Very Advanced 4 Yr Old Who LOVES Video Games but Mom Doesn't!

I think, left to their own devices, a lot of kids will play excessively.
Better to have a schedule like 30 minutes after lunch, etc. and stick to that.
You've just gotta find other activities and games for him to do instead.

This is just my opinion, but I think that if a young child gets to the point where they are convinced they CANNOT be happy doing anything other than playing video games or watching TV, etc, it's a clear sign that it's time to limit those things.
Those things may not be harmful in and of themselves, but I know with my kids, they didn't dare throw fits over video games or TV because I'd get rid of them and they knew I meant it.
Little kids need a fair balance of things and let's face it.....it's not up to them to figure out what that balance is. Kids need to play cards, build things with Leggos, color, have some imaginative play.
I understand you have other kids to take care of, but since your child is so advanced, surely there are other things he can use his mind for. Give him some notebooks and tell him to write some of his own stories. Let him create a board game of his own complete with rules and engage others in playing the game with him. Get some poster board and markers and let him create his own puzzles. Have him make up a story of his own video game if he could make one and draw pictures of the characters and write their names and what they do.
Also....if my kids dared tell me they were bored, I had a list of chores for them so fast it made their heads spin. It's funny how kids can find things to entertain themselves when they need to.

I wish you the best. I think you are right to start limiting this now because the older they get, the harder it is. I have two friends who waited WAY too long and ultimately had to get rid of all the games and game systems. Period. The parents and older siblings couldn't play because there was one child in the family whose level of dependency was out of control and a serious problem.
In both families, the kids who limiting didn't work for were boys. I don't know if there's more prevelance with boys than girls. I do know that working on limiting sooner is better than later.

Best wishes.

Here are some ideas:

First, limit the amount of video time a day. Part of being four is learning to socialize, and as a preschool teacher, I like to joke that this is primarily what I taught, social skills. That said, the time he's spent hooked up on a game is time that he's not spending time with other children. If it were me, personally, I would make game time something he does when there aren't other kids around. It wouldn't be ideal, but perhaps this is something he gets to do at 'quiet time' in his room, when the other kids are napping. "X" amount of video game time, then he can listen to a book on disc/tape if need be.

If he complains about the game having to go away/end, he doesn't get game time the next day. The whining and meltdowns have to stop, and he'll likely learn faster that there's no negotiating: if we can't have a cheerful attitude about video games, then they go away.

You know, Peg M. (from Canby) who posts here from time to time has a business with her husband; it's called TOPS. The link is on her profile, or you can google it. These are science projects meant for specific ages of kids and they can be done with things 'around the house' or in your recycling bin. I was really impressed. Usborne books also has books with projects using math concepts, water, magnets. These might be fun for your group to do/observe, even if some little ones may not understand all the principles behind it.

Radio Shack has ScienceWhiz Experiment kits. I highly recommend these and still covet the Electricity Experiment kit my stepbrother got as a kid. Kids learn better about science through hands-on experiments. TOPS and these sorts of kits provide exciting, engaging activities.

Next, schedule a good chunk of time outside each day, unless he's sick. There is a lot of new, good research about creating healthy outdoor play environments which encourage creativity. We did a lot of sandbox play building bridges with wood and digging trenches to fill with water. Community Playthings (an early-childhood ed supplier) has a great section; go to the home page and click on Resources on the left. You can order books and free pamphlets on many subjects and they have good information on outdoor play and what kids need (water, simple materials from nature). Ask the daycare parents to include raincoats and rainpants/boots or other weather-appropriate clothing, because the kids should be outside each day.

Find some games that are a bit more advanced for him.Blokus is a good one. Do you have the Kapla blocks or some pattern blocks? Finding him a good place to do open-ended building projects might keep him engaged. *Other moms: which other board games or hobbies can we suggest here that will let this mom keep doing daycare while he's happily busy?* I know that the boys I used to care for loved when I'd get information on Heraldry; we printed out plenty of 'shields' and they made 'coats of arms' for at least an hour.

Keep his hands busy: I have a drawer in my kitchen chest that is filled with 'found object' type materials which my son plays with. I just pull out the drawer and give him some tape and scissors. He often does need a minute or two from me for materials to expand on his work, but then he's busy creating again.

