I have run into this situation a few times and I'm not sure exactly how to deal with it. My daughter, 4, was the youngest child within my group of friends for almost 3 years. She has kept in close contact with my friend's children who are anywhere from 2 to 4 years older than her. Every year I receive invites to their birthday parties and of course attend and will in turn invite them to her party. Now that all of them are in school (1st through 3rd grade) they are starting to invite their classmates as well. I'm enjoying watching them grow up as much as my own children and they all call me "Aunt" so I would feel bad if I didn't attend but I have watched my daughter be the youngest of the crowd and therefore left out of a lot of the activities. For instance, the last party was a bowling party but the location also had laser tag so after bowling all of the older kids went to laser tag before cake and presents. My daughter is not old enough for this location and was left out. We sat for over 45 minutes waiting for cake and presents to occur and when we asked how much longer we were told it would be at least another 45 minutes or so. We ended up making up some excuse and leaving. I feel bad declining future invitations but I don't feel it is fair to my daughter. Any mom's been in this position and what did you do? I hate not attending these parties because I feel they are my own children in a way but then I feel bad for my daughter when she gets left out of all of the fun. I've now been to 3 of these parties and she has been left out of one activity or another because of age/size. How do I discuss this with my friends without making it seem all about me. I don't think they should change anything about the party, it's a great party for kids of that age just not my daughter's age. At what point in time do I just not attend?
Decline if its not age appropriate for her period. Its really not fair to her or the other kids---You could send a gift or offer to take the birthday kids out to a special outing since you are kind of their aunt--I bet their mom would love that too!
M
I would decline if it is not age appropiate and tell her.... I would love to come, but since it is not age appropiate for ______ . Maybe we can get together for lunch and celebrate with you and your child then. We will have a gift for her.
I would give a good gift and have some sort of get together with the friends child, say lunch at McDonalds, and skip the party that isn't fun for her.
I think you've got your answer...it's probably the right time to start sending a birthday card and politely declining; around this age, your daughter needs to be more involved with children her own age.
I've dealt with exactly the same thing with my daughter, whose "best friend" is the girl next door who is three years older than she. This girl has gigantic parties with TONS of children (family friends, etc) so my daughter usually ends up playing with some of the younger children who come, not even her friend.
Since your daughter doesn't have that option (no younger siblings to play with, etc) I think you should probably give a very honest and polite explanation why you aren't coming...because you're right, the birthday child should be allowed to do what they want that is appropriate for their own age. I believe it would be considerate of your friends to understand that!
Good luck!
My guess is that it's you who's really invited (after all, you are the "aunt"). If you can, I would attend without your daughter (don't tell her, of course). Then you can invite your friends and their "big kids" and the ones who want to come will.
This is the case with my kids and their real cousins, who they adore. My kids are 3 and 5, and their cousins are 14 and 17, so of course they have other things to do besides little kid parties. But we always invite my brother-and-sister-in-law and let them know that we'd love it if the kids come. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't, but I think it's the thought that counts.
Can you just ask before the party to find out if the activities will be age appropriate for your daughter? Then you can show up when she can participate. Or maybe you can do something special with the kids so you can spend time with them without the older kids around?
This is a tough one, but I personally don't feel it's right to invite kids to a party knowing that they all can't participate.
I think the hostess should have done the cake and presents before the laser tag so that you and your daughter could have been there for that and you could have announced your departure and thanked them for inviting you. Then....they could continue and do whatever they wanted.
Since you are so close to these parents, maybe you could gently bring it up next time there's an invitation.
You certainly have the choice of not attending.
Keep in mind though that your daughter is growing and soon she will be old enough to do the things the other kids do.
I'm just kind of surprised someone that close to you wouldn't think of doing things a little differently to include your daughter in at least getting some cake and seeing her gift be opened.
I hope you get some great responses.
I would keep going and try to plan something for the time she can not join in. Like at the bowling/laser tag place, couldn't she have bowled while the older kids played?
I think, when you get the invite, that you should ask if their will be activities that she could do. If the activities seem a little old for her, politely decline and have her make a card or pick out an inexpensive present to drop by. Or just try to figure out if you can just drop by for the cake.
I think your friends woudl be fine with it. They invite her because you are their friend and they love you and your daughter. In a couple of years, she will be old enough to do the activities the older kids can do.
I think you can explain your reasoning and that you do not want them to change their parties to accomodate her, and you are very appreciative of the invite, but she is just a little young for the party.
This is a tough one.. I think the next time you get an invite if the event is not age appropriate then you decline the invitation but ask your friend if you and your daughter can take them out for their birthday another day. Then you can your daughter can celebrate the day with them at the movies, or go get manicures, take them to a park for a picnic, etc..
I am sure that your friend would understand completely and would probably even appreciate some free time. In addition that would make the birthday child feel really special.
Just a thought.
