Getting a 3 Year Old to Eat Dinner

When he doesn't want to eat, give him some choices and stick to them. I recall a friend of mine's son that did the same thing and he eventually grew out of it. He is testing and showing his independence. My sons doctor always tells me he will eat when he is hungry and since he is two he only needs two tablespoons of food per meal. I know it doesn't sound like much! Tell him that he has to eat a number of bites or all of a certain food before leaving the table. But pick one of the ideas and stick to it. You can also give him the choice to eat for example 4 or 5 more bites of something. Sorry of this doen't make sense.
I have always offered choices for my son and for the 3 year old that I took care of...eventually they start to understand the choices being given and are willing to make a choice.

I know this may sound unusual, but I have seen it done and it worked. A friend of mine used to set her daughter's dinner out, they would sit down to eat like normal (rest of family). She would tell her dinner was there and to come eat when ready. The first few nights she chose not to really eat and asked for snacks, she refused, and by the third night, she would eat as she was ready. She eventually explained that she would have to sit at the table and eat and the transition went well. She still isn't a big dinner eater, but the food is there and that is all she gets - no snacks.

The best advise I have received is that Children won't starve themselves. If he's not hungry don't fight him. Bring him to the table and offer food. If he doesn't want it, don't make him, though I would make a rule that he has to sit with the family at the table whether he eats or not. Ignore the fits and don't worry about it. My son will do this (though he's not even two yet) but if he refuses to eat what I've made he gets nothing. I will save his plate though and leave it in the fridge till he tells me he's hungry, then reheat and re-serve. He will be fine, and keep in mind that it is not you sending him to bed hungry, you are trying to feed him. This is his choice, and If he doesn't like it he can change it. If he's really not hungry, he's fine. Dinner should be the smallest meal of the day anyway, it's healthier to have the largest meals be breakfast and lunch with dinner seeming more like a snack.

this may be simple.. but I know if I feed my girls earlier for dinner the more and better they'll eat. I find the later the more tired and they sometimes won't eat at all.. just fussy and grumbly.

If he is getting his nutritional needs met during the day, don't worry. Kids go through different stages. My older son was the same way - hardly ate anything at dinner. We made him sit with us through the meal (it's a good habit to get into - it's family social/interaction time). I made sure that food was still available to him at dinner, in case he changed his mind, and he never got a snack after dinner to tie him over til morning. Good news...he's a thriving teenager now, and I can't keep enough food in the house. He'll eat a full dinner and 2 hours later, he's hungry again.

T.,
I have had the same problem with my 4yo since he was about 2.5yo. We decided that if he is not hungry then he does not have to eat dinner. He still sits with the family during dinner and we put a very small amount of food on his plate in case he changes his mind.

I know that his issue was not being picky, he would eat the things we had for dinner at other times, I truly think he was just not hungry. He is a big snacker, primarily fruit snacks, yogart, and fruit and grain bars, so he is still getting nutrition (except perhaps meat protein), but he has PB&J every day at lunch so he gets some protein.

It just wasn't worth the fighting anymore. He just knows if he doesn't eat dinner then when his older sisters have dessert later he can't have any. He seems OK with that.

Are you eating late? He may be too overtired by 6:30-7:00pm.

My almost 2 year old will only eat 1-2 meals a day. She eats a good breakfast(most of the time), never eats lunch and occasionally she skips dinner. She does eat a banana or cheese or other healthy snack before bedtime though.

I asked our Dr about this since I was concerned. Since she is still thriving and growing quite well- at the 95th percentile on weight (not sure how though) he said not to worry. I also make sure I do feed her balanced meals though when she does eat.

I also help her to get the rest of her fruits and veggies in by giving her V8 Fruit Fusion for her drinks during the day. I do this throughout the whole day. In the morning she will get a half serving of it mixed with water. Then the rest of the day I will put just a very small amount in water to just flavor it up for her and she loves it. At nap and bedtime she gets a cup of milk.

One thing I would suggest though, not sure if you do this or not, is to make sure he is sitting down with you at all meals. Even if he does not eat it is there for him if he wants to. I always make my daughter sit at the table with us even if she doesnt touch her food. I really feel that meals are a great time to connect- even though she doesnt participate except to throw food to the dogs or to babble but it is a practice I want to continue as she is older! Plus, a lot of the time, except for lunch, she will start eatting when we are almost done.

Good luck to you and as long as your son is not withering away I would not worry to much! Kids really know when they are hungry from the time they are born. Remember when they would turn the head to the bottle or breast?!?! This is nothing different! Many blessings to you!

Don't worry. If he is hungry he will eat. My daughter is 2 1/2 and she usually only eats a few bites at dinner or sometimes nothing at all. A child will not starve themselves if they are hungry.

