What's Normal for 26Mo. Old Boy?

S.,

I think most moms have said this sentence at some point "all I ever do is get on to him and yell at him". It is tough. Each child is different & yes that behavior is normal. Some kids (1 of mine was this way) respond better with positive responses from their mom. When he is being nice to his brother, praise him. Even though he should be all the time, little one are not. Reward him with something or a sticker chart for "helping" his brother with things or "helping" you with brother related things. It may be worth a shot. Good luck!

when my son behaves like this (disrespectful to us), we just state "We don't have to be treated like this. I am going in the other room and when you feel you can be respectful to me and my feelings then you can join me". Then I usually go into a bedroom that has a lock on the door. I "lock" myself in so he can't follow me around. It usually takes him about 2 minutes of being by himself to come to the door, knock, and apologize for being disrespectful. Once he apologizes, I open the door, give him a big hug and say "okay, I will come back and play with you as long as you respect me and my boundaries". It works EVERYTIME with my son. We have been doing this for about a year now. He very rarely is disrespectful now. We notice he usually starts behaving disrespectful to us when he is getting sick. But we try to tell him that even if he doesn't feel good he still has to be respectful to others feelings. If you don't feel comfortable going to your room and locking door, you can put him in his room with a baby gate up so he can't get out. that way you can still keep an eye on him and make sure he is not getting into mischief.

I have 3 boys...I think that just comes with the age, but it's still not OK.  I used to (and still do) make sure that I spend some good 1 on 1 time with each of my boys doing what THEY want to do (not what I think they want to do).  When they were younger, I would just follow their lead.  Sometimes I could do this while the younger was napping, get a sitter for the others, or wait until Dad got home.  It really made a difference for both of us to just be silly and have fun together.  Another piece of advice that works great is to tell him what you want him to do, instead of what you don't want him to do.  If he's hitting his brother, tell him "if you're mad, hit the pillow" Don't say "don't hit your brother".  It really helps a lot-kids only hear part of what you're saying.  Definately try to lay up on the time-outs, it's hard to make something effective when you're using it all day. Hang in there-it will get a little easier (my kids are 8, 6, 4 and they still hit and fight-I think it's the nature of the beast:)) but at least now, they now their limits.

Yes it's normal...but you are doing the right thing to try to stop it now. You just have to find your way and be consistent. He will probably keep trying you until he can break you...BE CONSISTENT..Don't back down. "This is not okay, go to time out now!" "When you throw toys, you lose them. Bring me the toy." Make sure you aren't giving him more attention for being mean to his brother...
I do the eye contact thing...always have..."Look at my eyes..It is not okay to hit your brother!...Do you understand?" If they look away, I make them regain eye contact and I start again from the beginning...
I have two girls and two boys...Boys are just harder at that age...I'm seeing that change as they get older...I think girls are harder in the teen years...sheesh... Good luck and pray for patients...

I agree with all the moms advise, stick with it or its not going to work, the time out thing will sooner or later catch his eye. I am going through the terriable twos as we speak he was an angle tell he hit 28mths oh boy wish I could go back. But something else I found that worked when I was babysitting couple yrs ago may sound weird but when he hits brother, pushes him down dont immeditaly get on to him go straight to the lil man and give him the attention of nurture then turn to your older boy and tell him thats not away to get mommies attention. Let your older one see you tend to the lil one b4 saying anything to him, then tend to the older and do a time out. I am all for spanking in certain areas but if the child is hitting then hittin them is really not showing any thing. I love time out, I am sure they can see everything going on around them and see what they are missing b/c they chose the action they did so they got to sit and not join in. When the toys are being taking away simple take it back from your older one and hand it back to the lil guy and take him straight to the chair. Be sure you are at eye level and they look you in the eye. And like all the others said besure you are spending that quality time with your older one he is so used to getting your undivided attention and it is hard sharing mommy, mine are 6yrs apart thank goodness but my older one still needs time w/ just me. We do trips for ice cream once in awhile, movies, or simple just going to the park alone w/ out lil brother. Good luck and keep up the good work, its not fun going through these times with our toddlers but hey we all survive and look back and laugh later.

