Last Name Question

I would hyphenate. Give new baby dads name. Don't change the kids names. Hard enough for a preteen girl to establish her identity without changing her name. And there is enough change going on alread. I would try to keep the waters as calm as possible, and not introduce anymore change.

My son has my maidien name. If I ever go off my rocker and get married again I'd either go to just my maiden name or hyphenate my maiden and my husband's name

My husband and I had a lot of discussions about this and ultimately he knew I'd be offended if he forced the issue about changing my name to his and giving our children his last name.

I'm married, kept my birth name and our 2 children have my birth name too, our son has my husband's last name as his middle name.

Last names in some form mean possession... which is why men are so keen on their woman changing their name to the husband's last name as well as the children. Since I'm the one that actually carried and gave birth to the children, I think I've earned the right to give them MY birth name.

My husband will occasionally tell me that sometimes he feels he's not part of our family - simply because he is the only one with a different name... and I tell him to grow up and act like the adult he is. He is a major part of our family and he knows it.

I would not change your kids last name unless your new husband is adopting them. If you divorce and remarry are you going to change everyones names to the new dads name?
I would take new husband last name and NOT hyphenate with maiden. That just adds to the confusion. These days blended families are common and Kids should be able know who they are won't change with divorce and remarriage.

Hyphenate your name or use your maiden name as a middle name. Give your new baby the father's name. Let the children decide when they are old enough if they want to hyphenate or change it.

You could also suggest everyone, including your fiance adopt the hyphenated name. A lot of men are insecure about this, but I think it is perfectly reasonable. I wish I had my husband do it. That way you all share a name and everyone is making a concession.

I woudl advise you to keep your 2 older children and your name someone the same so they don't feel isolated or left out. It is not like it is their father's name...

In the past five years I have changed my name so many times I can't keep it straight. Actually I only changed from my married to my maiden and then to my new husbands.

We adults have more issues than our kids do with this.

Just as I did with my first marriage I moved my maiden name to the middle and took his as my last. I hate with a passion that burns people that hyphenate last names. My issues, I know.

My kids have always been able to keep track of and understand why my name isn't the same as theirs anymore. In return I am never fussed when someone calls me by their last name.

Just by how my kids feel it is a lot stranger to not have your father's last name than it is to have a different last name than your mom.

So please don't change your kids last name, that will confuse them and it is unnecessary. I would do what I did with the last names or hyphenate since no one else seems to have my issues with that.

I think you should change your name (or hyphenate at the very least) you can always hyphenate your two kids' last names too. I've seen it a lot and it's kinda cool.. Why don't you ask your kids what they think? They probably don't even think it would be a big deal to not have the same last name as you, and if they do then change theirs.. I'd strongly lean toward hyphenating theirs, especially if their bio dad isn't in the picture.

I think its ok for the kids to keep their current last name and for you, your new husband and baby to have a different last name. The kids will still all be brothers and sisters, and you will still be their mom. Last names don't change that.

My mom gave me her last name and when she married, she changed her name. I was the only one with my last name while my mom, stepdad and step-siblings had the same last name. Didn't bother me. That was still my mom. My son has his father's last name. Many times at school, they call me Mrs. (Son's Last Name). Usually I politely correct them, but sometimes I just smile. It should NOT be that big of a deal.

I grew up with a different last name than my mom. She was married to my dad with the same last name, they divorced she changed to her maiden name, she remarried (I was five when she remarried) and changed again. I never really cared! She was mom and had a different last name than me. If you don't make it a big deal, it's likely they won't either.

If your going to hyphenate then try something like Your First Name, Your Maiden Name, New Last name without the hyphen...just get rid of your middle name. If I had do it all over I would totally have drop my middle name and used my maiden name.

My last name now is not even my husbands bio last name...THANK GOODNESS! I would have never changed at all if the bio name would have been my option. We decided that because his stepfather is his FATHER we would honor him with kids to carry on the last name! And plus we have a totally awesome last name.

Is your current last name your maiden name or is it an ex-husband's name? This makes a big difference. If your children have their father's last name, than I would not change it unless he is not in their lives at all. If it is your maiden name, I would ask the children how they feel about changing it (depending on the ages), and I would also consider the hyphenated name. There is nothing wrong with your children having different names, as long as you don't mind getting notes home from the teacher saying Mr. and Mrs. Maiden Name (when you have your married or hyphenated name).

Same thing here. My daughter, me and of course my husband all have his last name. My son is now 15 so I let him decide which name he wants to carry as he has my maiden name too. He wants ti have my husbands name so il trying to figure out how ti get this done. Ask your older child and let them change it later if the like. Good luck mama and congrats!

Well parents and children having different names is more common than not. Take on your husbands name and wear it proudly and maybe one day he will adopt your other children and everyone will have the same last name. When I remarried my 2nd husband adopted my 2 boys and we have since divorced and they still carry his name. They don't have a problem with it and they were 18 and 15 when adopted by my now ex. Adoption was not a problem since their dad was not in the picture at all. The lawyer put an announcement in the newspaper and their bio dad didn't respond so the adoption went through without a problem.

Why can you not change your name, then get the dad's to give up rights and or change your kid's last names since they have your last name?

