Lost My Best Friend over This!

yes probably, and here's why. you could have not logged on FB to see her status update. instead you chose to delete her. she has never met you, yet she was ok enough putting up with her husband having a female best friend who were talking constantly. i think you deleting her was her last straw. i am sorry you're going through a rough patch.

Maybe it was the manner in which you delivered this message. This sounds like a situation that needed to be dealt with in at least a phone call....no many things can be misinterpreted through text.

A.,

Try to look at it from their side -- this is a major change in their life. They are nervous, excited, scared... and this new wife is hormonal, and just friended you - the FEMALE who is her husbands best friend. Then, you delete her as a friend (but not HIM - who is also part of the pregnant couple.) Then you email her and basically tell her you don't want to make the effort to be her friend right now because she's pregnant and you can't handle that.. BUT you're perfectly fine being best friends with her husband.

I have to admit, if another woman considered my husband her "rock" always there for her... I would take issue with that. This woman must be a better woman then I to have been okay with that from the start.

And you're surprised your friend told you - you screwed up? You blacklisted his wife. The woman carrying his baby. Whose side did you think he would take? :(

I would give it some time. Work on you and leave them alone for now. Then, slowly, I would write a careful apology and mail them a thoughtful baby gift. I would express my sincerest apologies for being so blinded by my own grief that I was selfish and thoughtless, and that you value them both and hope she will give you a chance to be friends - when she's ready.

By the way, you can ignore a persons feed on Facebook without deleting them. You didn't need to delete her as a friend not to see any updates from her.

I'm sorry you suffered a loss, they are not uncommon. In fact, my doctor told me as high as 60% of successful pregnancies don't stick. Some happen so soon we end up just thinking our period was late, or heavier then usual... others we unfortunately feel the loss. (For some reason it always made me feel better to know it's natural and fairly common, and it isn't a sign anything is "wrong" with you necessarily.)

I know my message may sound a bit harsh, I hope its more like a gentle slap to remind you other people have feelings too, and you're not being a very good friend to your best friend. I do hope you get it all worked out.

There are 2 different issues going on with this situation. Take the pregnancy out of the equation (both yours and hers). If you are best friends with a male that happens to be married, it is YOUR duty to prove to her that you should remain in his life - it is not her responsibility to be accepted by you. My best friend is male, he is also single. When he met my husband, he was courteous, respectful and did what he could to earn my husbands trust and friendship. I would do the same if he had someone in his life. It sounds as if you expected this woman to automatically accept you into her world as if she were fortunate that you accepted her. NOT right.

2nd issue - the way you dealt with the situation. I have also suffered a miscarriage and I know first hand how difficult it is. That being said, it never gives you the right to behave in a manner that does not rejoice over others good fortune. If you react in this manner with everything that does not go right in your world, it will be a long journey! What if the situation had been reversed - you are pregnant, your friend had the miscarraige and was unable to bring himself to be happy for you, and go as far as deleting you on FB? He probably has put in some serious time convincing his wife that it is okay for him to be such good friends with you and at the very first opportunity you are given to prove him right, you prove him wrong. He is probably very frustrated with you that even though he knows the good side of you, you chose to show her that you are not supportive of their relationship and happiness. I know you are grieving but you can't expect the world to stop. I find your actions to be extremely selfish and quite frankly would not want to be friends with someone like that. Even if he gets over it, can you really expect her to? Either way, you should at least attempt to make it right.

When I was pregnant with my first daughter a friend of ours was having trouble getting pregnant. (They didn't get pregnant for a year and did invitro and ended up with twins). Anyway, this girl did not come to my baby shower, avoided me at social functions and this continued after my daughter's birth until my friend got pregnant herself.

When I was pregnant with my second daughter we found out another friend was due on the exact same day I was. She found out that her baby was no longer living at her 16 week appt. I was a living, breathing reminder of exactly how pregnant she would be throughout the rest of my pregnancy. And then when my daughter was born, it was even worse. Her baby would have been the same age etc. etc.

