Okay, so my son will be 2 in September and he's loud, busy, and opinioned, as most two year olds are, I know. But sometimes I am just at a loss, particularly at church. I feel like either my husband or I practically miss out on the entire service b/c we end up having to take my son out of the sanctuary. We pack toys, and yes I mix the toys up so that they are not always the same, plus I include some of his favorites, but they just don't keep him busy. He wants to be loud or he wants to run up on the stage and gets mad when someone captures him.
Our church is small and we don't have a nursery. We have a cry room but we choose not to use it often because of two reasons. One it's not so much soundproof and he will commence to banging on the glass and yelling "hi Father (to the priest)" or "hi Mommy!!" very loudly. The other is that there is often another mother and child in there, who to put it nicely, are not nice. The mother is very mean to her child and we choose not to be around her b/c of her actions and the influence that her child has had on our son....that's basically the gist of it.
A snack will sometimes settle him but I only allow him to have snacks after communion, which is pretty much at the end of service so that doesn't help too much.
Although I sometimes wonder why we even go to church...I would like to continue going. Additionally, my almost 4 y/o daughter will be starting Sunday School up again soon, so I will want her there for that as well.
I know that a lot of his behaviors are age appropriate and my daughter went through this phase too, but I don't know if it's b/c it seems so long ago or she really was easier, but he seems very challenging in this department. Also, I'm not opposed to telling my child no and dealing with a tantrum, it's just that I feel like church is no place to be dealing with a tantrum. Therefore, it's really only at church that I feel at a loss as to how to deal with these behaviors. If we're any place else, I'm well equipped to deal with a tantrum or whatever the case may be, but not there.
So, any way...any idea, advice, sympathy, or success stories of once crazy childen turned angelic! ;) haha! Thanks!
Thanks for the advice so far and yes, I guess I need to do more practicing at home! And there is sort of a religious reason for no snacks. Technically in order to take communion you cannot eat or drink anything before hand. With children, this rule is overlooked b/c it's not practical to make a child wait to eat a meal, but we are trying to get my daughter (almost 4) to begin to understand this (although yes, she still eats plenty before we go) so we are limiting her snacks as well as my son's until after they take communion. Since they eat basically right before we go I don't feel like they are starving or anything, they just like to have snacks.
My husband and I do take turns taking him out and that's fine if that's what we have to do, I just want it to be not what we have to do. When I say I don't want to deal with tantrums I mean that I won't just let him fuss and scream inthe middle of service, I will take him out and yes we deal with it, but ideally, I'd like to stay in.
More Added: I feel myself getting defensive when I know I shouldn't. I know that you all are just answering honestly and trying to help, but I'd like to clarify. First off, I'm not trying to get him to act like a 5 y/o or a 10 y/o. I know that he's only 2 and he is naturally busy, I know this is age appropriate. I just wanted some tips on how to to increase our time in the church because right now it's not even 5 minutes I feel like my husband or I are already out in the hall trying to occupy him for the rest of the time. I'm not opposed to taking him out, it's just that I was hoping to have to take him out less and keep him out for shorter amounts of time, that's all. I got some good tips in this area, so thank you.
Additionally, we will not be finding another church. There is a lot more to it than finding some place with child care. I don't need someone else to care for him, I just wanted a little advice. Also, in our religion (Greek Orthodox) he has taken communion already and takes it each time we go. We grant all sacraments (except marriage) during the baptism which occurs during the first year of life. So, it's not a huge deal if I were to give him snacks, but I'd like to try other things before doing that since I already mentioned the religious reasons for not eating. Anyway, thanks for all that responded, I do appreciate it. I'm just sensitive today as it's been a long and tiring day.
Cheerios. Seriously I always have Cheerios or some type of healthy finger food ready when we attend a Shhhhh! location/event. This not only keeps their hands and mouth busy but their tummys full too. Everyone with kids knows that a hungry kid is a cranky kid
Good Luck
What if you practice "silent times" at home? Explain that you are going to have a silent time, and he needs to sit with you for two minutes without saying anything. He's only allowed to play with a quiet toy. Do this a couple of times daily, and once he can handle two minutes, give him a treat, then up the ante. Make it four minutes. Each time he can do it, give him a treat. See if you can build up to 15 minutes (the normal length of a sermon), then implement it at church.
I hope that the congregation is supportive and understanding at your church. Children should always feel welcomed and wanted in a church.
If this doesn't work, and you are really uncomfortable with the situation, I would suggest you and your husband take turns going to church, so you can still go every other week, and your son can stay home for a few months until he's a little more ready to sit quietly.
Practicing at home is a great idea. But I have to be honest. Id go to a church where they have a infant and child nursery and kids Sunday school and leave him in those rooms with the teachers and aids, and babysitters. They are really different now, with security systems, kidnap-proof bracelets, pagers for parents, fences, guards, you name it. They dont want your child hurt or lost and they want you to enjoy the church service in peace. Maybe its time to find a new church.
Do not let him run around or play at all if you need to take him out of the sanctuary. Since you don't feel comfortable taking him to another room in the building, strap him into his car seat for a time out (obviously turn on the air if it's a hot or cold day). Tell him he will stay there until he's ready to sit quietly in church. If he starts acting up in church, warn him he can enjoy sitting in church quietly with you, dad and sister, or he can sit in the car. Pretty soon he'll choose the privilege of sitting quietly :) Several years ago I took my 1 & 3 yr old sons to church by myself for a year (husband had to work), and they learned very quickly that it was no fun if we had to leave the chapel. We now have a third son who is 2, and do the same with him. We rarely have to leave the chapel. Don't give up - he'll get there!
