What's Wrong with Me? - Bristol,RI

I have no advice. Just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through that, and sending you a hug. Nothing is wrong with you (15 pounds???) but I think something is wrong with HIM. (15 pounds???)
I'm sorry. You created 2 miracles. He sounds like a total dweeb.

Men in their right mind and with normal working hormones don't just stop sleeping with the women they love based on her weight. There is something else going on with him. I recommend counseling.

Repeat the following phrase:

"It may not be a problem for you and that's GREAT. But it's a problem for ME. Will you please help me with my problem?"

What's wrong with you is that you're asking the wrong question. What's wrong with HIM?

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Well, what ever is your husbands problem, it OBVIOUSLY has nothing to do with a little extra baby weight... since you write that you did eventually loose all the weight and he still wasn't interested in intimacy.
I don't know but I think this whole story sounds kinda fishy to me... he doesn't want to be intimate, he tells you there is nothing wrong...
He may have a true loss of libido, some men do experience a type of "post partum depression" - the stress and responsibility of fatherhood can do this. Or he maybe getting his physical needs fulfilled somehwere else. Sorry to put that out there, but we all know how often this happens.

If he doesn't want counseling get some for yourself. Once you start going, who knows maybe he will join in, or it may help you initiate more open and less emotional conversations about this with him.

I am 100% pro counseling and trying to make a marriage work, but a marriage needs two people to be involved in it and if one person straight up refuses ... I hope we turns around on this.

I agree with the first two posts (they are the only posts there so far as I write this, so I might agree with any others that are being written while I write mine!).

You go through so much so you two can have babies (pregnancy is a lot to go through!), and he disrespects you by not giving you the love that he should. That is so bizarre, and it's incredibly hurtful! I would be SO hurt if I were you.

The question DEFINITELY is: What is wrong with HIM?!

If my husband did this to me, I would highly suspect an affair. He's a GUY. They have very strong desires when it comes to intimacy. If he's not getting it from you, where is he getting it from? I'm not trying to stress or scare you, but that makes no sense to me on any level. You're around the 7 year mark for your relationship, and some people get the "7 year itch". I would definitely investigate that and find out if he's being faithful. And, there is no man or woman on this earth (in my opinion) that is 100% trustworthy. If they are showing weird signs, something weird is probably going on. And, your hubby is showing weird signs.

Just to give you an example of what I think is more typical, after I have my babies, my hubby can't wait to be intimate with me again. He's not pushy with it, but it's something important to us both. It doesn't matter if I still have 10-15 lbs on me, he isn't less interested. He doesn't seem to notice, but I know he does because he'll mention how I'm trimming up once the weight starts coming off. But he never loves me less when I still have that weight on me. It never affects his affection for me. He thanks me regularly for having our babies and never seems bothered by anything it has done to my body (due to have baby #5 soon, and it's definitely messed with my belly skin and muscles!). But he still looks at me like I'm the most beautiful thing in the world.

That is what I consider a normal man. What your husband is doing is not right. Even if he isn't having an affair, it just makes NO sense at all. If he truly loves and cares for you, how can he not be interested in you?

I would definitely push the counseling thing. It doesn't matter if he thinks there isn't a problem. YOU think there is a problem, and that should automatically mean there is a problem.

I hope you find out I'm completely wrong and your hubby is 100% faithful to you. But the problem definitely is NOT with you. It shouldn't really matter what happens to your body (well, maybe unless you gain 100 lbs...then I could see some concern on your hubby's part, but it shouldn't lessen his love). Your hubby should be there for you and love you as a husband loves his wife.

I'm so very sorry you are dealing with this. I'm not sure there's much else that could hurt you so much than to feel rejected by your husband, especially when men are so opposite than that.

Maybe a chemical imbalance with him. I would go get him tested.

There is nothing wrong with you. HE IS AN EMOTIONAL ABUSER.

He could have low hormones. My friend's husband has no desire for sex. They are like roommates. I and many of her other friends are jealous because that is how we feel and our husbands can't hug us without wanting sex. She of course desires sex several times a week so they fight.
Many couples disagree about sex.

