Twist on a Resistant Potty Trainer

It sort of stinks but I have always set aside an entire week to be home and have my child nearly naked and devoted it to potty training. No pull-ups at all while they are awake - as soon as my kiddos are awake the pull up came off and into undies or nothing depending on where we were in the process. I give 2 m&m's for peeing on the potty, and a lolly pop for pooping on the potty - a big deal in my house because I don't buy candy! I didn't try until it was their idea and my first was the oldest/hardest, my youngest just decided one morning about a month ago he was no wearing a diaper and has been potty trained ever since - a miracle in my book because he's not 2 1/2 yet and seriously on had a hand full of accidents! She'll get there if you can stick it out!

i have always supported the regular underwear approach. but you have to do it correctly. if the child wets or poops, they have to be primarily responsible for changing & cleaning up themselves. i've written on these boards a few times that i resorted to positive rewards (aka bribery) with my 3 y.o. son. he LOVES chocolate, so i bought about 5 bags of kisses, put them in a huge glass vase, and told him he got one anytime he deposited something into the toilet. needless to say, he was peeing & pooping 20 times a day! but regardless if it was even a drop, he got the reward. after about 3 weeks the kisses were gone. he was very concerned, and i told him that if the vase was empty, that must mean he was potty trained. he was like "Oh! Yeah me!" and from that point forward, we had only a couple of accidents.

My youngest daughter waited til the last minute to potty train. Her incentive was going into K3. During the spring I had to put her on a egg timer. I would set it for a half hour and then take her to the potty and make her sit there and try to go. Sometimes I would even run the water. If she did she was given a sticker. She did have a few accidents along the way. So my advice is be consistant and try the egg timer. She also helped clean it up. If she had a wet pull up she had to go throw it out. During the night no liquids after 7pm. That's a rule we still keep. For her bed and ours I invested in rubber sheets. More times than not she ends up in our bed.

I think you should stick it out for the week. It honestly probably won't take that long. She will become sick and tired of the hassle it is peeing and pooping on herself. Don't reward an accident with baths either. (thats if she likes bathtime) A little 3 year old that I babysat would have an accident just to get a bath. I figured that out quickly, lol. Anyway- if you need to clean her up, don't fill the tub, just 'hose' her off. Sounds like what your daughter needs from you is to be consistent. You can do this!

i don't ask them if they want to go - i tell them. yes, you have to go on "their" timeline....but at some point you have to get them to understand this is something they "need" to do, not just when they "feel" like it. so yes, i would quit asking. explain to her that as a big almost-4-year old girl, this is one of her jobs. just like (Hopefully she has other age appropriate chores - feeding an animal, cleaning up her toys when she's done?) XX and X. she's not a baby anymore and she needs to learn how to potty like a big girl. i feel at 4 she is probably physically ready, but it sounds like it has been left up to her choice a little too much and she's just fine letting you take care of it. also when she messes her panties i would make her change them, don't do it for her. you say it bothers her - let it be the natural consequence that when she potties in her pants, she has to clean it up. good luck!

Does she go to daycare or preschool? Does she have any close friends or cousins about the same age?

If so, let her spend time with those kids. She needs to see that kids her age do not wear diapers. She should even watch them use the toilet and witness how grownups praise her friends for doing so.

In short, peer pressure is a great teacher. Use it if you can.

You know, my son's transition (about 2.5 years old) to using the potty involved NOT wearing any underwear at all for a long time. I'd put it on him and he'd get it right off or refuse to put it on in the first place. And he didn't want to wear any clothes either. That was fine with me. It was his body and I trusted him that, if given enough time, he could figure it out. Some how I think wearing clothes got in the way of what it felt like to need to go.

If he got cold he'd tell me and we'd put on a shirt on or pants without underwear. When we went out we still used a diaper for awhile. Then we went outside with clothes on and no underwear and then he wanted underwear and it all worked out over about 6 months. I was very careful not to rush it and I let him control the learning. Afterall, this is his body, not mine.

We also read a lot of potty books. We emptied a shelf at the library of anything with animals or boys using the potty. We just made it fun and I tried not to make him feel guilty if he didn't do what the kids in the book did.

So maybe just slow down a bit. Can you get her her own potty? Get her something to take ownership of the process? Just some ideas. And good luck to you!

I am convinced that pull-ups are an absolute hindrance to potty-training. As a cross between diapers and real underwear, pull-ups make the "transition" period much less dramatic for toddlers. The problem is that they NEED the drama. They NEED to see and feel a huge difference in what they're wearing so that they recognize on some level that things have changed and what used to work will no longer be okay. Pull-ups just add confusion to what has (historically) been a black and white process. Are there messes for a while when you go straight from diapers to panties? Absolutely. But getting that over with when they're smaller (and produce smaller "messes") is really the preferrable option.

But that's really more for your next child, of course, since your daughter has already used pull-ups and is firmly in the "confused" stage. At this point, though, I would definitely throw out every last pull-up and make a big production out of it like she's SUCH a big girl and doesn't need them anymore, etc. (As an aside, this is also something you should do with your next child when you first make that switch. Really play up the idea that it's a "graduation" of sorts and let him/her call all the relatives and tell them about it.) Also, when my kids were training, we made a huge production (for the first few weeks, anyway) out of every successful toilet use. We did a little dance and sang a special song and yes, we called all the relatives and bragged about it. It sounds silly, I know, but it really works. Also, Oreos are a fantastic motivator. ;-)

If you have a smart phone, Huggies has a free potty training app that my daughter really liked. She, however, was 2 1/2 so maybe it wouldn't be as exciting for a 4 year old. It's worth a try, though; it's free!

Has using the potty become a battle of wills, a power struggle? IF so, try backing off for a few weeks and start over.

There have many many questions about potty training on this site and there are many good web sites, too. Perhaps try a different method.

Another idea is to be conveniently busy when she's wet herself so that you can't immediately put a dry pair on her. Let her feel the discomfort. Do let her know where dry panties are so that she can change herself.

It is possible that she has a physical reason that she can't hold her urine and feces. Perhaps get in to see the pediatrician sooner based on difficulty potty training her.

You have to be able to give it a week at home, pull ups just feel like diapers to them so use panties and even if she pees/poops in them, make her sit on the potty. Also have her sit every 30 minutes. Its work, but dont give up.