Need Marriage Advice (Possible TMI)

my daughter will be 4 in December and I still have bouts of not wanting sex but it has gotten a lot better. It will take time for everything to heal men just can't seem to understand the will take time part if you know what I mean!!

When our children are sick or sad we always do whatever we can to make them feel better, even when we arent feeling good. Husbands need that same kind of love too. I find it interesting that cleaning up vomit and diahrea and pee'd bed sheets comes within "normal" things a mom has to do, and I know we don't like to do any of those. When our husbands are feeling low, sick or neglected we should also do what we can to make them feel better whether we want to or not, and they should do the same for us. Treating a husband like he's a chore is the most hurtful thing you can do to a man.
Take some time to cuddle up with him, listen to him, and even if you arent ready for sex yet you can probably do some things to relieve him of some of his sexual tension. Taking care of each other is a two way street and what goes around comes around.

15 months is a very long time to go without "intimacy". Even if my hubby and I couldn't have sex, there are things we do that are very intimate. Sex is important to men and if it is unenjoyable for you that is a big problem. It should be fun for both of you.

Get back the intimacy, hold hands, touch more (non-sexual touch), play with his hair, cuddle, hug more etc. Sex shouldn't begin with vaginal intercourse but it does begin in the mind, and simple touch, kissing, etc.

As for date night, your mother isn't the only qualified sitter on the planet despite what your hormones may be telling you. If you really can't wrap yourself around letting anyone other than your mom watch baby, try having a date night at home like Leslie S. suggested.

It would do both of you some good to practice the art of reconnecting.

If sex is uncomfortable, you may need to use some sort of a personal lubricant, especially if you are breastfeeding. Breastfeeding (because of hormones) can cause you to be a little drier than normal down there, so this can make things more uncomfortable. This could also be the case depending on what kind of birth control you are using.

It's really easy after you have a child to feel embarassed about how our bodies have changed, which can definitely affect how you interact with your spouse- also, the demands of motherhood can run us ragged, which leaves us no energy for being intimate with our mates. If exhaustion is the problem- or depression because of exhaustion- you may need to find some time during the day to nap (nap when your baby is napping for instance). And talk to your husband- tell him that you love him, but you need him to help you build the intimacy again so you can start having sex.

To men, sex is what builds intimacy- it's just how they are wired. But for us, the emotional flux our relationships- the foreplay, kind words, gentle holding of hands, massages, or flowers are the things that build up the intimacy and the trust so that we can give ourselves back to our husbands. Explain to him that you know that he needs sex from you to build intimacy again, but that you need these sorts of gestures for you to build intimacy again.

Also, if you are preparing to have sex with him and are afraid of it hurting- your nervousness could make it hurt more because your muscles and everything else are more tense. Finding ways for him to help you relax- like a nice massage or something else soothing, may help. If these suggestions still don't work, you may want to visit your OB to see if there could be a medical problem- like a hormonal imbalance, thyroid problem, or some scarring in your reproductive system (having a baby can leave damage, even without tearing or delivering vaginally).

As for the babysitting, do you have friends or other family members who might be willing to babysit for two or three hours once a week? A date night would help you both get out of the house- get a little more relaxed - and be able to focus on each other instead of the baby. If you don't know of anyone, there are websites that you can find care through- usually you subscribe to them for a small fee and they pre-screen sitters and nannies so that the hard work is done for you.

I hope some of this helps! It was hard for me and my hubby to get back in the swing of things after my daughter was born, but with some understanding, very good communication, and willingness on both of our behalf to do our part to make it better- I find that we are definitely closer than before. I hope the same will apply to you!

I think that if you want your marriage to work you are just gonna have to suck it up and have sex with your hubby. You already acknowledge that it might be psychological, so it shouldn't be too hard to talk yourself into it. Besides regular old sex there are other things that you could do to make your hubby happy...goes along with "sucking it up"...sorry to be so crude, but you know what I am saying? Men loves those! I know mine does!

One thing that should give you some comfort ,is that it really is true that the more you do it, the more you want it...so just jump back on the saddle and go for it girl! It is also true the less you have it, the less you want it...so this can be fixed!

Good news is that your baby is so young...you should be able to make time for yourselves!

First of all, you mentioned pain. You need to try doing kegel exercises. Having a difficult pregnancy and c-section lends me to believe you may have pelvic floor issues. I speak from personal experience after the birth of my daughter.