I can see both sides of your story. I can't imagine the pain and loss you are going through. When my friend lost her baby at 16 weeks, I cried for her. I felt so guilty and felt like I was some how to blame because I was a constant reminder. But it was hard for me to always feel this way. Sometimes I felt resentful about feeling guilty. I felt like she was mad at me for being happy and pregnant--even though she was just really sad for herself. But at the same time I knew WHY she acted that way and I knew that I would probably feel the same way if the tables were turned.

If it had been me, I would have just "hidden" her from my status updates but not de-friended her and sent a big email. It is not her fault that you lost the baby and she is not trying to rub it in your face. She is just pregnant and excited and probably feels very bad about your loss. It sounds like your friend over-reacted because his wife is probably upset. It's a tough situation. :(

ok, first off, although he was your best friend, his obligation is first and foremost to his wife, not you. So, this is why he left you the message...he sleeps with her not you, so he is definitely not going to pick you over her. That said, I can understand the heartache you have about losing a baby. However, to dump a "friend" because of your feelings is a bit rash. I have a best friend who for years was trying to get pregnant. She and her husband just can't. It was heartbreaking for them, but she and I treated each other as true friends. I let her cry on my shoulder, and she took care of my 2 yr old (whom she has known since birth) while my husband and I were in the hospital welcoming our daughter into the world. She has never missed a friend's baby shower, as hard as it was for her to not be down about her own problem. She celebrates her friends and their lives, and in turn we now celebrate that she and her husband have adopted a sweet little girl. Friends are there for each other through the good and bad, that's just what we do. In my opinion, if you want people to be there to celebrate life changes with you, you can't start dropping people one by one because you are pouting and self loathing. Just a thought.

I think you are expecting too much from your friend and his wife, without trying to give anything back to them. I know you're going through a lot because of your loss, and you should definitely see a professional about that to help you, but you can't expect someone to only be there for you when you need it and not at least be there for them (even just letting them be your friend on facebook-whether or not you read their posts) when there's something big going on in their life too. I don't mean to diminish your feelings and I'm sorry if this is harsh, but it sounds like you are being a little selfish. Going to such extremes and expecting them to just say ok, whenever you want to be there for us, is unrealistic.

I am so sorry for your loss, and how much trouble you are having dealing with it. I hope that you get to feeling better soon.

I don't blame you one bit for needing distance from other pregnant stories right now. You should structure your life to aviod this trauma unitl you can heal.

I am looking at this from the perspective of a Navy wife. If my husband had a female best friend, whom I had never met, I would question that. I think that the problem was that you are female, pure and simple. He had to make a choice, and frankly, he made the one that he should make, to support his wife's feelings. He showed her what she has probably been bugging him about for a long time, that you are only a friend, and that she is his partner, so he eleiminated you when you went a little too far and took away the "transparency" of your relationship that she was absolutly monotorining, I can almost promise you that. Your reason for taking it away had no bearing on her need to protect her marriage. It is probably as simple as that.

Just a Navy wife's persepctive.

M.

I had several miscarriages so I know how you feel. Perhaps O. of the worst aspects of going through a miscarriage is seeing things that remind you of your loss: a pregnant friend, a diaper commercial, baby clothes in a store. That said, you cannot live in a bubble. Personally I thing you handled it poorly--you could have changed your FB setting to NOT receive her notifications, instead, you deleted her as a friend. While I'm sure that your family and friends are mourning with you, it doesn't make THEIR joy any less joyful.

I am so sorry for your loss. After trying for a year, we got pregnant but the baby died in utero at 4 months. All the women in my office were pregnant, though I was the only one who had wanted to be pregnant.

My SIL was pregnant at the same time and I can't say that I called to congratulate them in the first few days after she gave birth. It was the first baby in our family, but I didn't have my baby any more and it was a hard call to make.

BUT I can't imagine making anyone else feel like their pregnancy was a burden to my emotional state. I think you should have just hidden her posts and not had to see it. Writing her the big letter was over the line. I understand why you would have felt it necessary and how you could have seen it as a way of communicating and building understanding and friendship. I can't understand how she could be expected to see it that way. This is one of those instances where you should have ran it by a friend before hitting "send" and that friend would have stopped you. I don't blame you, but I do think you were in the wrong to expect her to understand the existance of her child is difficult for you to accept.

