Do I Need to Ask Permission First?

Updated on September 17, 2011
S.S. asks from Cheyenne, WY
17 answers

So general name question...we are expecting another baby...yay! The girl's name we like uses a grandmother's name who is still living as the middle name. Because she is still alive, do you think we should ask her permission to use the name or should we keep it a secret until we reveal it to everyone?

We will not be asking or revealing anything until we find out this is or isn't a girl for sure in a few weeks (though my gut is girl this time...I was right with both my boys...keeping my fingers crossed), but this is a question weighing on my mind!

What do you ladies think?

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So What Happened?

So I don't know exactly what we are going to do for the name...I guess it will depend on what we actually decide on the middle name (which my DH is refusing to discuss any names...girls or boys...until our ultrasound and we know what the baby is)...Sadly, my other grandmother passed away shortly after this post so I am now considering combining my two grandmothers' names into a single middle name to show them both respect! Ultrasound is set the day before Thanksgiving and I can't wait :-)!!!

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T.K.

answers from Dallas on

I didn't ask. I just told them. I am naming her Jessie in honor of Gramma Jessie. I am naming her Jadyn Elizabeth in honor of you. Both times the women were very flattered and acted as though I had given them a great gift. Each of my girls ended up being the favorite of that gramma. They get introduced as "this is my namesake." They always get a little extra something special on the sly at gift times too. :)

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J.R.

answers from San Diego on

I don't think you need to ask permission if you're going to tell everyone the name before the birth anyway. That way, using her name is more like a gift you're giving Grandma instead of a favor you're asking of her. People, including Grandma, will likely weigh in with their opinions anyway, and you can proceed from there if what they say matters to you.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I would probably say (once you know for sure it's a girl) "I hope you don't object because we would be so very honored for this baby to share your name! We're thinking Sara Jane."
What grandma wouldn't be flattered?!
Congrats & good luck!

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L.A.

answers from New York on

I guess the real question is, how wedded are you to the name? If when asked, she said, really, I'd rather you named her something else, how would you proceed? will you name her that over the objection?

We chose a name that had been used by one of Hub's uncle's for a son he lost to SIDs in an earlier marriage. We happened to like the name. Just wanted to make sure that our selection wasn't going to conjure up bad feelings for this uncle before settling on it. We advised him it was on our short list. He said he would have no objection. Done deal.

We nonetheless kept the name secret until after DS was born, to reserve the right to change it if, upon looking at him, it felt like the name didn't fit at all.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I just sprung it on the family that I'd named her after my grandmother (living) and his grandmother (deceased). My grandmom was honored. We used K instead of C but kept the rest of the spelling the same, and my DD has a different nickname than my grandmom. It's a nice connection for them, though.

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A.W.

answers from Chicago on

My daughter has two middle names- both of her grandmother's middle names (Rosa Lyn). I didn't ask- they found out the day she was born. They were so happy and excited. I don't think you have to ask- I think the person will be so honored and excited to share her name with your baby!

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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

we used my Great-great aunt's name as my daughter's, and we didn't ask first. But she still thinks it's pretty special.

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K.B.

answers from Tulsa on

no and i would let the baby's name be a surprise to all AFTER you 100% decide on it.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

You certainly don't have to, but it would be a way of making the grandmother feel included in the process of bringing this baby into the world. I wouldn't think of it so much as asking permission, but asking her to be a part of the child's life.

My son is named after my father and my husband's grandfather (deceased). We chose to keep the name a secret and my dad was thrilled when he found out that his first grandchild is named in his honor.

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B.K.

answers from Chicago on

She doesn't own the rights to the name, so I don't think it matters what she thinks. But I'd wait to tell her. What if you tell her and she loves the idea, and then you change your mind? That would probably hurt her feelings. Just keep the name a secret until you deliver.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I would go visit her and tell her you'd like to name the baby after her and see how she responds. She may be totally flattered. She may have hated her name and tell you to not give such a horrid name to a child.

I wanted to name my daughter a certain name and my mom pointed out that almost every one of my grandparents kids named one child the same name or a version of it...so too many of my family already had the same name.

If you don't want anyone else knowing then ask her to keep it a secret. My sister and SIL were pregnant at the same time and my SIL stole my sisters names. That was rude but she said she already had it picked out when she was a teenager and it was just coincidence.

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C.H.

answers from Provo on

Its your baby. Use what ever name you like. You're an adult and should be able to make your own choices. Its nice of you to think to ask permission but totally unneccesary. If you start asking for permission now everyone will treat you like a child who needs to ask what choices she can make for her own child.

J.B.

answers from Houston on

Nah, your baby, your name. You are good :D

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

My daughter's middle names are after my grandmother and my best friend, both of whom were alive and kicking when she was born (my grandmother is now dead). I didn't ask permission. I named her what I wanted her named.

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L.F.

answers from Denver on

I am giving our newest addition my grandmas first name as a middle name.... I was excited to tell her, and she was too... She actually got teary eyed!! Good luck!

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I wouldn't ask. What if she says no?

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B.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

No, but it will probably make the grandma feel honored. Ask, just to be nice and make her feel proud and good.

My #7 asked if he and his finance could get married on our anniversary. It made me feel real good and honored.

Good luck to you and yours.

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