What Age Do You Stop Kissing Your Kids (Daughter in Particular) on the Lips

Updated on October 28, 2011
S.B. asks from Cape Coral, FL
61 answers

My daughter is 8 and i noticed that i have stopped giving her pecks on the lips. She sometimes demands it though "on the lips". I usually make some excuse like i might be sick, or i dont want her germs etc. What do you do? This might be different for dads and daughters. Im wondering about moms and daughters.

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So What Happened?

For the most part, everyone was very helpful. Its great to see what other people do. I do realize after thinking about this a little more, like others have said its the way we were raised differently. My parents have never kissed me on the lips, I get hugs only when we go away or come back from a vacation. I have never seen my parents kiss or hug-- ever! Im not sayings its right, its just the way it is/was. So showing affection to a child, does have to mean its by kissing. I knew my parents loved me, even though i got no kisses on the lips. I did know that being affectionate with my husband/ boyfriend woudl be very important to me. So its interesting to hear other peoples stories. I appreciate the input.
NOW... JUST because one person is accustomed to one thing, doesnt mean someone else who was raised differently means they are wrong! Everyone has their own experiences.

Featured Answers

A.D.

answers from Washington DC on

my mom still kisses me on the lips, and i'm 24. She still kisses my adult brothers on the lips too. My dad--on the lips with all of us also. I kiss my siblings on the lips too haha....It's just how we roll in my "overly affectionate" (my husbands description of my fam-dam) family :)

10 moms found this helpful
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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

My mum still kisses me on the lips -and vice versa- and I'm 32. Her mum was 80's and she was in her 50's at my grandmother's death. Still on the lips. And cheeks, and nose, and forehead, and crown... and wherever, really. In my family, it's a non-issue.

8 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

As long as both people are still comfortable with it, I don't think it ever has to stop. I know adult mom/daughter pairs that still give a peck on the lips, there is nothing wrong or sexual about it. Same goes for fathers and daughter, or mothers and son, or sons and father, any combo!

6 moms found this helpful

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I.G.

answers from Seattle on

I am 36 and my mom kisses me on the lips. Maybe it's a cultural thing... but we are lip kissers....
Whatever your personal preference is - If it makes you feel uncomfortable then I guess it's time to stop.

5 moms found this helpful
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K.P.

answers from Seattle on

Same as Abby. My Mom still kisses me on the lips after 25 years. Some people do it and some people dont. I guess it just depends on how comfortable you are with it. If you feel awkward doing it then that is up to you.

There is no "time frame" that you do and you dont. If you want to do it, who cares what others say, and if not then dont.

5 moms found this helpful
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C.C.

answers from Houston on

Are you kidding....never stop kissing!

5 moms found this helpful
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J.W.

answers from Boston on

Wow, am I actually seeing the word "eww" in some of these answers? If you're talking about your own child, you created her, she came from you, remember? What could possibly be "inappropriate" about this?

My son is almost 40 and my daughter will be 38 in December and I still kiss them both on the lips, cheeks, forehead (well, maybe my daughter, I can't reach my son's forehead, hehe). I love my kids and love to make them feel loved. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm judging those who don't, I don't mean to. I just can't seem to understand why others feel that way.

5 moms found this helpful
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L.S.

answers from Spokane on

Well, I'm 30 and still sometimes kiss *my* mom on the lips :) hahaha

I think that as long as no one involved in the kissing is uncomfortable with it, then it's fine. Meaning, if YOU don't want to anymore (for whatever reason) or if your daughter starts asking for cheek kisses, then I think it's time to stop kissing on the lips.

My girls are all 5 and under and kiss everyone they love on the lips - to them, that's what a kiss IS! Now, my in-laws are uncomfortable with it so they do double-cheek kisses, but my parents kiss them on the lips and it doesn't bother anyone.

Once it starts being "weird" for one of you, then it's time to stop.

4 moms found this helpful

J.B.

answers from Houston on

My mom still gives me a quick peck on the lips and I'm 42. I do the same with my 11 yr old daughter, it's her preference. I don't think anything is wrong with it though.

4 moms found this helpful
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T.S.

answers from Washington DC on

My son is only 5 and I still kiss him on the lips... That doesn't really answer your question though since I don't have a daughter and I haven't stopped kissing...
However,
I am 30 and my mom still kisses me on the lips. So does my best friend's mom (been friends since childhood).

3 moms found this helpful

J.P.

answers from Lakeland on

My daughter is 5 and I still kiss her on the lips. I have never really thought about it.

3 moms found this helpful
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B.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Interesting question. I am shocked at how many people have never kissed their kids on the lips. It never occurred to me *not* to kiss my son on the lips. My husband does too. When he doesn't want us to kiss him on the lips anymore, we won't.

