What Can I Do for a Family That Just Had Preemie Twins ?

N.,
What a great friend you are. I felt so alone when our preemie was born, friends never knew what to do. You can get them gift certificates to food places (dinner was so hard to do with being at the hospital all day). Even though this is a scary time, it is also a celebratory time. We got several "with sympathy" or "I am sorry" cards and notes, these were actually quite painful, because in our eyes there was nothing to be sorry for. Even though things were touch and go, we were happy to have a baby and happy that he was alive. So, anything you can do to share in that joy I am sure would be appreciated.

Preemie sized clothes (nothing with zippers, only snaps) are nice (most babies r us stores have a little preemie section). While the babies won't be able to wear clothes for a while, its nice to have them, so when they are ready, they have stuff already there.

For your work care package, things to keep them busy at the hospital...books, magazines, sudoku, etc. They may not be able to hold the babies right away, so this will give them something to do while they are sitting in the NICU.

Really, any sincerity will be appreciated. If/when they show you pictures, be sure to tell them (even though the tubes and wires may be there) how beautiful the babies are. When you have a preemie, you get robbed of a lot of the normal celebratory things because people don't know what to do or say.

Best of Luck to your friends.
B.

I didn't have a preemie, but my first son had to stay in the hospital for 10 days after he was born.

Food is a great gift since you don't feel like or want to cook after being at the hospital all day. You could get some meals from one of those premade dinner places like Dinner by Design or even give some gift cards for takeout places in their area.

Just calling and leaving messages on their voicemail would be a nice touch. Just say you're thinking about them and don't worry about calling back. I had lots of people calling me asking me for status updates, it just seemed to take so much out of me just to listen to the messages.

Your goody bag for the hospital is a great idea! You spend so much time there sitting around, anything to help pass the time is so nice.

M.

The kids can go home as early as 34-35 weeks if they remain healthy and learn to feed, but they will be in for the next month for sure. So, perhaps a blanket each embroidered with their names and date of birth? I think there is a mom on this site who does embroidery, too! Or, if that is out of your price range, you can buy a small receiving blanket for each and those can be used in the nursery to swaddle. Also, little hats come in handy to keep the babies warm in the hospital!

Find a gift card to a nearby take out place or grocery store. The parents can use it now or when they first arrive home to reduce the everyday meal making. There are gift certificates available from errand services. The parents can get little errands and chores done that can save big time when taking care of twins. Suzanne from My Special Assistant.com does anywhere from shopping to cooking to hanging curtains or just waiting for repairmen. Pay per hour great customer service wonderful time saver.

When my sister delivered preemie twins I gave her a gas card for the endless trips to and from the hospital. Parents don't always take the time to eat, so portable foods that are not messy.

I had twins prematurely as well and although I am sure you already received this suggestion, I will echo---cook them a good meal. They are most likely concerned about the health of the babies, are running back and forth to the hospital to see them and are eating on the run---hence...home cooked comfort food could be a Godsend! Good luck

Presents for the babies are always nice. but if you want to do something for the family itself. cook, cook and cook some more. make meals (not just casseroles but meat dishes) that can go in the freezer and pulled out to micro wave or cook in oven. soups and stews that can go in a crockpot. go over and do the laundry for them. don't ask them what you can do. call and say I am coming over what errands or jobs need doing today. people never presume to ask if you will help but will be quick to say "we are fine" if you do ask if they need anything. even when they are not fine and are coming apart at the seams. but if you call and say "I am coming over to ....." they will say great. It is wonderful that your thinking about the situation they have of being at the hospital all the time. do they have pets that need walking? plants that need watering? laundry to do, drycleaning to drop off? other children needing rides back and forth to school, lessons etc? your a wonderful friend to think of this. if you would like some ideas of things that can be made up and frozen email me. I help sometimes to cook for families at church so know a bunch of things.

Making a few meals for the family would be the greatest thing you could do. Or maybe offer to come over and do some wash or some dishes to help out the family. I can tell you it is hands they need not stuff.
But then again you would always pay for some meals ordered in if you can not prepare them yourself.

Good Luck,
S.

Hi, I'm a Mom of Twins. Once the twins are home, it will be very difficult to sleep, eat etc. Great gift suggestions:
1. Rockers. Twin moms need 2 rockers. They are great for burping needs. It's difficult to hold two twins when they are so small. Burps can take as long as 1 hour per child. Imagine this, each child needs to eat once an hour, then they need to burp. Literally, a mother is feeding, burping, feeding, burping...and then it begins all over again. 2 rockers! a must!
2. Food. It was great when someone could just prepare my husband and me a meal. I wasn't getting any sleep or nutrition; neither was my husband.

