My 3 Year Old Has Become Chicken Little!

What about validating his feelings? It sounds like everything is coming from YOUR point of view: rewards, talking telling him it won't happen again. He seems to need to be afraid about it for a while and saying "There's nothing to be afraid of." doesn't resonate with what he's feeling inside.
Saying, "You're afraid the roof is going to fall" Then, listening to what he has to say about it. "That was very scary wasn't it." Even acting the whole thing out with him, so he can process the fear until he's done. Making a blanket fort and going inside and then knocking the roof down (it's safe and soft) and then, you acting out your part by saying "oh, you are so scared." instead of "it's okay don't be scared" may help. because obviously he is scared, and it isn't okay.

I was with a group of other adults and a 4 or 5 year old girl going across a narrow footbridge a few years ago. The dad wanted his daughter to go across, and she was white and clammy with fear. I gathered that she was easily spooked about a lot of things. I told him I'd stay with her until they came back. When they left, I told the girl she didn't have to go across, but that if she decided she wanted to, she might really enjoy it.

Then we sat for awhile in the grass. I would occasionally remark on how beautiful the day was, or the bird song, or ask the little girl about her favorite things – anything relaxing. More silence, very peaceful. Eventually I mentioned how lovely the creek looked from the bridge. I asked her if she wanted to watch me go out on the bridge, and she said okay. I stood just a little way out. After a while she joined me, and we sat there. A bit longer, and we moved to the middle of the bridge.

She was relaxed and proud when her dad got back. She just needed the chance to do it in her own time.

I wonder if you could make a special non-shopping trip (or two or three) with your son to offer him the time and space to enter the store himself, when he's ready. You might even offer to purchase something for him that represents his courage if he goes in. It could be a special outing for just the two of you, or maybe his dad would like to undertake this project. He'll probably eventually outgrow his fear, but this could be a faster and more empowering way to get there.

The first thing that comes to my mind is to talk with him about what is going on, and then to use this as an opportunity to teach earthquake prep. I know strange, but let him know there is something he can do by ducking under stuff. Just make sure you let him know that he must let you know if he is going to duck under something.
I would also let him know that you have kept him safe so far, and that you will do you best to keep him safe.
Does he have a blanket? Or something that he sleeps with. Maybe taking this item to the store for "safety" might help to reassure him.
These are all off the top of my head.
My children have panic issues but they are all older. And theirs is because their dad is dying. But I am taking some of what I do for them, and trying to make it for a 3 year old.
Good luck
Bev

I've appreciated many of the responses so far. Make sure you validate you son's feelings. He got scared and that is real. He truly can't help or change how he's feeling.

Another thing you could do is let him take something that really comforts him. Let it be his choice, even if it's something that would seem very strange to you. It might not be a blanket or a stuffed animal. It could be a book. Once you find that comfort item, keep it in a safe place.

My twins went through a very long phase where they really needed a certain item. If it was gone, we had to search the house to find it. It was their way of being in control of something when there were other things they couldn't be in control of. What you really will be teaching your son is that there are always going to be situations where we are uncomfortable, but we can find ways to make them easier for us to deal with rather than just sucking it up and dealing with it. I know as an adult I can't always do that. I don't think we can expect children to do it either.

Hope some of our advice helps.

Hey R.,

You've got some great responses. You also sound like a terrific mom! Sorry you and your little one are going through this.

I, too, would try a step-by-step approach to getting him to feel more comfortable. Plan trips to stores when you don't have to go in the stores (as a SAHM of two young children, this could be difficult; maybe you could do the shopping in the evening after dad gets home?).

Then just stand outside the store. Ask your son if he wants to go inside. If he says, "no," say OK, but stand or sit outside the store for a little while. Maybe you could eat a snack there or something relaxing. Each day or each trip, encourage him to go a little further. You can encourage him, but ultimately you should follow his lead and not push him too much. Congratulate him with every step he takes.

You should also be upbeat about the whole thing. Smile, laugh (not at him, of course!), sing songs, whatever. Act happy - don't look worried or anxious about his behavior. Ask him only once if he wants to go in or if he wants to go further into the store once he does decide to go in.

The advice about studying roof construction is also a great one. I would just read the books to him at night and talk about it. Point out roofs as you drive around town. If you can find someone in construction for him to talk to, even better.

Good luck with this - this will pass, but while it's going on, it probably seems like forever.

