Is There Anything Wrong with This?

My husband was raised by a single mother and he is the most affectionate, cuddly and generous man I know. Don't worry about you making him less "manly" as a single mom. Expose him to everything (from Cinderella to football) and teach him how to treat women and he will be a wonderful man some day!

I am a single Mom - always have been. My son is 16. And while people will say he is a "Momma's Boy" he is growing into a very independent thinker with his own ideals and ideas. My son was, and remains, on the low end of the height/weight scale. He is only 113 pounds right now, and about 5'4". But he holds himself equally with physically larger teens.

He often sings out "I love you" across the house, and we start, and end, each day with hugs. He will flop on the sofa, still, and snuggle next to me.

He has gladly watched "girl" movies with me. We also watch action movies and we both hate horror movies. If this makes my son "feminine" then so be it. He has a girlfriend who thinks he is the best, and he is kind, caring, and respectful to her.

He has a ton of close guy friends, and would gladly throw down with them if the need arose. He stands up for himself, his friends, and me. And lets no one dictate to him. He acts on his own and is proud of who he is.

I think this is what "manning up" is meant to be.

If you are worried about his self esteem, of his (seeming) fear of everything, talk to his pediatrician about it. You son is only 7 - there is so much little boy still there. He has, maybe, seen more than he should have, but with love, and communication, you can work that out. If you think he needs intervention - then by all means obtain that for him. But, don't worry too much now about the man he will become. I think that you are on the right tract with him now.

Hugs.

Don't worry about him "manning-up". He's not a man. He's a little boy. You aren't doing anything wrong.

Believe me, at some point he'll be watching the Die Hard movies. Then you'll WISH he'd watch a chick flick.

Btw, my kids loved Fantasia, and there's nothing "manly" about that!

Dawn

All of my boys are snugglers. I hope they are snuggly husbands, too.

Look, you can't MAKE a child not be scared, you need to show them they are loved and secure. You can't MAKE your son feminine by showing him Cinderella, or all of my boys would be wearing dresses. You don't need to get him to man up, you need to show him you love him unconditionally. You are not doing anything wrong.

Oh for crying out loud - don't listen to people who tell you there is something wrong with what you are doing!

You happily snuggle with your children, you alternate decisions on what movie to watch, and your son is happy! It ain't broke so don't fix it! So what if he watches Cinderella? And what exactly does "man up" mean?? Start being dominant and abusive, like he's seen in the past??? Oh no!

The "man up" comments are from people who are uncomfortable with boys showing sensitivity and affection and a desire to be at home. And then they the same ones who are upset by those who are abused by men who can't show a soft side! And your daughter watches Star Wars, which shows good triumphing over evil, an acceptance of those who look "different" and some wild fantasy and special effects. And meanwhile, everyone's learning to compromise and appreciate each other's wishes.

I have a son who cried about ET not "going home" and who packed himself in his bed with a zillion stuffed animals. He had a special blanket and he sucked his thumb. He's since been a leader on the track team, is a logical and productive engineer, and he has a great girlfriend. Probably because we let him be who he is.

It won't be too long before your son won't want to snuggle, and won't want to walk next to you in the mall. FYI that's normal and has nothing to do with you being a single parent! Give him the security he needs, allow him to express physical affection, and give him these wonderful memories of family togetherness! You are helping to nurture him, and you are helping to create a wonderful man that, someday, a special someone will be very grateful for!

Leave him alone and stop listening to people who critique you! We don't need more macho men in this world - we need more human beings!

My husband has no issues being manly...but he also likes musicals, Disney movies, and cuddling...;)

He was raised by a single mom with his father in and out of the picture...Your son sounds like he will be just fine...

OMG, he's seven. You don't need to man him up. He's fine -- there is NOTHING wrong with Cinderella -- there are plenty of things for boys in that movie -- battle and a valiant prince, but also love and friendship. What's wrong with that? My son watched all his sister's favorites, and he's quite rough and tumble. Your son is perfect as he is. Stop letting "friends" second guess what you're doing. Just love him up -- he's fine.

Your son is 7. There is plenty of time for him to become more masculine. Don't worry so much.

I advise that you find a good male role model to spend time with. Someone who can take him out fishing, 4-wheeling, to learn rifle/range safety, in the garage to fix things and build things, out in the yard to push the mower. You know....guy stuff. And these things should be done without you standing by with a concerned look on your face. :-)

He'll get tougher and stronger by building confidence. Hanging out with positive male role model will help (it will also help your daughter eventually, but don't take one-on-one time away from your son and his male role model). Don't worry. You're not screwing him up.

