Foster Parenting Advice

hi J.,
i also was interested in foster care-from what ramsey co.told me,you have to have a decent income coming in,due to they give so little,you also have to go thru exstensive screening,background,drug test-all of which you have to pay for.i myself am single-one income-so finacially i just couldnt do it.which is to bad -because a child in need-wouldve had a great home here with me.good luck...

Hi J.

You need to get in touch with some one from social service and they can help you with your questions . I myself have thought about it but you have to be in it all the way and not give up once you start . You also have to keep in mind these children have parents already and these parents need just as much help as the child .

Hi J.~
We've been foster parents in Dakota County for over 10 years. You are compensated at a daily rate based on the age and the circumstances(difficulty level) of the child. My husband and I both work full-time and primarily do emergency respite now. That means that we take emergency placements for a few days and then the kids either go home or to a full-time foster placement. We totally take kids that fit our family age-wise. We have a 6 and a 3 year old so we are careful about what type of kids we will take. We plan on becoming full time again eventually.

I'm not sure about the financial end of things, but when I was young my parents took in several foster children (I think around 6 -- all babies and one at a time). From my experience (I was around 6 when the last one had to leave) I can tell you that it can be very emotionally trying and apparently I didn't know the half of it -- a few years ago when I was pregnant with my first I talked to my Mom about it and she admitted that it was very, very difficult. She also loved taking care of children and couldn't have any more after me (I'm the youngest of 3) and so they decided to take in foster kids. My Mom said it was very difficult to let them go back. Obviously, you have a loving a home and want to help these kids which I believe you do, but they still have birth parents that can take them back pretty much on a whim. My parents tried to adopt the last little boy that we had (he was with us for almost a year) and were heart broken when the birth mother decided at the last minute that she didn't want to give him up. She was very young and not ready to be a mother but not ready to make the decision to let her son go either. I know I still think about him (the little boy) and I was only 6! I'm sure it can be very rewarding for some people and I think that's great that you're looking into it -- I agree with someone else's post, maybe you could contact your local social services and they can give you a good idea of all it entails. Best of luck!

Hi J.,

I also REALLY wanted to do foster care. We had the licensor out and everything. But, in Stearns County-MN, it is rediculously HARD to become a licensed foster parent.

In this county they make it as hard to do foster care as it is to do daycare. Your house needs to have all e-gress windows. Fire marshall has to come out and inspect your house. YOU have to take (like 12 to 15 hours) of training a year. You have to be CPR certified. LOTS OF RULES! I didn't think the pay was very good in our county either. When I figured it out, we would have been paying out of our pocket to have foster kids if you add in all the expenses it takes to raise kids. (But we didn't mind that part....)

However, a girl I graduated with does foster care in Wisconsin somewhere and she LOVES it. They have a foster baby now. Her and her husband both work full time so the baby goes to daycare. She said it was really easy to get licensed there. All they had to do was a background check and prove that they made a decent income (so they weren't just doing this "for the money".) Just to make sure their intentions were good. I can't remember if they did a house check or not but other than that, they were licensed!

So, you really need to check with YOUR county regulations to get the specifics. I wish our county wouldn't make it so hard. I would LOVE to help out these kids but we farm and my husband can't just take off whenever to go to some class. Because, of course, all these classes are really designed for daycare providers so they are at night (when we milk cows!)

Hi J.,
My husband and I have been licensed foster parents since October through Hennepin County. I think the nuts & bolts vary a little bit from county to county, for example, Hennepin County paid for all of our licensing expenses, and their monthly reimbursement rates start at around $600. Of the reimbursement, we maybe wind up with a little extra each month but out of that money you're expected to cover all of the child's expenses -- clothes, diapers, a bed, a dresser, a car seat, food (though foster kids under 6 are eligible for WIC regardless of your income), gifts, plus the extra gas shuttling them around to appointments (parent visits, the doctor, any therapy, etc). If you like taking care of kids but want some actual extra income, doing in-home day care is probably a better way to go. Speaking of day care, that also needs to come out of the monthly reimbursement if you're working, as the county doesn't pay for it.
The licensing process is extensive and takes about 6 months, so that also gives you and your family lots of time to think things through! It definitely needs to be a whole family decision, because even if you'll be doing the bulk of the parenting during the day, adding a foster child (or children) affects the entire family. They do a lengthy home study and background check, and then there are 21 hours worth of training to attend. We also have a 6-year-old daughter and the county is fine with that, but they do have some rules and recommendations about where foster kids can sleep (opposite genders can't share a room after a certain age, and your kids should be 2 years older than any foster kids who also sleep in their room, etc) so space in your home is a consideration.
The parenting itself is very rewarding and it's easy to forget on a day-to-day basis that the kids won't be part of your family forever. The birth parents' visits can be challenging, and the kids we've had so far have needed more trips to the doctor than our daughter did. The single hardest thing is that, even though you know the kids won't be with you forever, you do fall in love with them and think of them as your own and it's heartbreaking when they leave no matter where they're going, whether it's back to a questionable birth parent or to a relative who seems great. We're in the adoption-option program, but even then only 33% of the kids go on to be adopted by their foster parent and the rest return to birth parents or go to a relative -- adoption by the foster parent is the county's third-place choice. I don't have enough space here to complain about how messed up the system is! If you form a good relationship with the birth parents (who are human and have just made some really, really bad choices and mistakes), though, you may be able to still be a part of the kids' lives afterward. Feel free to send me a private message if you'd like to talk some more -- we found it really helpful to talk with other foster parents beforehand (and still).
Blessings,
Sara