When I hear things like this I automatically think a) 'What's her name?' or b) 'what's wrong with him?' Like physically or something. Men and sex are a winning combination and if the public affairs that have splashed the headlines lately have shown, it ain't always the super lookers that men hook up with and many men with super hot wives cheat. So I said all that to say, I don't think anything is wrong with you! Like I really wonder if he is depressed, has a physical issue he is embarrassed to tell you about or if he has a roving eye, which I sincerely hope is not the issue. 15 lbs is NOTHING!! I know that men are super visual, but even so, they need sex and so do we ;) But really for them it is a need, so this is a problem with him for sure. I do get that staying in shape for your man is awesome etc, but I don't recall the vows saying 'so long as we both are thin', ya' know? I am really sorry you are being treated this way and I hope you guys can get to the bottom of this bc this is totally unfair to you. Nobody has a right to withhold sex in a marriage. It is totally selfish on his part bc he is only thinking of what would please him and not thinking of your needs. So I vote with the mamas that say 'what the heck is wrong with him??' I think a candid talk is in order, hang in there...

There's nothing wrong with you. I think it took me time to realize that I'm never going to get that body I once had, before having three kids. Even though I'm about down back to my weight before having three kids,I don't look the same as I once did. Having kids usually change our bodies.Good and Bad. I think Men should accept us for who we are and not what they want us to be.Especially being pregnant for 9-10 months,gain weight from the pregnancy and Breastfeeding and all. Plus our hormones are wack out compared to men's. I think if he loves you, he should love you still even if you have some extra weight on. Especially given him 2 wonderful gifts in the world( his daughters). I don't know what to say. But to tell you the truth there's nothing wrong with you. Just don't let that stuff get you down. Just worried about being a good mother to your daughters and to your husband.

I am in the same boat as you (except I don't get the hug or kiss, just the obligatory one as I leave for work or he does). Mine has low testosterone, and i like my space to a degree. We are both so tired, very hard to find time to make anything happen, and gradually I am losing interest in trying to make things happen (that's not good). Can you ask him for a date night, commit to once a month (or anything more than you are having now). I need to take my own advice here too! I am going to ask mine tonight (before he goes to work and I take the two kids by myself for a long weekend for visiting...) I have found that when the men don't listen, or don't think anything is wrong...that's it, they're fine. We do a lot of thinking and mulling it over etc. Get your thoughts down on paper, and leave him a note to read so he can see how much you are hurting. He probably has no idea, they don't know unless we tell them (they're not women after all!) HTH!

First of all, you need not beat yourself up about your weight! You said it best when when you said you'd rather care for your girls than worry about loosing 15 lbs. Not to mention making a big deal of body image and appearance is not healthy for the growing minds of little girls. Your husband is not being fair. You gave him two beautiful daughters and sometimes that comes with the price of a few added pounds. I'm sure he would not want his daughters to date, let alone marry, a man who would refuse them if their bodies changed after marriage and two children. I'm sure your husband is a decent man and it sounds like he's a wonderful father. Are there other marital issues that could be contributing to his behavior? If not, try telling him again how he makes you feel. Make sure he knows that this is a real concern for you. Intimacy is very important in a marriage, and so is the feeling of being wanted and admired by the one you want and admire. If he won't see a counselor, I suggest you go by yourself. Sometimes, you can get advice on how to deal with the situation yourself, or the counselor can give you an idea on how to coax him into telling you more about what's behind his behavior. At some point, let him know the progress of your counseling and after he knows how important it is to you and how it's helping you, ask that he come in just once or twice as it will further help your treatment. If he truly cares about your and your marriage, perhaps he'll agree after some time. Also, do try to make some time to do a bit of exercise each night after the kids are in bed or before you get ready for work. I know these are busy and tiring times (trust me - I have a 4 year old and one on the way), but exercise might help you feel better about yourself as well. You're beautiful inside and out - don't let anyone tell you otherwise! :)

I agree with everyone that there is nothing wrong with you- this is a problem with HIM. Even if he won't go to counseling with you, you can still go w/o him. It can still be helpful.
Best wishes- I'll send up a prayer for you :)

