Stubborn 2 Year Old!

It doesn't change! My five-year-old still asks several times, albeit in different phrasing, hoping for a different answer. My teenaged nieces and nephews still ask over and over looking for the response they want. Just continue to be consistent and patient. You are doing a great job and she is normal!

I agree with all the replies except the first one.

It's normal. You need to
let her know you heard,
thought about it
and refused
for a reason.

And so ''You want - - - aww, I'm sorry
it's not possible''
is better than NO.

NO is for when they are hitting someone or just started having the tantrum.

;-)

hahahahaaaaa, sorry, I don't mean to laugh but I can relate. My 3 1/2 year old boy is RELENTLESS. He asks for things repeatedly without even taking a breath. And then sometimes throws a fit when he realizes I mean NO. We too are consistent and that's all you can do. Now that he is 3 1/2 he is 'getting it' more when we say NO in a certain tone. But we still give him time-outs for repeatedly asking even after we have said no- we tell him he is being rude and needs to be alone for a bit.
Just keep being consistent and some day it will be better.

Hi M.:
I have a tendancy to agree with Lora on this one.I really don't believe a (time out) is appropriate in this case.I believe,that eventually would cause your daughter to feel intimidated.(Afraid) of being punished,every time she had to repeat a question.Imagine,if you did that every day for the next few years.I'd guess,by the time your daughter hit preschool,the teacher would be lucky,if she muttered a word.The best of luck to you,and your darlin daughter.

Hi M.,
There is an interesting book called " The Scientist in the Crib". The researchers who wrote it believe after observing the way children learn and think that the "terrible two's" are not so much about deliberately being naughty , rather, that they are making the massive realisation that they are an individual in very specific ways, eg, " mummy doesn't want me to touch this, but I want to touch this... mummy doesn't want me to do this but i do..." the coin drops for them that after thinking from birth that they are the centre of the universe and that everyone must want what they want, that they have a separate mind to everyone else. it's a big deal. so they test it ( and you in the process) time and time again.

If you set up a struggle after a while they do just become defiant . The book does help you gain perspective on the fact that they are not trying to drive you crazy, rather exploring a very complex world with lots of rules they don't yet understand and making the massive realisation that they have separate needs and wants to others. have you ever seen a toddler watch for their parents reaction as they inch toward something they know they are not allowed to touch? This book says they are wanting to define constantly exactly how different they are to the people around them. It helps them establish their sense of self.

Secondly and more importantly, toddlers don't like to hear the word "no" . we get lazy and over use it. Some preschools in Candada now ( not sure about US) have a specific language where they deliberately avoid negatives in their speech.

eg at dinner time if my son is playing with his food,
" we play with our toys, we eat our food" -no need to throw in a gratuitous don't in there... i.e. we don't play with our food...

he used to put his shoes in his mouth all the time,
"shoes are for our feet, it's food that we eat" apologies for the cheesy rhyme .

It takes effort , a new way of thinking and phrasing things and it may be very hard to get everyone else on board but I have found it makes a big difference. Coupled with the classic toddler exercise for parents of always reinforcing their good behaviours to eradicate bad ones, you can respectfully tell them you are going to ignore them until they stop whining or doing whatever it is you don't like . The SECOND they stop, smile, stroke their cheek or at least give them your full attention. They will start to learn pretty quickly . sometimes they need a refresher so to speak.

You will have the additional benefit of no reallly meaning no when you most need it to in an emergency. The word retains it's value and weight.

I had to laugh out loud on this one.....I'll be honest, you have to wait a year or two before "no" works. If you never give in, don't get mad either, eventually, she'll get it but the "first time request" GIRL THAT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! I mean it will EEEEEVVVVVEEEENNNNNTTTTTUUUUUAAAAALLLLLYYYYYY.....GOOD LUCK!

I have 2 stubborn 2 year olds (twins) & absolutely don't profess to be an expert------BUT I will say that I have found that we do MUCH MUCH better if I acknowledge that I understand that they want something and explain why they can't have it at that moment (or at all) (For example: "Jacob, I understand that you want to stand on the oven but the oven can be hot and can hurt you & mommy doesn't want you to be hurt so you can't stand on the oven" OR "Jacob, I understand that you want a cookie but we are going to eat dinner in a little bit. You may have a cookie after you eat dinner"

It isn't a 100% but I'm telling you it is like 95%. For the most part it takes the battle away & lets your child know that you are hearing them. I know that can sound like psycho-babble but really it has worked for us.

Have you tried just ignoring her after you've already told her no? Change the subject... divert her attention... time out?

Welcome to toddler hood...you may have to try a few things in order for her understand. Time outs seem to work for my son but not all the time. Offering options--do you want this or that seems to work too. A lot of my friends say that the "1 2 3 Magic" book is suppossed to be good. Also don't forget our little ones brains do not work as fast as ours so sometimes I have to repeat myself up to five times before my toddler understands. Easier said than done, believe me! Also let me know about this new job your doing from home...thanks

Power struggles are very common at this age. There are several reasons for a power struggle with a 2 year old but the most common is they are learning how to assert themselves. One thing that you could try is when you have to tell her 'no' to one thing offer her two choices that are acceptable. So if for example she asks for a cookie before dinner and you could say, 'You can't have a cookie, but you can have a drink of juice, or this apple. Which would you like instead?' Then she still has the power to choose, and you still win because she doesn't get the cookie. I hope that makes sense. It sounds better when I say it rather than type it. :)