You will almost never stop undesirable behavior the first time around--example, one time out, a spanking or whatever. Most discipline takes repeated attempts. Pick a method you feel comfortable with and seems to connect with your child and use it consistently. Also, try to have some just Mom and 2 year old boy time, even if it's 20-30 minutes each day while the other naps. He is probably looking for undivided attention from you.

Hey, he's TWO...don't be h*** o* yourself! He's trying to cope with that extreme conversion from baby to boy, and he's explosive right now. Your (bigger) little guy might be taking things out on baby bro just because he's there.

A good tanning of the hide can be effective - when a child is old enough to understand the complexities of discipline – but swatting at this age usually ends up with the little one hitting back or hitting others. (I learned this one the hard way!)

What worked for me was a pinch. I'm not talking about Aunt Velma's twisting, vice-grip of death...nothing extreme or cruel that would result in a bruise! But I use a firm pinch, usually on the forearm or thigh [which still works on both my children (7 & 2) and stops them in their tracks.] It's quick & discreet (perfect for the "I WANT CANDY!" check-out line meltdown), because no one knows what happened but you and the little one. This way, you don't have to yell and you can avoid the drama.

With the pinch-method, you can increase the intensity to suit the situation...first offenses get the "warning-pressure-squeeze,” and more severe stuff (like hurting baby guy) gets the “whoa-mama” full-throttle press. When necessary, I’ll fix a stern gaze and hold my grip for a couple of seconds as I whisper a gentle reminder about the behavior. Most amazing to me is that with my 7 yo, I don’t have to apply pressure anymore. If I put my fingers on his arm in “pre-pinch” mode, give him ‘the look,’ and ask “haven’t we talked about this?” he gets himself together rather quickly. (My 2 yo is rather willful and it works well with her, also!)

Some probably won’t agree with me, which is okay. But I’d rather use a quick, effective and controlled system that is really more about communication in the end. I think two may be kind-of young for time outs, because besides being draining and being very stressful for parents and kids, nine seconds after you sit a toddler down (if they stay there!) they’re playing with their fingers and toes!

Good luck!

I am going to play the devil's advocate here. Have you tried spending more "fun" time with him. It sounds to me like he is jealous of the little brother. I would say that he is acting out for two reasons, #1 he is 2 years old, that is what 2 year olds do and #2 he wants attention and even bad attention is attention. I know how easy it is to put them both down for a nap at the same time. I have been there and done that. But maybe try getting down and playing with him when little brother is sleeping. Take him for a walk when daddy is home and can watch the little one. Have grandma or daddy or a friend watch the baby and take him to the park. I bet you will see a difference.

You should have clear cut rules and consequences. We have a 27 month old and certain things are not tolerated at all. Fits and outbursts get her put to bed, hitting, throwing, saying no, not listening, etc. get two minutes time out on the steps. She knows that once she is in time out she has to sit until the timer goes off and she has to stop crying to be able to get up. We always have a happier child when she comes out of time out. She apologizes and hugs and goes back to good play. You cannot use time out all day long. It has to be a clear cut break in the bad activity. Also if she gets nasty at the dinner table, we push her chair away until she stops what she is doing and then we let her rejoin dinner. All these things seem to work in our house.

Remember all children are different and this too will pass.

I would definitly disapline him in a manner that is not a spanking or yelling. Tell him its not something nice to do and put him in his bed and tell him to sit there, even though he won't probably, shut his door so he's alone. than when time out is over, see if he improves. Time outs not working? IT's all about where you put him and how long you keep him there, a minute for each age, my daughter is 2 so two minutes there, my son is five so five minutes, you could just put him in his room and tell him to come out when he's ready to be nice. This could work, but don't scold him when you do, just be blunt, he hits you , pick him up put him in his room and say come out when you want to be nice and leave him there. he will get the idea, don't use warnings, they don't work at this age.

I would try to spend some time with just him if you can. It all sounds like fairly normal stuff. Not good but normal.

Unfortunatly 3's are way worse than 2's.

I agree with your mom. Spanking, spanking, spanking. You cannot reason with a child. Foolishness is bound up in their heart.