Friend Birthday Party - Do You Have to Invite the In-laws?

We had a party at the pool for my seven year old this year. It was the best party ever! We didn't need to organise games as the boys just went off and played in the water. The pool provided pool noodles for each child.

Anyway, I think it's totally reasonable not to have family members come to the kids' party. Have another little family do.

nope. but i'd have a small family party at a different time so MIL etc can celebrate too. maybe go over there for the afternoon?
khairete
S.

Keep family and kids' friends separate. Invite family over for dinner/bday gathering on another evening. Call it done!

I wouldn't invite them. If they say anything, just say it was a kid party.

If you want to have them over on a Friday or Saturday, get a little cake and they can have a "private" family party and sing happy birthday for the kids.

That should cover all the bases.

I have never invited family to the kids school friend party. Even when there are cousins their age. After all most of the kids don't know the family and the kids want to play with their friends so it always creates hurt feelings.

First of all,,, you do not HAVE to do anything.

If you don't want them there then suggest that they stop by your house for cake later or another day.

It is a joint party with other friends (not family). Step up and don't allow someone to guilt you into thinking you HAVE to do things their way.

Go have YOUR party and have fun.

This is so easy. It's a friends party. Not a family party. Don't invite them to this party. Invite them for a family party AFTER the friends party. That way they don't invite themselves.

If your kids tell them about the party and your MIL asks why you didn't invite her, look at her like she has two heads and say "What? Why on earth would you want to come to witness 40 screaming wet kids jumping in and out of the pool? I could barely stand it myself!" Then change the subject.

You do NOT have to invite them to everything. Put boundaries in your life. As long as you have a birthday event that includes them, you are fine.

And T., I say feel free to invite your own family if you want to, especially if you think your mom and dad would help you with the party. I don't believe one iota that you have to treat both families the same. Since your MIL causes problems, you have a right to decide not to have that side of the family there. It's not fair to penalize YOUR family for your MIL's bad behavior.

Dawn

No, once the b'day parties become "friend" parties, there's no need to invite grown up relatives. Of course, if there are cousins or something that are similar in age, THEY should probably be invited. But just the MIL, FIL and aunt? Nah. They don't need to come.

I would not drop my 5 and 7 year olds off for a swim party unless I was there to keep and eye on them. Are you planning on other parents attending?

I also would not have games at a swim party. Some lunch, drinks and cake should do it. You will have your hands full with just the food preparation and perhaps decorations, unless you are having it catered as a part of the package.

You can have a small BBQ or dinner before or after the day of your swim party, where the grandparents can enjoy their grandchildren.

Don't invite them for this. Have them come the day before or the day afterwards for a special family party where MIL will get lots of attention, get to see the kids playing with her gifts, and so on. Your husband isn't going to step up on this, you say, so it's all going to fall on your shoulders in terms of planning, supervision, organization, and justification. Sounds like a huge burden!

And I think you should re-think the size of the pool party anyway, both from a cost and a safety perspective. You will need a lifeguard for every 5 kids - that is a huge amount. Will there be other people in the pool at that time?? Not all 5 and 7 year olds can swim well, and a lot of parents are going to have a really hard time allowing their kids there unsupervised. Two entire classes? Are you sure you really want to do this? Do you really want each of your kids to get 25 presents apiece??? And do you want to spend the next year ferrying each of them to 25 additional parties each?

Kids need to learn to make choices and that they can't always have everything they want. They'll have much more fun with a manageable group of guests who are easier to motivate into the games, and there won't be so much competition and chaos. And the bigger this party is, the madder MIL will get, so scaling it back has a lot of advantages!

Tell MIL and the others that you want special time with them rather than having them in a noisy highly-chlorinated atmosphere. And that's if you tell them anything at all - just invite them to THEIR party and don't tell them everything else about the other event. One of the kids will probably spill the beans, but if you don't pump the kids up too much about a party for 40 kids in the water, and you "push" the Grandma event, everyone will do well!

Are you inviting your parents? If so, yes you have to invite your in-laws. If not, you don't have to.

As to if you should invite the grandparents (both sets), in this case you do not. But you should tell them you are having a big, friend's swim party for the kids and while they are welcome to come and take pics the kids (and you) will be otherwise occupied so it is not really a time that would allow quality time with the grandparents. I would suggest inviting them over the day of their actual birthday for a small family "party" with cake or something.

If you invite your parents and family, yes, you have to invite his. If it's only kids, then no but I always invite my parents and they get bored since I throw kid parties, not the kind of kid birthday parties where the adults get all the attention. Unless there is seriously something wrong with the woman, don't alienate the kids from the grandparents. If they attend, they want to be a part of the children's lives let them, it's their grandchildren after all.

