How "Well" Should a 3Yr Old Be Expected to Listen?

if she listens except when she's tired, doesn't that tell you that she's doing awfully well?
a mindlessly obedient 3 year old would worry me. might make life easier for you, but would indicate a far too malleable personality.
if a 3 year old needs a little extra help and firmer boundaries when she's tired, i think that's okay.
khairete
S.

Your daughter is a child, not a soldier. Soldiers follow orders on demand. I do not know of any 3 year old that follows orders on demand. Remind your husband of that. While she absolutely should be taught respect and obedience, she should not be expected to "stop in her tracks and follow instructions immediately", especially when she's tired because more than likely she's cranky also.

All I can say is that sounds about right. My four year old started being that way around 3 and it is better and worse depending on the activity, the level of distraction, how tired she is , and how personally motivated she is - she hears the words "ice cream" but not "clean up your toys."

Pick your battles. When it is important, like when disciplining her or for her safety, pull her aside make her look you in the eye, and have her repeat back to you so you know she understands and isn't just yes-ing you. Otherwise, don't waste your breath on the unimportant issues. With time, you will learn when her distracted times are and just let her be.

Pay attention to her environment. I think we tend to overwhelm kids with sound and activity - TV, lights, radio in teh car, all day at the playground... Make sure you give her lots of time for quiet play activities. If she isn't always in a hyper-alert state, she may learn to focus her attention better.

I have a 3 year old son and my husband and I believe that his "Terrible Twos" stage began when he turned 3. He is a good boy and listens well to us, but there are times where he is openly defiant. I think he is trying to see how far his limits are with us. I noticed that our son listens the best when we get down to his eye level and explain things to him face-to-face. That's when I have his full attention. My husband and I also try to be accountable of one another to make sure we practice what we preach. For example, we've been teaching our son to answer with a "yes" every time someone calls his hame instead of "what". My husband and I correct each other when we find ourselves answering with "what" when our names are called because we know our son learns a lot more from our examples then what we tell him. Hope this helps.

I think it kind of depends...
Is she ignoring or is she so involved in what she is doing that she doesn't really hear you?

Children learn by consequences... natural and otherwise. If she ignores you and does what she wants - you have two choices. You can either let her continue or make her stop. Both options have consequences. If my child ignores me when I ask him to stop playing video games and come to dinner, he will not be playing after dinner. It all becomes a matter of choice for the child.

At age 3, there were consequences for bad behavior, not listening, ignoring, and general "stupidity". In my world, you get one warning and then if you continue with whatever you are doing and don't follow the rules, you get consequences. You need to find your child's currency... My oldest loves TV. The threat of no TV would snap him right into shape! (I would say something like, "#1, if you don't go wash your hands and come to the table right this minute, there will be no video games after dinner." The choice was his. (He came to dinner!)

I did time outs as well. In the chair in the kitchen with the timer. My children are now teenagers. They are happy healthy responsible kids. I'm told how great they are all the time - it was a TON of hard work and still is.

I have always had only one rule when we leave the house:
Don't shame your mother.
It's all I've ever needed.

K.,

I can relate to this quite well. My 3 year old son and 4 year old daughter are the same way. To get them to listen. When I ask them to do or not to do something and the don't obey my request. I make them sit down and calm down, if they don't listen and start having a temper tantrum then I go down to their level so we are facing eye to eye and say to them I need you to listen to what I'm saying because..., if you don't listen then you will have to sit here longer. I was amazed after awhile how when they are sitting down quitely and just hearing what you have to say really makes a huge difference. Best of luck!

J. Z.
Independent Shaklee Distributor
www.shaklee.net/Z.
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They can understnad a whole lot at that age.
My grand-daughter is 2 1/2 and has been taught to obey, or there are consequences. My same age your old cousin only says yes and no. If you teach them they will know. The longer you wait the more problems you will have in breaking her of selfishness. Even when tired obedience is nessecary!!
Boundaries make healthly responsible kids,and they grow up that way being well adjusted adults. It all starts now.
God Bless!

sounds like you are doing fine. my 3 year old listens but doesnt always do what i want or ask. she tells me no. but for the most part she is great. i myself dont hear people when i'm "busy" watching tv or watching say the ants walk across the porch. so her being intranced in something isnt her not listening to you its that shes got all her attention on something to where she doesnt even hear you to listen. i'm sure she's not blocking you out by choice. maybe try something like this: she's watching th cute like bunny hop across the yard but its time to come in for lunch. say "hey you see a bunny? he's cute huh?! well it's time to come in for lunch now, say goodbye to the bunny." if you talk about it first usualy they are more inclined to hear you and then be able to listen to you.

"without having to physically go over and help her"

That depends on the child, where they are cognitively, emotionally, developmentally, etc.

Not all children are the same. While one 3 yr old may 'listen' or follow directions well, another may need more help.

Do I think it's age appropriate at 3? yes. At 12? no.

I think getting up to help her will be needed until she is better able to follow directions. It will also help her learn to follow directions. And, since that is what we are doing at this age (teaching them), then it sounds like what you are doing is fine.

Keep things short, "danger!" or "Hot!" and redirect for dangerous situations.

I have the same issue with my 3.5 yr old boy... he seems to understand when I tell him something is dangerous, but won't 'believe me'.... "I not get hurt" he says to me. That is because he'll touch the stove when it's cool (for instance) and it's NOT hot.... so when I say it's hot, he doesn't believe me. Or, hopping around a parking lot, jumping off a wall or stairs, etc etc etc.

(he's actually getting better at following directions these days though, and is fairly trustworthy in parking lots, etc but I still am sure to hold hands and talk to him each time about safety)

I read the replies below me, and really liked Ladybug's response. Consequences are indeed important. Some parents choose not to impose unrelated consequences, and find that making sure the consequence relates to the infraction will help them learn better for next time.

I have found that in general, showing them something they CAN do instead works so much better than imposing arbitrary punishments or even time outs.

Or, meeting them halfway as long as it still stays within the rule set forth. Parents tend to get so wrapped up in 'do as I say' and such, that they tend to forget we can bend a little without 'giving in'.

I highly recommend Adventures in Gentle Discipline put out by La Leche League. (or other discipline books that focus on Gentle Discipline, Positive Discipline or Internal Discipline.

Good luck!