I am sorry. I don't mean to sound harsh or belittle your feelings. I know how hard it is. But two things seem fair to me: 1. You should apologize. 2. Don't expect things to ever be the same again. He has a wife now and this aside, very few women would be comfortable with your friendship. Pregnant women are fiercely protective of their husbands.

All the best.

Updated

I am so sorry for your loss. After trying for a year, we got pregnant but the baby died in utero at 4 months. All the women in my office were pregnant, though I was the only one who had wanted to be pregnant.

My SIL was pregnant at the same time and I can't say that I called to congratulate them in the first few days after she gave birth. It was the first baby in our family, but I didn't have my baby any more and it was a hard call to make.

BUT I can't imagine making anyone else feel like their pregnancy was a burden to my emotional state. I think you should have just hidden her posts and not had to see it. Writing her the big letter was over the line. I understand why you would have felt it necessary and how you could have seen it as a way of communicating and building understanding and friendship. I can't understand how she could be expected to see it that way. This is one of those instances where you should have ran it by a friend before hitting "send" and that friend would have stopped you. I don't blame you, but I do think you were in the wrong to expect her to understand the existance of her child is difficult for you to accept.

I am sorry. I don't mean to sound harsh or belittle your feelings. I know how hard it is. But two things seem fair to me: 1. You should apologize. 2. Don't expect things to ever be the same again. He has a wife now and this aside, very few women would be comfortable with your friendship. Pregnant women are fiercely protective of their husbands.

All the best.

Okay..im coming from your side of the issue because I have lost several friends after our 5 month old daughter died. She was born very, very ill and though we thought she was going to pull through - she didn't.

My grief has been SO hard to deal with - especially with the added stress of others. My so called 'friends' bailed on me. They marched on with their 'happy' lives and all but left me in the dust. The didn't want to hear about my grief or about our daughter that died. I had one 'friend' who outwardly said "I don't want to talk about your daughter because death scares me" - sorry sister but i REFUSE to deny my daughter to make you more comfortable. It's like HELLO - do you think her death is comfortable for ME????

People have such a terrible thought on death in general..so when you are dealing with grief most just want to run from you. I am sorry that you are having such issues with grief and friends right now. The best thing I can suugest is for you to keep your dignity. I don't think you were TOTALLY at fault with deleting her - ESPECIALLY since you were HONEST with her and told her why - if she can't deal with this and your grief - then let her go. She isn't worth keeping around. I had another so called 'friend' who totally ditched me when our daughter died - this was a 'friend' from high school mind you..our daughter died - she totally abandoned me - stopped emailing, stopped calling...everything! Then a few months later she emailed me - and I sooooo desperately wanted to tell her to take a hike but I felt God was telling me to be kind - despite what she had done to me. Turns out her baby could possibly have a genetic problem - which is why she was reaching out to me. So I suck up my own emotions and help her the best I can..well guess what - her baby was born perfectly healthy (PRAISE GOD!!) but guess who is no longer writing me, calling me, etc!! She is a sucky 'friend' and I will NEVER EVER speak to her again - forgive her yes, but speak to her no.

I think you need to do what is BEST for you - if seeing her talk about her pregnancy causes you more grief - then give it space. Don't beg for her friendship though - no friendship is worth begging for! A true friend will never turn their back on you - no matter how much you are hurting.

Im sorry for your loss most of all. My heart aches for you as a mommy who has experienced a similar loss..

HTH.

God bless

ok....so you had a miscarriage....What about the father of the baby ? The boyfriend/husband...why wouldn't he be your "rock" ? Are you not going through this together? I understand this guy is your best friend but it almost sounds like you wish it was more. This woman is his wife. To be honest, you both are lucky she puts up with this close relationship. Maybe she's just a better woman than me but no way would I be putting up with some girl clinging onto my man like that for all her support. It's just a red flag. No matter how close of friends you are you need to respect their marriage. From the sounds of it he has tried to be there for you as much as possible but don't expect him to leave his wife to console you. I suggest you find other women that have been through this and develop a close healthy relationship with them. And yes, I would be offended if some girl said that to me. Not really even offended, but I'd honestly not waste my time. Maybe you should have approached her for support instead of letting jealousy take over.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through! That's really rough.