This can be corrected by doing kegels: http://www.kegelexercisesforwomen.com/

Kegels will help you strengthen your pelvic floor and the muscles in your vagina. With strengthening this area, it will remove the pain and it can increase your desires.

I also suggest you buy a BOB (battery operated boyfriend/vibrator). Something you can use on your own and with your husband. It may help increase your motivation since in can heighten the experience. Lubes are also fun... Just some suggestions.

You are not alone. This happens to a LOT of us! You really have to make it a part of your schedule and try not to stress about it. Good luck!!! :)

Your problems with the not wanting to have sex are totally understandable and normal. Unfortunately, your husband's wanting to have sex and not understanding are typical and normal. I've been there - twice! Once after a C-section, and once after a hysterectomy.

Really, if you want the marriage to work, you're going to need to work in some sort of intamacy with your husband. I know you're tired, but it just has to be done, and you'll be glad you did afterwards too!

You definitly want to set aside some alone time one night a week with no baby in the house, whether the baby goes to grandma's, a friend's, or I heard someone mention Adventure Kids Playcare, and I second that one - they are awesome - http://www.adventurekidsplaycare.com - I see coupons at the bottom of the page for them all the time too. We all know if the baby is in the house, the baby will eventually interrupt and spoil the mood.

Next, (and some of this might be TMI!) start off with a romantic, sexy dinner at home. I like to do fondue at home - get a fondue pot and do 3 courses - first a cheese fondue, dipping apples and nice breads in it, then the main course do a wine/broth/herb mix to a boil in the pot and cook on your fondue sticks whatever meats you choose - filet mignon, sirloin, chicken, salmon, shrimp, pork, whatever you like, next you do a chocholate fondue, mixing chocholates with liquor of your choice or any recipe you find online, and dip fruits, candies, cakes, anything sweet. It takes awhile and is sexy and intimate because you are forced to sit and talk while you are doing it! Whatever you do - don't make it so heavy that you are too tired for the action to come!
Next, I would in advance check out a website like http://www.pureromance.com or http://www.passionparties.com. They both have everything you can think of for the bedroom both romantic and super-sexy, and you buy it online, so you can get whatever you want without the embarrassment of buying in a store. They have everything from massage oils, books on massage, lubricants of all sorts from types that warm on contact to flavored to types that help with arousal, they have sexy games to help get you in the mood like card games, dice games, etc, all kinds of lotions, bath stuff, books, toys, foreplay items, and more. I would really recommend visiting and picking out some things that interest you. I did this when my husband and I where in the exact same type of rut and he was so excited! It really boosted our sex life.
Another thing to do if you can swing it, is to not only get rid of the child for the evening, but actually got to a hotel for the night. Doesn't have to be out of town. Just something nice in town. You can even get a deal on http://www.hotwire.com. Sometimes the excitement of being in a hotel just adds to the whole excitement. Its always more fun having sex someplace other than your own house!

If you are absolutely in too much pain for sex even with an arousal lubricant:
Here are some ideas:
1. If you can swing it go to a spa that does a couples massage - I don't know what part of town you are in, but http://www.spahabitat.com does good ones!
2. Give him a really good foot massage - and I mean pull out every bit of product & pedicure item you have!
3. Give him a full body massage - with a "happy ending" (orally - you know what I mean)
4. Do the fondue dinner I mentioned and watch a romantic movie (only if he likes them) Give him a book of romantic coupons from you to reedem
5. Play strip poker, or strip Trivial Pursuit or strip anything!
6. Have a dance! Make a CD of some romantic songs, have some wine or Champagne and dance intimately. Disco ball is nice touch!
7. Take ballroom dance lessons - http://www.dancedfw.com
8. Play get to know your spouse. Each of you make up 100 (or how ever many you want) questions about yourself, then give the test to your spouse. See how many they get correct! May be fun with some music and wine involved. Winner gets prize of choice! Great way to learn more about the person you love.
9. Make a scavenger hunt that leads him someplace very special.
10. Have a date to the place where you had your first date, or better yet to the first place you said you loved each other, or the place he proposed. It will bring the love back :)

Good luck!

Try intimite showers. Walk in on him while he's getting ready for work, etc. Take a long warm shower before bed. The warm water will relax your body and help set a mood.

I went through this same exact thing, even to the guilt and pain and total lack of desire. I talked to my Dr. about it and she actually prescribed marriage counseling, even though we had no major problems. It really helped us learn to re-appreciate each other and do the romance thing again, since pregnancy and a new baby really can exhaust and add a new element of stress to any relationship. We read a book every night together (it was actually twilight) and we worked on doing more things together during the day. At night, when the kids are down, we netfilx a tv series and watch one episode a night and eat little snacks and cuddle. It's a date night in.