Can he help you with reading to the littler ones? If he likes to read, this would be a great chance for him to do a fun thing and keep busy at the same time.

I understand some (not all) of the challenges of having one's own child in the group. I did it during one session of my preschool, and there's just a different dynamic, isn't there?

I hope some of these suggestions help or give you some food for thought. For what it's worth, my son is four and we haven't introduced video games yet, only because I know that they are so addictive and frankly, I just don't want the 'battles' that go with them. But I understand why they are so appealing as a quick fix for busy parents. Good luck!

I do NOT have any suggestions on how to keep him happy without the games, but do think that you are right in wanting him to cut back. Even though they may be educational, computer games still count as "screen time" and I think the APA recommends less than 2 hours screen time a day for a toddler - so that would include both tv and game time.

Also - even though they are educational, he still misses out on other sorts of skills - most importantly - social skills.

I think, like tv, the games become a little addictive, and they do become ALL the child wants to do.

My suggestion would be to create a structured day for him at your house which include two 30 minute computer game sessions a day. Break the other parts of the day up - outdoor activity, arts and crafts, playdough, "teaching" the babies (reading books to them, showing them how to make block towers, etc). Post the schedule next to a clock that he can see. Use a clothes pin to show what part of the day you are on (he can move it himself).

He will hate it at first, and definitely complain that he is "bored" and make you crazy, but once he gets used to a new schedule, he will do ok.

Good luck with your little smarty pants. :)

I read the responses here, and I agree with a number of them. But i want to throw out one other thing, too. You say he's very advanced for his age, but you're talking academically, about a few skills. The numbers to 100 my son learned as a kindergartener, and early reading started then. Reading he will be quite ahead of the curve, but what about the other things kids are expected to learn in school? Using a scissors, holding a pencil correctly, writing his name, waiting his turn, allowing other kids their share of teacher's time, playing football at recess, zipping his own coat and tying his own shoes? You don't say where he's at for those things, and I think some outside, on-his-own, time to be bored, use his imagination and stretch out of his comfort zone might be just what he needs.

I say this, not to be snarky at all, but because I really believe it. It is a shame that he has already gotten to play all these games at this young age. He will have the rest of his life to be obsessed with video games. What he needs is outdoor time, board games, puzzles, books, trains, Legos, lots of imagination play, manipulatives. You feel that he is so smart that he belongs in school, but what are his social skills with other children like? Getting him in preschool would really help assess that. Young kids who have higher IQ's sometimes have a gap between their intelligence and their social skills. That's something you need to assess before sending him to kindergarten if he will be the youngest in his class. The preschool and the school guidance counselor can help you figure that out next May. And you DO need to have that figured out.

As far as the video games are concerned, maybe it's too late to pull the plug on them, I don't know. But I will tell you that if he has an obsessive personality, you may have a great deal of trouble with him letting go of playing when he is supposed to stop. The WORST thing you can do is buy games that you have to find a stopping point to be able to save. These kids feel that they cannot stop playing, and cannot lose their "work", and end up having big meltdowns over it. To us, it's just a damn game. To them, it's the end of the world. There are kids who don't care, but they are the ones that don't obsess over them.

If you are going to let him play these games, put a short time limit on them. Don't buy games that you can't just push "save" when time is up. And try to get more educational games - ones that teach math and reading. If he doesn't want to play those, he can't play the others.

That's my opinion, having gone through this with two boys, one who was pretty obsessive about gameboy and later, online games. I am GRATEFUL that as a high schooler, he finally figured out that PEOPLE were more important than games, including World of Warcraft (I thought I'd never get through that!) and he is now in college and enjoying life, and rarely gets on the computer anymore.

Lastly, if I had to do it over? I would not have let him play for a couple more years. He had ONE friend whose dad was a techie and bought EVERYTHING that was out, and I would have just not pursued that family friendship, rather than opened up the floodgates on computer and video games at that point. It dogged us for a long time, and was very h*** o* his personality.

Dawn

You just described my son! :-) He just turned 4 in September.

A little about him:

At 16 months, he knew his upper- and lower- case letters and the sounds they made and was willing multiple levels of a game on a little toy laptop made for elementary students. By 2, he was reading, counting to 100, he could count the sides of any shape and tell you if it was a pentagon, hexagon, etc., he could tell you which two colors mixed together to make a different color....every day he just showed us something else that he had learned.