I am so glad that many people posted that there's nothing wrong with this. Your son sounds very sweet and normal, especially considering the situation of the abusive relationship he witnessed. That may be part of his fear... I agree with others who said that getting him involved in some activities may help brings him out of his shell a bit. The successful experiences of other environments and developing other skills is good for self esteem, although he may not be ready to do that quite yet.

But the other stuff, the cuddling, the movies, there's nothing wrong with that at all. Cuddling with him and watching Cinderella will not make him feminine it will make him secure. It sounds like that it what all of you need right now.

My son is 7 and he watches the Disney movies with his older sister, plays dolls with her and also loves sports, Ninjago, animals. And he still loves cuddling with us. It's really just part of his personality. It sounds the same for your son.

In short, your friend is a do-do bird. You are doing a wonderful job. I also want to commend you for getting out of your abusive relationship and creating a better life yourself and your kids. That is not an easy thing to do. What will make your son "man up" is seeing the strong and brave example of his mother.

Good luck~

He's 7. Why does he need to man-up...he's not a man. He's a kid. They like all sorts of things. My son, who was 5 at the time watched Beauty and the Beast and liked it, and told the girls at school that he saw it and they said it was a girl movie. Who says? Can't we all relate to someones struggles that are overcome with fun music and a happy ending? Don't let your guilt about a bad relationship misguide you about your son. Maybe he's dealing with the breakup of your marriage in a way that makes him a bit fearful. His life has changed and maybe it makes him nervous. He's a kid. Enjoy him and all is cuddling while you can. Hopefully he'll grow up to be a man who is compassionate, thoughtful and emotional. I don't think thats a bad thing.

Ditto to EVERTHING EPHIE D said! Just give him love and let him be who he is. My daughter is 7 and I've met some of the other 7 year old boys in her class and a lot of them are aggressive and rude. I would for one love it if there were more normal boys (like yours) that she could play with. :)

I agree with the others who say just encourage him to try different experiences, sports, cub scouts, camping, art, music, theater. If he has a nice uncle or older cousin, get them together if they enjoy each other. encourage).
He may just be always a quieter, reflective type. There's nothing unmanly about that. Just as there's nothing manly about your abusive ex. Manly doesn't mean tough or loud or into violence.
Love him and accept him for who he is now, who he will be in 5, 10 and 20 yrs.

You get him to man up by allowing him to fulfill his needs. And if he wants and needs to watch Cinderella, forbidding him to watch it is not going to make a "man" of him.

The best way to alleviate his fears is to give him the support and nurturing he needs. Ignore your friend's comments and enjoy the cuddling.

One thing I love about this website is that I know that most of your responses will tell you there is nothing with him and to keep cuddling him. I only read a few of them, but this is one issue we are usually in agreement on.

Enjoy the snuggling while you can and no reason why they cant take turn picking movies. Even if it turns out to be a Cinderella movie. If your worried that he is not getting the right male role model or some such sign him up for soccer or little league. Or if that is still too rough and tumble sign him up for swimming. I wouldnt worry bout it though he is going to grow up like he is going to grow up and you just need to let him be and accept. maybe he is use to a house full of peoplel and the house is just a bit to quiet for him now? But again dont stress it just hug and cuddle while you can

I can't comment on the scared, but I want to comment on the girly movies. I also have a 7 year old son (and a 5 year old boy, 3 year old girl, and 2 year old boy). My 7 year old has a very small bone structure is very thin, and pretty short - not that any of that is relevant. He likes "boy" stuff...star wars, transformers, superheroes and will always choose those things to play/watch. However, without complaint he also plays the pretty pretty princess game, complete with wearing earrings and necklaces, watches all of the princess movies, plays house/family, and plays with princess dolls - because my daughter wants to do those things. I am so proud of him that he is able to step outside gender stereotypes in order to give his sister a chance at picking games/play/movies/etc. If anything I think it is wonderful on your son's part and shows compassion, an understanding of fairness, and compromise.

I don't think he is feminine, he sounds pretty normal to me. My 6 year old is the same way, he is an awesome kid! My boys LOOOVE Tinkerbelle and Cinderella, mostly because of Gus the mouse :)

What you can do, is expose him to more activities, sports, hobbies, science experiments (my boys love the Gross Science books), magic tricks... help him find something he likes. Encourage him to be active and maybe have playdates with some other boys. But don't not allow him the things like Cinderella, those are important for well-rounded kids. Even still, if he does grow up to be more on the feminine side, embrace him regardless.

Totally agree with Kellhy S. He is who he is and just enjoy him. Cinderella is a great movie that boys are allowed to like just like girls. And girls can like Star Wars just like boys. Just love him for who he is and let him know that you're always there to support him and love him unconditionally. That will go a long way.

