We have a 3 y/o daughter, and she has not had issues in the past with naptime/bedtime. At bedtime, we read her a story and sing her a couple songs. Typically, that was it, she would go right to sleep. This has been our routine since she was a year old. Recently, however, she has started these tantrums/fits when it's time for us to leave the room. Everything goes great until that moment we are leaving, then she starts crying and screaming our names or "no!" Sometimes she kicks in her bed. And she often won't stay in her bed--she keeps following us out of the room, crying and screaming. We are completely baffled as to why this has started or what to do about it. There have been no changes recently in her room/bed/sleeping arrangements/family life. We also have a 10 month old, but she didn't start this until he was about 8 1/2 months, and we really don't feel like it's a sibling/jealousy thing. Any suggestions for how to deal with this/nip it in the bud would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
Thank you all for your responses, support and advice! I tried a few of the suggestions, and a couple did make a small difference. What really worked though, was a technique from the book "Preschool Wise" (by Ezzo and Bucknam). It's all about teaching your child self-control. You tell your child that it's time for them to learn self-control. You sit with your child and each of you zip your lips and fold your hands in your lap. You get out a timer and sit there--no talking and no moving--for three minutes (you start with one minute and work up). If the child chooses not to be still, you start over and tell the child you will keep doing the excercise (adding 5 seconds each time) until they choose to obey. When they succeed, you make a big hoopla--hugs and praise a lot. My daughter LOVES this "game" now and we do it every night. I also use it, if needed, throughout the day or when we're out (grocery store, mall, wherever). I simply ask her to fold her hands and get some self-control. This may sound silly at first, but it works because the child has to focus their energy somewhere, so they are focusing it into thier hands. For those of you who stated you are in the boat I was and wished for some help--TRY THIS! Good Luck! :)
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Hi L.,the only thing i can suggest is maybe giving her rewards for going to bed on time.I dont mean bribing.Get her a sticker chart.Take her to walmart and tell her"We are going to pick you out some special stickers and a good girl chart." Explain to her that everynight when she goes to sleep like a big girl mommy and daddy will give her a special sticker and when she fills her chart we can do something fun.Have her do it for 2weeks at a time and then work your way up to a month and at the end of each time period reward her with a little something whether it be a trip to Mcdonalds or a new small inexpensive toy or book.After a while she will be back on track and not expect rewards.Kind of ween each other.Though she just started acting like this,,it could be because its now just dawning on her shes has to share your attn with her and the new baby brother.Only a suggestion.I had to do that with my youngest because at one point we had temp custody of our nephew who was a yr older but needed more help and he begn acting out about a yr after my nephew had already been with us.Good luck and i hope i was some type of help,H.
A LITTLE ABOUT ME:
Im 32(33 on the 18th)work from home mom to 3 children ages,15,13 and 5.Married to an amzing man who unfortunately isnt home often,hes a trucker.
Something has happened to make this child act this way..maybe she has had a bad dream and is thinking that if she goes to sleep she will dream it again or it could be that she has seen something on tv that she is seeing when she is going to sleep. When she starts acting this way again ask if something has happened that has her bothered.Maybe u can talk through this.Just remember that little kids will grow up and believe me I still remember bieng afraid to go to sleep b/c of shadows on the wall was scaring me. Good Luck:)
Hi I have been there in your shoes and will be there again I have a 19 yrold 7yrold and 11 months. My 19 yrold was never a problem about sleeping in her own bed when she turned 2 I never saw her again in my room at night. My 7 yrold was 5 before she would sleep alone but every year around Halloween we start havig problems again. It takes about 2 weeks to get it solved. My method is kindness gets faster results than hollering or spanking does. She may have a reasonable excuse so I dont think spanking would help. I would try the Super Nanny thing I wouldnt stay in her room until she falls asleep cause you will be doing that everynight. Super Nanny says to take them to their room and say goodnight hugs kisses all that then 2nd time talk a little 3rd time no talking from then on out just keep putting them back and eventually theyll fall a sleep I wouldnt give her medicine either to fall asleep. some medicine gets them more hyper than relaxed
I hope you find a great solution that works for you
Ahhh....I feel your pain. My son went through the same thing at the same age. THough his episodes lasted for a year!! I thought I was going to lose my mind. I tried EVERYTHING!!! Finally I asked his Dr for help. We gave him Antihistamines for 2 weeks before bed...I was NOT wanting to do this, but it was my last hope. It actually worked. It set him on a routine and now he sleeps well. I would talk to the Dr before doing this, but it cant hurt. Sleep for the whole family is neccesary.
SOme of the other things I tried...this worked for my friends son who went through thte same thing- She would tell him that she would be back in 5 min to check on him. THen 6 min, then 7...eventually he would fall alseep and the next night shge'd go from 5 min to 7 min, then to 10. He was ablt to stay calm and since he really was tired, he fell asleep.
I also did the whole rewards chart, which worked...kind of :) I also have a 1 year old that shares a bedroom with hiom so this was affecting the WHOLE family. Very difficult time. WHatever you chose to do- do not feel bad- itseems all children at this age go through this and you have to sleep.