A little about us:

My husband and I are also "gadget lovers" and quickly realized their potential power. Children like ours (with high intelligence) tend to have fine-motor delays, speech delays, and social issues. Perhaps being in a daycare setting in your home has helped him and he truly is a well-adjusted, smart little guy. But for my son, he refused to write, color, use scissors, dress himself, etc. The kid could read his own book but couldn't work a toothbrush. Then one day I took him to Target and they had a Fisher-Price iXL out for demo and I watched him grab the stylus and trace the entire alphabet using a game on the screen. I took it home with me that day. :-)

We've decided that we will NOT allow him to play the video games where you just "push buttons" to make the image on the screen react. But if it involves a stylus that he actually has to hold correctly, trace something or tap at a specific spot on the screen, then he can have it. He is not allowed to have them in bed or at the dinner table and he knows it, but other than that we really give him free reign.

Other things that get his attention:

If I feel like he's had enough, here are the things I offer that make him instantly drop his game! Going outside, Play-Doh, helping me cook/bake, playing board games with me. A lot of it is just that he wants attention from Mommy and I'm busy with his little sister. I think as long as you recognize that you're busy with other children and make a concerted effort to give him one-on-one time and choose specific types of games, then the "gaming" isn't the end of the world.

Best of luck!

I'll probably be in the minority here but if computer/video games are what he loves, why is it a problem?
My son and husband are both avid gamers. I am not. But it's their preferred method of entertainment/downtime, and something they have always enjoyed over the years.
As long as your son is getting time outside, time with friends, time to read and help around the house why not let him play?
My son (who is now a college freshman) was on his games any time he could get, but he also played sports, had a good social life and was a good student. And he has other hobbies now, like photography and hiking. It's all about balance.
I think video games get a bad rap. My son left for college in August and one of the things I miss the most is his loud and happy voice coming from his room as he and his friends battled each other online....aaaaah, attack, attack!!!! <sigh>

I think what you need to be considering is why they are driving you nuts. If they are driving you nuts because they are pulling him away from other things he needs to be doing then limiting is okay.

Limiting because he loves them and society has told you that video games rot the mind or some variation on that theme then you shouldn't be limiting him. He enjoys them, it seems like he has nothing else that interests him and you are reasonably unable to provide anything else. So let him play his games cause telling him stop playing and do nothing really doesn't make sense.

I haven't had your specific problem because my son (now 8) hates video games and almost all computer games. However, he is a bright kid and ahead academically. However, when he started K, writing and fine motor skills were what got him frustrated.

Set up a system so your son has to earn his screen time. Have him participate in art projects, read to the younger kids, use a dry-erase board to practice his letters. He can earn a "ticket" that will allow him 30 minutes of video game time.

Some activities that are great for an advanced child and help with fine motor (though small parts will have to be kept away from little kids): Snap Circuits, Legos, Geo Mags

fun activity books, cars, building blocks, counting games (frogs or even buttons), reading books, caulk board or dry erase board. Just because he is bored with video games doesnt mean other things will bore him, just give him a new activty daily. We do scavenger hunts, my son is 5 (Kindergarten and the youngest in his class) and he loves these.

It sounds like he is becoming an addict and I agree with you on stopping the gaming. How about legos or tinker toys, stuff to get his creative side going. I notice that some kids don't really play with regular toys anymore just video games.
If he is writing and reading then I would find some early lesson plans and have him do school work. I have Brain Quest workbooks that I use with my daughter. You can give him a good start for kindergarten. I would also suggest that he find stuff to entertain himself that doesn't involve the computer or tv.

my kid is a gamer, we play together, we play as a family and we also play other games/toys. It is better if you simply pick up a controller and try to understand HIS world.

www.time4learning.com

It goes from prek to 8th grade, is only 20 per month for one child, and it has a section called playground that you can put limits on time wise. Put up the leapsters. They are basically junk, too much play. Put away the video games. Only allow the time4learning. They will add the science and social studies just as soon as he is reading, which should be soon if he's as advanced as you say. You just have to tell them when to add it. They start with math and language and he can progress at his own pace.

It's still on the computer so he'll not feel like he's going cold turkey. You can make him do up to 45 minutes or so of learning and then keep him at say 15-20 minutes of "playground". Then start his time over.