Mom Seeking Advice on Having a Toddler with One on the Way:)

You are going to do great! I remember crying and crying toward the end of my second pregnancy, sure that my poor 2-year-old would go into shock from not being the center of my universe anymore. He was fine, though. And so was I. You'll be amazed at how much you love your new baby & how easily the little squirt will fit in to your family!
As for the c-section issue...accept any and all offers of help. Believe me. It is shocking how little activity it takes to over-exhert yourself after that surgery. Remember--you ARE recovering from surgery! Your body will need ample rest and nutrition to heal itself, and you'll be on some pretty major painkillers at first. Have your mom/m.i.l./best friend--somebody--stay with you for as long as possible. My mother & aunt stayed with me for the first week, then I had a couple days on my own, then my m.i.l. came for (I think...) 2 weeks. Then my husband took a week off & helped out. You really will need that help with grocery shopping, picking up your little girl & changing her/helping her on the potty, entertaining her, doing laundry. I thought I was taking it easy a week after #2 was born by just filling up a wading pool & letting my 2 year old splash around...I just planned to sit with my feet in the pool & the baby on my lap...next thing I knew I was hemmoraging, which my doc said was probably from carrying the tiny plastic pool and going up the stairs to my bedroom! So relax, ask for, and accept plenty of help!
Congrats on the new baby--have fun!

One thing i found helpful was a baby sling or carrier. This allows you to carry infant & you can put 2.5 yr old on hip if you need to. Frees up your hands to open things or hold their hand. I loved it at the grocery store. 2.5 in shopping cart & baby on chest. On walks, I would have baby in stroller & I used a back pack leash for my toddler. I know some people freak out with the leash thing, but mine loved it & it was safe! she couldn't run into traffic nor did I have to run after her & leave infant alone. Biggest thing was she was more comfortable walking without her hand up in the air to hold my hand! She could smell a flower or walk around a bit with freedom, but learned what too far was. very helpful when used properly. Used it in airport or amusement parks...places where there is alot of people & you are by yourself with two. Diaper changes are tricky in stores too cuz 2.5 is trying to touch stuff or may try & run out of bathroom & you stuck there with infant....I set up a diaper changing station in the back of my car. I would leave toddler in carseat, get out & change baby & put baby in carrier or stroller then get toddler out. I live in south texas w/ heat so I bought big zippy bags to store nasty diapers until they could be disposed of without the smell. Bath gets tricky too if your alone with both. I took both in bathroom & locked door. I would bathe infant first while toddler played on floor with playdoh. this was hte only time I let her play with it so she really played well & then I put baby in bouncy while I bathed toddler. Cooking supper....infant in swing & toddler... I set out two cups & a bowl and a spoon. mix a cup of dried beans, cup of raw noodles I used spirals, & a 1/4 cup of uncooked rice in the bowl & let toddler have at it! That gets you at least 20 minutes. They pour it mix it stir it etc.... then I put it away till next night. That way it is always new since they don't have access to it all the time. I didn't try & get toddler to involved in infant care simply because I wanted her to be a sister & not a caregiver. She would on her own help by getting a diaper or picking up a paci, but always initiated on her own. Bathroom breaks can also get tricky....just create a plan ahead of things so when it happens, your ready. Best of luck.

My son is 3 and our other son is 5 months now and letting him be involved is a big help. I also had a c-section and it was so hard because I could not do a thing when I came home. I had awesome family help and told our son that mommy had an ouchy and that he had to be genital when playing with me. I nurse sitting on our couch that reclines so he sits in between my legs and either read or watches tv. We also got him a smart cycle that he gets to play when his brother eats. We had to put locks on the freezers because as soon as I would start to nurse he would get into the popsicles. It takes time to work it all out and I don't know how I would have managed without my family around to help. They let me spend time with our oldest (who wouldn't want to snuggle a baby for a bit) and also spend some time with the oldest so he wouldn't feel left out.

Congratulations! My son was 17 months when I had his sister and not into dolls. But, after I had her he picked out a doll at a garage sale and started imitating me. As far as the classes I brought my daughter until she was crawling. A lot of other parents do to. I bought some new (to him) videos, books, and toys for my son and would bring something new out every few days to keep him busy and interested. I had a c-section and was fortunate to have my husband home for the first week and my mom here the second. I suggest taking all the help that is offered to you. If someone asks how they can help have specific ideas in mind, i.e., a trip to the store, dinner, taking your daughter out to lunch, etc. I also had someone come and clean the house every other week for the first three months. Good luck!