3 moms found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from Topeka on

I have 3 adult daughters...27,30 and 35...we still kiss ...both as pecks on the cheeks and "on the lips"...I really don't think about it...it is just a natural show of affection between people. I know that my husband is not as demonstrative as I am but he still kisses them...sometimes on the lips but usually, on the cheeks.
Why make an excuse? Just let your affection be shown in a natural and loving way.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

My daughter is 8, almost 9.
She still likes to hug and kiss.
When she kisses me... she will kiss me on the lips.
I don't see a problem with this.
My daughter is still a child with a child's heart.
And I am her Mommy and that is what she sees me as.
It is not 'icky' to her.

In some cultures, even adults greeting each other, do this. Pecking on the lips.

3 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Washington DC on

I kiss my daughters on the lips, and will continue to do so unless they tell me otherwise. I'm 34 and I still kiss my mom on the lips.

2 moms found this helpful
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D.J.

answers from Atlanta on

My housband and I kiss all of our kids on the lips. Some of our kids are little and some are older teenagers. We've always done it and think nothing of it.

2 moms found this helpful

G.T.

answers from Redding on

Our family always kisses on the lips STILL as grown ups. So, I guess it's a personal thing.... and do what you are comfortable with. My mom still kisses me on the lips and I'm 54.

2 moms found this helpful

B.K.

answers from Chicago on

My daughters are 23 and 14. I still give my older a quick peck on the lips sometimes. And sometimes it's the cheek. My younger is not fond of any kind of kissing from me right now.

2 moms found this helpful
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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Don't kiss my kids on the lips. The house rule is only people that are married to each other, or when you are both old enough to drive a car.

2 moms found this helpful
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J.M.

answers from Dallas on

I am 41 - and I still kiss my parents on the lips. Nothin inappropriate about it.

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E.W.

answers from New York on

It's definitely a personal choice. I am 29 and when I see my parents (who live in different states) I kiss both my M. and dad on the lips. My husband thinks its weird, but we have always done it and I don't feel weird about it at all.

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C.S.

answers from Miami on

I am 40 and my mom and dad both kiss me on the lips. There is nothing sexual about it - it is a demonstration of affection. They do in public as well - we kiss each other during the exchange of peace at our church. I don't expect to stop ever. We also hug a lot - when I went away to college, the thing I missed the most was having someone give me a hug and kiss - without wanting anything from me!

I kiss both my boys on the lips! They are 5 and 1. I still kiss my baby's feet - they are so cute and chubby:) I will miss that when they get stinky like his brother's.

C.

2 moms found this helpful
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B.C.

answers from Joplin on

it is a personal choice, I am an adult and still kiss my mom and sis on the lips, and up until my grandma passed away I kissed her on the lips too. I usually kiss my dads cheek, but probably more because he is a smoker than any other reason.

2 moms found this helpful

⊱.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Are there rules about this? Cause I couldn't care less what everyone else does. If my little 6 yo cutie wants a peck on the lips, she gets one. I see nothing wrong or weird about it. It's sweet.

2 moms found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Houston on

Whenever she thinks she is too old.....if it never happensok, if it does, ok...my daughter is 8 and still wants two small/quick pecks before bed. Ill let her hold the reigns on that.

2 moms found this helpful

☆.H.

answers from San Francisco on

I never have kissed my child on the lips, because I hated when it was done to me as a child.

2 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

Tee hee, I am SO glad that there are so many moms that think kissing on the lips is ok. Not because I am comfortable with it (I'm not) but my daughter (3) is. Gotta thank the daycare lady for that one! But, now that I see that so many people think it's ok, maybe I won't freak out about it so much. What I really try to discourage is the marathon kisses (thanks Beauty and the Beast) where she smashes her kips to yours and keeps them there forever. Sigh.

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A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

my son is 9 and I still kiss him but NEVER on the lips. I don't like that and have trained him to NOT allow others to do it either. my mil used to do that and I didn't like it , so I stopped it.. but on his cheek is ok by me..

1 mom found this helpful

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I would say when it feels uncomfortable. My younger kids are10 and 12 and I still do. I know I stopped with my older two before they turned 14 but for the life of me I can't remember when

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D.T.

answers from Muncie on

I was in my mid-teens when I asked my mom to start kissing me on the cheek. I made sure to tell her that I still loved her, but that I ready for more "grown-up" kisses. I still kiss on my girl and will continue until she askes me other wise.

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T.B.

answers from Miami on

I never kiss my children on the lips. I don't think it's appropriate, not to mention I wouldn't want their germs. Not judging those who do this, I just never have felt comfortable kissing any of my children on the mouth.

I kiss them on the forehead, the cheek, the tops of their heads...the tips of their noses...but not the lips.

1 mom found this helpful
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B.B.

answers from Portland on

We aren't lip kissers at our house with our kids. I have a friend who kisses her dad on the lips though an has all her life.