Remember this, men are microwaves, women are ovens, so if he wants to be with you that night, then he needs to be cuddling you, sending you sweet text messages from work, playing with your hair, holding your hand all day, just generally being tender and physical in a non sexual way to each other.... and you need to be open minded and reciprocating of that as well.

Send him love notes in his briefcase or lunch. Our counselor made us write a list of 10 obvious things we appreciated about each other, and we had to tell each other something new on the list everyday.

Take a shower and get dressed every day. Stop your birth control... I can't use any birth control at all, it makes me depressed and a total lack of sex drive. We have to use spermicidal condoms and that is it. Remember, intimacy is not just sex. Having sex with him and trying to get over it can just make things worse because you will have that uncomfortable guilt and pain and it won't be enjoyable at all, which only makes you want to have sex less... you really need to rewire some thinking and the ways you treat each other throughout the day.

You can make it work, it just takes some time and trial and error on both of your parts. Maybe try a simple little bedtime toy? Here is a good site, you don't have to host a party either, just shop online: http://www1.passionparties.com/54515?&siteid=carolyn

hello there,

My motto is give affection especially when you do not feel like it. Intercourse is not only penetration. there are many other ways you can make hubby feel special and he can also pleasure you without the penetration part. so if you love him and want to feel bonded, just do it. the more you do it and think pleasant thoughts of him, the more you will want to do it. what are his options? there are many things we do not because we like doing them (like waking up in the night to change a wet baby) but we do them because it is our duty and especially when you made vows.
goodluck with that.

I think it is normal to feel this way somewhat, and I think that you are partly right about it being in your head. That being said, there are things that you can do to help with the pain, such as: using a lubricant. find one that you like, and that should help a little bit. Also, try some different positions. Things get moved around inside your body when you are pregnant and it takes a while for things to move back into their original place, even if you do not a a vaginal delivery. Maybe after you put the baby to bed you guys could have some time together. I know that you are tired, believe me, I feel ya on that one, but I know that I always end up sleeping better and am more relaxed afterwards and it was worth the little bit of time and effort that I put into it. My husband always takes care of me first - hopefully yours makes sure to take care of you as well.
On another note, I have found that it is really important to make sure that my husband still feels like he is important to me even though much of my time and energy is having to be put towards the kids. At first I was a bit irritated by him wanting my attention or wanting me to do the little things that I "used to do" for him, especially when they were things that he could do for himself when I had a baby who couldn't do things for himself that I had to take care of. But when I changed my attitude and started doing the little things for him again, it made a BIG difference in how he was feeling. It was well worth it. I know that all the attention gets put on the sex part of the relationship most of the time, but I think that the other little things add up too.
Anyways, I hope that my advice will help you out a little bit. I really think that if you try some different positions, that you will not only find one that takes the pain away or at least makes it less painful, but you (and he) will also have some fun experimenting in some different ways. Also - maybe a little more foreplay before the act would help with the pain so that it doesn't take quite as long to complete the process, and foreplay is always fun right?....LOL

I too had problems after the birth of our dd. She is now 15 mo and for atleast the first 9 mos sex was very painful. It has taken to almost a year for me to really get in the groove. I also bf so that really put a damper on the "juices". My doc told my hubby kindly to suck it up. It was for the benefit of the baby or our sex life. That gave my hubby a clear view as to what my body was doing. We did buy "toys" for his pleasure and they really were a life saver. As for sucking it up, dont think of it that way. It is not fair to you or your hubby. Keep the lines open and talk. and no one says that you have to have intercourse. Oral pleasure is fun too. just take it slow and easy. you will get back on the fun horse again. gl

My Heavens girl...you are moving in 2weeks...no wonder! And you have a 6month old...and your body is still not regulated. I know this is hard, but it is just going to take time. Good nutrition, good rest(yeah i know infant!). EVen if you call the teenager down the street to watch your boy while you take care of some things or go to get a message...something! Keep talking to your hubby..reassure him...this too shall pass!

Have your date nights at home while the baby sleeps. Open a bottle of wine and get some takeout. We do this still and really enjoy it. Also-remember that you are at a different point now in the relationship cycle. To me the butterflies are more about infatuation and the uncertaintly of everything. At this point I would be surprised if anyone had butterflies-I know I don't.
You may just need to get your MOJO back. It is still quite soon after your birth. You are probably tired and not feeling at your most attractive yet. It took me a whole year to really feel like I was "back".

