Seeking Moms Who Have 2 Children 2-3 Years Apart

It can be hard. My boys are 20 months apart. About 3 weeks I started sleep training, never letting the baby fuss for more than 5 minute but giving him the five to try to self sooth, even when he woke at night. (my doctor said babies no not need night feedings after the first 10 days of life and that they do it because we train them to). I had him sleeping from 8 until about 5 at one month, which helped a lot with my sanity! As for play time, I found something the baby loved (for him it was his swing) so that I could have one on one time with my toddler. The worst time was when I was breastfeeding. This was the only time my toddler showed true jealousy. I used both breast and bottle with both of my boys, so to help with the jealousy issue I would only breast feed when the toddler was not around, was napping, or was playing with daddy, and the other times I would use a bottle and let the toddler sit with us and help feed his brother.

Good news is, with 2 so close, they will have the same interest as they get older (same basic developmental stage), so they will play together and allow you a break! They will probably fight a lot, sometimes I feel more like a referee than a mom, but they will also keep each other entertained, allowing you more time to read, clean, bath, or whatever you enjoy. :)

I have two kiddos that are 4 and almost 2. They are 2 years, 5 months apart. When my son was about a month old, my daughter decided that she wanted to potty train (and wear big girl underwear). I wanted to be sure I didn't miss my window of opportunity when she WANTED to do it, so I agreed. I can't tell you how much time I spent nursing my son while sitting on a step stool in the bathroom trying to entertain my 2 year old on the potty. Like clockwork, she always "had to go" while I was nursing. The first 4-6 months were the toughest until the baby got on a good routine. Then, during his morning nap, I would do crafts or play games with my daughter and they both took a nap in the afternoon (I did too a lot of times!). It really does get easier as they get older though. You can encourage your older child to help as much as possible with the baby (bring diapers, help change clothes, etc.). When you're nursing, have your older child bring you books and you can read to her and cuddle a little. I also wore my second child in a sling or baby bjorn a lot. That's how I got through the grocery store when he was little. My older one would be in the cart and I would carry him in the baby bjorn. He almost always slept through the whole thing! So, I recommend getting a sling if you can. Will the baby sit in the stroller (or infant seat attached to the stroller)? That way, you can take your older one outside (be sure you cover baby up so they aren't exposed to the sun) and the baby can rest in the stroller. It is super hard early on when they are nursing all of the time, but once the feedings spread out more, you'll be a little more mobile. It's really hard not to feel guilty and that you aren't giving enough of yourself or your time to everyone who needs it, but there is only so much you can do and I promise you, your older child won't remember any of it later, so if they watch a little TV while you take care of baby (or get a shower....haha!), then it's fine. You do what you have to do. I wish you the best. Just try not to be so h*** o* yourself. You're doing great and I will say again, it DOES get easier, I promise! Hang in there, mama!

Hi! I have 3 children - the first 2 are 18 months apart, and the 2nd/3rd are 22 months apart. Yes, it IS challenging the first couple of months. I also didn't have a lot of help around when I has handling an 18 month old and a newborn. A sling was a lifesaver, because it really helped the baby go to sleep without nursing, and both younger ones were extremely content being carried around in the sling - it also left 2 arms available for the toddler :) Reading or drawing and other quiet things that the toddler could do while I was nursing the newborn also helped a lot. She would sit next to me while I was nursing the baby... There will be times when you just can't give all the time you'd like to one or the other, or both, and it's okay. BUT, it will get easier as the newborn gets older and starts to get on a routine. Keeping outings and activities fairly minimal was also very helpful - it was just too stressful to try to have too many outside the house activities, and for me, I found I was much less stressed when I could have days with no where to be at a particular time. Playdates with friends help keep the older one occupied... Again, this hard time will pass, I promise! :)

Hi! I have 2 that are 2 years and 9 months apart, and with the help of my awesome husband my experience wasn't so bad. The new baby was very good and rarely cried. We tried to let our daughter take part in the care of the baby. We had to allow her to feel very involved. She loved helping with the bath, and even bottle feeding. It was spring time, and it was easy to get out and talk a nice walk with a stroller. And although the baby napped through out the day, I always made sure the older one went down during one of those naps. Some days I actually got 2 hours to myself. During meals I would feed the baby at the table, and after a few months they can bathe together, which will safe time.