1 mom found this helpful
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B.

answers from Augusta on

I don't .
It's weird.
some people are lip kissers some aren't.

1 mom found this helpful
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B..

answers from Dallas on

Well, I have a son. However, if I had a daughter I would do the same thing. I don't kiss him on the lips. I reserve the affection of lip kissing, for my husband only. I'm not insinuating, that people who kiss their kids on the lips are being inappropriate. It's just a choice we made, for our family.

If you aren't comfortable with it, then you should stop. As with any affection, both parties should be comfortable.

1 mom found this helpful
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A.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I still kiss my mom on the lips sometimes and I'm almost 45 :) I come from a mostly affectionate family ... at my uncles funeral over the summer I was an absolute mess, and my family all kissed me and held me as I broke down. Cousins, aunts, uncles, my dad.

Course this is also the family that at lunch after the funeral my 80+ year old aunt was blowing straw wrappers across the room at her brothers LOL

1 mom found this helpful
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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

My daughter is 21 and we still kiss on the lips.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.A.

answers from Boca Raton on

Sorry but I can't believe you would actually tell your daughter you don't want her germs when she's asking for your loving affection.
What is wrong with this society where people think they can't kiss their kids on the lips?????
You're not French kissing her, you're kissing her and showing her love.
When people worry about it or think it's gross, there's something wrong. They have issues.

1 mom found this helpful
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A.B.

answers from Naples on

I know you are asking about daughters in particular but I had to chime in. I come from a family of lip kissers. I still kiss my mom and dad on the lips, in public too, and I'm 30 years old and will keep doing it until they are no longer with us.
My husband comes from a much less demonstrative family and he quickly got converted to "my way" and it is wonderful watching how affectionate he is with our son. We both kiss our son on the lips. He's only two now but I imagine we'll keep doing it until he (our son) decides it should stop.
Affection rules. I love watching my husband shower our son with hugs, kisses and I love you's.

1 mom found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

I've never kissed my now 16 yr old on the lips. I've always kissed her on the cheek or forehead.

I also tell her daily how much I love her and she knows I have her back... No matter what!

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A.S.

answers from Sarasota on

Wow! I have never even thought about a kiss on the lips as inappropriate. I am 37 and still kiss my parents on the lips. My son is almost 14 and a few years ago he started kissing me on the cheek instead of lips. That was fine with me. My daughter is 12 and she still kisses me on the lips. I think you should do what you and you daughter feel comfortable with. I do not think a quick peck on the lips with your child is inappropriate.

K.J.

answers from New Orleans on

I was never a "big" kissing on the lips person. But when my kids were born and now a little older they will laid a quick peck kiss on my lips. I don't think anything of it. My 5 year old tells me "no,kiss me on the cheek." So I do. If they tell me no,then I not going to force them,or myself to do it. She have her days where she want she wants a kiss on her cheek and some days where she wants a quick peck kiss on her lips. My husband don't ever kiss any of our kids on their lips. He told me before it makes him uncomfortable. I think very soon,i'm going stop all the lip kissing my kids b/c all 3 is getting older. To me I don't see nothing wrong with a "lip kiss",its not like your making out or french kissing.But I guess everyone is different and brought up different ways!!! :)

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S.B.

answers from Houston on

My kids are 23 (girl) and 19 (boy) and I still kiss them on the lips. I do the same with my parents. Now, the boy won't do that in public! I'm lucky he will look in my direction!! :)

S.W.

answers from Phoenix on

I kissed my mom on the lips until i got my first boyfriend at age 16. lol Then she started saying "you've been kissin boys!" everytime i go in for one . If i never got a boyfriend, i'd be still kissing her on the lips. I feel there is no problem with it :) I will kiss my daughter on the lips until she starts kissing boys .. lol

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M.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

I think the population is 50/50 lip kissers vs cheek kissers. I kiss my son on his forehead, top of head cheeks, even hands etc but not on the lips. If I was a lip kisser and it all the sudden felt uncomfortable I would stop. It sounds like you are not comfortable kissing her that way anymore so I believe now is a good time for you to stop. If it was not bothering you, no need to stop.

K.I.

answers from Los Angeles on

Interesting?! My daughter is only 3 so we haven't gotten there yet but I am sure we will eventually...I am a person who does not like to be hugged or kissed, except by my hubby and kids.

Wonder when this will happen for us? 8 seems almost right...although I still kiss my 8 yr old son on the lips...I don't know? Maybe around 11? That's my guess!

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S.R.

answers from El Paso on

My daughter is 2 1/2, and we still kiss on the lips sometimes because it's how she started out kissing. (Probably because that's how she saw her dad and I kissing.) When she gets to a point where I feel like she's old enough to understand why, we'll change to kissing exclusively on the cheek.

Now that I think about it a little more, we only kiss on the lips when SHE initiates the kiss. If I kiss her, it's always on the cheek or forehead.

