Seeking Sleep Advice for My 3 1/2 Year Old

Part of growth and development! Have you forgot what it was like when you were three? Let her sleep with you for few nights and trade off in her bed. Get her a stuffed animal, bunny or teddy bear to hug at night and sleep with her. She may need a night light for a few weeks until she feels comfortable again. Putting her on the floor is not a good idea because she will wake up uncomfortable unless you pretend she is camping with her stuffed friends in or on a sleeping bag. Good luck P. B

My oldest went through a phase when he said there were monsters in his room too. We made up a new bedtime ritual: When I took him to his room to get his pajamas on, we closed his door, with the lights on. I then proceeded to every "opening" in the room, i.e. door, window, closet, etc., and I said this silly phrase I made up, "Go away monsters you can't come in!" While I said the phrase I used my arms to outline the "opening", almost like I was waving a magic wand. After the first couple nights, my son joined me in the phrase and then he would do it by himself.
My 2 1/2 year old started this "phase" about 2 weeks ago. I only had to do the silly phrase a couple of nights in a row. Now he tells me, "Monsters aren't aloud in my room!"
Hope this helps! Good luck.

It sounds like you are making it harder than it really needs to be.
Your daughter is seeking either one of you to make her feel safe, and she wants one of you to be with her at night, since it happened while she was sleeping. I don't see what is wrong with that? Why can't she sleep in your bed? Why can't you sleep with her in hers? What is it that makes it wrong? Habit forming? So what? It's your child you're talking about. Would you rather that your child is full of fear and you and your husband is comfortable in your bed by yourselves - or that all of you get a good night sleep and your daughter feels safe?
In our house, the kids have big beds, so that we can read stories together, or maybe one night the kids want to camp out together, or one night when either one is sick or worried - one of us can stay comfortably with them.(in their bed or ours)
She is 3 years old, come on! Loosen up a little and get some cues from your child.
Please.

I think she may have Post Traumatic Stress from experiencing the earthquake. My son is 4 and almost two years ago went through the same thing, except it was a wildfire instead of an earthquake. It took him a very long time to get over the experience. He would scream just going into his room and would not even play in there without one of us being right there. He slept on the couch for over a year, as he refused to enter his room, no matter how much talking we did with him or reassurance we gave him. He is just now within the last two months, able to sleep in his room again through the night. Looking back on how things progressed with all of this, I regret not bringing him to a counselor who specializes in dealing with grief/loss/trauma, because maybe he could have gotten past it sooner. Maybe you could bring your daughter to see a counselor or the pastor at your church to discuss her feelings about the earthquake? Other than that, I agree with Deanna's suggestions. I don't think that we want our children to get past things like this for our convenience, as some of the people here may think. It is just frustrating to know that sometimes, you can't help your own child, but as a mom, you have the instinct that something isn't right and the power to gain knowledge of how to resolve things, even if it means talking to other people to do so.

Best of luck,
J.

S.,

This is so hard!! My son had night terrors and fear of the dark that caused similar issues. Here's what I did...

I sat down and talked with him about his imagination and that there was nothing in our house that would hurt him. Then, we went to the store and bought night lights and flashlights and had a party. He showed me the scary spots that needed a night light and picked safe places to put flash lights. Then, we made up a 'Night time Shadow' song and dance that we did every night before bed, along with a check of 'dark spots' (under bed, closet, bathroom) and I told him I would stay with him for a few nights to make sure. It was fun and he loved it, but over a few nights we would do the song and dance and check, and he went back to falling asleep on his own without me there.

But, here's the thing. It was a great bonding experience. My son needed my help and we conquered it together. I gave him the power to be afraid and to do something about the fear, and made sure that he knew I would be there if he needed me. Today at almost 3, we talk about the dark and I ask him if there's anything there and he tells me that I'm silly.

I cherish the memories of a few months ago, and how he really did this all on his own with some guidance. Just remember to be supportive and nuturing, and she will follow your need.

You night want to get a book explaining earthquakes or the earth, and come up with a routine that help her feel prepared. Or do a monster check that allows her to be in charge of that fear and seeing that they aren't there. It's really an interesting age/stage as perception and imagination take over.

Good Luck!