Sorry have to go now...
Hope that helped.

Having spent time in the NICU, I would suggest gift cards to restaurants near the hospital or the hospital coffee shop. In addition, since the wife in particular will be at the hospital a lot having someone available to clean the house or pick up some basic groceries would be marvelous. Although folks will certainly want to do meals once the babies are home, even some meals now so when she is at home from the hospital, the mom can rest rather than need to make meals and figure out what's in the cupboard would be tremendously appreciated.

I had a preemie and agree with what every one wrote, gas cards, gift cards, make a meal that they can just warm up and yes preemie clothes. One piece outfits are best because they have snaps all the way down for the wires. Babies R Us is the best place to get them because they tend to be smallest or Carters. Walmart also has them. And the care package for them was wonderful. You are a wonderful friend!

We had preemie triplets and they were in the hospital for 6 weeks. During this time, I was not allowed to drive, so visiting was limited to when my husband wasn't working, which left a short period of time daily to visit. We ended up doing a lot of 11 pm runs through the drivethrough for dinner, and when they were old enough to hold, I worried that they weren't getting enough hands on holding time. So, my two cents is to supply them with more food for in the hospital, or gift cards to some places near the hospital that they can pick up on the way home. There's a good chance they will be in there more than 2 months, a few snacks probably won't last long. Also, check in with them - could the mom use a ride to the hospital when dad isn't available? Once the babies are stable enough to hold, would they like you to come along and hold them for a while?

It's nice of you to think of them like that. I'm sure they will appreciate it. This is a very scary time. Also, if they aren't already hooked up with support groups (look into Dupage doubles), have them do that... online support is immensely helpful, especially, God forbid, the babies have problems as a result of being premature.

I as well had 24 week old twins. The advice you have been given is perfect so far. I just greatly apperciate my friends who were not scared of the situation and supported me. Gave me a shoulder to cry on and listened. That is the best gift right there. I ditto the books as well because the baby needs to hear their parents voice and reading is excellent.

The best thing someone could have done for me after my twins were born early was to make meals for me. The hospital fed us while the twins were there, but once we came home, there was no time to cook and I was lucky if I ate a pop-tart once a day. Food is so important, especially if she is pumping/intending to breastfeed. Another thing I would have loved was help. I had someone cleaning my house, but maybe she doesn't. I needed help with the babies because it was a constant circle of feeding one and then the other with no time for me to eat or sleep. If someone could go to her house to help with one baby so she could sleep for a little while or even take a shower, that is so amazing to a preemie mom! Especially helpful when hubby has to go back to work. Preemie's are one thing, but preemie twins is really more than twice the work. Bless you for wanting to help her! I wish I had friends like you!

Personalized blankets...every kid loves blankets, and you can never have enough!!!!! Or else start a scrapbook that the parent's could add photos to and remember this time...hopefully giving it to the babies when they are older. Ask the parents what they need most for them!

HOpe this helps!

I think it is always nice to get something engraved with all the kids names on it even the two new ones. But really the best things are not always bought, google poems for preemies or for parents of premmies and print it on pretty paper and frame it. I got a few poems when i had mine and now i have them to go on the wall with their pics....That was the best gift i had gotten when i was in there....Sounds cheap and that was the best for me,,,i read them just about everyday and smile everytime i read them....Good luck hope this helps you and tell the new parents congrats....

N.,

Two ideas, one might be to prepare some meals to be frozen and reheated or you can buy them at a place like Dinner by Design. Another idea specifically for the babies is to purchase a gift card from www.iseeme.com. They have books that can be personalized with the children's name and the letters are shown with animals. It's a gift I've given several times that people love.

If you wanted something they could use in the hospital, it could be a blanket. www.babytalkblankets have the most gorgeous blankets that we have used for our daughter, not bargain priced but definitely worth the money. Received loads of compliments on it too.

A little about me:
Mother of a 3 yr old boy, 4 mo. old girl and work FT.

A.

perhaps you could make them a meal or offer to do something around the house..yard work etc. since they will be spending a lot of time at the hospital. It is the small stuff that always slips through the cracks!

How thoughtful of you to want to do something special. Loved Beth's advise. Good luck to your friend and the new little bundles of joy! Your friendship with her will mean a lot too. Little kindnesses like running errands, or lending an ear will be appreciated from a good friend.