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A.C.

answers from Savannah on

As long as both of you are good with it. My husband is 52 and would give his dad a quick peck kiss on the lips until he was 50 and his dad passed away. When he sees his mom, he still kisses her on the lips. My family seems to be shy even about kisses on the cheeks. I kiss my 5 year old on the lips sometimes, on the cheek other times, on the temple all the time. My 23 month old, I still kiss his feet to make him scream, so obviously I don't mind kissing his lips.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

My kids are adults and I still do. Why would you not? I love them all

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K.S.

answers from Miami on

lol eww I'm sorry I do not think I've ever or will ever kiss my kids on the lips but I do smother them with kisses on their cheeks arms head lol, and hug them to they say mom i need up for air lol. And I will do that for the rest of my life even when they are 40 or 50 etc

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K.L.

answers from Savannah on

My mom and I aren't lip kissers, but I did notice that one of my husband's brothers kissed his dad on the lips (at age 30). I would think that this is pretty much the same thing that you are talking about because it is same sex. I had notice this kiss between my inlaws because they are not very affectionate when other can see them, other than hugs. I did not find it weird though that it was on the lips. I think that this is a choice that you have to make by your comfort level.

PS- I love my son's kisses (ALWAYS on the lips), but he is only 11 months old! I wonder what the norm will be when he gets older.

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K.L.

answers from Washington DC on

I had never thought about this issue until reading your post. I've never kissed my kids on the lips! I don't know why, really. It never occurred to me to do so. My mom didn't. I guess I'm saving the lips for my man.

T.C.

answers from Dallas on

I have not read all of the responses but here is mine anyway...
When I was growing up - if we showed affection by kissing - it was on the cheek. I was going to do the same with my kids. When my first son was born, I accidentally kissed him on the lips and I still do it to this day. He just turned 11. I cannot kiss him in public and will only get a quick hug if we are at school but at home - it is still fine. My 4 year old - I still kiss on the lips. He kisses Bubbie on the lips, too. My ex-b/f's daughter - even kisses me on the lips, still. There is absolutley nothing wrong with it. It is a sign of love and affection.

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C.R.

answers from Kansas City on

I stopped when my girls moved their head to where I could not kiss their lips anymore. My 10 year old just recently stopped, but my five year old has never been a lip kisser. Every time I kiss them it is now on their forehead, cheek, or nose. My four year old will still let me kiss her on the lips, but I'm sure that will probably end soon. I will only stop when she decides she is done with it!

A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I had to stop with my son...(three) he thinks he should give mommy a longer kiss... (we nicknamed them movie kisses), if he wants one I say "No movie kissing mommy, those are for daddy!":...My daughter is 6 and we still give lip pecks. But I am a cuddler and so are they so there are always lots of kisses on the cheeks, head, nose...

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K.B.

answers from Tampa on

I was going to say to do it until it seems to make her uncomfortable, but then I read this again and realized that you are the uncomfortable one. It seems that this was okay to you when she was little, but not anymore. I think that unless her behavior seems a little weird to you (and I'm saying this in the nicest possible way), you should just indulge her because it will probably be over soon enough. I kissed my parents on the lips until I got older and uncomfortable with that. Then I kissed their cheek and now I just give them hugs. My son used to allow cheek kisses, but doesn't like to exchange them at all with me, but he will do it with his dad.

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M.P.

answers from Sarasota on

My kids are 6 and 7 and I kiss them both on the lips.. I kiss my dad on the lips and when my mom was alive I kissed her on the lips too.. BUT my kids wont let me kiss them when they are getting on the bus or in class lOL!

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J.S.

answers from Boston on

I have a 4 year old girl and we never kiss on the lips - I've always done the cheek. Worried about transmission of Herpes etc. Any who has ever had a cold sore has herpes and could pass it on with lip kisses. That's also why I don't let her drink out of other's cups (and I don' t either).

But to each his own, and since most people have the herpes that causes cold sores already (but not little ones of course, until we give it to them) it's probably a futile effort to prevent it.

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F.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

I do not, nor will I ever kiss my daughter on her lips.

D.D.

answers from Phoenix on

If it makes you uncomfortable, stop. If it doesn't, don't. I sometimes kiss my little boys' on the lips. We mostly do cheek kisses, but sometimes I kiss their elbows, knees, arms, fingers, and top of their heads. I don't consider it weird but maybe if they are teenagers I might. I doubt they let me kiss their knees and elbows and cute little fingers at that age either. LOL.

A.G.

answers from Dallas on

I still kiss my mom on the lips, and I'm 41.

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

My daughter is 4 and I started trying to stop kissing on the lips about 6-12 months ago. Most of the time now we both do cheek kisses but sometimes she wants it on the lips. Sometimes she also sees my husband and I kiss on the lips and wants to do it too.

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