Deanna Leigh has a great attitude about this and ideas.

The thing is, this is called 'post traumatic stress.' You CANNOT "rush" her to get over it.
AND, per her age.... having night-time fears are just a NORMAL part of development and their growing cognitive development. ALL kids this age and older, have night-time fears. Even my 6 yr. old daughter does AND her friends the same age.

Sure, maybe it is inconvenient or irritating for the adults... but, this won't last forever. You need to comfort her now... my kids, when needed, sleep on the floor futon in our bedroom too. We don't mind. They are just little kids and one day they will not need us. My kids, despite our "co-sleeping' on the floor of our room, are very independent and confident kids.... and very well self-directed and secure in themselves. The bonding is good for any kid.

Your girl is obviously not over the trauma of the earthquake... for a child, they don't grasp that it happened "3 weeks ago"...they don't know what 3 weeks are...all they know is that it feels like it happened just yesterday. So for you and your husband, well that may seem like a long time ago... but for a young child, it is NOT.

She is showing that she STILL needs help with this, she is scared witless. She gets up in the middle of the night and PANICS and screams... this shows "fear." Basic fear, which for her is REAL and actually happened to her, not in her imagination.

I would try and be more patience and compassionate. These stages are phases and for her it is post traumatic stress.

Ask your Pediatrician also, how you can help her.
All the best,
Susan

If you need any help with explaining earthquakes, you could try taking a trip to JPL's Kidspace Museum in Pasadena. They have an earthquake section where kids can see how the earth moves during an earthquake, and also stand on a plate where they feel the shake. It makes it fun. Perhaps that could help in educating and taking some of the scariness out of it.
By the way, I think it's a good choice to not let her sleep in your bed. It might be hard to get her back into her own if you do.
Good luck!

S.~

Your little girl is at that wonderful age when her imagination is getting to be real to her! I have two suggestions. 1) Talk to her about earthquakes, that they shake the house, and make it feel like you are on a funhouse ride. Explain to her how the earth is resettling, and that most of the time nothing bad will happen. If something bad were to happen, you and her dad would be right there, just like when the last earthquake hit, to protect her. Help build her trust in you as her loving, protecting parents who will protect her from as many of the dangers of this life that you are able to.
2) Have fun with the monsters! They shook the bed. Was it fun? What did they look like? Are the good monsters? Draw pictures of them with her. Make them her friends, so she isn't frightened of them. If that fails, take your broom and sweep them away, from under her bed, in her closet, wherever she believes them to be. Tell her you are bigger and meaner than any old monster, and they are afraid of you! It worked with my kids!
3) Sometimes a stuffed animal or doll can be there to protect your child when you are not available. Have her help you choose her strongest and bravest toy to sleep with that will scare the monsters away! That has helped, too, with my grandson. Use what works!
Beyond that, you will just have to be firm. Pray with her, if you pray, asking for your Heavenly Father's protection, help her to trust in Him and you, then firmly put her in bed and explain that your are in your bed, and if there is a danger, you will be there to help her. Then go to bed and let her learn to trust. You may need to reassure her a few times until she is certain that you will come if there is a need, then let her sleep in her room, alone with her brave toy.

Good Luck. Be strong. and trust her!

A.

Try reading a book called Good Nights, if you are completely against the family bed then I would put a semi-permanent bed in your room so she feels she has a safe place to be. It is not good for her body to produce stress hormones every night. She needs to feel safe and secure. Sincerely yours, in Christ, L..

Hi. My heart goes out to your daughter. Earthquakes can be very frightening to adults, let alone a little child. The last one we had still has me shaken. My suggestion is to be extra patient with your daughter. Maybe what she needs is a little more time. It almost sounds insensitive, at best, to have her sleeping on the floor in your bedroom, while you and your husband are in the bed. What she needs is reassurance and a chance to re-establish her sense of safety. Good luck I hope you will soon find the right solution for your family!

