Still Trying to Potty Train 3Yr. PLEASE HELP

Hi S.,

By far potty training was one of the hardest things I have dealt with when my kids were younger; especially my oldest. Finally I bought the "cool alerts" and something clicked. Don't go back to diapers, try the pull-ups (yes, glorified diaper but allows her to put them on herself). Also, for my daughter what worked was letting her choose a potty chair at the store. It only took a few times using it before she was done with it and was using the big potty but for whatever reason it worked.

Don't give up. She will get it just as soon as everyone is relaxed about it. :)

It sounds like she isn't ready to be potty trained - and that perhaps when you started nearly a year ago, it was because you were ready for her to be trained. It is a very self-driven thing - muscle control isn't always good enough at that age, and maybe she is just frustrated with the whole thing (like you are) because you have been going at it for a year. Maybe she has grown accustom to going in her pull-up (which is really nothing more than a glorified diaper) and she thinks that is the way to go...I would stop, go back to diapers for a month or two, and see if she expresses any interest then. Just as an FYI, I have two kids who are trained, and i basically used the same method, and it was pretty easy. Once they were telling me that they wanted to sit on the potty, i was careful to do that a lot. Then, I made the switch to underwear - which I put OVER a diaper for about a week. I told them that the character didn't want to get wet, so we had to go only in the potty - and I still took them a lot! For both, it just clicked. They started telling me that they didn't have to go (some of the time when I was taking them every 30 minutes) and eventually, they started telling me when they did have to go. Good luck! and, BTW, she is THREE - she won't be going to kindergarten in diapers....

It doesn't sound like she is ready yet. Go back with the diapers or pull-ups and let her decide when she is ready. This will make your life a ton easier.

She isn't ready. She's still very young. At the advice of our pediatrician, I let my girls "show" me when they were ready and I never had issues. No regression, no resistance, nothing. They just decided they were going to do it, and they did it. I think my youngest was 3, and my oldest was 3 1/2.

The more you try to force her to do something she isn't ready to do, the less likely she is to do it.

Put her diapers back on and give it another shot in a few months.

You've been spinning your wheels for a YEAR? She's not ready. Plain and simple. Kids train when they are ready--not when YOU are ready! She's got 2 years before Kindergarten.

Your daughter is two. MANY kids do not train until 3. Girls and boys.
You have a newborn. MANY kids have potty training setbacks when new babies arrive.

Take a break. Try again in a few weeks.

She may not be physically capable of being potty trained at this point.

J.

why in the world would you continue to push a child toward a developmental milestone for nearly a year when she CLEARLY isn't ready? so she was under 2 years old when you started? i'd say back COMPLETELY off of her, put her back in diapers, and leave her alone for at least a few months. she's 2, she's not even CLOSE to kinder - and for the record, i've yet to see a kinder child in diapers, i doubt your child will be. i know you've got to be incredibly stressed by this, but you're bringing it upon yourself - and your little girl is prob even more stressed out than you are - there are lots of battles to be fought in parenting, don't choose this one.

Oh boy, I feel for you!
I know it must be hard with a little one in tow, but if you really want to get her out of diapers, you just have to stick it out for two or three weeks, ditch the pull ups and clean up after her. It will be exhausting, no question, but pull ups really DO NOT WORK. They are a marketing trick simply invented to get you to spend more money on diapers.

The one thing you have to commit to is not showing your frustration. If you get upset about cleaning up after her when she has accidents, she will have a negative association with toileting and it will make everything ever so much harder. Praise or even reward potty success and simply deal with accidents without much ado.

Prepare her for the next try. Set a date, consider a long weekend or a period when your husband can help with the baby (vacation maybe?). Talk about how she is a big girl and you won't be buying any more pull ups... and then do it. Use up all your pull ups (or hide any leftovers) and be done with them. Expect lots of accidents for a few days, but if you stick to it and keep your calm, it will let up! Take extra clothes with you wherever you go... just be prepared.

Also don't delay nighttime training. I found "puppy pads" so helpful. I double or triple layered my daughters bed with sheets and puppy pads, so I could just rip off a layer in the middle of the night when she had an accident.

Almost all children go through an initial period of success and then a short bout of regressing with many accidents. If you just stick it out you will be successful in the end.
Good luck!

Not ready. Most kids aren't ready until they're 3.

I don't personally know anyone that has gotten their child fully potty trained before the age of 3.

My daughter was 3.5. It took a week. Done. Never an accident. She was ready.

My son... Not even attempting it until his 3rd birthday. He loves to sit on the potty. But 10 min after he is off of his potty... He messed in his diaper. I know he's not ready and I'm not going to force it.