I guess some of it depends on their relationship with their bio dad. And how they feel about it. My son is 6 and if I ever got remarried I wouldn't change his name. I do feel strongly that I would want to hyphen my last name. (I'm not even dating anyone, so I guess that's not a problem!) When I got divorced I didn't change my name back b/c of my son. I looked at it as choosing his name, not my ex's or my father's. I do think I'd want to take my spouse's name, but my last name (while I "technically" got it from my ex) it is my own name, so I'd want both. I do think that the baby deserves it's dad's (the man you're marrying) last name.

The tradition of women taking their husband's names is archaic, and was necessary when women literally were owned by their husbands. I wonder how men would feel about changing their names after 2 or more decades living with their own?

I adopted my daughter when I was single, so she has my last name. Then I got married and kept my name. My husband is fine with daughter still having my last name, even though he has adopted her legally.

I wouldn't change your name, and would only change your first 2 kids' names if their bio father isn't in their lives or is an unfit father. Then your new husband can adopt them.

Regarding your new baby, if it means so much to your husband, then give it his name. These days families have different names and it's all acceptable.
Sometimes people refer to my husband as Mr. My Last Name, and we get a good chuckle out of it!

I debated this as well. In the end the kids didn't really care and they'll adjust to whatever your choose.

My oldest son has my maiden name, which is a blessing because none of my brothers have kids so he'll be the one to "carry on the family name" - it's not that important, but it's kind of nice. I moved my maiden name to my middle name and took my husband's name as my new last name. I considered hyphenating but this worked out just as well. When I sign e-mails or paperwork for my oldest sign, I sign First Middle Last so they see the connection between us. His friends and teachers call me "Mrs. Maiden Name" and I answer to that or my actual last name - either one is fine for me.

My younger boys (with my husband) have the same last name as my husband and me. My step-daughter has had 3 last names (mother's maiden name, then step-father's name, now my husband's name) but she now has the same last name as us.

So my oldest is the odd man out with last names but it doesn't bother him. I've let him know that he can change his last name any time but he likes the one he has - it suits him and ties him closely to my family, who helped raise him when he was little and I was single. So that's what has worked out here and everyone is OK with his or her name.

could your new husband take YOUR name? My foster sister had a nice easy last name and her fiance' had a 14 letter german one. He took HER name.

Here is my story: I had my first daughter when I was not married so I gave her my last name. I got married to my husband when she was 4 years old and I took his name. When she was 5 years old I had my second daughter with my husband and she got daddy's last name. My daughter is very smart for her age and did not understand why her name was different from the rest of us. We tried to explain it the best we could but we could tell that it really bothered her. I could tell that she felt like she was not "part" of the family. My husband and I never did anything to make her feel this way, but she still felt it. When she was almost 7 years old my husband was able to legally adopt her. Her bio dad had to sign over his rights before any name change was allowed to take place. If you are recieving any kind of child support, most likely bio dad will have to sign over his rights before a name change can take place.
I think it totally depends on the child because most 4 year olds could care less about last names, but not my daughter. I think it was a security thing for her. I would talk to your 9 year old and ask her how she would feel if your name and baby's name were different from hers. I would make sure when the conversation happens that your fiance is also there. She needs to know that you both support her in whatever feelings she has about this. Once you both know how your daughter feels; then you can both make the right decision for the entire family not just for your fiance.

My husband and I both hyphenated our names when we married. That way everyone in our family has the same name. He has gotten a few odd looks here and there over the years, strangely enought the DMV was the worst. Right before he changed his name he had a moment of "Oh my I am CHANGING my name!" I smiled and said, welcome to what when have been doing for hundreds of years. He is very glad he did it as am I. I also have friends who merged their two names into an entirely new name. This is not a choice I made because it does not preserve the identity and ancestral connections.

Good luck.

Hyphenate. I am hyphenated and I match all my kids one way or the other. Dont change your kids last name to one thats not even theirs unless their biological has signed over his rights and your fiance is going to adopt them. Even then, I probably wouldnt. My husband and his brother were raised with another man's last name and my BIL changed his. My husband wants to but we just have to many kids to afford legal name changes for all of us.

im a hyphenate and my husband couldn't care less.

ASK the kids how they would feel, but I would give the baby your husband's name and change your own.

Speaking from experience, my first 2 have their dad's last name, and now he's being a butt head about letting me change it. The girls feel really left out not having the same last name as the rest of us, but while he won't listen to me, he'll listen to them if that's what they really want (and it really is), so I am waiting for when they see him next to bring it up again. We WILL all have the same last name ;)

I guess it depends on the history of the name. My mom rarely had the same last name as me and my sister and it was never an issue. I never really worried about it. Never felt left out, etc. My sister and I were happy to shed our surname when we married, so even had Mom gotten it changed, it would have been temporary.

Some women never take their husband's name. Friend of ours never took her DH's name, and their daughter has his last name, no hyphens. Since you didn't mention the circumstances with the first last name or how old the kids are, it's kind of hard to guess. Why are you having a hard time changing the name from theirs?

Personally, I'd take the fiance's last name and give a non-hyphenated name to the baby, but that's me. Me, who took back a birth surname as a second middle after I got married (ditched maiden, took DH's for general purposes).

However, please don't saddle the kids with a bunch of hyphens. They're still your kids, same name or not. I would also not change their last name if there are positive connections with the family it comes from. Let it be their choice.