All I can say is this. When I was pregnant with my older daughter, a good friend of mine was also pregnant. We were due a few days apart, in fact, and often met for tea, or had lunch together. Well, she miscarried at 15 weeks. Of course she was absolutely devastated, and I was so sad for her, and a few weeks after her miscarriage, she let me know that she just couldn't be friends with me right then because it was too hard to see me still pregnant and knowing that she had just lost her beloved baby. Was I saddened by this? Sure. She was my friend and I missed her. But you know what? I couldn't blame her! She was going through a really tough time and needed time to grieve in whatever way was right for her.

So in my opinion, if your best friend is going to judge you for grieving, and dump this in your lap in your hour of need, then maybe he is not that good of a friend. Or maybe the new wife has jealousy issues. Who knows. With friends like that, who needs enemies? Take care of yourself first - either the friend and his wife will come around, or they won't. Either way, you will be ok in the end. Hang on to that and have faith. *hugs*

I'm sorry you're going through all this, and I don't have any answers, but I did want to mention something that only one other poster seems to have mentioned.

Perhaps this issue with your best friend's wife is nothing to do with your/her pregnancies, but instead that she didn't realize how close emotionally you were to her husband, and she feels threatened by that.

I've seen many postings here on Mamasource where people talk about issues of their being friends with members of the other sex, or about how their spouse's friendships online/on FB affect their relationships.

Since you haven't met her before, is it possible that this extreme reaction is a result of your letter (and whole background) bringing your relationship with her husband to her attention? She over-reacts, forbids him from being your friend, yadda yadda yadda...

Hopefully time will heal the gap between you and your friend, especially once his wife's hormones settle down. But right now, I wouldn't force the issue. Deal with your stuff and let him settle his marriage down.

I don't know if it's too late. Both of you have dealt with this in a rather immature way. It would have been easier to just "hide" her updates so you didn't see them but didn't have to mention any of it to her.
I think all you can do is leave him a message explaining that, if you are really best friends, you need him to be understanding while you mourn your loss and continue with counseling and such.
I think from his point of view, you're asking him to be understanding and supportive of your feelings and situation, but you aren't willing to be understanding and supportive of his. You want him and his wife to pretend that a HUGE part of their life isn't happening when they communicate with you. I'm not saying he's right, and I'm not saying that you don't have every right to need some time to get over your loss. But I'm guessing that he expected his best friend to be excited about his new adventure in parenting and you just can't be at this point.

Good Luck:)

I was your friend and his wife and can 100% say I know what they are going through. My really good ex friend had a miscarriage and it has now been 2 1/2 yrs and they are still tyring. I on the other hand have a 22 month. well I found out in Dec I was expecting my second shild and my ex friend BLEW A GASKET!!! I wrecked her Christmas, I did'nt deserve another child and how and the F was I going to be able to afford another child when we just bought a new house and had a huge kitchen remodel in progress. I think you get the point of how angry she was at me.
I am sorry that I was the one able to concieve, but to sit and flip on me because she could'nt?! It was like wow, is she trying to stress me to the max? Is she hoping I miscarry etc. Well I tried so hard to forgive but she flipped out on me again and that was enough to be DONE!
I understand your situation and am truly sorry you are having difficulties. I tried being the good friend. My husband and I disccused being a surrogate and I even offered her my body to carry her child because she soooo badly wanted one of her own. Through all the times I held her hand and listend without judging ( I could have brought up that maybe they were having trouble concieving because she smoked, drank, was a caffine junkie and 150lbs over weight) but I never did. I was her shoulder to cry on, and I always listened to her complain about how the world sucked, and her life was terrible. I don't know your full situation but your friends don't deserve any negativity towards being parents. The wife does not deserve the stress. I sat back and waited for my girlfriend to make it up to me, but you know what? She never did. she never once asked how I was doing, never commented on my FB when I announced it was a boy nothing. Instead she decided to flip off the handle today and bash me to no other once again. If your friend truly means the world to you don't give. If you feel it's going to be too painful to be around them then you need to stay away. You need to be in it 100% with no more negative remarks on their expanding family. I suggest a card. Don't have a pitty party on yourself. This is no longer about you, it's about you trying to earn there trust back. I wish you the best of luck and wish things would have been different in my situation, you still have hope to make it right :) -R.

