Hi there moms.
I have a 3 yr old and a 13 week old - and I just went back to work last week. I work part time and my 2 girls are in daycare 8:30-noon 3 - 5 days a week.
My 13 week old is not sleep trained so I need some ideas! We co-sleep right now, and she sleeps on me a lot when we're at home. She is up a lot some nights too. It is starting to take its toll now that I am back to work, my 3 yr old is asking me to put her down (I don't blame her - she needs attention too!). The co-sleeping actually makes it harder for me to sleep, not easier, and since she is used to falling asleep on the breast or on me, she is barely sleeping at daycare (30 min - that's it) it messes up the whole day. She goes most days with only sleeping 90-120 min from 7am to 7pm. Yikes! She is not a good napper - 45 min, so she needs several of them a day, and that is getting exhausting too. I need to try and extend her naps somehow (thoughts?), get some work done, pay attention to my 3 yr old, and get caught up on overdue bills!
I gotta fix it before I fall asleep at my job, and I am VERY worried about how little sleep she is getting.
So how do I start some sleep training?
I can't wait to read the responses...thanks for asking! This sounds like my life! Same age for both kids...baby barely naps, basically co-sleeping, 3 year old is begging for my attention and I'm a walking zombie and grumpy (trying sooo hard not to be)! Good luck!
We kept it simple. FULL BELLY, sleep in own crib. After about 3 months old, if she is fed enough all day long, she should sleep through. Technically I guess it was called CIO, since we didn't come engage the kids while they were trying to learn to sleep, but honestly, they barely cried, because they had no reason to think it wasn't time for sleeping, since we wouldn't come in, and they were full and slept through. So I would just feed her more during the day, and let her sleep alone when you are ready. Once her nights are solid, and she's used to soothing herself to sleep, she should nap better at daycare too.
those little ones dont understand whats going on but they will notice if something is differnt...My suggestion is to quit co-sleeping cold turkey. Your baby will not like it and will cry because its something differnt. but its up to you to teach her that her bed is where she is suppose to sleep..
Not sure if i recommend sleep training a 13 week old all through the night but she should be fine with just one feeding. i would set times to feed the baby IF she is awake...if she wakes up before then I would just go in to re-assure her, but dont pick her up. Its not going to be easy and you WILL need to be strong. It will be a rough couple days but it can happen. I suggest starting when you will have a couple days at home so you wont be at work (falling asleep)
At 13 weeks old, especially if she is breast fed, she is very likely not ready to sleep even close to all night, no matter how much you feed her during the day. Some breast fed babies still need that middle of the night feeding for up to a year. I would suggest doing something gradual, rather than sudden. If she's co-sleeping, and that's not working for you, how about a crib/bassinet in your room. Perhaps she will sleep better at night too with her own space, while still knowing you are nearby? Do you swaddle her? We started getting longer stretches of sleep when we started using The Miracle Blanket. Also, I would recommend "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. There are lots of helpful ideas in there. Good luck!
I think you got a bunch of great advice. I have liked Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child and more recently "the baby sleeps tonight" by Shari Mezrah. But I also wanted to tell you that, from my experience with my boys anyway, if you attempt a bunch of sleep training strategies and you still don't get 100% (or even 50% ;-) of expected results, don't blame yourself. After our third was born 13 weeks ago (pretty much the same time as your youngest actually) and has been sleeping about 10 hrs/ night for the past month, I have finally stopped blaming myself for "doing it all wrong" with the first two...because really, I didn't do it all wrong. There
really are kids that naturally sleep better than others. I have done absolutely nothing differently with our 3rd in his first 2-3 months of life than I did with our first 2, and he naturally extended his nights, without me having to let him cry it out one second. The first two were also exclusively breastfed, just like this one is now. My first (now 4) didn't sleep through the night until he was close to 2, and our second (almost 3) still wakes up once during the night every now and then, even though we pretty much attempted every sleep training strategy ever told (aside from the full CIO, which I'm sure is effective, but I just couldn't do it). So in my experience, I would say yes, try to apply the received advice, because you need your sleep, but don't beat yourself if it takes a little longer than other people around you. Every child is different and different things will work for each. Hang in there. It might take a while but it DOES get better.
You have to decide what you're comfortable with. It will involve her crying. How much and how long it takes is up to you.
Full CIO (don't go in at all until you're ready the next morning) will work the fastest. Most docs I know support it at 12 weeks. 1-2 nights and she'll be sleeping through.
Anything else (go in and pat, or soothe at certain intervals) will eventually work, it'll just take longer (week or two) before it does.
We do full CIO. 2 nights, and both of my kids were sleeping 12hrs straight through after that. I tried the "go in and soothe" thing, but it actually just worked my kiddos up more. Now they both sleep like dreams!
I feel your pain. I'm sure you are getting tons of advice but wondering what is right for you and baby. I work fulltime and finally got to a point where I was not functioning totally at work.
My baby is now 9 months old and we just transitioned her to her own crib. Previously she slept in my or my husbands arms for naps and in bed with us at night. She was also exclusively nursed and always nursed to go to sleep and all thru the nite. We enjoyed the closeness to her and special bonding, but none of us were getting enough rest. We also had the same issue of her waking up everytime we tried to put her down. My sister who has 3 children recommended a book, "The Sleep Easy Solution" more info on http://www.sleepyplanet.com It worked for her 2 children and is working wonders for us. It is a quick, easy read- designed for sleep deprived parents.
This method is a mix of structure and reassurance. It took 2 nites for our daughter to sleep thru the nite in her own crib. I will tell you the book recommends not starting this method until the baby is at least 4 months old and can begin to self soothe. I also recommend talking to the babies pediatrician before starting anything new. I will say the first 2 nites were difficult to hear her cry, but after the 3rd nite she was sleeping through the nite.
