Daddys Heart Breaks When Baby Crys

I think maybe it just hit him how very much he loves that baby, and how important her needs are to him. It's very overwhelming when that realization hits. Let him feel it... because he clearly needed to feel it. It means he's bonding really well with her and it's a very good sign he feels that way.

Something else, though. It sounds to me as though the baby got extremely overwhelmed and overstimulated herself. She was probably showing early signs of being overstimulated, and it was great that you took her into a dark, quiet room, but I probably would have left with her sooner when she started showing signs sooner. Maybe time the visits for how long you know she can handle them and leave before you suspect a meltdown. Just a suggestion, not a criticism.

Gosh, I HOPE he gets used to it...because someday, she'll learn that daddy might do just about anything to avoid hearing his princess cry. "Daddy (tears falling from her eyes)...ALL my friends are driving BMWs...I NEED one too. Please, Daddy..." Obviously, I'm not saying he should ignore the cries or that your baby is spoiled (it's impossible to spoil a baby IMO). But he DOES need to realize that it's perfectly normal. I guess his "my princess shouldn't have to cry" statement gave me pause - that sounds like classic "he's wrapped around her finger and someday, she might use that to manipulate daddy".

Children (babies included) are sometimes unhappy and sometimes they cry because of it. If he doesn't realize that soon, you're in for a *very* interesting father/daughter relationship. I second the suggestions to have him spend WAY more time with her. Get him to realize how normal it is ASAP.

It is better that he cares, than not care.
In the long run.

He is not used to it. Fine. He will get used to it.
And IDEALLY... perhaps he will get to know a baby's cues. ie: baby was crying and having a hard time, because.... she was over-TIRED and over-stimulated with all that visiting. And babies also cry... when they are over-stimulated because they are trying to "shut-out" what is bothering them. And "crying" is the only way that a baby can communicate.

For your Fiance, seeing/hearing/experiencing his baby crying that hard, for the first time... was unnerving for him. He felt angst about it. It tugged at his heart.
But don't worry... he will get used to it. But hopefully, as he gets used to it, he will not get un-sensitive about it either.

Go back to your initial response: You're around her more and know that it's normal for babies to cry. He's not. A crying infant can be intimidating, especially when they don't calm down right away.

Let him feel and have his reaction. Just remind him that, while it's very sweet that he loves his daughter so much, it's normal for a baby to cry and he needs to even ALLOW her to be upset so she can learn to calm herself (once all needs are met, she's clean, dry, fed, comfortable, etc). The more upset he gets, the harder it will be to calm her, so he needs to learn to be calm FOR her...to model it so she knows what to do.

Sounds like you have a very sweet fiancee. Some moms would give their eye teeth for their husbands to want to hold their babies while they're crying.

Bottom line: Give it time and reassurance. He'll get used to it.

Remind him that babies have one word - usually at top volume. At a calm moment, talk to him about his reaction. Tell him it's normal to not want your baby to cry (my heart broke when DD had such bad diaper rash every change made her scream purple til we got it resolved) but part of being a parent is to learn what the different cries mean and do what's best for her, even if she protests. Praise him for things like holding her and humming to her. It is best if he is calm. If he gets spun up every time she cries, then maybe you and he need to take a few days to spend together with the baby so he can see and understand how it is with newborns.

And I also hope he gets used to deciphering what's real and what's not or you'll have your hands full with crocodile tears and a pushover daddy. He sounds like a good daddy in the making, if he can get used to the noise.

I'd let him do more daddy/daughter time--you know, just the 2 of them--a LOT more!

Let him watch her one Saturday. All day. You go shopping, drop stuff off, check in - but DON'T STAY. He's got to understand what it's like, and the only way he can understand is to do it.

Make him a deal - he does it for a weekend solid - he does your full job for two days. If at the end he doesn't admit to at least seeing your perspective, then you'll try to soothe the baby after a little bit less crying.

Yep, first time with a freakout, not used to it. And with family in town, new baby, being a new dad, he's probably a bit frazzled. Leave him with the baby as much as you can and as much as he wants to. The more he sees her fuss at normal levels, the more he'll relax. Also, if he's a reader, maybe he can read "what to expect the first year" so he gets an idea of what's normal.

Yes, he's just not used to it, and he was probably a little emotional (men are hormonal creatures too you know!)
I DO think it would be good for him spend some time alone with her, especially since she's bottle fed. Get yourself out a few nights a week, to the gym, the store, to visit a friend, whatever!
Daddy needs to be capable of caring for her too. I mean, God forbid, if you got sick or hurt or whatever, he needs the hands on experience.

It's great that he loves her so much that it breaks his heart and makes him cry to see her so upset. BUT be careful. I can see your tiny princess manipulating the heck out of dad because he can't stand to see her cry. If you don't toughen him up, you are going to end up with a spoiled princess who does not assume personal responsibility and has entitlement issues. I know; I have one!

Awwww. He sounds like a sweet guy and a truly amazing dad. And possibly like living proof that men can have hormonal changes after the birth of a baby too ;). I suspect this will pass naturally, as he gains parenting experience, but you might try saying, when you hear her cry, "Isn't that wonderful? She's learning to communicate. Soon she'll be talking." All of which is true.

I think it is wonderful that he loves his little girl so much and is so sensitive. It is sweet. He will get used to the times she is unhappy. Sounds like she had a lo g day and was overtired. Those overtired screams can be brutal. My son also shed a few tears at those times. I would love him 100 times more because of this side of him. You are a lucky woman.

He just needs to get used to it. Let him read some parenting books so he can learn what's normal. He should also know what can set a baby off - if the baby is already overtired from being up past bedtime, having two other people (your inlaws) who aren't mom or dad passing, rocking and trying to feed the baby is really not a good idea - baby needed the familiarity of mom and dad. He needs to know that babies may sometimes not be comforted when they cry, and that as she gets older, he may need to watch her cry when he says no because you can't give in to everything they want. While I don't believe in ignoring babies to let them "cry it out", as they get older, there are times that they will cry when they don't get their way and as a parent, you have to not be affected by that. You can't do that for him.