HI A.,

I don't think you did anything wrong. Saying that, I don't necessarily think he did either. Being friends with a married man, I don't care how long you have been friends, is difficult. He has a responsibility to lead his home and protect it. His wife, whether right or wrong, is his to deal with and he chose to deal with the situation like this. You probably have not lost him as a friend but lost him as a constant contact and buddy. Let this die down and then email her with your apology. Explain again. If it doesn't work out, so be it. You have done all you can at this point.

Don't take this personally. There may have been a little jealousy all along but whether that is the case or not, he has ultimately made a decision.

Sorry, these are probably not encouraging words. God bless!

M.

Dear A.,
From reading your previous posts, you have really been having a hard time with your miscarriage. It's understandable. I had a terrible time too. I was 6 months pregnant and buying clothes and everything to get ready. I never did get an explanation from my doctors, but I would definitely say that I was hypersensitive to people around me having healthy babies. I was certainly happy for them, never a doubt about that, but it really hurts to have that loss.
I think that what you were doing was venting about your feelings in such a way that your friends on the other side just felt, "Okay, she can't be friends with us because we are going to have a baby". They can't quit having their baby to make you feel better and I know you would never ask such a thing, but if them being happy upsets you, what can they really do?
You deleted her as a friend. Are you the one who said you can't be friends right now because she's pregnant and you have things to work out?
Maybe they just want you to have time to work things out if that's what you said you needed.
I'm friends with lots of married men and their wives all approve so I don't think it necessarily has to be the reason he's not taking your calls anymore.
I'm a woman, so I would be concerned for you if you were acting out of the ordinary, but men aren't always so sensitive and if you upset his pregnant wife, he may have just felt it's better to cut things off for now.
I would just give it a few weeks or so and then send an e-mail letter, addressed to both of them, saying that you are sorry for any misunderstandings and that you shouldn't have acted so impulsively with regard to your own feelings to the extent that it would ruin a friendship...you've just been having a really hard time after the loss of your own baby but that doesn't mean you can't be happy for them. You sincerely wish them the very best and never meant to hurt any feelings.
He might not understand any of it, but as a pregnant woman, she should, and if you just truly are sorry for having a bad day and saying things maybe you shouldn't have said.....you are truly sorry. She is pregnant and she may feel she doesn't have time to devote to someone who is not handling her being pregnant very well. She's likely thinking she needs all the positive support she can get for herself right now. Something good happening to her hurting someone else...that's a hard thing to wrap your head around.
Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe you should get some counselling because you had also mentioned not being able to attend a baby shower for a co-worker.
Honey, there is a baby born on this planet every single second and you can't shut yourself off from the joy of that. It sounds like you could use some grief counselling. You suffered a loss and it's your own and no one will ever truly understand it. But, you can come to a point where you can see the true beauty in the miracle of life and still have hope, not only for yourself, but for others.
I've been there. My baby was old enough to survive outside the womb but for some reason, and I'll never know why, it just went to sleep inside my warm and loving tummy one day. It might sound strange, but I found a comfort in that. And it took me a while to be able to see it that way.
Your friend can't add to your depression. He probably doesn't know what to say. It would be like, "I lost my new shoes and here you are getting a beautiful new pair right in front of me". It's far more deeply emotional than that but it may have seemed to them that you want them to feel badly for something they are blessed with.
I don't think you meant it that way and if you give it some time, hopefully things will settle down. In the meantime, get help from support groups in your area. Call your OB/GYN for referrals.
Just when I had given up all hope I finally had the most beautiful son 10 years after my first baby. And I wasn't even trying.
I wish you the best. Don't worry about this too much. Do what you said you needed to do...work on yourself first.

God bless.

You really got a lot of good advice here! way to go ladies! Maybe a journal to record your feelings so you have a way to vent would be helpful..if not you can always call me! And no matter what you are terrific, and you already have one terrific child!