I personally would invite the adults but I don't have the time to entertain them. My parents have learned this over the years and so they know they aren't going to waited on. My parents now get their own food and seat themselves and entertain themselves. This is coming from a culture where I was taught at a party to wait on my elders hand and foot. So what if she needs attention, she can play with the kids in the poor for all it matters. She could follow the kids around but most likely, they will play with their friends and she'll have to deal with it. As for you, you are not required to entertain her. If she hounds you, just keep busy (not too hard). If she insist on hanging about you, tell her to enjoy the party while you work. Take her to the nearest pool seat and get her a glass of water. Yes she may be a drama queen but you don't need to watch her show. She'll only get the picture if you put your foot down. She will always expect to be entertained if you constantly do that. She can be changed. Just force her to do so. If she complains it's the worst party ever, tell her how much your kids enjoyed it.

My final note is... I don't have bad in laws. I don't understand that concept at all since I've never experienced it so take my experiences with a grain salt.

Have two parties. one to pacify granny (a family dinner... maybe you can meet them 1/2 way) and one that is kids friends only. Explain to your MIL that it would be silly to make her drive all the way in when the children will have no time for her.

Kid party separate from "family" party where adults are present. What Patty W said. :)

No, you do not need to invite them and don't feel guilty about it either. However, I would invite them over for a quiet birthday dinner instead so that they can still celebrate the kid's birthdays with him. Don't get bent out of shape around this and hopefully they won't either. If the topic of the school party comes up, just tell them how crazy and chaotic it's going to be with so many kids there.

I would not invite them. At some point kids get old enough that you dont need to invite your entire extended family to every birthday party. It would be different if your MIL would behave normally and not expect to be the center of attention when its not her party or her birthday, but since thats the situation, I would not invite her. Our kids are younger so.we havent gotten to this point yet, but when we eventually do Im sure it will get interesting.

I usually invite my parents to my little one's big party and they usually decline, they enjoy a quiet dinner with cake on another day. Hope the party goes well! Enjoy!

Have them over to celebrate birthday on another day. If they would help, I would say invite them, but based on what you say, I would not.

I agree with the other moms on here. YOu already have so much on your plate, why stress yourself even more by inviting your drama queen MIL? oh my goodness, i have a mil who is a drama queen also and definitely would not invite her to an all kids party where the purpose of the party is for the kids to have fun with each other. THis birthday party isn't called "let's entertain my mil" party. hehe. Like the other moms said, maybe you can have a small family birthday at the house ..only if you wanted. I bet you are going to be so pooped out from all the planning..you can maybe just nix the family birthday dinner all together. If mil puts up a stink about it, just say that there are many other birthdays in the future. Sorry your hubby won't step up in the situation...but I'm sure it's that way because he doesn't want to deal with his mom. That totally sucks, but I totally understand where you are coming from. Good luck!!

welcome to those few years where you do 2 parties. 1 for the family and one for the friends. do not invite the drama queen to the kids party. have the party for the family after the kids party. that way no chance she will crash it lol.

No you don't have to invite them. IF they ask, tell them you are having a friends only birthday party and aren't having any family. They want their friends there and thats it. Tell them you would love to get together for lunch/dinner to celebrate and visit at _____date. Then they won't feel left out and can still celebrate with you but not at the party.

NO! I quit inviting family when my kids started having friend parties. It just gets to be too much, the kids are there with their friends they dont want to have to go spend time with aunt so and so and little cousin booboo and if they dont spend the time then everyone gets butt hurt. Honestly they family started getting butt hurt because we didnt invite them to the parties anymore, either way family will probably be upset better they be upset somewhere else than at the kids party!

If you aren't inviting other family, then Id say no. Tell your MIL you can do a seperate familly birthday.
Ive started doing that and my younger ones are only 2 and 4. It got to be overwhelming. So many people, half the time I never knew who was showing up etc. It got annoying quick.
So now we do friends party, then a seperate family one.

Let the kids have their pool party and invite the family over for dinner another night that week.

Have a small cake/coffee/birthday celebration for your immediate family & in-laws on another day.

Can't you just do a family dinner on the actual birthday?

Nope, no invite for the drama crowd. This is a school kids party for school kids. They aren't in either class, so they aren't invited.

We have done 2 parties for my kids' birthdays for several years now. We have 20+ family members that live locally, within 20 mins. We have a friends party (kids from school, neighbors, after-care) and a separate family (Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, G'pas) party. Several family members were upset at the noise level during the last 'joint' party.