Seems you and i live paralel lives. Sometimes our son doesn't eat dinner. Just make sure the foods he has during the day are good ones. We don't want to make our kids eat when they aren't hungry and teach them not to listen to their body ques... i think that can lead to poor food decisions later in life : )

Maybe switching it up on him will help, ie have breakfast food for dinner (eggs and toast with jam or something.) Otherwise he's probably just not hungry. Most of us stop listening to our inner cues because food is forced on us so much (Aunt Edna pushing second or third helpings, Mom telling you that there are starving children in Bosnia, extra-large-super-sized-gut-busting value meals and all you can eat deals.) My son is currently going through a growth spurt I think, because all he wants to do is eat! But a couple of weeks ago, he would eat two bites of whatever was in front of him, then he was done. Go with your gut - if it seems like he's getting enough during the day, don't worry about it.

I agree with the other posts about making sure he gets most of his nutritional needs at the other meals but, I think that it is equally important to make sure you are sitting down as a family. I know many people who only sit down to dinner, as a family, maybe at the most - two times a week! I think that is so sad. We eat as a family, at least, 5 times a week, up to seven. I wouldn't make a big deal about it his lack of eating...just make sure he is eating at least one bite of everything...make it the rule so that you can still encourage eating a variety of foods. Is he getting pulled away from playing, being outside, etc...if you are not doing it now, maybe make sure he comes in at least 1/2 hour before dinner so that he has time to wind down. Good luck!

I also had the same problem with my daughter, she has kind of grown out of it now. I agree with the previous poster about making sure your son has mostly healthy food during the day. I have sent both of my kids to bed without dinner before because they chose to not et something I knew they liked. My thought is that if they were truly hungry, they would be eating so I don't feel too guilty. ;-)

T.,
I have a picky 7-year-old. I have NO problem sending her to bed hungry if she doesn't want to eat. I've practiced that since she was able to eat table food. Children won't starve themselves; it's a survival mechanism. What I do is what she doesn't eat gets wrapped up. The next meal that comes (depending on what time she wakes up, so it's either breakfast or lunch), the leftovers get warmed up and she has another chance to finish what's on her place. I do that until the food is gone. She may be stuck eating the same thing for a few days while I've moved on to something else, which she might like and want to eat with me. But it's her choice; if she would have eaten everything before, she'd have been able to eat what I just made and she wants. Like I said, kids won't starve. So if your son doesn't want to eat, then don't fight with him about it. You'll avoid a tantrum. Just put the food out like you normally would. If he doesn't eat it then, the food goes in the fridge for him to have the next day. Don't cave and give it to him later that night ~ you want to make sure you don't get him started on eating when he feels like it. If he get hungry later that night, then tell him he should have eaten dinner. Eventually he'll start eating dinner for the most part. Good luck!

Just like behavior charts, we had a dinner chart for my 3 year old son. It would sit next to him at the dinner table and it had six slots (one for each bite or however many bites you would need him to take). For every bite, he would either get to color in one spot, or he put a rock or a car in one spot. If he filled all the spots, he got dessert, usually as simple as one cookie or one piece of candy.
It really got us through the rough time of him not eating anything and misbehaving at the table.

Good luck!

You are not alone! My 3yo rarely eats much for dinner. She just picks and then when everyone else is done she says she is done too. I quit worrying about it, she eats breakfast, snack, lunch and a snack before dinner...she is not starving and she is developing great! Don't worry, he will eat if and when he is hungry!

What time do you eat dinner? My 3 year old won't eat when he is too tired. With summer in full swing and his 10 year old sister's softball games going on, I pack him a "picnic" dinner to eat at the game because it is too late for him to eat when we get home. He loves to have a bag w/his name on it and to get to eat a special picnic and the rest of us eat later on those nights.

My son will be three in September, both him and my daughter are terribly picky eaters. His menu consists of, oh I would say the same 5 things. I just change them around, one good thing healthy he likes is fruit, yogurt, and american cheese. I try to add peanut butter(even though it isn't recommended before 4 they say now) and whole grain bread on his pb&j, which he has for lunch pretty much everyday. Stick with what he likes, don't be afraid to let him try what you're eating for dinner (my son now loves salad & spinach...who knew!) I always make him a little side of what we're having just so he knows its there, along with his own dinner. We at least attemt to let him try it. Their pediatrician said not to fret about it, that they'll eat when they are hungry and to not force them if they aren't interested. My kids are still terrible eaters following that philosophy though. I am that mom that makes the kids their own 'special' dinner which I am only allowed to do since I stay home. When I worked full time, it was eat it or go hungry. I also add childrens multivitamins daily.

T.,

I had a similar problem with my daughter at that age. My husband decided he was taking over,and this is what he did.
For one year we fed her a bowl of chicken noodle soup (purchased form a local resterant, and my home made tomato sauce over angle hair pasta. She wasnt offered anything else to eat at dinner. He also belives that at that age they should not be given chooses on what they want to eat for breakfeast, lunch or dinner. Belive it or not your son wants you to give him structure,and sitting down to a meal with the faimly every night helps him feel safe. Consistencey is important with your son, I promise he will come around.

This may be that he is tired and just expressing his frustration. It may also be that he knows bed time is the next step and he is resisting.

Options
You could feed him earlier in the day is that is possible for you. Feed him a hour of so before normal dinner time and then have him play in his room before bed.