As would be expected, there are a bunch of comments posted by those who've experienced loss like you directly/indirectly and understand what you are going through (CC from Fresno, CS from Las Vegas, JF from Columbus, BR from Cleveland, BC from Dallas). There are also people who have NOT been in your shoes, have not experienced the kind of loss you've experienced, and consequently cannot imagine or understand what you are going through. As such, these people say harsh things. True, you may have been impulsive in deleting her as a friend on FB. I'm sure everyone has at some point been a bit trigger happy with emails, FB, blog posts, what have you. But I understand what you are going through. I suffered from pregnancy loss once. At that time, I wanted to hide from everyone that reminded me of that loss (i.e., other pregnant women around me, inc. friends). It was very, very difficult. No one could understand what I was going through because no one had infertility or pregnancy loss issues (at least no one shared their stories w/me). I agree with some of the others in terms of your friend not truly being a friend if he cuts you off cold the way he did. Anyway, like many have suggested, give it some time. If it was meant to be, you will once again be friends. But calling you petty and selfish? Nah, I disagree with that. Take care of yourself. I hope things work out for you!

I think you did the wrong thing by deleting her. Think of it this way, how would you feel if someone deleted you over something you had no control of? That's basically what you did. By deleting her you basically said to her and your best friend, "Sorry you have something I don't have so I can't deal with you anymore." How petty! If you really wanted to be friends with them, you could try being supportive, not envious. Not to mention, all you had to do was hide her so you wouldn't have seen her posts if you didn't want to!

Hi A., I am sorry you are having fertility issues, it sucks, I know. I think I have experienced a segment of everything you explain. I think if it is hard enough to understand yourself, others don't understand you either. I know this is what you were trying to express by sending the email and deleting her, but they are having their happy moment and want people to be happy for them. I can say this, when I got pregnant my cousin who really wanted a baby bad lost her second one. She wouldn't talk to me. I am sure it is for the same reason, but don't forget, I was pregnant too, as well hormonal. I couldn't understand her emotion. I just wanted her to be happy for me and she couldn't be. Time made this better. We never talked about it, but time did help us both get through this.

Get yourself feeling better so your emotions are right to start making your own baby. If it doesn't happen, there are still options.

All I can say is that I would likely take similar steps in the same situation. I still recall my miscarriage and the raw emotions that resulted...and they took quite a bit of time to manage through. You were smart to "stop" the constant postings...and very courteous to let her know why and that it was temporary. I am quite sad that others would criticize you. Please take care of you and your family. And hopefully your dear friend will come around with time. All the best.

A., I don't know from personal experience what you are going through, but I am glad you are here. I have friends who have miscarried and it is so hard! She probably overreacted, but try to let it go. She is hormonal as well and he is having to deal with that.
I know you are having problems dealing; who wouldn't? Please know that there are lots of people who don't even know you, who are pulling for you. Sending peace and blessings your way...

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry for your painful loss.

I do not think anyone could understand what it is like to have a miscarriage unless they have been through it themselves. You also are dealing with depression again nothing others can understand unless they have been through it themselves.

I think they are being a little h*** o* you, because they just do not understand and also this woman does not know you, so she does not have a history with you.

I am only going to guess that she told her husband (your best friend) to drop you. Again I think it is because she does not know you and she is also probably very hormonal right now. Some pregnant women feel threatened by the thought of a woman who has recently had a miscarriage (as though it is catching like the flu). I know it sounds strange, but I have had friends who have told me this. Later they have realized it was ridiculous, but they just felt their own pregnancy was threatened.

Give it a while maybe a month or 2 and then write them a letter apologizing and let them know again, you are just not yourself right now. That you are just so heartbroken that you had lost your baby and it was really hard to read and hear about others pregnancy.

That is all you can really do. Hopefully they will find compassion and be able to see that they over reacted.
I am sending you peace. Please try not to worry about this. Heal your heart and rest your mind.

