Have BAD PMS, My Son Has the Flu - Was I Unreasonable?

I am with you 100%. I would be VERY pissed if I got that response from my husband. I hate it when men think that their social lives should carry on as normal even after they have kids. It doesn't work that way. In my book, one or two outings a month for each parent is acceptable.

Not at all unreasonable. You wouldn't go out Fri and Sat nights esp if hubby asked you not to and had to deal w 3 kids!

I got suckered into this FAR too often in my (now ended) marriage.

Note the key term.

When one person doesn't give a rip about the other and goes off to have fun, while the other is stuck at home, ASKING FOR HELP AND NOT GETTING IT?

Sounds like your husband needs the wakeup call mine never got.

These are your kids, too. This is your house, too. When kids get sick, we have to cancel plans. WE. Both of us. Partnership.

As in I'm offering to let you KEEP a night out, instead of having to cancel both, and you're saying Eff you, I'm going to go to both, you can just deal???

Sorry.

Again. One thing I learned from my (Failed!) marriage, is that a one way street doesn't work.

_____

ETA
Even worse... if he stays home and throws a tantrum about it... Find a good counselor. Refusing to stay and help your partner when they ask is a red flag, staying home and making everyone miserable enough that they won't ask you again, or send you out to make life easier? Red flags with neon lights on them.

He is the one being unreasonable. HIS CHILD is sick, and you don't feel well. Sorry, but his responsibility as a father and husband trumps plans for even one night out. He needs to grow up and be the man you and your kids need.

No you are not unreasonable in the slightest. My husband went on a guys night out tonight, it was the first one he has done in about 6 months and will most likely be the last for several months. Next week, be sure YOU get two nights out for the whole weekend. Seriously, if my husband pulled that stunt on me, especially during a particularly difficult week with a sick child at home, I would be super pissed, he is being incredibly selfish and coldhearted.

I've always thought that one guy's night out a week was the most any husband and father should be away from his family. And that the wife should also get equal time for herself. Two nights out in a row is too much for either. Using the excuse that you need help with the housework and kids was not a good one, because that should happen automatically every day for both spouses. Sorry that your husband is being a bit selfish.

Your husband sounds mean. Sorry.

~On the bright side: If he has Friday night AND Saturday night you should get ALL day Sunday, right?

Hope you and the kid(s) feel better fast. Pop in a movie, make the kids a pallet on the floor, you get comfy cozy on the couch and do something EASY for dinner tonight...like pizza or cereal (hot or cold)!

My blood began to boil as I read this. Your husbnad should cancel both and stay home and help with the children not only because they are sick, but because his wife asked him for help. That is what spouses do for one another. He is being very selfish and needs to be called on it. I suggest he read the responses on this site for starters. Good luck and hope you all feel better soon!

depends on your relationship and your previous expectations of him. sometimes dads are out of the habit of helping because we do so much. we've had a similar journey with our marriage. we are at a place now that he doesn't do 50%, BUT he will help out when i ask.

and no i don't think you're being unreasonable at all. but if this was the precedent, it may take awhile for him to get used to the idea.

NO, you are not being unreasonable. He gets "adult time" every single day when he walks out of that house. You are stuck at the house every day and are on-call 24 hours per day 7 days per week. These are HIS kids too and it is not unreasonable to expect HIM to help out when things are tuff.

My husband and I have are about to celebrate 15 years of marriage. We have two adult kids(out on their own) and an 8 year old at home. NEVER have either one of us made plans without consulting the other. The last time our youngest was sick (I was with her all day) I was going to skip my bootcamp workout to stay home with her. He forced me to go! His words: "You have been with her all day, it's my turn. Go to bootcamp and get a break."

well, I "canceled" my 1st response....

trying to be nicer: you're PMSing....so you're home & miserable, right? Your son is sick....so why can't you take care of your son? Why should your husband give up his plans & be miserable,too?

On the other hand, it would be the kinder & more considerate thing to do... if you have that element in your marriage. Sorry, but 2 nights out - in a row? Is that the norm for your marriage? It really bugs me! & it's none of my freakin' business...other than you posted the question! Apologies!

Has your Husband... EVER baby sat the kids, by himself.... while you go out all night like he does?
If not, then I would be irked.

HE is a Dad and Husband... and well to him and most men, amending their outing, like your Husband did... is enough.
But not to the Wife who also has a sick child at home and is PMS'ing.

You are not being unreasonable, given the circumstances.

Why don't you show him your responses?

Has your Husband, EVER taken care of any of your children, while they are sick????
If not.. then I would make him, do so.
They are his kids too.

What a chicken.

And it seems you even asked him nicely, to stay home. Given the circumstances.
He is being, selfish.

But alas... most men/Dads, do not know how it is, being in the trenches with a sick child and while PMS'ing at the same time.
And you have more than 1 child.

I would make him, step up.

He does not... have to go out 2 nights in a row on a weekend.
Unless he is just the type that just does whatever the hell he wants.... anyway. Regardless of what is at home.

Wow, if that were my husband, I can't even begin to tell you what would be in store for him! Sounds like he's not a very compassionate man. Men (in general) truly believe that PMS is something us females use as an excuse to be a b**** for no good reason. They don't understand that it really is a physical ailment that can cripple us. He probably heard PMS and thought to himself that he doesn't want to be home with you because you'll be unbearable. Had it just been a sick child and you didn't feel well, he probably would have been happy to cancel. If still no, then he needs some kind of wake up call. If I were closer I'd help you out, for sure!!! I hope you feel better soon and so does your little one!!! As for the hubby, kick him in the balls and then he can feel as bad as us females do during PMS.

So plan 2 nights out in a row right now for next weekend. Even if it is shopping or a movie by yourself, treat him the same as he is treating you.

Do it more than once and the nest time you ask, he may think about it twice.

reserve a hotel for the night and get a sitter. tell your hubby to pay the sitter and send her home when he gets home. that gets you a break and he can get the kids to bed when he gets home.

Its too late tonight to give any advice, but happy hour is an hour, he should be home by now. The game is tomorrow night? So all day Saturday the sick son is in bed, has to be IN BED, juice or whatever by his side, you are free to sleep and lay around and make hubby take care of the kids who arent sick,on his own. Suggest to him he take them all out to get lunch and shop for whatever and go to the park so you can be home alone and rest. Not to return to the house before late afternoon. Then when he comes back, you can have him feed the kids dinner before he goes to the game. The kids can then go to bed early and you have the evening to yourself. Make your husband earn the nights out and he will be careful to not expect too many more freebies in the future.

Well.... I am sorry your child is sick and you are PMSing (I am there with you on that one, hun). However, your husband has prior plans. The day after the game, he should watch the kids so you can have some me time. Take a nap, go shopping...

If you want someone to be there when you need them -you have to pay them-hire someone-in fact, hire two people-pay them each $20/hour-so when you're kachinging $40 every hour hubby's out-I hope he thinks it's worth it!

Think of it this way.. The more he is out the less chance there is of him
getting sick!!!!!! Who wants a sick husband?