One thing I did when my girls started the bedtime tantrums was to play soft slow music in the background and closed the door.Many times that would work. But then sometimes you would have to just let the baby scream it out til they realized they werent going to get what they wanted and gave up . I also remember a funny home remedy mother taught me. Luke warm water with a teaspoon full of sugar calmed the baby down. Hard to believe. But it actually worked. Good luck and enjoy the baby years. They go by way too fast.
I've been there girl!!! Has she caught a bit of a scary movie accidently or been having bad dreams? Try offering her a night light and maybe a reward for staying in her bed all week(something she really wants). Unfortunatly I wasn't very smart when i handled my little one's sleeping issues(granted he was 9). I just told him like it was,gave him lots of love and a nightlight,and told him if he didn't go to sleep he'd get privileges taken away(it worked but I think b/c he was older). Just be consistent what ever you do.:)
Hey. Sounds like you got a lot of advice from moms experiencing the same thing. Well we are there with you. My son started balking at bedtime about 4 months ago. He will be three next month. I read up on it and it is very typical. At this age they are truely scared of things that go bump in the night. We just started letting him sleep with us. We also have our 14 month old with us too. It's just a great big family bed. Some people probably don't agree with this but they are only young once. I just hated to make him stay in his room if he was scared to be in there. Good luck.
My son started doing this a few months before his third birthday. We were completely confused as well because he'd always gone to bed without fuss. We had to try a few things, but what finally worked was keeping his door wide open and keeping lights on in parts of the house that he could see. Every night he asks if we'll keep the lights on and if we'll be sleeping in our room. But, now there's no fighting! Letting her sleep with you will only fuel the fire and make her think she can throw a tantrum whenever she wants something. This phase will pass, I promise!
Ok this might sound mean but we had to put a child proof door knob thing on our youngest sons door. He would get up a hundred times a night so we did that. Its great! We do his routine then we shut the door and he goes right to bed. You can also try immediately picking her up and putting her back in her bed without saying a word. The first few nights you will have to do it over and over again but when she sees that you are serious she will stop.
Hi L., I have two boys about the same age as your children. We had something similar happen with our oldest. In late prenancy of my second child, my husband started getting up with Thomas so I could rest. That was a big mistake. Now we have to stay in the room with him until he goes to sleep. I bought the book Super Nanny and she has an idea that worked for us. What you do is start out beside the bed for a few nights and slowly move your way to the door for a few more nights until you are eventually outside the door. It really is just a phase and I hope she gets through it. Just work with her.
My son has started the exact same thing!! It's been 3-4 days now, and it's driving me crazy! He has always gone to sleep on his own, but now wants me in there with him or wants to sleep in my bed. We have only let him sleep in our bed on occasion, like when he was sick, so I know hes not spoiled to it. He just came back from a visit to his Grandma's out of state, I thought maybe that had something to do with it, but I really don't know. How can I get him to stay in his bed??
all i can offer is empathy. i have a 3 yo daughter and a 9 month old daughter and the 3yo also cries and screams if we start to leave while she's still awake. we've been just staying until she's asleep - so she won't wake the baby with her screaming. she is very proud of herself when she does stay in her bed all night, but often she wakes up crying for me or comes into our bed. i'll try the charts / stickers thing, but that never really worked for her with other issues like potty training. let me know what works for you and i'll do the same.
a little about me: 37 yo working mom with 3 yo and 9 mo daughters and wonderful husband
Paint a bottle of lysol spray, tell her it will get rid of anything she is scared of in her room. This worked for a friend of mine.
Don't pass off the jealous feelings to quickly. I have another friend that felt like you and it did turn out to be the older child feeling less attention. Stay with her until she is asleep.
You would be amazed at how many people allow their children to sleep with them, they just don't go around telling it to everyone because of what others will think. If you choose that route, know that they will eventually want to start sleeping in their own room and there are just as many parents for it as against it.
I have to disagree with the other mothers b/c my son is 3 and he will do ANYTHING to be able to come and watch our big tv or have 1 of us come in there. He'll say hes got to go potty, hes thristy, the movie went off, or hell just plain sneak in the hallway here lately and we find him asleep on the floor, which I will be fixing as soon as I talk to my mother-in-law so I can get my baby gate back. I dont know if ur more of a briber or punisher but do what normally works to get her to listen to you. Like my 3 yr old Im sure shes gonna milk it till they realize youve had enough and arent going to take their stalling. Personally I try taking away his movie, then the whole tv goes off and then the butt whooping.He even starting crying last night, so me and my husband rushed in there and he said "My movie is going off" so he got spanked and I explained to him that he made mommy and daddy think that he was hurt. My 3 yr old is excellent about understanding why I do things after I explain and hes old enough to tell me whats bothering him. So before u fall into her trap shes set ask her why she cries and go from there. Were caught inbetween them not fully understanding how to express what their feeling and learning that theres other ways to express how u feel without just whining or crying.So be firm, ask questions and remember that she's smarter than you think.