Are you able to go to a different OB? You need someone who understands and can talk you through this. It just doesn't sound like your make doctor gets it. I would go to a female.

I can fully understand your post, because I have been there myself. I could not have sex the whole nine months with my first either because of all the trouble's. If I even though sex while I was carrying him it seemed I would start bleeding. I was on bed rest and pills to stop contractions. I still had contractions that whole last 3 months. On the pain after your c-section when you have sex, I had this too. Turned out that it lasted till I had my 2nd c-section. When my OB got in there to remove my little girl he found out that the doctor that did the first c-section cause a lot of scaring. The scaring ended up cause things like toothpicks that pocked my insides when I had sex. My OB removed all the scaring that he could find, praise that man. He also took more care in closing and everything to limit the scaring with the 2nd c. This helped a lot. I did have pains after my 2nd one but they were not the same. My first c-section was 2000, 2nd 2003 and then Tubal Reversal surgery 2008 where they found that my right stomach muscle had came undone and they had to reached it. If your doctor does not look into your pain I say you may want to go see another doctor. If you are hurting it is hard to get into the time you and your husband do have together. I say with your limited baby sitting that cooking favorite foods at home and watching a movie and maybe rubbing backs would be a great start. If you want you can write me personally, some times it just help to know some one that has been there.

I don't understand not having sex when you're pregnant. That ones got me puzzled because I was a straight horn dog and so were all my pregnant friends. I guess everybody is differant.
But after each of my kids It took a really long time for my hormones to get back to normal. I think even longer because I breastfed. A few months after I sopped breastfeeding - I was right as rain and back in the mood. It's not abnormal to have no desire what so ever after birth. You're tired and your body has been through a huge transformation. It's ok and it will get better. It's sucks to feel like you aren't meeting your husbands need or matching his gusto when you try to. this too shall pass.
Try to show your husband as much love and affection in other ways. I know that's risky territory cuz if you breathe on him he's gonna think it's go time! But explain to him, as often as he needs to hear it, that you can't make your body respond and it's not that you aren't attracted to him. Tell him how sexy it is when he plays with the baby or mows the grass.

I love the last response! I totally agree, the only thing I want to add is the men equate love with sex. If you don't have sex as often as you used to, then they think you don't love them enough. Like the last poster said, sometimes you have to do what you have to do. And the benefit will be the more you do it, the more you will want to do it. It is super tough, I've been there, but if you don't get over it, it can ruin your marriage!
Good luck!

I understand how your husband feels because I start to feel that way if we go more than a day without doing anything. I'm sorry you couldn't do anything while pregnant--so thankful I have not experienced that. We didn't even wait five weeks after each of our boys were born to start doing that again, but I did have some hormone issues and lubrication helped a lot. I can't imagine that you would have pain in your mind if it is not in your body. Sometimes just thinking about intimacy all day and planning to surprise your husband can help. That can help you "warm up" sooner. I also find that a glass of wine can be excellent--if you're a lightweight (like me) one glass is enough to make you really relaxed, happy, and slightly horny. Have you tried doing things with your husband that do not involve intercourse? You could always have him just pay lots of nice attention to your body, which should feel great without the intercourse, and exchange oral sex (sorry for the TMI, too). That might also help you both keep things going and meet some of those needs that you both have.

I also wanted to say that while a weekly date night sounds awesome, it is okay not to go that often. We are lucky to do anything every few months so just try to hang out after the kids go to bed. We also don't have family around and I hate to pay someone to watch the kids when I'm already paying while I'm working. We just wait for family visits. :) Good luck, and hopefully the counselling will help. Just keep talking to each other and try to be understanding!

I personally think a new baby is a huge adjustment and the 6 month mark is too early to expect fireworks in your marriage again. Every woman takes her own time feeling comfortable with sex...physically it is different, it may hurt...these are things your husband should try to understand. Be very affectionate with him. He may be adjusting to "sharing" you with the baby. Lots of men want to be babied, and it is hard for them to adjust to their wife giving so much love & affection to a baby. Plus, sometimes we do that so much for the baby that there is little leftover for the husband. It just takes as stronger effort on our parts. The pain is probably not in your head...your body is healing & your hormones are still trying to get back to normal (it took longer than 6 mo. for my hormones to get back to normal after both my pregnancies). Ask your husband to be patient...but continue trying...you need to have "relations," be affectionate to him when he gets home, pay attention to him. It isn't just the sex....you can show him you love him & are attracted to him w/out doing it all the time. I also think it's a good idea to spend quality time together when the baby is in bed...rent a movie with some wine, hold hands on the couch while you watch it. Increase all the small things & I think your husband will feel better....