S., by bringing your daughter into your room, or staying in hers you are actually validating her fears. In a sense you are saying, " you're right, there is something to be afraid of, so you can stay with us" instead you should be loving but firm that she is safe and that you are not going to let anything happen to her, but that she needs to stay in her own room. Children need boundaries and limits, that is what will make her feel safe. Don't engage in conversation about monsters or any other fears, don't validate her fears or make up things like "monster spray". Tell her there is no such thing and that you will keep her safe. Be firm, she may cry for a while but eventually she will stop and feel safe again now that you are back in charge.
best wishes,
K. Smith
Sleep Consultant and Parenting Coach
www.theindependentchild.com

My daughter is a bit younger, but we have had some fear issues around bedtime as well. I see in your "about me" that you are believers- us too! What really seemed to help Jordan was when we would talk about God being there all the time, and that God keeps her safe even when Mommy and Daddy aren't there. We've told her she can talk to God about being scared, and God will protect her. I also got her a special battery powered night light that is a princess castle that she can have in her bed. We're about to move to a new house, so I'm a little apprehensive about how that will go, but I've been leaving a slightly brighter night light on in her room. Anyway, I hope things get better!!

o

Hi S., First of all let me say, you believe right Jesus Christ is your Savior. Dealing with this issue is going to put you between a rock and a hard place, I say this to say, an earthquake to a 3 year old can be a very dramatic expierence, especially depending on how big it was, you cant just say get over it and go to sleep, n the other hand if she sleeps on your floor ( and good for you, that you don't let her sleep in your bed) or you sleep on her floor, it gives her comfort, but also gives validity to her fear which tells her she should be affraid, and those sleeping arrangments can very easily become a habit/ new routine for her. You need to have something to tell her that she can understand and accept, lke during a thunderstom, parents tell their scared children don't be affraid thats just God moving his furniture around, that always seemed to work. It sounds like you and your husband are on the same page about how to deal with this, which is a plus, Our kids are grown now, but when they wee little, like all parents we checked under the beds and in the closets to make sure there was no monsters, but we didn't catter to their fears, by changing routines in our home we kept everything normal, so they could see that everythings the same and nothing bad happened. Thats how we dealt with fear, you and your husband need to find what will work for your daughter and your home, always encourage kids to be emotionally strong, it will make a big differene later on. Hope this helped a little. Give your little girl a hug for me. J. L.

My mother moved with my step father and my brother, their son, to a new state and lived in a small one bedroom apartment for the first few months. My brother was about your daughter's age and refused to sleep in his own room when they got their house. They even bought him a 'big boy' bed.

The solution they came up with was the set up the big boy bed in their room, by the door. Then after a week they moved it out of their room and into the hall. Over the course of about four weeks they moved it down the hall and finally into his own room where he has slept since. He is now 7 years old.

I hope this helps! Good luck Mama!

S. M
Stork's Best Friend
www.storksbestfriend.com

S.,

Your daughter is about the same age as mine and she is also in a "scarey" phase. She doesn't like it when kids pretend to be monsters, she worries a lot about monsters and ghosts, and she now wants me to leave the light on in her room at night. I remember that my niece behaved similarly at this age. There seems to be a developmental need to explore fear.

Adding the earthquake into the equation (I felt it all the way down here in San Diego, so understand why it was notable), is making it even harder.

The thing is, no matter how much you try to explain and rationalize to a kid that age, they are still scared. My daughter will tell you that monsters are pretend, but she's scared of them anyway.

I would suggest that you just give your daughter the comfort that she needs to work through this, knowing that she'll outgrow it. Even if you have to allow her in your bed for awhile, it won't last nor need to become a permanent habit.

Loved the ideas from one of the other moms about buying nightlights and flashlights together!!

Good luck!

M.

Oh dear S.- I can only imagine how tired and frustated you must feel. It sounds as though she has become so dependent and looking for that comfort and security as she sleeps. I dealt with it too but only for a short while.

A few things: #1 PRAISE that you have your HOPE in HIM!
#2 Try reading some Christian children's stories before bedtime with her. And, always say a good-night prayer even so young. If not for her, then for yourselves.
#3 Play a Christian CD and even if it stays on low all night.
#4 More of a reminder- be careful of certain foods close to bedtime.
#5 Lights will sometimes be keeping her awake and not in a deep sleep.
#6 Be sure you have spoken to your Pediatrician as well as to possible health reasons- none I am thinking of in particular but just to be sure.

I will keep you in prayer as well!

Blessings,
D.