I wasn't potty trained until I was almost 4. I was strong willed and didn't want to go on the potty until it was a choice of school (and potty) or not get to go to school and play with my friends.

Too early.

S., I only read a smattering of comments, but I have to speak up for the old-school potty trainers. I have a large family, and we've all gone with grandma's method of starting when they first show signs (15-18 months) and being finished before the 3rd birthday. Most commonly used technique among my family is the naked-butt for a week or two, proactive taking them every 2 hours, rewards each time they go method. This might not seem too different from others until you hear that we believe that by 3 years old for sure (also most 2 year olds) kids know that their actions have consequences and they can decide whether or not to obey. If our kids go to the bathroom in their pants they are disciplined with whichever method we've decided on - time outs, swat to the rear, etc.

Your daughter has decided that it's easier to pee when and where she feels like it and mom/dad will clean up the mess. She's currently holding the power. When you take her pants off and tell her calmly that she uses the potty or she gets disciplined, then you are back in power. She's already proven to you that she can do it, now she's just choosing not to. That should have consequences. But above all, DO NOT GO BACK TO DIAPERS!!!

The EASIEST way for YOU is to just put her back in diapers until one day SHE decides she's ready. Then you'll have very few, if any, accidents to clean up. Of course you can keep trying to push her but it's just a lot more messes for you to clean up! :o)
I know how frustrating it is for them to not be potty trained when you want... I enrolled my daughter in dance at age 3 and she was the only one still in diapers but forcing her didn't work. I just had to wait until she was ready then she had ONE accident (pee) and was great after that!
I know it's hard to have two in diapers but it might make it less stressful if you take this weight off your shoulders and just act like diapers are your friend for now.

Good Luck!

My daughter had very little interest in potty training. She did the vary exact same thing your child is doing. She was almost four before I got her potty trained.

What I finally did was stripped her down butt naked around the house. She would not go. I figured out that putting underware on her still gave her the security of a diaper so she would still go. I also got a doll that pees and showed my little girl how if you gave the doll a bottle then she would pee on the potty. She tried to mimic the doll, so I filled her up with water until she had to go and got her to go that way. It took about three days of running around without clothes on to get her to start peeing and we also made a huge deal out of it when she went did go. It did take a little longer to poop though. Hope this helps

Mine was 3 in april, and still no joy, I have tried everything - and really, I don't know about you, but I think at 3, all kids are developmentally ready to use the potty, so don't listen to the ones who try and say they are not.
I believe it is a laziness thing, why worry about pulling pants down, when you can just wee in them, and have mom change it and wipe it.
when at home, I keep her bottom bare, and put her in a little dress, and she will wee and poo in the potty when she has no diaper on, you could try that, I have been doing that for about 6 weeks, and she never misses. But when I put panties on her, I think she thinks it is a diaper and she will wee in them every time.
I am like you, at a bit of a loss! we can do it!

Keep her in pullups and give yourself a break. She is not ready or it would be much easier. Just be consistent and take her when you can. She is really young anyway.

You have your hands full! I have been in your shoes, as my oldest was 2 years and 9 months when his GERD-affected, demanding little brother was born. I know how intensely difficult it is to have a baby with GERD, so you have my sympathies.
Your daughter sounds VERY normal. Even without the added stress of a demanding baby sibling, it is absolutely normal for a child her age to still wear diapers. With that added stress... it would be surprising if she continued potty-learning effectively.
She has shown that she can stay dry, so the hardest part for you is being patient with her until she is ready. Potty-learning is a developmental stage, and one that cannot be forced. When it's started too early, or pushed too hard, the result is usually the opposite of what is desired.
I'd encourage you to back off and not make a big deal out of it. She'll train when she's ready, and probably LONG before Kindergarten.
My oldest son was nearly 4 when he decided he was ready, despite all the different tactics we tried. He literally trained overnight when he decided to, and that was that. Our second son is nearly three, and the harder we push, the more he balks. It's when we back off that he'll surprise us by asking us to take him to the restroom when we're out to dinner (like last night!). :)
Having 2 in diapers is no fun, but if you can relax and stop focusing on it, you may have greater success and actually shorten the duration.
Good luck!

I am feeling for ya. Been there just a couple months ago my almost 4 yr old started useing the potty and a week later the toilet. One thing I know helped her decide to do it was I told her doesnt she want to make dada mama and gamma and anga ( her sister) happy! I said we would be soooo happy Oh How Happy we would be. Then she did it and said she wanted to make us happy. If she likes dressing herself, then she should be ready. Hope this helps you, good luck.

