My daughter is 3 (4 in Sept) and my son is 9 months old. The older my son gets, the more disruptive my daughter gets. Not only will she not share the toys, she will take them out of his hands and move them all out of his play area -- all day long. She will eat the food I prepare for him right off his tray. She will misbehave to get attention when I have to give him my undivided attention.
My daughter was our first child, and the first grandchild as well. She is certainly used to getting all the attention and not having to share.
I find myself getting mad at her, when I know she is just trying to get used to this new situation, and I think a lot of this is normal behavior as she adjusts to a new dynamic in the home. I'm having a hard time finding a way of dealing with it without getting mad and yelling - demanding she give him they toys back. I've tried sparking her interest in another toy, but only the ones he is playing with are of any interest to her.
I spend undivided time with her each day from about 10:30 through lunch while the baby naps. I take her with me to get lunch and run errands/shop on the weekends when my husband is home to watch the baby. I guess I just need some ideas on how to deal with this in a more positive way. I don't want to keep loosing my temper on this issue. I think it's making it worse.
She should be old enough to understand 1-2-3 Magic. The library has the book and maybe the DVD. It's a great way for them to learn consequences while you keep your cool. You explain the expected behavior and then if they don't follow it, they are punished with no yelling.
It does get better.
All children get a little jealous when a new baby comes along and for moms that use the adage terrible 2's, for our family is was the 3's.
But I think this needs to be address with time outs.
This is what I would do.
When you see her doing things she is not suppose to do, first come down to her level (eye to eye) warn her and explain what she is doing wrong and about timeout.
Second, if she does it again, come down to her level again and say do you know what you are doing wrong? IF she says yes, then ask her do you remember what I told you about timeout? If she says yes then tell her you will need to go into time out for a short time to think about what you have do. If she says, no, then explain it one last time to her but do not put her in timeout.
Once she has been in timeout for about 3 minutes. Walk over to where you have her in time out (Mat or chair) come down to her level and ask her if she is ready to >>>what ever the problem was<<<<. If she says no, then say well maybe a little longer in time out might help and repeat. If she say yes, then ask are you sorry did that to your brother? She should say yes, then give her a hug and say I Love You and let her return to what she was playing with or to eating. It is very important to follow through with timeout and don't go by what some of the books say about amount of time. Timeout need to be looked at a punishment and 1 minute in timeout is not long enough. I say it should be a minimum of 3 minutes. Also make sure when she is in timeout that you pay her no attention unless she leaves the timeout area.
Another way you can get bad behavior to good behavior is through a sticker chart. Everytime she plays good with her brother or eats her food without touching her brothers or maybe takes her dishes to the sink or helps make her bed, etc. She gets a sticker on the chart and when she gets so many stickers she gets a special treat. It can be her favorite food for supper or an ice cream cone or something special from the $$ store. Another way is to make a magnet chart. Buy a magnetic board and draw squares for each magnet and when the chart is full time for a reward. You can use make your own magnetic stickers or just buy some at the $$ store. The one thing good about the magnetic sticker board is that stickers can be taken off when there is bad behavior.
I hope some of this helps. Good Luck..
God Bless,
S.
Yes, your daughter is suffering from jealousy. It's totally normal. What you need to do is involve her as much as possible, as your special helper when you need to do diaper changes, bathing of the baby, etc. She will feel important instead of jealous. It may take some adjusting, but she'll get there. Also, explain things to her more so she can understand why you can't give her your attention. Tell her how you did it for her when she was that age, and how important she is to him. How she can teach him things and how much he loves her. Acknowledge her feelings so she realizes you care and understand. It's amazing how far some good communication will go! Good luck.
It sounds to me that this is an attention thing. You have done some good things, but I would also suggest that you give her 'responsibilities'. The toy stealing is a rough phase but eventually she will be more interested in toys her own age. I would first suggest that if she wants a toy that he has she must offer him a replacement toy. Sometimes he wont mind and the problem won't be so bad. There will have to be some toys or special items that are 'hands off' to her and some of her things that are 'hands off' to him.
You should also ask her to help you while you are changing his diaper or giving him a bath. 'Can you bring M. a diaper?' Or 'Can you get me a towel?' Just small things like that will make her feel like she is helping and is involved and it's not just M. and brother time. Regarding the food, make her some too- a smaller portion. She wont feel like it is his special food if she gets some too.
I know this may seem like your daughter is getting everything 'her way', but your son is so young that he won't remember and this will help her accept him.
I have no advice but just wanted to say that we are in the same boat. My son is 3 and my other son is 11 months. Our house is crazy. I have yet to find a solution and we have also started down a bad path of discipline, yelling, etc with our oldest. We have just run out of ideas!! Sadly the only solution I came up with was to go back to work. There are other reasons adding to it but this was one of the bigger ones. I am a teacher so the hours will be great and then I can have more of a balance. Anyway I can't wait to read others suggestions so we can get some ideas as well. Just know your not alone!!
I know my daughter is a bit younger ... and I don't normally condone TV...but regarding the stealing toys -- have you tried watching DORA? We have really focused on the "Swiper, no swiping" bit from Dora for our daughter (she is 2 and our son is 8.5 months). She likes to take his toys away as well...or pick up things she has abandoned and he "finds." It is a pain. Sometimes you just have to have patience and sometimes if she throws a real fit or is doing things to get attention, do not give it to her. My pediatrician told us to ignore our daughter when she threw tantrums after making sure she is in a safe area and we have recently started the "1", "2" and "3" counting warnings for time outs with a set up time out seat in the corner of our family room. It has worked well...we reserve it for very egregious actions (for a 2 year old perspective) like repeated hitting. We use it rarely. Not sure if you have a tantrum issue not....granted you should sometimes give them the undivided attention but at almost 4, she needs to learn a little patience too I would believe -- right?
