Seeking Help for Teen Girl

It doesn't matter at this point whether it will last. In high school you should be going to school, learning, figuring out what you want to do with your life. Who you will one day marry is just one part of the big picture and one that doesn't have to be figured out until after graduation.

So you need to focus on what must be figured out before you graduate, school!

I'm sorry, what exactly is your question? It would be helpful if you would use punctuation and also spell check.

First off: Raising your child in a "Christian home" does not equate to being "raised right." Just wanted to set the record straight on that. And I don't say that lightly. My family is Pentacostal, but we don't fool ourselves into thinking that every person who calls themselves a Christian is an upright, moral person.

The answer to your question is: Don't say anything. You're right...their relationship is unlikely to work out. She's 16. It's most likely that they'll drift apart and lose interest in one another. There's no reason for you to speak negatively about what she and her sweetheart have currently. Just let her know that she has her entire life ahead of her. Whatever she chooses...is her choice.

Your post is a little difficult to understand, but if you're asking whether to encourage your 16 year old daughter to marry her high school boyfriend right out of school, that would be a big, resounding NO! My daughter just turned 17 and the last thing on my mind and her mind is settling down with a permanent partner. Dating at this age should be fun and casual and marriage should not be in the plan. Who cares how the parents married? For teens, life should not be about planning for marriage, it should be about planning for college, their career, their independence. Rather than focusing on being in love, she should focus on getting into college. My daughter dates but she isn't looking for her life partner at this stage, she plans on looking for that when she finishes veterinary school in her mid-20s. She is busy now working a summer job, taking ACTs and SATs, looking at college campuses, applying for scholarships, not fantasizing about love and marriage. I would discourage your daughter (well, my daughter, if it was her) from focusing on a serious relationship and the future of that relationship at 16 years old. Good luck.

Hey everyone, looks like K. was using her cell phone.

Let's give her a break and help her. If you do not understand, move on to the next question.

I think a lot of teens that have first loves in HS, do have these questions, is he the one.

As parents we need to guide them with a sensitive truth.

We know their feelings are true and strong, but it is better to take our time finding the only one for us,

If it is meant to be, it will be years before they figure that out. It is exciting to look forward to seeing someone we care about. It is flattering to know someone likes us so much, but there are other experiences that will make us more complete, if we allow our selves to wait.

What we told our daughter is that she has the whole world ahead of her. She can be in love, she can super close friends, but once you commit to one person, you end up as their world and they end up as your world and it can be harder, while so young to get out there, because you are just putting your energy into each other for so long.

We knew this, because my husband and I had known each other since we were 13. We married young ,married now for 30 years, but it has not been a easy journey for us.

We just told our daughter, this is a new time to be a young smart woman, with so many more options than we had. Go out there nd do the things she wants.. And later, she will know for sure, and not have to ask.. Is this the one for me forever.

You can tell her that young relationships like hers are like training for when she's older. It will teach her what she likes and wants in a relationship, and it will also open her eyes to traits and attitudes that are deal breakers. It really doesn't matter at this point whether this particular relationship will work out long term. Sometimes that happens, sometimes it doesn't. What matters is that she and the boy are growing as people rather than holding each other back. That means they encourage each other in their current schooling and pursuits as well as in achieving future goals (such as college, careers, etc.). If at any point she feels that her longterm goals (or even the boy's) are undermined by this relationship, she should have the maturity not to put them aside in favor of a high school sweetheart because we should never be satisfied with remaining who we are/were in high school (after all, that's really not even quite the beginning of adulthood).

I'm happy your dgtr talks to you, please let her know that her future will be brighter with education and statistically marraiges that begin with teenagers do not last. Dating and figuring out what traits you desire in a spouse is what your teenage years are supposed to be about, not getting married young! I thank God all the time I didn't marry my high school sweetheart! I am THANKFUL for the experiences that led me down the road to my husband, but I'm so glad I continued down that road and didn't stop in high school believing that was all that was out there. At 16 yrs old, she can't see past the borders of where you live, get her in college and let her see the world is a bigger place with people who don't already have trust issues at such a young age.

nobody knows that answer.

I just had lunch with my high school sweetheart yesterday. We broke up and he went to the Army.. while we remained friends.. I got married, divorced, married again. He got married and divorced... we went our own ways. But we never stopped being friends, we can tell each other everything! We both helped each other through our divorces.. he was at my second marriage. Honestly 20 years later Im so honored to have him as such a close friend that he is, that means so much more to me.

On the other hand my brother and his wife have been together since my brother was a senior and my sis in law a sophomore... 15 years, married 11.

You never know who your going to be with as we get older and change with life. If he has such trust issues, I think it would be best they just stay close friends than even try to date. He isn't ready in his heart and if they would break up he is going to have even more issues than he has now and she may loose a close friend in the process.

K., could you write this in a different place, and try to make it more clear? Then copy and paste the new writing onto here. I really can't understand what you are saying. I could GUESS, but guessing doesn't help me answer you properly.

You have in your head what is going on. None of us has your knowledge. We really need a clearer explanation. Separate sentences would help, but also grouping your thoughts so that we can follow the story.

You ask "plz help" but there isn't a question.

Thanks,
Dawn

Only time will tell.
When I first met my husband I was 17 and he was 14.
We didn't start dating till later on, and we dated other people along the way.
It's as important to find out what you don't like in a future mate as it is to find out what you do like.
We both broke a few hearts along the way.
I had a few guys who were disappointed when I picked my husband and he had a few girls who were disappointed when he picked me.
We went to different colleges an hour away from each other and visited on weekends when we could (which was sometimes once a month or less - we had homework, papers, projects and grades to keep on top of).
He got an internship working out of Annapolis while he was in school and would be there for 3 months, then back at school for 3 months, etc for 2 years.
I graduated before he did and found a job near where his internship was.
He wanted to be working and out of school a whole year before we married and that's what we did.
We bought a house 9 months after we wed, worked on our careers and had our son 9 years later.
We had no idea at 14 and 17 that it would work out the way it did, but along the way we made a conscious decision that we were important enough to each other that we'd work to keep each other in our lives and not let us drift apart.
This was before cell phones and the internet.
I can not tell you how much money we spent on postage to write to each other and on long distance phone calls.
We kept every single love letter - we still have them.
We celebrate our 24th wedding anniversary this summer.
An education is a good preparation for the whole rest of their lives no matter what comes down the line.
If they really love each other, they should do nothing that gets in the way of that.