Gift-giving to Older Nephews and Niece

That's a good question and I'm interested to see what other people think. My brother's kids are all older (21, 17 & 15). I give the oldest a gift card and the younger two outfits from stores they like. I'm thinking that I'll always give them something until they have children of their own.

ETA: My husband has a niece that is 30. We stopped giving her gifts when she started having children (when she was 25). Now we give her kids gifts.

One option would be to draw names as an entire family and have each person send out 3 or 4 ideas within the agreed upon price range. That way everyone gets what they want and it feels more personal.

I think your fine with the gift cards...teenagers and kids in general LOVE shopping for there own stuff!

~Well, my kids do!

Instead of the ADULTS giving gifts to the children why don't you have the CHILDREN put all of their names into a "hat" and draw names...each one get a gift for one cousin? (An adult would have to just do the "Drawing" for everyone and let them know who's name they have drawn or you could have a rotation set up so they didn't buy for the same person...or for a brother or sister of theirs) That way each child could have a bit higher gift limit and get something really nice for that cousin. Of course the money would be probably coming from the parents....but instead of buying gifts for every single cousin you would only be buying for 2 or 3!!!
Christmas should never be about "things" it should be about family and love and sharing...and celebrating that greatest gift of all the was sent from Heaven for us!!
Merry Christmas!!

I'm in the same boat. If we get together for Christmas, I get them something small. If we don't, I just send them our christmas card/newsletter directly to them.

Unfortunately your family didn't decide this earlier, before there are several over 18 year olds who have continued to get gifts. I think the family needs to discuss this and include the 18 year olds and olders in the discussion. If the adults make this discussion, but doesn't include the young adults, then you don't really see them as adults and they are likely to have hurt feelings.

kids that age like CASH... it's fits all bodytypes too.. :):)
we give cash to he older kids in our family now..

We are almost there with our daughter. She is 20 and in college. Once she graduates I think she will be ready to say no more Christmas gifts from other relatives. She will then have her own home and be working.

My husband , my mom ad my dad were talking about this. Of course they say they will always giver her gifts, but for other relatives, that was about the time, they quit giving me gifts. Of course I had gotten married, so that also made a difference..

I am a giver and even though we say we are not giving gifts, I always give a bottle of sparkling wine($8-$9 bottle) that I sign with "Happy New Years" in gold pen to the older kids, but we also have a very small family.

WOW your kids are 19, 6 and 1. That is a nice spread and gave you time to spend with each child. Now to the gifts. Even if you were close to your nieces and nephews gift cards are best because they like being able to shop for themselves. As a family you all need to come together and decide what age is the cut off age. Even involve the older children (15 +) in the decision if the real adults think that is a good idea. Then what you agree on as a family will be the guidelines.

The nieces and nephews have a gift exchange in our family, but we also have an adult exchange too. My sister's kids are 26, 21, 18, and 17. These kids have decided to join the adult exchange ,but it seems they decide for themselves when they want to switch groups. My brother also has a 12 year old that wants to join the adult exchange this year too. So, my kids and my brother's two youngest are exchanging gifts. My husband's family I decided to not exchange with them anymore. Two of them are adults and the other is high school, which their mother never comes any way since they all live in Iowa. My youngest niece is 1 so I will give a gift for her.

Gift cards rock when you are that age. I guess I'm confused as to why you want to quit acknowledging your own flesh and blood at Christmas time.
It's a shame and not good for the kids or you that you are so comfortable and casual about the fact you all are "not very close". You all are siblings - that's the most important thing in this world - your family. Maybe you all should save the money you typically spend on gifts and plan to get together more often or buy each other phone cards and make a committment to actually speak to each other like once or twice a month. That goes for speaking to your neices and nephews too. That's why our culture and our kids are in the shape they are in - no cross generational relationships and they miss the love and expertise and life knowledge of their elders. I don't think you have a gifting dilemna - I think you have a relationship dilemna. Reach out to your family and work on making real connections this year.