One thing that helped me was to realize it was ok to leave the baby for an hour to take my daughter out just one on one. It was such a special time to get all of mommys attention. We'd walk through Target and look for toys, or we'd go get an ice cream and talk. That helped her see that she was still so important in my life.

M. - we are way too h*** o* ourselves as moms! Mostly what our kids need is to feel secure, loved and be kept safe and healthy. My daughter was 2 years and 2 months old when her twin brothers were born. It was a crazy first year, but I just tried to include her in everything. She would even nurse her twin babies while I was nursing her twin brothers! She felt good about being the helper and getting things for me. I also made sure to give her some alone time when I could and found it was mostly about quality of my time more than quantitiy. When I was with her I focused on her and what we were doing so I tried to have someone else available for the boys some of those times so they wouldn't interupt us. It's a juggling act. I wasn't much of a schedule person, so didn't worry about putting any of them on my schedule. Not that that's the best way to do it, but it worked okay for us. I just had to be diligent about taking time for myself to rest and regroup. I also used a baby bjorn and a sling so that I could nurse a baby and have hands free to read and play with my daughter. Hang in there - it's such a gfeat gift for your kids to have a sibling.

Our kids are 21 months apart, and Maternity Leave was a little tough for me because I wasn't accustomed to being home during the day with our son and tending to all the normal activities he was doing.

People said that second one is really hard, but I thought I'm a superhero, it won't be so bad.

There were literally days that we didn't make it downstairs until close to 11am because someone or the other was pooping and needing to be bathed again.

In the end, I followed a schedule for my 21 month-old vs. my newborn. I let her dictate her needs and tended to her as needed. But, the real adjustment was for our son who'd just had a big change in his world. So, we spent a lot of time outside or at friends' houses playing and letting other people hold our daughter.

We don't have family around, so it was 9 weeks on my own during the day and anxiously awaiting the return of my husband for some relief.

Our daughter was born at the end of March, so we were lucky to spend a lot of time outside, at the park, going to the zoo, at the Children's Museum. I had a neighbor and friend whose son was born 2 days before our daughter, so we went on a lot of walks together while our 2 year-olds played.

At 3 months, our world turned upside down when I was diagnosed with cancer, but it's also when our daughter outgrew her grumpy phase and being the parent to 2 young children became a little easier.

Good luck! It's not easy, but when I had rough days, I thought about all the moms that do it with 4 kids under 5, and it wasn't so bad.

I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 17 month old and yes it is hard at first to juggle both of them. Besides trying to spend time with both of them together, I suggest spending time with the older one by herself. I specifically enrolled my older son in a sports program when his younger brother was born so that we could take his brother and watch him do his sports. I also made and still make it a point to take my older one by himself to the movies, or special "dates." I think it's important for the older ones to still see that you have time for them and that you are making a special effort to spend time with just them. This really worked well, in addition, we all go to the park, go on walks, etc. Schedules always work really well in my house, but for little ones nursing, it's almost impossible, so just relax and let go, it's hard, but it will get easier. They are great once they get to the age mine are!

Mine are 2.7 years apart. The best thing I did (he was already going) was to have my oldest in a 1/2 day preschool three times a week. It gave me a break from his craziness and a great, educational and social outlet for him. It also gave me some real, quality alone time with my new son when my oldest wouldn't get jealous and act out about the attention shown to the new arrival. The jealousies and acting out will always rear their heads at some point, but it does calm down! It took about 7 months to really see a change in my oldest. He was great the first two weeks, and then I think he figured out the baby wasn't going away! Handling both can be exhuasting! Take your vitamins, but you're going to be tired. It's hard work running after two little ones and schlepping them and all of their stuff around everywhere!

I breastfed my oldest for 4 months. I never had a great milk supply and it finally became too much of a pain. I breastfed my youngest 3 weeks! I'm a firm believer in KEEPING MAMA HAPPY AND AS STRESS-FREE AS POSSIBLE!!!! If it's stressing you out and bothering you, don't do it! So many people on here have such a holier-than-thou smug attitude about breastfeeding -well goody for them! Go buy some formula and relieve yourself of that issue. Everyone will sleep more! Also -my youngest is very healthy and there are no problems from being formula fed. Most of my entire generation was formula fed! You have to relax and let go a little bit. Things are going to be different than they were with #1. Don't hold yourself to an impossible standard!

M.,
First - CONGRATULATIONS on your new baby girl! How exciting for you!