I don't think you need to worry about him 'manning up'. I don't know how long ago you were divorced, but that really affects children. He's seen some bad things, bad things that happened to his mommy. His family has shrunk. He needs YOU. Give him all of the love, snuggling and attention he needs. You can't over-love a kid. If he's afraid of something, maybe have him face his fear, with you. Together, the two of you will face his fears and it will give him the courage he needs, to know he isn't alone. As far as the girlie movies, who said watching 'girlie' movies was bad for boys? Is it a problem for girls to watch boy movies, such as Star Wars? If he doesn't want to watch it, he can leave the room. If he likes it, so what? My son has three sisters. He watches a LOT of 'girl' movies. He's only three, but I doubt he'll care much as he gets older. Maybe your son gets more out of the time spent with you and his sister than what the movie provides. I think it's wonderful he loves spending so much time with you and your daughter! We should encourage our boys to find value in time spent with the women and girls around them. I say, keep up the good work, Momma!

Nope.
There's nothing wrong with it at all.
Relax and enjoy your son!
I expected our son to start pull away a bit, but he hasn't so far.
He is still a major snuggler and he just turned 14.
My husband has always been a great snuggler, too.
Maybe a taekwondo class will help your son develop some confidence.
Our son's a 2nd don black belt, but that has not affected his ability to be affectionate.

He doesn't need to man up.
Has he ways been basically this same way?
It's important for him to know that YOU are OK.
And that HE is safe.
And YOU are strong and safe.
And that he is not responsible for protecting you.
So....if he knows those things, snuggle away!
If you're not sure...he probably needs some counseling about the split.
THOSE are the things I'd concern myself with, not his taste in movies or snuggle-monster ability!

At his age he does not need to MAN-UP! If everything you say is true, he will need to learn how to "MAN-Down".

just love him mama. he sounds like a doll, sweet and affectionate like my son.

you can encourage him to try new things, and love him when he fails so that he sees it's okay.

my son is 6 and we are blessed with a two-parent family - i know the feelings you have. when my marriage was new my husband had a LOT of growing to do and we went through some rocky times after our son was born - my son and husband were not close the first few years. so i found myself constantly shielding him from his father. things have changed a LOT in the last year or so and now i am having to remind myself that they need a relationship - for some of the same reasons you listed. while i want to love my son as he is and let him be cuddly and timid if that's what he feels - at the same time, i DO feel (and i might get blasted for this) that his father will be a good role model, and a very helpful one. if it was just me and my son taking on this life all on our own it wouldn't matter...but i do worry about him at school and around his peers. no, i'm not trying to change my son. but certain skills are very helpful, and one of those is blending in with his male friends (and later in life, coworkers). i am happy that my son will have a male role model to help him learn these subtle nuances of male-to-male relationships that i never could.

so all of that rambling to say, i understand your concern. we love those little boys and they are so sweet and we don't want to crush that in any way. BUT there is something to be said for GOOD male role models. do you have any brothers or close family friends he could spend time with? that might help him be a little more confidant. not talking about "manning him up" necessarily, but a certain amount of confidence in his role in this world would be a great benefit...

as long as he doesn't start playing with only dolls and only wants to watch girly movies you're good. My nephew had very little male influence when he was about your son's age, he is now a teenager and struggling with who he is.
When younger he was like your son and now he's very easily influenced by those around him and about who they think he is.
I may not have the popular answer but I've seen it with my own eyes. I do think he needs a strong male influence. What about cub scouts? something like that. He also needs to see what a real relationship is supposed to be like , one that isn't abusive.
Counseling can do nothing but help.

Snuggling and Cinderella are fine if he is OK with them. "Manning up"? Um....if you are looking for a masculine influence, Big Brothers perhaps? Or talk with him about some sports he'd like to sign up for and do that. It's good that he can feel safe with you. And you know...there is nothing inherently wrong with being "feminine".

It sounds like you have a great family tradition of Movie Night! Whether it be Cinderella, Star Wars or another movie, they are all part of Family Movie night . . . not a girl movie or a boy movie, just a family movie. I have no advice on the "manning up" part

Ditto On Marda P.
He will make the decision on his own when he wants to man up, he's a boy, let him be himslef and make him P. of who he is and secure in his self worth after going through divorce. If his dad spends time with him he will eventually seek out more time to spend with dad so he will get that male interaction from him and his half brothers, let him be the way he is with you and he will be good to his wife when he grows up, cause Lord knows i wish my husband was less man all the time and would watch more romantic comedies with me and cuddle and like the movie we watch together!

So, I agree with everything that's been said. I do want to echo what J.B. said and ask you to get some counciling/therapy. I think that wll help him with being more confident and with moving on from the trauma that he has been through. I think that probably all of you could use some help in that regard.You are giving you son and daughter exactly what they need right now to know that you are there for them and will never leave.