I came up with th bed time snack idea, I left a plate of fresh veggies or fruit as a bed time snack for my children during this time. Oh did I mention both myu daughter went through this from 2-3 years of age.

Both my girls still liked a glass of milk before bed - I used Carnation instant breakfest in that milk. It has protien and is 200 calories in a serving. They loved it and I knew they had something good in their stomaches.

Lastly is he waking up at night hungry, otherwise you could just let him go to bed. Sleep may be more important, unless he is underweight.

He will work out of this. m It was a phase both my daughter went through and now MY 5 year old sits at the table like an angel and eats. My 3 year old still ends up in bed after having like 1 bite, cause she will play and throw food.

Kids are a lot like grown ups and some time people are not a three meal type...but have you tried being flexible with the time you try to feed him and what you are giving him?

I have a neice that only eats pasta..a nephew that will eat pancakes till the cows come home anytime of day and the baby now 2yrs old would not eat any real food until he was about 1 yr and 9 month old thanks to the help of the baby sitter he know eats anything that is not nailed down but than only at his time frame..can't get him to sit down and eat on our schedule most of the time..

Throws me through a loop my kids did everything by the clock different times and different characteristics..as long as the doctor says he's healthy and he does eat well when he eats I don't think you really have to worry to much..

a lil about me: mother of 5, grandma of 3 and auntie to many...

My little one doesn't like to eat dinner either and she is only 16 months. We just put it on the table and if she his hungry she will come eat with us. If not she just plays. We tryed to force her but that just caused bigger problems. She still is in the dinningroom with us but doesn't always eat. But after it has been on the table for an hour it is put away and that is it till morning. She does fine this way. Hope this might help.

Does he say he is hungry before bed? Does you eat dinner as a family? I believe everyone eating together (with at least Mom) encourages the kids to eat. My husband usually comes home after we've all eaten dinner. The kids can't wait for him, then they would snack and not eat dinner. Anyway, I wouldn't make it a power struggle. If he is hungry he will eat. If you are worried he's hungry before bed incorporate a snack before bed, just a little one that is healthy. I would have him sit at the table with everyone and if he isn't hungry he doesn't have to eat but he has to keep everyone company. Make sure he is eating a balanced diet through out the day before dinner time if he isn't hungry at night. My three year old is a light eater in the evening. She chows at lunch but dinner she picks. Remember their stomachs are as big as their little fists.

My son is the same way. He is also 3. He eats breakfast, lunch and sometimes a small snack after his nap (around 3ish) but won't eat dinner. I make him come to the table and sit with us at least for a while (we all eat together between 5:30 - 6pm or so). He doesn't have to eat, but I do encourage him to try a bite if we're having something new. I also encourage him to help me cook. He loves to help cook, but it doesn't seem to make him want to eat. Dinner is the last food we have -- no snacks from dinner to bedtime. He knows he has to wait until breakfast to eat again. I figure natural consequences will kick in if he isn't getting enough to eat (he'll be hungry and remember for the next time). So far he has not complained of being hungry. I don't feel it's worth fighting with him since fighting with him through dinner just ruins the "family togetherness" that I'm trying to foster.

My son did this to me and my pediatrician says he'll eat when he's hungry. The important thing to remember is that your son will not become malnourished from skippping an evening meal. He is asserting his independence so let him, but to a certain a point. Try this. Tonite at supper tell your son he does not have to eat at supper, but he has to sit at the table with the family. Tell him his plate will be there if he decides he wants something, but you won't give him any food unless he asks for it. But tell him if he eats no supper there will be NO EVENING OR BEDTIME SNACKS and only water to drink. This may take a couple of weeks before he will start eating supper, but DO NOT GIVE IN! He will start eating when he hungry and sees that you have stood your ground. Make sure every one in the house knows what is going on ans follows your lead including grandparents. Also, at each evening meal try fixing something he really likes. Another idea is to serve what you serve for breakfast and lunch at supper once in a while and serve what you would fix at supper for lunch. I have fixed pancakes and waffles for supper along with fresh fruit. I have also served Balogne sandwiches with fresh vegetables, also PBJ's for the evening meal. Other great ways to get kids to eat it to have them sit down with you and help plan the meals for the week, make the grocery list, help out at the grocery store and help put the items away when you get home. Then have your children help make the meals. Another go way to get kids involved with eating food is to plant a very small garden and get the kids involved in helping with the planting of seeds and small plants, watering and harvesting of the vegetables. These plants can be grown in containers on a patio if you do not want to dig up your yard. You can get books from your local library to help you do the projectand/or find someone who can lend you their expertise like a neighbor, friend, family member. This does take whlie for the plants to grow, but watching a tiny green tomato from from the flower and grow into a red tomato [no matter what size] get the kids excited about growing and eating thier own food.
My children are now 12 and 16 healthy and active and I do not make them eat things they do not like, just like I do not eat things I do not like. GOOD LUCK. Hang in there you'll make it. Just hold on to your guns.

Have you tried getting him involved with the cooking. Maybe if he makes a sandwich or gets out the silverware etc he will be a part of it and will want to eat too!