EDIT: Mary J. made a good comment about "people wanting status update and new parents receiving lots of phone calls"... Maybe one thing you can encourage your friend to do is to set up a "blog" or "care page" from the hospital as some hospitals have that service. That way, it is a way for family members to stay in touch with your friend, leave messages, get updates on the status of everyone's condition, see pictures, etc... Through e-mail, they can encourage people to check for the latest news and she can communicate with people on her own shifts. She will get inundated with calls and, I agree with Mary J. that, although it is thoughtful that people send well wishes, it can be a very overwhelming and personal time.

Hi N. - Looks like you have received a lot of responses with the same theme....meals are always a great idea! My son was in the NICU for 7 weeks and a group of our friends bought us premade meals from a place in Naperville. The meals were made with fresh ingredients and were AMAZING! They were also easy & quick to make and packed in separate freezer bags with heating instructions. My husband works in the city and gets home late, so, it was very nice to not have to worry about what to quickly eat before going to the hospital each night.
If you want more info on the place, email me and I will find the name of the place.

My twins did not have a long stay at a NICU but my good friend who had twins around the same time hers were in for 4 weeks.

I got the twins gifts (blankets/hats/onsie)and sent cards to the home with gas cards from shell. I took their oldest daughter for the day so she could play with my daughter. We also (a group of us)got a cleaning service to come and clean her house the week they thought the twins would come home. She told me at her twins first b-day how much it had ment to her everything we did but that the best gift was to listen to her & let her vent.

I think you have been given wonderful ideas already & your friend is very lucky to have someone like you there to support them right now.

Jen

I delivered preemie twins at 34W5D last December. Having babies in the NICU is both emotionally and physically draining! We spent every available minute at the hospital and I am sure your friend is doing the same. How nice that you gave them a care package! We spent a lot of money on eating out, so a gift certificate to a take-out restaurant near the hospital would probably be very appreciated - such as Panera (if there is one nearby) so they could get something for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

When my preemie, was born, and in the neo-natal for 17 days, her grandmother gave me a gift certificate, and I used it to buy 2 really beautiful caps(hats). Even though the babies are in incubators, caps (hats) are helpful in keeping the baby warm, which is vital. My baby was a girl, so, it wasn't hard to find 2 beautiful caps, with a rose on them. It looks nice, and serves a useful purpose, too!

My sister had preemee's and I was in the same place. What could I do to help them now?

I called the hospital they were at and got a list of laundry services, restaurants and drug stores that delivered. I then got gift cards to each of them. They were able to have clean clothes, food and other items without leaving the hospital and their little ones.

(FYI - those littles are now 17 and running cross country for their high school)

I know what you mean. I am a mother of twin girls that were born at 26 weeks. I don't know what hospital she is in, but I was at luheran General in Park Ridge. I did have to take some clothes up there for the girls. After a certain time they may ask her to do so. I don't really know what you can do special for them. They will need alot of support and understanding. It is along hard road. My girls spent 2 1/2 months in the hospital and one came home before the other one that made it alot harder. Sorry I can't give you any ideas but you you have any questions let me know! Wish her all the best from me. I totally understand what she is going through.
I gave it alittle more thought, The are going to need alot of premie dipars,wipes ect.... Maybe a gift card from Babies R Us.
D.

I had twins at 25 weeks. When I was on bed rest before they were born I was given a gift certificate to a book store. I had not used it yet and I got a book after they were born. The book was "Your Premature Baby - the first five years" by Nikki Bradford. I highly recommend this book for any preemie. It helps to understand all of the illnesses that your baby will go through, and they will have issues such as sleep apnea. They just forget to breathe. I found it helpful because the doctor throws so much information at you, but you can only absorb so much. Also, our church got us gift certificates for restaurants near the hospital. The hospital was about an hour away from our house, so this was helpful since we were constantly eating out. I hope that the babies will thrive!

Our son spent 3 months in the NICU after being born at 26 weeks. The daily (sometimes twice a day) commute back and forth was such a drain on our budget. Perhaps a Visa gift card that can be used for gas would be helpful. Or if they have a favorite resturant a gift card for the resturant would be nice too. Preemie parents sometimes forget to take care of themselves and take timeouts away from the NICU. Also, we loved to read to our son. Finding out your friend's favorite childrens book from childhood or favorite childrens author (can't go wrong with Eric Carle) would make a nice gift they can share with the two wee ones while get ready for the big trip home. Hope the twins are doing well :)