & i never made an effort to see what was for dinner (ended up being mac n cheese n frozen pizza n whatever els we had laying around. A few nights of that and him seeing the giant mountain of dirty clothes in the laundry bucket in our closet i think got through to him, hes never made a comment like that since then
the extra kick in the butt for him was me taking my sweet time one night at the grocery store and leaving the baby with him for a good hour.. apparently when she cries and he cant get her to stop, he wants to curl up in the ball in the corner and die lol- his words .. so i told him flat out.. you wouldnt survive a day home alone with her.. much less get anything else done around here ... i think he got the point!

You insulted his abilities by coming home and nitpicking. He could have been playing with your daughter. Or any number of things. But you zoomed in on what he *didn't* do. I blow a lid when my hubby does that to me. You're lucky he only accused you of doing the same. I probably would have told my hubby to f off if he walked in the door and criticized how I spent my time when he wasn't home.

Just let this go. No need to strike or any other nonsense.

My husband would never say I didn't do thing anything, but he usually never helps either. I am currently a SAHM but for almost a year was a full time nanny to help w/ bills. I left before him, and got home after him every day.
And he NEVER helped. So I eventually quit that job because I was losing my mind. My middle son was a baby, and I got no help in that department either.
It may seem childish but yes, if he thinks you do nothing....then do nothing for awhile so he sees a difference! Nope, no laundry clean because I do nothing, no dishes either. No dinner to cook because you didnt grocery shop because again you do nothing.....Sometimes that will do the trick. I freak the H out though if my house is a huge mess so it prob wouldn't last long for me lol

I have tried the stike move before with my kids even, Unfortunately, they don't see the same mess I see. Sigh................