Counselling is a good idea. But try a few things in the meantime. When the baby goes to sleep, instead of housework or whatever, make that time to reconnect with your husband. Tell him you WANT to feel sexy and that you WANT to be intimate, but it's gonna take some work - on both your parts. Start out just cuddling on the couch, with NO intent of having sex. Make sure you hug and kiss each other when you leave or come home. Say 'I love you' often. Hold hands. I know these may seem silly and corny, but they may help you feel more connected to your husband.

Intimacy is NOT sex. Intimacy is affection, trust, love. Ask your husband to be patient and not push for sex. You need to have a real heart to heart with him, explaining that how you feel has NOTHING to do with him; that you do love him and are attracted to him, but after everything your body has gone through in the past year or so you need some time.

TIM warning......What exactly feels uncomfortable when you have sex. Is it that you are drier? Do your hips hurt? Are you tighter (from having no sex) so actual penetration hurts? You need to sort of narrow it down and that will help with the anxious feeling of "oh god it's gonna hurt." If you're thinking that in your head, of course your not in the mood.
If you are drier then use lube, if you're hips hurt then start stretching and try different positions for comfort, if penetration hurts, use lube (extra wetness can't hurt), and tell your husband to take it slow. Those are just my suggestions to 3 possible reasons why sex might hurt, but of course there can be many reasons.
My boyfriend and I have always had a pretty active sex life. Of course some things change after you have a baby, but I still have always craved it. The problem for me was more our attitudes toward it. It felt like before having the baby if we had a quickie its because we wanted each other and nothing could stop up from throwing our clothes off. After we had the baby if felt more like....quick the baby is asleep, we haven't had sex in a week take off your pants. LOL....big difference.
So what helps my boyfriend and I is just flirting, all of the time. That way I don't feel like this is our "only" opportunity so we need to jump on it now. It makes me feel wanted all of the time. We also had to explore what helps get me in the mood easily. I'm not a guy, I can't just "spring" to action, which of course went along with the whole rushed feeling. So sometimes my boyfriend has to put in a lot more work, he doesn't mind or doesn't care, actually he likes too, but he needed to know it so he could do it. And I never voiced it before and/or didn't really need it before. So a big one is talking openly about what you need. Good Luck!

Sorry to hear about all this you are going through. You need to use a drop in daycare like Adventure Kids and go on date nights with your husband, even if that means, date nights at home with a movie, popcorn, wine, whatever you guys enjoy. There is some validity to the old adage... if you don't use it you lose it... Start scheduling these sweet romantic times together and cuddle, caress him , kiss him, give your husband a massage, make him feel your love. Even if you are not that into it, use your imagination, make it spectacular for your husband. I think it's great that you are trying to work it out. I don't know where you live but Adventure Kids are all over the Metroplex. Best wishes and God bless!

I didn't read responses, so forgive me if this is repetitive. Are you breastfeeding? If you are, the levels of estrogen are highly affecting your feelings towards him and not enjoying the intimacy. Plus, the estrogen decreases lubrication, which can certainly cause increased discomfort. For me, any kind of interest did not really return until after 6 months when my breastfeeding decreased as they started solid foods, and at that time my monthly cycle returned so my hormone levels returned closer to normal.

What you're experiencing is normal. Your body is going through so many changes. Not to mention all the changes that your home is going through having a new addition that is totally dependent on you. It will take time for your body to adjust and get back to "normal".

Men just don't get it. That can't even begin to immagine that intercourse could be painful. You'd have an easier time convincing him that pigs can fly.

I can understand that your husband feels that you don't love him and aren't attracted to him. Intimacy (not sex) is very important in a marraige. Even though your not up to intercourse, there are other things you can do. Try giving each other a massage. Snuggle up and watch a movie together.

Good luck.

Lara I gave you some really good advise. I did not read all of the others though. I know when I had my c-section it hurt to have intercourse. It's not in your head at all. They opened you up and took out your insides and moved everything around and then put them back in. Your body is still in shock. I had the same problem after my c sections and after I had a cyst removed. It's good that you can tell your husband how you feel. Most "good" men do not want their wives in pain. Even if it gives them pleasure. It will take time but the stuff that Lara talked about from the websites really can help a lot!!!!