Oh hun! I'm so so sorry for your loss! My husband and I had just planned our first baby together (I had one from a previous relationship) and a few weeks after anouncing that we were trying, my older sister found out that she was pregnant. We were pregnant together for a month and then I lost our baby at 6 weeks (tubal pregnancy) and she went on to have a full, healthy pregnancy. It was VERY hard to be around her as a constant reminder of what I had lost (we were only 2 months apart) and I had a hard time with it and so did she. She felt awkward. My sister is my best friend and I'm sure that if I would have let my grief override our relationship, she would have been hurt too. Maybe your friend is hurt and doesn't understand what you are going through competely. His interest has to be with his own pregnant wife and maybe she felt like you were trying to take up too much of his attention with what you are going through. No one can understand your grief like another mom who has also lost can, so please don't expect them to.
I would let it go for now. When you are feeling a bit better, maybe explain what you were/weren't trying to do, and hopefully things will blow over. I wish you the very best! It does get easier! I promise. God bless!

If it were me - I would send another note to his wife, put yourself out there to her... tell her you value their friendship and don't want to cause any trouble but you are in a difficult time right now, if she understands, then she is a friend. Mention you aren't sure what you said that offended, but that was not your intention.
I want to comment on something else though... you mention that her husband is your rock? I would be unhappy/irked if one of my husbands friends said that my husband was her rock. ... he is my rock , not yours... does this make sense? I know things are hard for you, but also take into consideration that she is pregnant and her feelings are all over the place... she might even be worried about your relationship with him..... so this might of given her the fuel to say -she is out of our lives- In all seriousness - you need to be her friend, and then his.... if this happens, all should work out. Good luck - and sorry for the sadness, I hope in time you can heal....

I am wondering if this woman may have had a problem with her husband having a female as a best friend and took her chance to get you out of his life. That is one possibility.

I know how hard it is to deal with other people having the one thing you really want. I know you are hurting right now, but your best friend and his wife did not get pregnant to hurt you. They are really happy right now and they have a right to be. It may have been taking it a tad too far when you deleted her. And your best friend (now that he is married) is always going to stand by his wife.

People who have not been in your shoes can not even imagine what you are going through. I have been there, and I felt the same pain as other people got pregnant as I was trying to emotionally heal from a miscarriage. You need more time, it hasn't been that long ago that this happened to you. Just try to realize that other people are not trying to hurt you, they are just living their lives. Give yourself more time, and try to be a little easier on other people. I hope you heal soon!

Yes I would be offended. While you are definitely going through something terrible, other people should not be punished.. If he is truely your "best friend" and he is there for you when you need to talk and supports you, then you should be the same for him. Regardless of your situation you were alittle bit selfish. You should have just told them congratulations and hid her status so you couldn't read them.

You can click "Hide" next to her status updates, so you don't have to read, but you can stay friends. Or make a filter.

I'm with you on this one. Don't know what was said but it sounds like you made an effort to tell her that you needed some time to deal w/ this, not that you weren't happy for them. If they showed ANY sense of compassion, they would understand that, if it was presented that way. They should put themselves in your shoes and try to understand if the tables were turned.

Give it some time. Pray about it and pray for THEM to understand you trying to deal w/ your emotions. Best wishes on your emotional healing. (I had a fiance who drown less than 2 weeks after we got engaged, so I KNOW what you mean about needing time. All three of my siblings got married w/in the first year of his death. Don't think THAT wasn't a struggle AND I had to be in one of the weddings!!! One of the hardest things I've EVER had to do in my LIFE.......AND to top it off, ON THE EXACT day we were to get married.) Long story........anyway.....I understand your position.

I would be offended if you cut me off from your life at first if I was truly your friend. I would realize after awhile that you need time to cope with your miscarriage and stuff. I don't think you should cut your friends out of your life. Friends should be your support system. Friends can help you get through things sometimes better than family. I know my friends and I fight sometimes but always forgive eachother. Give this whole thing some time, it may blow over.
I wish you luck through this. I know this has to be hard and I can't imagine what you are going through.

When I was pregnant, my good friend at the time, when I called to tell her the knews, because the pregnancy was not planned at all!, She just hung up on me, I didn't realize at that same time frame - her and the husband was trying to get pregnant in secrecy. She didn't talk to me and I was so offended, I felt ashamed to be having a baby and not her....but things turn out for a reason, you need to look up, get energized and try again. I understand you not wanting to see her pregnancy right now, but you should still be happy for her, and you should let both of them know you are happy for them being blessed with a child...I think. I'm not sure why they can't talk to you anymore, but let bygones be bygones, and time will heal honey, promise! Hope things get better for you, and I'm sending positive energy to you today!! Chin up girl!