You know, it may just be easier on everyone if you backed off and let her come tell you. Maybe she's sensing the stress with the new baby and the urgency towards her that she is having a hard time wrapping her head around becoming a big girl. If you don't want to back off, I understand so here are my suggestions:

1: Take away her ultimate favorite toy or show, whatever it is and tell her is she goes potty she can have it for a timed (say 2 minutes w/the toy and about 10 or so for a show) moment. Take it away when the buzzer goes off and tell her next time she goes she can have the toy back or continue watching more of her show.
2: Instead of prizes, try distractions. Does she have a handheld video game like a leapfrog? Try sitting her on the potty and let her play the distraction device until she goes then praise her with words only and tell her next time she needs to go potty she can have the distraction device back.
3: Put real underwear on her under her pull-up. She'll feel wet and sticky more than just in the pull-up alone and may decide she doesn't like it and will be more cooperative in the efforts to be potty trained.

Good luck, potty training sucks,I'm about to start my 3rd child myself so hang in there!!

Maybe you should take a break for 2-3 months. It will be hard, esp if you hear other mothers whose little girls of the same age are already PT'd. But all kids hit their milestones at different times - some kids walk at 8 months, some walk at 18 mos, some kids are weaned at 8 mos, some at a year, etc.

Hang in there. If you have been dedicated for a whole year, then you'll be dedicated w/the same commitment. I have never heard of any child not PT'd b/c their parents weren't committed.

So, put her back in diapers/pull ups, keep the bathroom a happy positive place, and talk up going potty like its Disneyland! "When you go potty, you are going to be such big girl!" or "when you go potty, no more diapers! You get to wear UNDERWEAR!!!!".

GL

She's young. Don't give up but be realistic and know that not all kids are potty trained at age two or by their 3rd birthday. Be patient and stay positive, you do not want potty training to become a battle of the wills. After having four kids I still say that potty training was one of the most difficult stages because we can't control it. My oldest potty trained by 2, my second wouldn't even look at a potty until he turned 3. They are all different and trust me, it will happen just maybe not on your timetable. Hang in there mama!

There are three things you cannot teach or make a child to do--eat, sleep, or go pee or poop when or where you want them too. This is particularly true with toilet training.

Some one told me when my son was just born. And I found that to be very true with my son. And he was a very quietly stubborn individual.

I was a laid back parent and I think it was a good thing with my son. He showed no desire or inclination to be potty trained and I left it alone. When he was about to enter his four year old preschool I went to visit the school before the class started. I was talking to the teacher and mentioned that he wasn't potty trained yet.

The teacher said that she normally didn't take children who weren't potty trained and never changed their diapers within earshot of my son. Well, all his good buddies were going to that school and there was not way he was going to be left behind. No way.

We went home. And he was completely trained in two days. It was the easiest thing I never did. Really. He managed everything.

Perhaps you can back off a while and wait to find something that she will find motivating enough to toilet train herself.

I agree, don't force it.

Think about anything in your life. if you were forced, did you do it? Probably not.

Same thing with her. Let her lead, you follow. It will work when she's ready. not before then.

I agree with the moms who say back it off - put her back in diapers, take the stress of that off your plate (and off hers). Get your baby past the GERD and once all of you are sleeping a little bit more, try it again.

We tried in January with my son (3 years) and it was a miserable disaster. Many friends said, "Never go back diapers - once you start you can't stop!!" but it simply wasn't working for us. We dropped it for 8 or 10 weeks and tried again at the begining of this month - finally, finally, very very slowly it is starting to click. We're not using pull-ups, for what it's worth. He went nude from the waist down for a couple of weeks, and now is wearing shirt/underpants only. We've had surprisingly few accidents. I told him - "Do not make peepee or poop in your underpants. Make it in the potty or a diaper, but not in your underpants". So far, so good.

UPD: Rueful LOL: as I was typing my response, kiddo was making a puddle on the floor in the living room. !! So 10 minutes later, after he reluctantly put his wet underpants in the bucket in the laundry room, more reluctantly wiped up his puddle, even more reluctantly sat on the potty to "finish the job" and wiped down his own wet legs, we're back in dry underpants. *sigh* :)

Take a break and let her relax for a few months...she is so little yet... The more you push her, the more she will refuse to do it. She is too young to "understand that she needs to go potty". Take your time and do what you can do with the kids little by little.
You have to think of her not of yourself thinking that you would be "that parent of the little girl still in diapers in k" every kid is totally different and reach a milestone at his/her pace and you should not be ashamed of it.
Be patient, be calm and start all over in a few months little by little without pushing but teaching her lovely and calmly. Find out if she likes potty or just a ring on a toilet, if she likes stickers or just songs, find out when she is going to need to the bath or when she is having a bowel movement. Most of the times kids will have certain schedule (after a meal, after getting up in the morning..etc) . Know your child first.
Remember this is a very hard milestone to achieve in life...this is a very important but difficult step for the little ones.