What was your sexual relationship like before you had children? How is your marriage outside your sexual relationship (i.e. how is communication, do you feel connected, do you always fight/never ever have conflict, is there equal investment in the relationship, do you both find time for each other, etc.)? Does he still seem interested in YOU? How do you feel? How do you feel about YOUR sexual self? Do you both talk about *what* turns you on? Do you talk openly about your fears, your wants, your likes, your NEEDS? Is he depressed/is there a physical imbalance? Most importantly, do you feel fulfilled and happy with yourself?

it's not ok. if he's not truly a shallow pigheaded jerk, then he must not realize how this hurts you. you can talk to him very seriously and tell him how it kills you that he doesn't feel you are good enough for him anymore, or you can try again to get him to go to counselling. again...not ok. it's not you. it's him.

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. I agree with the other posters and the only thing I have to add is that you mentioned you have 2 daughters. What would you tell them to do if the man in their lives was making them feel this way?

N., there is nothing wrong with you. So sorry about your situation.

Updated

N., there is nothing wrong with you. So sorry about your situation.

Updated

N., there is nothing wrong with you. So sorry about your situation.

My husband has a very low sex drive... he knows this isn't normal for most men and definitely gets embarrassed/defensive and won't talk about it. I wonder if your husband feels ashamed himself and is making excuses/taking it out on you by saying it's the baby weight. We've been together for several years and like you, I felt like I had to make him have sex with me to get pregnant with our second. We had sex a lot more when we first got together but looking back I usually was the initiator. Now if I don't initiate it we can go weeks without being intimate. I know he isn't cheating on me and loves me and this is some kind of physical/chemical/hormonal thing for him. The only thing that worked for me was to know that it wasn't me, it's him... and to focus on all of the good things in our marriage... and got a vibrator to satisfy my own needs. Without the pressure he'll probably come around on his own. You are not alone!!!! I have a friend who's husband's the same way. And then other friends who's husbands can't keep their hands off em... haha. I wish!

There is NOTHING wrong with you! Keep telling yourself that. The problem seems to be with him. If he won't go to counseling you go by yourself. They will help you find ways to express yourself and talk to your husband about how he is making you feel. Maybe then he will be open to the idea of going with you. Good luck!

Marriage is so hard. We are always changing. Our needs and wants are changing. Our preconceived ideas can fall through the cracks with the reality of our every day lives.

Did he witness the births?

I have heard some men say it intimidated them a bit to see what their wives could do physically and 2 men have told me it changed the way they look at their wives. It was not a turn on for them it took them a while to get past it.

Most Men are visual.. That being said we may not be 20 years old, but we know how to turn on our men.. Attitude is one of the most important.. He may say he wants your body to be a certain way, but with the right attention and lingerie I bet h can find he is totally still into you..

It is an every day effort to let them know they are number 1 in your life.. That when he is not there you miss him and need him.. Men thrive on positive attention and appreciation.

Not a clingy attention, but a animal need. Call him on his way to work and tell him you can't wait to have him that night..

Make plans to put the kids down earlier. Or when he gets home flash him some sexy underwear when the kids are not looking.

Work on your self confidence, do not be dependent on him for your self esteem.

YOU are powerful. You have given birth. You brought life to this earth. You are shaping 2 human beings. You can do it all. Who would not admire that? Find your groove.. Maybe it means finding a new interest. Going out with some friends not always home in the mom role.. He will find this new and interesting. And you will find some new interest and pleasures.

There is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes life takes hold and before you know it a year has passed. Not everything always stays the same. People gain weight, the lucky ones lose it, its part of life. Im concerned with the lack of physical attention he fives you. Im fatter right now than I've ever been in my life and my husband still wont stay away from me! If it were me I would flat out ask him. What's going on and why does he feel its ok to not have a physical connection with you anymore. I don't agree with him either. If he's not able to be forth coming and honest with you then outside help is needed for the sake of your marriage. Good luck mama.

Were you children born naturally and did he watch the whole thing? I have heard that this can be a problem for some men, and they can't see the wife as a sexual being because they are the "crone" or mother figure.

I also think that there are some other things going on. I would start with a trip to the doctor and then maybe a counselor after what the doc says. This is terrible for you, but I really think its him not you, and there is something going on. I'm so sorry, and I wish you luck!