Since you said you are not close to your family because of distance but don't like just to give any old gift card an idea to get to know your older niece and nephew around the holidays when you are in close proximity may be to attend an event. My husband's family has been spread around the country for about 5 years and we established a few years ago instead of giving gifts on Christmas we would do something together to take advantage of us all being together. We have gone to interactive/improv plays in Chicago (Late Night Cathecism, Tommy Gun's Garage, Second City) that are very low key often with audience participation with dinner following or included. This year I think we are going bowling. Maybe all the families can go or you can bring your oldest and your brother's kids on one of these types of events the day before or after you share the holiday together and use it as a way to get closer.
Good luck.

Hi E. ;-)

I have ten brothers and sisters.. and we all agreed that at age 18.. the little ones became big ones.. hahahha.. so were taken off of the "child gift" list. You mention that your children are 19, 6 and 1 and that they are still receiving gifts, so it seems that you and your family have not established what you all meant when you agreed to "just give gifts only to each other's children".

You can begin a conversation with your family using this as the opener and mention that you have been thinking about what it means to be part of this gift receiving group with respect to age. You can highlight that the legal age for adulthood is 18 and you think that it is appropriate now to include only children under age 18 in this group for receiving gifts from the family. Let them know that you are including yourself and your family in this, so it will immediately eliminate your 19 year old from receiving gifts as one of the children.

It probably will be accepted well since you mention you are not close to this family and only see them once or twice a year.

hugs,
A. R.N., Energy Medicine Practitioner

At some point in my family, my niece and nephew became "adults" and began participating in the adult family grab bag--about 19 I think.
BUT it sounds like no protocol has been established for this year, so I would do cash or gift cards or a family-type gift for everyone--membership, large family gift basket, etc.

I have four nieces/nephews that are 18+ ( 18, 21, 23, 26 -none are married) . When I brought up this topic both my sister and sister-in-laws were shocked. The comment made was we are closer and get together more than we did with our uncles and aunts. Since we get together it should not stop no matter the age. This is a hard topic to bring up with both my side and my husbands side.

I only buy the older ones gift cards since that is all the ask for. One nephew rarely ever comes to Christmas events but his mom still expects a gift for him.

I do not want everyone thinking I am the Grinch so i decided that I spend more on the younger ones and less on the adults. I personally feel once they are have graduated from high school it is the right time to stop. I also feel if the children cannot take the time to come to the Christmas celebration (one nephew would go snow boarding instead) that a present should not be given.

This can be one of the hardest topics if families have different views. I loved the suggestions about having a discussion and sticking to the decision made.

Happy Holidays to all!

Great question:) This was a major issue for a long time in my family. When my nephews graduated college and began their careers, I stopped giving gifts. Their mom was ticked, but she got over it. I don't see any reason to give gifts to them since they make more money than I did at the time and I was a divorced mom, to boot! I also do not expect my sister or brother to give my kids gifts either. One thing that I suggest if money is tight, is to bake them a batch of cookies or fudge--this worked out great. My one nephew's wife does this and it is wonderful.

I think 18 is an appropriate cut-off and the whole family should be in agreement.

When we graduated High School... that is when it stopped... for me and my siblings.
By then.. it does get real impersonal and/or too expensive.
But we did get Christmas cards. Just like "adults" do.

Or just ask their parents.... since you are also not close with them.

all the best,
Susan

We stop at 18 - unless we see them at Christmas time. So under 18 they get gifts even if it's by mail but after that it stops.

call and ask your brother what their interests are - i think this is one instance in which not giving a gift would be a stronger statement that you might wish to make.

Just my two cents, but I don't see a point of each giving a gift card to the other, just to give a gift. Too me it kind of cancels each out.
We stopped once any kids hit 16. You also have a - was going to say older child, but really it's a young adult. So why don't the 4 older cousins do a swap, else put all the cousins in together as others have said - young adults get a kick out of choosing kids gifts too. I'm sure Christmas isn't supposed to be so complicated for any of us! It's almost like wedding dramas and dilemmas!!