Hitting - Elk Grove,CA

Both children are are still young and hitting can be a normal phase that they go through. When the the hitting starts and they are playing together redirect their attention to something else(i.e other toys or activity) If that doesn't work seperate them for a few minutes , but always be positive. Don't reinforce the behavoir with a negative behavior.I have found that when the kids are no longer getting attention for the undesired behavior they eventually stop doing it. I have five children of my own and have learned from experience and very helpful advice over the years. It takes time but eventually it will work.

That's how boys play,but if they were closer in age and strength it would be that simple. They need to get outside and play the weather right now is great get them out of the house.

Is anyone in the family in the military? Are there TVs in the home? What are the kids watching? Are they wearing clothes that promote violence or casual behavior? Has there been any domestic dispute either verbal or physical?

That's the first thing I would consider. I notice that my kids' behavior also goes south whenever they are exposed to violence. For example, on vacation they were exposed to Disney movies at cousins house and came back wanting to use swords and guns. We had to stop that in its tracks. We also switched schools to a private school for my son (5) because he was going to public school with the town cop's kid who kept talking about drug busts and drugs. No to mention the bully factor in his public school. Get rid of the violence and your kids will act better.

Lastly, there's also a good chance they hit each other both cause they've seen this and because they are vying for your attention. The nephew was used to having you to himself before you had your own kid and is probably jealous. Your own kid is wondering why this other one is so important to you.

Consistancy is key. We all learn from repetition, especially kids. I don't know how long you've been working at this but try to hang on just a little longer. Sometimes, just when we are about to give up, our little charges suddenly get it.

First of all - any family members that are hitting these BABIES must stop immediately.Modeling is everything and babies simply are not going to respond to the things you've mentioned as they are far beyond any capacity they have developed. It sounds like it would really help to read some child developmental books on toddlers. You can try Jane Nelson's books ,Penelope Leach 's books are good to.ALso the one called 'you are your child's first teacher.'Those books 'your one year old', 'your 2 year old' - these are all at the library. Perhaps join a facilitated Mom's group. It is critical for all children and especially Babies that the adult in charge have basic knowledge of what is AGE APPROPRIATE for them otherwise it is a recipe for misery for all concerned. Ongoing Personal Education is a huge part of raising kids.
These 2 infants are at very different developmental levels you can not leave them alone to 'play' at all - that is not an age appropriate expectation at all - Sorry. The age gap will decrease but for now the best strategies is for side by side different activities. Get very creative fast try to get it set up before your nephew comes over think it out as best you can - model gentle touches and distract when things start going south. Be active ,be creative and the gap will grow smaller before you know it.

And Yes - we all understand being frustrated with children but hitting children works against everything and everyone particurarlly if you want to stop hitting from happening.

Amy is spot on.

Also, when you slap their hands, you are hitting them, so they're getting hit for hitting someone. Rather contradictory don't you think? Solving violence with violence doesn't work.

I don't know what your nephew's vocabulary is though, but you can help them both.

My question is, who are they modelling? Do they watch TV that has a lot of hitting? Do people playfully hit them, and thus they think all hitting is okay? Do other people around them do that comraderie style hitting?

just keep doing what you are doing and make sure to not leave them alone for a moment.. your nephew is old enough to hurt your son.. and of course have no idea what he's doing.. i don't know there is much else you can do.

My daughter is 18mo. now and about your babies age she was doing the same thing. She was mean! I didn't know what to do, I just thought that was who she was, but one day it just kinda hit me. She was hitting to get attention. She didn't know how else to get it. As soon as I started taking extra time to pay attention to her she stopped hitting. She wasn't hitting her sister and she stopped hitting my husband and I. When she would start to get "mean" again, I stopped what I was doing and gave her some special time. (I was not rewarding the bad behavior though. Be careful about that.) Good luck. I hope it works for you too.

Try the book "Hands Are Not For Hitting" - and read it to them two to three times every day - they're both very young, but the 22-month-old should be able to understand the premise of it. Spanking hands (hitting) in order to teach them to not hit is counterproductive. If they continue to hit, CALMLY remove them from one another. You need to stay calm, and remember that you are the adult, the example-setter, the grown-up. They will look to you for HOW to handle anger, and if you're out of control, they will think that is normal. Remember, that these are just babies. They don't yet have the intellectual capacities to understand right from wrong. They will only learn by your example, wisdom, and gentleness.

It's a phase. My son went through it and I've seen some of my friends kids go through it. Just be consistent about saying No and stay close by so that the 22 month old doesn't really hurt the 10 month old. They're both a little young yet to reason with so you've just got to keeping telling them hitting is not okay. I agree with the time outs for the older child (10 month old is too young - he won't understand). With the 10 month old, about all you can do is say No. He is learning it from the older child unfortunately.