I'm so glad you asked this question. I'm going to be in your same situation in about 3 months - we're having a baby boy and have a 3 year old daughter who so creative and full of life! I have been worrying about what to do with my daughter when I have to BF baby. You got a lot of great answers here and I'm going to use some of these suggestions, too. My daughter gets really upset with me if I'm not paying full attention to her...like now as I try to read a couple emails and mamasources...she's very adamant about me acknowledging her “right now”….and will turn my office chair. I do this and tell her she needs to wait just a minute and let mommy finish and then I will pay attention to her. She’s been the center of attention for 3 years and it’s going to be difficult on her when she’s not got my undivided attention.

Again, thanks for asking this question – now I don’t have to. :)
Best of luck!

A schedule will take time to develop. Newborns change/grow so quickly, right now it is survival mode. I have 9 kids, so I have dealt w/ close in age kids numerous times (my last 3 were so close, I had a 27 month, 11 month, and newborn). Give yourself a bit of time to relax and get back to yourself, the newborn to regulate him/herself a bit, the 2 yr old a chance to get use to the situation, and alot of it will work itself out.

Let me start by saying that I did not do it well. My just-turned-3 daughter became a wild child when my baby girl was born, partly because of us and partly because of a new teacher at day care. I didn't have the time or energy for her and she knew she could get away with stuff while I was nursing. I learned how to walk and nurse so I could follow through on my threats to the older one (by threats I mean things like "stop unrolling the toilet paper, or else!"). I had designated her as daddy's child and I think that was a bad move.
You really can't do it all and it's okay. Can you send the older one to day care for a few hours per day or a few days per week? Can Daddy keep the baby between feedings in the evening so you can take a walk with the toddler? I realized that my older one didn't need 100% attention, she just needed some. She wanted 100%, but we could get by with less, as long as she knew she was going to have mommy.
Don't be afraid to nurse at the park. It will give you a chance to do something with both children, as long as the older one doesn't need too much help on the playground. A sling or carrier will work for most trips out.
Good luck to you. Btw, even though we had a rough start, by the time the baby was 3 months old they were best friends, my hormones returned to normal and all is well!

My sons are adults now but I had a 4 year old a 13 month old and a newborn at one time all boys. Then I had a fourth son two years later. So I had 6, 3, 2, newborn. Having the older ones on a schedule helped when the new born arrived. You can not be the successful super mom you need to be by trying to please everyone. You have to be realistic and make schedules. If you allow your 2 year old to be demanding then it will frustrate you and you will be out of control and she will have all control. Also if there something you can give the toddler to do to help feel like a helper she won't feel you have forgotten her because of the new baby. An example" Can you go get mommy a diaper?" A good time to have the one on one with the toddler is when the infant is sleeping. Try to work at least one nap time for both at the same time so you can rest or quickly pick up. You can't let the children demand what will be. You have to set the tone of how things will be, or you will have a life time of them demanding you. Being a good mother is not achieved by handing your power and control over to the children because you want to please them. Don't be afraid to be in control, set limits and schedules and do what makes the job manageable for you. If you get burnt out how good will you be to them? Read: An Essential Practical Guide to Family Living by P. Berry. Order from www.destroyingyokes.com

I have a three year old boy and a four month old girl. Our son adores his little sister and hasn’t been jealous of her or one second. I basically turned our daughter into a toy for him. This might sound a little crazy but it has worked for us. I have a “voice” that I use for our daughter like she’s “talking” to her brother. It’s a high pitched girly voice. She’ll tell him she loves him and she’s so glad that he’s her brother. If he tells her a joke or tickles her feet she’ll “laugh and giggle” at him and tell him he’s so funny. My son is big into animals so my daughter will ask him what a certain animal says or what it’s called. When he answers her “she” tells him that’s he’s so smart, etc. Of course, my son knows it’s me and not his sister answering him but he gets a kick out of it and thinks it’s funny. Sometimes if I try to answer him he’ll tell me that he wants his sister to answer. We let him pick out her clothes some and help w/ diaper changing, feeding, etc. anything he wants to help with. It makes him feel important and part of it all. Sometimes I also “fuss” at my daughter so he can hear. If she is crying a lot I’ll tell her to hush or she’s gonna get in trouble. I want him to think she gets in trouble too and not just him all of the time. We constantly tell him how much we love him and that’s he’s a good brother and we’re so proud of him and that his sister loves him so much. We also have taken him on special “big brother” trips (to a restaurant, a movie, etc). We tell him fun things that he gets to do because he is a big boy that she can’t (eat hamburgers, run, play with toys, etc.) We’ve probably gone a little overboard with it all but he was the center of our world for 3 years and I was just so paranoid that he would think she was replacing him or taking our attention away from him. We haven’t had one problem with jealousy or anything like that. The only problem we might have is that he wants to kiss and hug her constantly! 