You have the right answer. Keep the first child involved in all the steps of caring for the new born. Your daughter will love the time you take to spend time with her. They so want to help us out at that age. Its only later they decide they cant be bothered.

When I take my son to his classes at the park district, I can honestly say that at least half of the parents that are there with their kid, also have a baby carrier next to them with the other baby in it. You just take the little one with you - just like everyone else does.

I have two c-sections with both of my boys. Just make sure that you ask everyone for help. And if someone offers help, make sure you take it. And the housework will still be there tomorrow - so let it go. Especially when recovering after surgery. And make sure you take it easy the entire 6 weeks. I made the mistake of thinking I was fine after 4 weeks, went outside and shoveled the driveway and torn open my stitches inside - that hurt and I was down for another two weeks. I know it's hard, but you have to take it easy.

I would also suggest making some frozen meals ahead of time. This way you can throw them in the over and then they're done. This way, your husband can then do something else other than cooking (or running out to get some food :) ).

Good luck and congratulations!

I had similar fears (my daughter was 2.5 when my son was born 4 months ago). I agree with lots of the other advice with just a couple things to add. I have bouncy seats, activity mats, a swing and a jumperoo placed strategically around the house - anywhere my daughter may need two handed help, so I can quickly put my son down for just a few seconds and pick him up again quickly if he cries. Plus, it allows him to watch me help his big sister. I also have him in a Moby wrap almost every time we go out, that lets me interact more with my daughter.

As for nursing, my daughter wasn't too into dolls either, but now she literally sits in her our rocking chair, pulls her shirt down and "nurses" whatever is available (dolls, giraffes, sippy cups :) I also give her a choice to help me out whenever possible, and she LOVES to bring diapers, pull out wipes and do "diaper deliveries" - putting wrapped diapers in the diaper pail. I also make it clear that it's not an expectation, just an offer.

The key for me has been to focus on my daughter, even when doing things for my son. I talk to my son about my daughter while changing his diaper, etc, and she loves the extra attention.

Good luck and enjoy the challenge!

I am not sure if this is actually advice, but just relax! Things will all fall into place naturally. That is the way it seemed to work for us when our second was born, then our third. When our third came along I was really nervous about how things would work out with my son or daughter, but in the end everything worked out perfectly.
When our third was born, my 4 year old needed to go to therapy (he has autism) every single day and I had to go along with him. For the first two weeks, I just cancelled because I was still recovering. But after the 2 week mark, I carried Jules along with us. At that time she was in her baby carrier, sleeping most of the time, so it worked out fine. Sophia had a 3 hour gymnastics class on staturdays as well, so Jules got toted along to that as well. We just sat on the side lines and she slept and she nursed and it worked out perfectly.
Good luck, and relax!

One idea about the breastfeeding: Instead of a doll, have a special basket of new toys that gets pulled out whenever you nurse. She'll be excited to have access to "new" toys during that time period and will help keep her happy and occupied. When nursing is complete, the toys get put away also.

Congrats on the soon to be new arrival. You and the family will adjust just fine. My girls are 15 months apart, and everything I did I had the toddler help me and she loved it. If we were changing a diaper, she would get to pick out the diaper, and pull out the wipes. So as long as you keep the toddler involved they will feel included instead of neglected.

Breastfeeding could be great story time for you and the toddler, so every time you nurse read to your daughter. Or it could be "school" time and you could practice letters and numbers with flashcards.

As far as asking for help, that is on your comfort level with your family but a homemade meal would always be a great help. Since there is an older sibling they can help out with chores or lifting.

wow i can totally relate. My oldest is 16 and my youngest will be 3 in June so also 2 1/2. I also have one on the way in 7 weeks. This one will be a csection which I have never gone through before so this should be interesting. My ob said that I will need help for about 2 weeks. I would say ask anything you need. I am going to try to have everything (laundry, meals, etc.) all caught up and planned out ahead of the csection if I can. That way the guys just have to turn on the oven and throw it in or the microwave. My laundry is in the basement and I wont be able to go down stairs for 2 weeks so the guys are just going to have to step up to the plate. My youngest is a boy so not interested in dolls either. I have bought some new toys that he can build or put together that are in my closet until the birth. I will give them to him in the hospital so he doesnt feel left out. He also likes Barney so I have an ample supply of Barney videos. Other than that I will just cross the bridges as I get to them so to speak. I will deliver in april so it should be starting to warm up enough that he can spend some time outside. Hope that helps and best of luck to you.

H.