I will tell you one thing about hitting of the hand. I did that and what I got for my trouble was my son hitting back or hitting some inanimate object like a counter. I would slap him on the hand then he'd immediately slap whatever was nearby. I was getting the opposite effect. I stopped smacking his hand and just used my voice and after what seemed like forever but was probably really only a week or so, he stopped hitting. He's just over 3 now. He's still bullyish with smaller kids but I just make sure I stay close by and correct the bullying when it happens and I always make him apologize.

This too shall pass...

My son is 1 1/2 and he would hit all the time, I tried all the things you did. t wasn't until westarted going to the park every day or at least playing outside for as long as he wanted. He hasen't hit me since. Hope this helps.

You cannot teach a child not to hit by hitting! They are too young to figure this out for themselves. My suggestion would be to sit on the floor with them when they are gearing up to hit one another, engage them in activities appropriate to their ages, and be their mediator. It's through your interaction with them that they will learn how to interact with one another.

M. Milos, RN

I JUST got home from my son's two-year doctor's appointment. I just asked him the same question. My son is CONSTANTLY hitting things, his sister, me, the dog... He said it's normal with todlers. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

That said, what I have been doing is telling him "No hitting. It hurts mommy" (or sister or whatever) and giving him a time out. He doesn't do the time out thing very well at all, but at least I remove him from the situation. Yes, I've been doing this for what seems like forever, but it kind "disarms" him for the moment.

I have noticed a change in him hitting with objects since we've started the very strict rule that, if he hits with an object, we take it away immediately. That doesn't work when he hits with his hands, obviously. If I catch him using anything to hit with, it's gone. And I tell him very clearly, "No hitting. You hit with this, now we have to take it away."

I too am ready to pull my hair out and looking forward to this stage passing. If you've come up with anything that works wonders, pass it on!!! Until then, GOOD LUCK and hang in there!!!

Hey K., my 12 mo old son is doing the same thing. . .so when you find an answer can you let me know. . .But. .. it is just a phase. . .most kids go through it and I think of it as great time to start teaching my son right from wrong, and how to be gentile with other kids. . . One suggestion is instead of tapping their hands when they hit, is to take their hand and softly stroke the other child's are or something, and at the same time tell them "GENTILE". . .after a few times all you have to say is gentile and the hit turns into a softer, more loving gesture. . .

Hello... I also have this problem I have a 18 month old as of today and a 5 month old baby, as you can imagine i am very busy .. My daughter loves to hit and i have tryed timeout,hand spanking,alot of no no's and it really does not seem to be paying off i have come to a reason i have thought is logical she is only 18 months. and no matter what i say or do as long as i tell her it is wrong to hit and distract her with something else i hthink and hope one day soon the reinforcment and consistance will PAY OFF!!

At this age -- for both of them -- time outs are not going to be an effective strategy. Taking a break from each other can allow each child to shift gears, but punitive timeouts require an ability to remember what you did and to then reflect on that abstractly -- and children do not typically have that ability until MUCH later. Time outs tend to work with preschoolers because they give the child a break from the pressure cooker and the strong emotions in a conflict. Time outs work with older kids IF the child is reflective about it. Time outs can seriously backfire, though, and they rarely really solve a problem.

Saying firmly but without anger "No. Hitting hurts. We do not hit." and moving the children apart is a good strategy for now. Keep the talk simple and memorable - things like, No hitting. Hitting hurts. We keep our friends safe. Hands are for hugging. Or hands are for holding.

You will have to repeat this about 25,000 times before they are old enough and capable enough to remember it AND also exercise self-control enough not to hit each other impulsively. But you can do it! Just patiently repeat the phrase, move them away, and move on.

If someone is crying because they've been injured, you can add in having the other child look at the injured one (the 10 month old is young for this, but the nearly-2-year old can do it) -- notice how he's showing that he didn't like to be hit (face, tears, etc.). Rather than let the hitt-er be the "bad guy" - encourage him to help the other child feel better by getting a loved toy, an ice pack, or even just giving a gentle touch or a kiss.

DO NOT HIT EITHER OF THEM BACK - that only shows that you can hit because you're bigger/stronger/more powerful. If you want to explain in concrete terms how hitting hurts, wait until the 10 month old hits him and then talk about how it feels "That really hurt. When So&so hit you, it hurt your arm! When you hit someone it hurts them. We don't hit."

Bear in mind that many many many times when very young children such as these two hit, they are actually just trying to make social contact -- but they have NO idea that their hand hurts the other person, and they haven't yet got the words or the skills to initiate play together. In that case you need to patiently model for them some acceptable ways. The 2 year old can begin to use words, "Want to play?" "Play with me!" and such. The baby of course cannot, but you can be there to help.

In any case you probably need to be physically very close to them so that you can anticipate hits before they happen and redirect or intervene to prevent some of the hitting.

GOOD LUCK!