I have an almost three year old and a five and half month old. It was pretty tough in the beginning. I would sit in bed breastfeeding at night during bath time and just cry because our schedule was a wreck and I didn't know how I was ever going to be a good mommy to both girls. However, it has gotten better. Some mommies reminded me to give myself a pat on the back if I got my teeth brushed each day! (hee-hee) Anyway, we did figure out a schedule, which has changed somewhat as our little one has gotten older. My husband has helped out a lot with our older daughter. I do feel guilty sometimes that I can't do as much for my oldest, but I try to do one on one stuff with her when the baby naps. I can relate to how hard it is. It will get better! Keep up the good work.

Congrats on your new arrival! I agree that the best friend for a mother-of-two is an infant sling/carrier. I have a Sleepy Wrap which I would put my son in while I was doing laundry, vacuuming, kitchen prep work (washing/cutting ingredients), walking around the neighborhood, at the park while my older son was playing, in the grocery store, at church, at the mall, etc. (There are SOOO many brands on the market, but my major concern with it was 1)stability, 2)comfort for mama and baby, and 3)versatility (can be placed in many different positions from the time of birth thru toddler years).

When my younger son was very young I would try to devise ways for him to join my older son and me in play. I'd swaddle him up, put soft blankets in a laundry basket, place him in it, and my older son and I would pull him around the family room. It usually kept both kids content, and I didn't have to feel guilty about not playing with my older son (at least not for those 10 min of the day ;)

Do your best with breastfeeding, but if it gets to the point where attempting breastfeeding is causing severe stress to you and your kids, keep in mind that bottle feeding is a very good alternative. (I was not successful with breastfeeding because I had freakishly low milk production, so I'm hoping other mamas can give you better advice on managing the BF.) While I was trying to BF, I would read books to my son, sing songs, or tell him the story about when he was born (his favorite story to listen to.)

Does the baby let you put her in a bouncy chair? Both of my sons loved theirs, and I was able to play with the toddler on the floor, while periodically interacting with the baby, as needed.

Once the baby is a self-supporting sitter you can bathe them together. It used to be hard, but now it is one of my favorite times of the day, and is a HUGE time saver to get them both done and in their pj's at once.

M.,

My boys are now 5 and 3, and are 20 months apart. I had a baby bjorn and a sling, and they were life savers for me. I wore my second most of the time and let the older one dictate the schedule the first few months. I nursed, so we had to take time do that too. We read a lot of books since I could do that while nursing. I didn't worry about getting the little one to sleep on his own until he was much older. At 3 weeks, I think they need to just be held more.

My third was born when my second was 23 months and the oldest was about 3 1/2. Again, the sling was a huge help.

Do you best, and everyone will be fine :)

J.

Baby sling!!!! I got a Hotsling for my second (boys are around 20/21 months apart) and it was a lifesaver. I could climb on the park equipment with my toddler wearing the baby, push the stroller, hike around with him arms free (which I needed), and chat with him while he rode in the grocery cart. I tried to involve him by talking to him a lot, reading to him while nursing the baby, and having "dates" with him when I could. Usually our dates meant that I fed the baby really well and left my husband on a Saturday to take my toddler to the grocery store with a stop for a "treat" or something, which gave us some nice one-on-one time. Now they are 3 1/2 and almost 2 years old and just adore each other--it is bumpy at times, but they always want to be together and miss each other when they are apart.

Another lifesaver was that since my older one was still napping at 2 years old, I would put him down and then go nurse the baby in bed and get some extra rest. I also had our pack-n-play in the living area for a while so the baby could sleep nearby or just get used to "playing" without being held and I could get things done and spend time with the other one. Ultimately, if you don't have one, try a sling. I used to be much harder on myself, but don't focus so much on schedules (those change constantly anyway) and don't worry about your baby falling asleep on her own (she's probably won't be doing that regularly until around 4 to 6 months old). Enjoy them!!