You will hear people say this method/similar methods are cruel etc. but she doesn't seem phased by it and actually is happier,more alert and playful during the day now that she is getting a good nites sleep.
Best wishes!
I have an 11 week old who starts out in the bassinet, and then ends up in bed with me (and on my breast) for the rest of the night. I decided this past Monday to start putting him in his room in the crib at bedtime and using the monitor. The first night he slept for about 3 hours and then I got up, nursed him and he was back to sleep until I got up the next morning at 7 am. Same w/ Tues. night. Wed. night was more challenging as he woke after sleeping for about 4 hours and then was up for 2 as he couldn't go back to sleep and wanted to stay on the breast. I was exhausted the next day. I was determined not to bring him into bed w/ me, so i just stayed up with him. Last night was great, he slept for six hours, woke up at 4 am, nursed, and went right back to sleep until 7 am.
If you don't want to keep him in the crib all night, I would suggest at least starting him there and then bring him into bed w/ you when he wakes up. Mine has always napped in the crib, so it is not totally unfamiliar. I just opened up a travel bed and am trying him out in that during the day as I will be travelling at the end of the month and will be using it. He is not too fond of it, but at least it will be familiar to him when I need to use it.
There is a good book, "Sleeping Through the Night" by Dr. Jodi Mindell. I used this for my now 7 year old when he was 8 months. He was used to being rocked to sleep and was so heavy, I would be crying as my back would be hurting after walking and rocking when he would wake up in the middle of the night. It will give you strategies on how to handle different ages/stages and how much sleep/nap time they should have.
Good luck!
It's the weekend, so you can start the "training"....You 3 year old should go to bed between 8 - 8:30 PM on a regular basis.
Your baby, depending on the feeding schedule, I would try for a later bed time, bath, sooth and feed just before you go to bed. Put the baby in her own room/crib. If she is full, dry and well she should be able to sleep through the night by now...at least until 5 or 6 AM. In the beginning, if she starts to fuss, I would give her some time - 10 -15 min, then check to see if she needs changing, again sooth/rock and put her down again. If she is still fussy, give her formula/or breast feed. Next night, see if she will take a little more formula at bed time. There may be some crying it out, but it should not take long.
I know there are firm believers of co-sleeping and those not in favor of co-sleeping. I believe co-sleeping is not a good thing for a marriage or one or both working parents. I don't think it's good for the kids either, but I respect those who feel everyone in the bed is a good thing. For me its enough to have a spouse who is a blanket taker, much less little feet and hands moving and kicking all night.
Blessings....
Well, one week at daycare means she is still adjusting to that. She may start sleeping better there given a little more time. You both are still adjusting to your work schedule, so be sure to give yourself time, too. This may not be "fixed" immediately.
If you are breastfeeding, she isn't old enough to sleep through the entire night yet (9-12 months is typical) without at least one feeding. But it sounds like transitioning her to a bassinet or crib, even in the same room, might help you sleep better.
Before following Laurie F's advise on using Babywise, please read the following reviews: http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Baby-Wise-Reference-Worldw...
Babywise has been discredited by parenting experts, medical experts, and even religious experts. It does "work" for some babies, and these are held up as examples of how great the system is. But those babies just happened to be well-matched in temperament and came into the world with patterns close enough to the babywise system to adapt. OR the babies cried for what they needed until they gave up in despair and shut down. There are a number of websites talking about how terrible the author's dogma is and how dysfunctional his own family is.
While I have personally come to the understanding that you can't 'train' a baby to sleep any more than you can 'train' and adult, or a cat, to sleep, you can be sure the baby gets his needs met well enough to optimize his ability to relax and sleep. I could be wrong about this, but I've been watching young families for my 45 adult years, and that's how it looks.
You've received many excellent book recommendations, and I hope you'll read one or two and find something that fits your life and your baby's needs. This is an incredibly trying time for young moms, and double that if you are working. Yet somehow we live through it, and many moms even decide to have another baby as soon as they forget the intensity of the first few months.
I'm sure it would be an extra stretch financially, but if you could hire a mother's helper for an hour or three a day, or on weekends to allow you to catch up, you'd have your hands free for your 3yo, and perhaps time to catch a nap here or there. Even 20 minutes can be restorative.
Wearing the baby is a fabulous system for many moms. The baby relaxes and sleeps better when in close contact with Mommy as she moves around. It's somewhat like being in the womb. And sleep begets sleep, so the benefits could extend into the night hours.
There are some useful tips by Dr. Harvey Karp on getting babies into a relaxed state and enhancing their sleep. Look at these short videos and see whether they might help you:
How-to's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6KnVPUdEgQ&feature=re...
Enhanced sleep: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk5MUOMecHI&NR=1
Interview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iu0TtxO-ocY&feature=re...
I wish your little family the best.
Get the book Babywise. My DD was sleeping 9 hrs by about 16 weeks and 12 hrs. by 5 months. Now that she's 8 months she only sleeps about 10 hours but I'm NOT complaining!
We read Babywise as a reference and adjusted it to match our lifestyle. My daughter would only sleep on me and was feeding around the clock (exhausting!). At 6 weeks I started her on a daily routine and she now (9 weeks old) sleeps 12 hours at night waking up once to feed. We also moved her to her crib and began to swaddle her at 7 weeks, this helped her to stay asleep and sleep longer. During the day she takes a 45 minute morning nap in her crib, about a 30 minute mid-day nap in her swing or car seat if we are out, and 30 minute afternoon nap in her swing or car seat. I just went back to work also, having a daily eat, play, nap routine has helped with our child care, and my sleep at night!