Hi! I see you've gotten some good advice already but I thought I'd throw mine in as well.
I am not a foster parent but my mom took in foster children when I was little. I also worked as a social worker in Child Protection Services, so I worked closely with many foster families.
It is a HUGE commitment of time and emotion, and sometimes money. In Rapid City, SD, foster parents get paid a certain amount per child (I don't remember what it is anymore) but there are things you have to spend it on each month, such as a certain amount of clothing, etc. Their medical expenses are covered and if you work, child care assistance will cover the costs of daycare. The rules might be different where you live. It's a good idea to call a Social Service agency locally and speak with a licensing worker. You will have to go through lots of training, background checks, home visits, etc.
In the end, it can be a wonderful experience. Foster families can touch the lives of children for the rest of the child's life if it's been a good fit and a good placement. However, there are risks. Many foster children come into care with head lice. They could also have been living in conditions with bedbugs, scabies, etc. Ideally, you will know that information ahead of time but that isn't ALWAYS the case. There's also the heartbreak that comes with saying goodbye to these children. Hopefully it's because they've found a wonderful adoptive home or they're going back to their birth parents who've managed to turn their lives around. But sometimes, the child will go home to a place you know isn't good for them and there's nothing you can do about it.
You also need the consider the welfare of your own children. Will they be able to handle sharing your time and attention 24/7? Not just for 8-10 hours like a home daycare, but all the time. Sharing their space, toys, food and parents will be difficult.
The licensing worker should be able to help you determine if your children are at a good place in their lives for this, and also what age foster children would work best for your family.
You and your husband would both have to attend the trainings and welcome this addition to your lives whole-heartedly.
Good luck with your decision.

When I was a teenager I was in foster care. Years later I obtained my foster license and myself became a foster parent. This has been many years ago, however I do know some things are still the same. You must apply, take classes, interview and have a background check done. You can specific what age and sex of child you would like, if you would take in childern with special needs etc. The child's insurance would be paid for and you would recieve money for clothes, food etc. If you are in it to make money that won't happen. If lucky you may break even with expenses. There maybe a lot of joy yet at the same time alot of sorrow. We took in teenagers which even in the 70's wasn't easy. One time when arguing with my 15 year old foster daughter I realized that if she got mad enough she could knock me across the room (no it never got to that just usual teenage girl and mother fight). Working would depend on the age of the child you took in. I ddn't work at the time nor did my foster mom, however I was the first teenager they took in. With smaller ones having someone home would probably be best. Because things have changed so much I'd call your state's Human Service Department (in your phone book under state of) and ask them for some information. Would I do it again? yes. In fact I'd like to check into it when I retire and have small childern where I could stay homewith them. I didn't have childern at the time, my foster parents had 2 and later adopted 2 of the foster childern. There are many reasons childern become foster from trouble with them to trouble at home or being orphans or a single mom who may need surgery and has no one to watch their childern while they do this. It can be very hard but very rewarding. For some this may be the only love ever shown to them. There is a lot to think about just rmemeber what most need are rules and most of all love.

The best to you and I hope you do check into becoming a foster parent. Only after having all the facts can you decide what would be best for you and your family.

I thought of doing foster care. I have 2 young children and a degree in early childhood education. I thought about it a lot. But we are low income (my husband's work hours recently got cut), and my house is a mess and no matter how hard I try I can't keep it clean. I also didn't know if I would have it in me to give them up eventually. I get very attached to people, even just kids I babysat when I was younger. I'm sure it's soemthing I will do eventually but I decided this was not the right time.

Hi,
I would be happy to discuss this further if you are interested, but I will answer your questions first. There is a huge need for foster parents in our area. Taking care of the kids is VERY rewarding, and it is great knowing that you have made a difference in someone's life. You can have your own children, and you can work and still foster. There are two different foster licenses, and the compensation is different for each. For traditional foster care, the pay is around $400 per month. This payment is adjusted higher based on the needs of the child. For treatment foster care, the pay is significantly higher ($1300 and up to $2000/month), but these children tend to require 24 hour a day care. The "system" here stinks. The kids are wonderful, but the system is really set up to help the children's parents, with little thought about the kids. Foster parents are often treated as an obstacle rather than a team member. We love our foster child with all of our hearts (he has been with us his whole life) but there is no way we would do this again after he leaves in the system as it is now. There are a few foster parents support groups in the area, and I am sure they would welcome you to a meeting to ask more questions or become more informed. Or you could attend a foster parent information meeting- but then you would be meeting with other potential foster parents and social workers. Private message me if you want to talk further.

Hi, my parents did foster care and still do. I just wanted to add that you really need to think about your own kids with this -- how will it affect them? They need to be your #1 priority. I know that sounds obvious, but when you're taking care of needy kids, sometimes you forget that your healthy and less-needy kids need special attention too.

My parents have a heart of gold for taking in these kids, but it was sort of at the expense of us (me and my sister). Not to say anyone with kids shouldn't become a foster parent, but just really think about how bringing other children into your home will affect your children. I grew up feeling like the foster kids were more important than I was and didn't have the amount of attention I think I should have had as a child. I don't remember much from when I was a younger child, but I do as I got older. If you do decide to be a foster parent, really listen to your kids if they say they don't like it. I still have old hurts from growing up this way. My sister, on the other hand, never really minded it. It just really depends on your kids.