Sorry to respond a bit late on this, but if this ever happens again (meaning lots of posts on facebook you don't want to see) you can just block their posts and not delete them at all. So on your wall and you scroll through other peoples posts you might notice a little x show up. just hit that and it will ask if you want to take off your wall. Later on you can reenstall their posts. I had to do this with some friends that were pregnant around the same time I was. (at the time I was planning on placing him for adoption, so it was hard to read about them picking out cribs.) I hope you guys can be friends again!

I can relate to your losing the baby! I was 8 weeks preg and my daughter of 18 and unmarried was preg. I lost my baby and she is now due in two weeks. It was very hard to not get angry! How could she who didn't want this baby keep hers but I lost mine! All I can say is that God has healed my heart and I know that one day I will see that baby again! I have tried to focus on my daughter and showing her how to love her own baby! It has been hard not to get bitter but I knew that bitterness wouldn't help the situation. I am now 12 weeks preg with another one and holding my breath that all goes well! God knows what he is doing for he is the giver of life! I feel for you for I have lost 5 babies but I also have 7 beuatiful girls that he has blessed my life with! People can say really hurtful things like you have so many, you shouldn't want anymore but it doesn't take away the pain of the loss! Let God heal your heart! Turn to him, he can help your emotions through this difficult time, let him be your rock!
As for your friend, his wife will come first not matter what and with being preg they are going through a lot of new changes! I am not going to say either way who was wrong but if you feel you did say or do something be the bigger person and apologize and go on with your healing! Best of Luck and God Bless!

I know you are having a hard time w/ the loss of your baby... but your friend & his wife are excited about having theirs. If he has been there for you during your time in need - which I understand you are still in need, then why would you run out oh him (or her) when they are excited about their little one.

My sister found out shortly after I did that she was pregnant... we would have been having our 3 set of kids w/in a month of eachother (she has 5 & I have 4 kids). She lost hers about 2 months into her pregnancy, it was h*** o* both of us, but it hasn't changed her veiw on me expecting - eventhough I feel guilty about mine being ok. She is still excited for me & is even making me my first reusable nursing pads.

True friends are there for eachother in good & bad. Maybe they feel you are only there when you want to be & that they can't or won't be able to count on you when they need to.

Personnaly, I would have just blocked the posts for a while if you were unable to see what she was righting about instead of deleting her all together. That way you wouldn't have seen the post, but she would have never known you weren't seeing them. Or if you noticed they were about the baby - just don't read them.

Emotions are on both sided... pregnacy causes a huge hormone change & effects the mood of mom big time. Even small things cause us to go off the wall. Yesterday, my hubby made a comment about everytime he looks for something it's been moved or in the washer... I'm just trying to a "good" wife - do the laudry & keep things clean. I ended up standing in the back door crying for almost an hour cause "I can't do anything right". He ment nothing bad when he said it - he just got me during a mood swing... and oh boy sometimes they are bad & hard to see coming even for me.

I wish you luck! Try to take care!!

Sounds like your dear friends wife is also having hormonal issues
From someone who wanted desperately to have a child I sooooo understand where you are coming from. I cried for 4 months when my friend got pregnant. She never knew though.
That being said you might need to eat crow swallow your pride and go on.
talk with or email your friends and his wife and apoligize
be honest tell them you are jealous as you have had a desire for so long and have been devestated recently and although you are excited for them and know how happy they must be you are dealing with those jealous, sad emotions and did not mean to offend anyone -
Best wishes my heart goes out to you
been there.

I dont think its fair for you to not be friends with her because you had a miscarriage. If she was really your friend you would be there for each other regardless. I have many friends who dont have children even though they have tried for years and i have 3. Noone has ever said they couldnt be my friend because of this. Its not her fault your having fertility issues. I am truly sorry for your loss i couldnt imagine losing a child. But i dont think you should punish your friend because of this...Good luck in the future with everything...