Good luck and God Bless!!!

I've had 3 c-sections and I can tell you from experience that the pain you've had during intercourse is NOT in your head! Some women (like myself) have pain after c-sections, and some don't - and it has nothing to do with lubrication. It took almost a year after having my first baby before the pain went away entirely. With my second, it took probably 6 months. With my third, there was no pain after about 2 months. (Of course, it probably depends on the frequency of intercourse too. If you only try once a month, it will probably take a lot longer than if you do it once a week.) But as others have said, there are other ways to be intimate. One of the things we did a lot after each baby - before I got "back in the saddle" - was to take long baths together. And make sure your husband knows how painful sex is for you! My husband was always very understanding and took things very slowly.

Furthermore, with all the hormone changes your body has gone through in the past year, on top of the adjustment of having a new baby, it makes sense that you wouldn't have much of a sex drive. You're not the only couple to have gone through this, and you will get past it - would it help if you told your husband that?

I'm in a similar situation with babysitting; our family lives 2 hours away, and we can't really afford sitters or drop in daycares (and I wouldn't leave a six month old at a drop in daycare anyway). Luckily, your son is young enough that you can do date night after he goes to bed. My husband and I often feed the kids and put them to bed (ours go to bed at 7:30 most nights), then he'll go get takeout from Pappadeaux or another favorite place and we watch a movie or just talk.

Good luck to you - and it will get better!

M.,

I do understand you not having sex while pregnant. That is NOTHING wrong at all. Couples are different and it is silly to think that everybody feels and do the same. There are many women who have sex while pregnant and many who don't (like myself, my husband and I never felt comfortable doing it, but we were intimate in other ways and cuddle and hug a lot)
Having a baby is an adjustment to everything starting from inside out. Everything changes inside you, EVERYTHING .....Your body spend 9 months changing to embrace a new life.....so it is going to take for most of women more than 6 weeks to adjust after delivering a baby!
You will get to feel the same way and your libido and your body will adjust eventually. Talk to your husband, and let him know sweetly and openly that you love him and you are attracted to him but the way your body feels doesn't help to have sex, and you will need his support. Start both of you finding a minute alone without having sex, but being together, hug and kiss softly each other. Tell your husband to be gentle and ask him to kiss you all over without urge...do this very often (it is going to be h*** o* him...but if he really wants you to feel good, he will do it)Little by little you will be more relaxed.
Your pain should go away, if not talk to your ob/gyn, something may need attention besides lubrication. Don't wait too much ask her to help you to find out what is going on about that pain when you have sex, it may be many things.
Try to rest whenever your baby sleeps, you need to rest and sleep well in order to have sex and feel attractive and nice, and keep up with all mom's and wife's stuff. Whenever possible take a walk, that will help you with your circulation and then you will have more energy.
It is very important that you talk to your husband and make sure he understands and he doesn't think you don't love him or else. Show him in different ways you do love him and pay attention to him every day with some details (share a minute and eat something special both of you, prepare his clothes for the next day, watch a movie together, kiss him and touch him more often, put some notes in his pockets or wallet saying "I love you" or something you think he may like).
When you have a minute alone go to the bathroom, relax and start feeling your body again, close your eyes, and touch yourself to feel and re-learn which are your erotic zones, sometimes they change.....
Take good care of yourself, listen to music, sing, smile and laugh...you will be there....
Good Luck!

You just had a baby 6 months ago and suffered through a very difficult pregnancy before that! Give yourself more time and shame on your husband for not being more patient and understanding. There is nothing wrong with being too tired to be excited about sex when your taking care of a baby all day. Don't feel guilty about anything. Your focus right now should be on you and your child and your husband needs to be more understanding of that. Has he taken over some of the household duties? Has he given you time away from the baby just to do something for yourself? Has he arranged a date night for the 2 of you(can be at home when the baby is asleep)? What is his part in all this? I don't mean to bash your husband, but it seems, from your post, that you are the one doing all the worrying about it and putting all the blame on yourself. You are different now and so is your body. You, as a couple, will have to figure out what helps get you interested in intimacy now that your lives have changed so much. Good luck!

First, relax. Everyone feels this way at some point. When the baby is asleep, spend time sitting by your husband talking or watching tv. Touch him, kiss him, hold him and let him know you still love him and are attracted to him. Build up his ego. He probably wants sex but let him see you are trying, you miss his touch, and you want to be close to him. Sex will come. At that point, relax, use lubricant - Intense is good and just remind him to be patient.