My three year old is doing the same thing. we were at costco the other day and they were waxing the floor with one of those big machines and he flipped. we had to leave right then and there. He also has been terrified of the vacuum since birth. i have to have either some one there to lock him in the room with him or take him to grandmas! It is soooo annoying. we even bought him one of those fake vacs to see if that would help...nope...even mentioning the word he will start to behave and ask no to do the vacuum. If there is a loud semi he flips out and tells him to stop making noises into his ears. we cant eat at the rain forest cafe because the thunder storm scares him. I try to explain these things to him and let him know mama would never let anything bad happen to him and he just has nothing to hear of it. Back in jan i was in a car accident he wasnt with me but when i was in the hospital my sister had him and she felt it was needed to tell him everything that happened so now in our new car everytime we go down a hill he is like mom i dont want to we are going to crash the new car. I know i dont have any words of wisdom but sometimes it just helps to know that others are going through the same things!! Keep your head up and lets hope it is just a phase!!

I think it's really important to honor his feelings. His reaction is an autonomic nervous system response to trauma, and trying to talk him out of his feelings won't help. Since his response is so strong, it sounds to me like this event may have triggered an earlier trauma in his life (such as being born into a noisy room at a hospital, or something that happened to you prenatally, or a movie or TV show or book (if this is so, it would be good to not let him watch any scary movies), or something that happened at preschool (you could ask his teacher), or some other recent or distant stressful event - it might be good for you to see if you can remember anything in his past, and if you do you could bring it up with him if it feels right, kind of like fishing/guessing to see if it's related). You could empathize with him, saying something like, "you were really scared when you heard that sound, and it sounds like you're really scared something bad might happen." You might say things like, "sometimes scary things happen, sometimes I get scared too. I'll always do my best to keep you safe." If you show him you're really listening, he may talk more about what he's scared of, maybe even something in the past it reminded him of, and/or he may discharge some of the trauma by shaking or crying. I would also listen to him talk about his nightmares in this way, empathizing with him how scary they are. Then, after he has felt heard and been able to discharge some of the nervous system activation, you could also play some games with him, where he can have control over what happens - like building and knocking down block towers, or having you make noise and telling you to when to stop, or making noises together and stopping when he says, or turning a radio or CD on or off, or playing in a big cardboard box (one person inside, the other outside making noise or dropping things on top) etc. He will let you know what sort of games he needs to help him release the fear, and he may want to play the same game many times or create variations until he is done releasing the trauma (and some of the releasing may come as laughter). Then you could try some of the other ideas people have suggested and talk with him about what might help him feel safer when you go to the store. Also I'd suggest not forcing him to go into a store until he's ready. I know this could be complicated for you, especially with 3 kids, but until he's gotten through the traumatic response, each time he's in a store could retraumatize him and therefore make it harder for him to release the trauma. Maybe you could try to do your shopping while he's in school or with his dad or someone else. I think there are some good materials on the internet about children and trauma, I think Peter Levine has something (Trauma through a Child's Eyes). It sounds like you're a great mom, and I wish you well with this challenge!

Hi R.! My now 4 year old has always been ultra sensitive to loud noises. She still screams and runs away when the vacuum cleaner comes out. I try not to give her much attention when she behaves this way (unless of course there is a loud noise that is truly frightening). I have tried to explain bravery to her, and not coddle her so much, and she is slowly getting better. I am thinking it is a phase she will grow out of as she becomes less dependant on me. I hope the same for you too!

I had to respond....I know this may sound odd but the 1st thing i thought of is what would help my lil one!I would call the store and ask if one of the contractors (construction workers ) would greet you and your son and reassure him that he works o0n the roof and.....yada yada yada!!!!If you could get a kid person that would wear a hard hat and be friendly it would help!!!!Good luck!!!

Your situation reminds me a little bit of when we experienced some pretty extreme turbulence on an airplane one time. Our son was about two at the time and became very fearful. We told our toddler that it was Tigger bouncing on the airplane. He accepted that, and it helped to ease his worry to "chastise" Tigger for jumping so h*** o* the top of the plane that it would bounce us around so much.

Could you make a similar "adventure" for your son? Perhaps chiding, Bob the Builder for being so noisy? Since this event has already passed, maybe you could say "That sure was loud when Bob the Builder was working on the roof that day. I'm sure glad he's finished fixing the roof."

Or another idea would be to go directly to the expert. Sometimes kids are more accepting of the answer of an "authority figure". Are there any adult friends that could tell him why the building won't fall down that he'll believe?

The last idea is that, as much as you want to comfort your son, perhaps your willingness to work through it with him is actually feeding into his fear? I'm thinking of when the parenting books advise not to feed into a child's fears of monsters by helping them check for monsters in the closet and under the bed to help scare them away ... then the child believes there's some reason that you might believe in them, too. Maybe just downplay it as much as possible.

Good luck! And I'm sure, like most stages in childhood, this will pass soon.