I am throwing my daughter’s 5th birthday party, and need some input. Guest lists always stress me out. Outside of pre-school, my daughter has a pretty good group of friends that she wanted to invite. From school, she has been invited to two parties (12 kids total in the class, not including my daughter). Then she has one really good friend that she adores (in her class too). I was going to invite the two kids that invited her, and then her close friend. I feel bad about not inviting the entire class, but that would total 26 kids, which is pricey for me. Right now I am at 14. That includes both my daughters. I can add 3 more to total 17, but adding the rest of the class is a bit much financially.
FYI: I am not concerned that if her good friend may have had a party that she wasn’t invited to. Her mother may have had the same dilemma. I have talked to her mom and we want the girls to stay in touch when they go to different schools, so I thought maybe I would extend this olive branch for their friendship outside of school.
So I am thinking as far as the class goes, all or nothing, so feelings aren’t hurt or would it be ok to just invite the three? Thank you for your input.
I ended up going with just the three. I don't have their contact information outside of school, so I put them in their cubby's last night for the parents to pick up at drop off this morning. I am not going to stress over it. The day will come and go, and no one will give it a second thought. Thanks for your input ladies.
Invite 3. They won't be mad! You would be less inclined to worry about what people think about you, if you knew how little they think about you.
I'd just have the party at a playground or something that didn't cost and only have cake and perhaps ice cream. I don't do goody bags at all. Never have and never will. I think it's totally silly to pay kids for coming to a birthday party. The gifts should be for the birthday kiddo.
So, for us, birthday parties are full of fun and zero stress. I get a huge cake and don't even request an RSVP. If they come that's great, if they don't? we get to have lots of cake to take home.
You do NOT have to do "all or nothing" from her class.
There is no rule that says you must invite the entire class. Some parents insist that it's so but it's not. Invite your child's friends and the other kids will survive. I would tell my child to be certain not to talk about her party in school at all, so others don't get confused or hurt, but she and you are simply not obliged to invite every kid in the class. Even if others' parties had the whole class there -- it is not an obligation!
Very soon she will be in elementary school and it becomes more common with each passing year that parties are not for the entire class.
Other parents will understand and frankly will be glad you aren't perpetuating a chain of "every birthday party in this class includes every kid." Do what your family can afford and what your child will enjoy and what will not stress you out so much that YOU can't enjoy your child's party.
Invite just the three and end your stress.
She should invite only the friends she plays with and wants at her party. Inviting the whole class is unnecessary. Would you invite all of your coworkers to a party just because you happen to share an office with them? Of course not.
Ditto Christy Lee. My kids have always just invited their best friends, and we've (generally) used the # guests = age rule, so at five my kids would have had 5 or 6 friends, max.
My BFF has always let her kids invite as many as they want, meaning kids from school, daycare, dance, sports, you name it, and now that they're older she's having a hard time setting limits.
Having big, over the top parties sets a precedent that can be hard to break later on. So start setting the tone now, and let your daughter know there is always a limit and a budget.
Invite the three from her school - just be sure to mail the invites.
I always invited all kids from preschool and it stressed me out - so many people would not bother to RSVP.
Invite the number 5 as her age. That will be enough to keep up with. No need to have the whole class. If you have the emails or phone numbers invite them outside of school to the party. It will be the beginning of her learning that everyone is not invited to everything.
Have a great party.
the other S.
Invite the kids she is actually friends with (the three) and make sure you don't send the invites to pre-school but either do it via e-vite or snail mail to their homes.
Honestly 14 or 17 kids is too many kids for a party for a child that age but it seems that that ship has sailed. Don't invite the whole class though.
It is fine to just invite the three, but don't do so in the class, call the parents or mail the invites.
You better check the school handbook before making a decision on whether to invite kids from her class. At my daughter's school its policy that if invites are extended they should go to everyone in the class. Obviously you should do what you can easily afford. Another thought is to bring cupcakes to her class which is much cheaper than a birthday party invite.
Don't send invitations through the school. Send the invitations outside of school by phone, e-mail, or mail to the three children she's actually friends with. The "invite the whole entire class" rule is when you send invitations through backpack or class mailboxes aka on school grounds. It doesn't apply when you're on your own private time and your child is off school property.
I don't think you have to invite the whole class. Just don't give out the invitations at school. The best thing to do is to mail them so no one else sees. Encourage your daughter not to talk about it at school - at 5, she should understand about hurt feelings and hopefully can manage not to talk about it at all while in school.
Don't feel guilty for not inviting the entire class. I never really understand the point of doing that, since your child can't possibly be friends with everyone and it just costs too much. Pick the kids she likes, mail the invites, and you're set.
I too would invite the 3 from her class via snail mail or evites.
Have fun
I think the recommendation has always been one friend for each year of age. Sisters & cousins aren't included in that count from my perspective.
I would get addresses for the two firends in preschool and invite them, then hope & pray taht lots of kids won't be able to make it!
M.,
If you do invite just the three, do it very discreetly. I'd call them or mail an invite outside of school itself as preschool parents tend to talk. Just add: "Due to the fact that we cannot invite everyone in the preschool class, we ask that you please refrain from discussing this party with your child until the day of the party. Thanks for your discretion."
Chances are, if you are being discreet and ask for discretion, most parents would rise to the occasion. FWIW-- we just received an invite like this for a first grade party and this was no problem at all. My son was thrilled to find out that he had a party to go to that afternoon and no one's feelings (as far as I know) have been injured.
If you want to invite 3 more, then go for it. As it stands, you have plenty of kids. I have also noticed that the siblings, mom and dad show up for preschool parties, so the head count is higher.
What about inviting just the girls from her class?
This is why I'm happy we never invited any school kids. My kids had friends in the neighborhood that came to their parties. We took cupcakes or something to school on their actual birthdays so they could have a "party" with their school friends. They never had a problem with this. Good luck.
One friend for each year. So five plus your daughter.