I suggest that it's unreasonable to expect a 2 yo to sit quietly for an hour or more especially if they are high energy to begin with. Their bodies are just not mature enough to do that.
Please don't take this the wrong way, I honestly don't know....is there a religious reason he can't have snacks before communion?
Unless it's not religiously acceptable, I don't see why you don't let him have something to nibble on if it keeps him still and sitting.
I'm not sure why you feel that church is no place to deal with a tantrum.
Tantrums should be dealt with at church, at the store, at home....consistantly.
Your little one just might not be ready to sit still as long as church requires, but I think it's a disservice to not deal with the tantrums and the loudness and the running on stage and then freaking out when he's "captured".
It sounds like for a while, you and your husband will have to take turns with him outside so the service can go uninterrupted.
You'll have to practice sitting still at home and listening. Maybe you can have the kids sit while you or your husband read a story standing up and the kids have to sit in their places on the couch or wherever while you do it.
Start out with small time increments.
I have been invited to churches with friends and some services can be incredibly boring to a child who has no clue what anyone is talking about. It can be boring for the adults. No offense to any religion. I promise.
If there is no nursery or place you feel comfortable having him while the adults listen to the sermon, it seems you'll just have to keep taking him out.
Maybe it's asking too much for him to be still so long right now.
Barring religious reasons, if snacks work...I'd let him have them.
Just my opinion.
It's great to want to take your child to church, and it's a fantastic natural way to introduce discipline into his routine. My extended family has their 2 and 3 year olds sitting quietly in church every Sunday and for additional bible studies during the week. No toys. Sometimes the services last over 2 hours, but they grew up from infancy in church, so they know the drill.
The incentive is the fun they get to have running wild AFTER church, but the training it took to get them used to the routine was straight up discipline. No child will just sit quietly because you are providing fun toys etc. You still need to enforce no climbing down, screaming, escaping, etc, firmly, which will always be more interesting than toys. He won't even need toys once he knows rules, but having a quiet toy in his lap won't hurt him either. It's beside the point.
Start at home. Make him sit quietly for x amount of time. If he does it, celebration and hugs, if he starts to squirm and refuses to cooperate, use discipline. I did this with both of my younger kids using my older daughter's piano practice every day for 1/2 for starters as a time they had to sit still and quiet. Then I enforced it during Meet the Press every Sunday too. I made them sit quietly on my lap and watch it every Sunday, not because I think they need to be up to the minute on politics, but it's a Sunday morning show, I'm watching it anyway, and it's an hour long, so good practice. Now when we visit the family they can sit still in church or whenever I need them to.
Start at home firmly enforcing the rules of when to sit quietly, and if he begins to act up in church, IMMEDIATELY remove him to the restroom for clear firm immediate discipline every time. He'll get it that he never gets away with it soon enough. Same with tantrums. We disciplined tantrums firmly at the beginning of each one and don't have them, that way we never need to deal with them. But that needs to be done at home first, so that by the time he attends church he knows it's never an option. This book has great tantrum stopping advice, Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson.
2 is not too young. Good luck!
My sympathies. If it were me, I'd find a sitter for him until he's older and can behave. I have a two year old who is just like your son except we have a nursery in the church that is at the other end of the church which works great. When my son acts up, I give him a sucker. It works for a short time. Some kids are just high maintenance.
I second the opinion that you find a church that serves the needs of young families rather than trying to get a two yr old to act like a five yr old. Good luck
We had the same problem...and switched to a church with childcare. Now we get something out of mass again! Maybe look into a new church?
If that is not an option, maybe go to church in shifts instead of as a family so someone can be home with him?
Or allow snacks since he hasn't had First Communion yet anyways? Or a lollipop? Or color with Color Wonders markers?
I read some other mom's discipline advice and I think that they must have very special children. There is NO way my kid will sit still-I'd have to discipline him every 2 minutes or so. Just sayin...
Hello, sounds like not everyone was nice...sorry. I'll tell you what work for us; I bought him a card board ABC Bible and that's what he was allowed to take. He wanted to take Hotwheels and I said, no. I know it's hard for them to understand, but sometimes they understand more than we know. I agreed that he can take them with us, but they'll have to wait in the car. Also, I would feed him before we'd leave I'd give him a chance for a snack or drink (not a lot) and yes...use the bathroom. I'd always tell him in church we have to use our quiet voice and be quiet for an hour. Sometimes, I would tell him if he was good he can buy another car when we went to the grocery store or we'd get an ice cream. And you don't have to buy, but you do have to tell them thank you for being so good in church. If you let them bring toys in they learn no difference, if you keep walking out with them during service, they'll continue. Ond day the word "sacrifice" came up. I got the question, "Mommy, what does that mean?" I said, "You know how you leave those cars in the carewhile we're at church?" "Well,
that's a sacrifice that you're making." It's little things that help them along the way. Practice at home, tell them we need to have quiet time and just do that for 15 minutes, doesn't mean not play, but quietly. Then, try longer periods of time. Get him a Bilble or something that relates to church that way it's a little something. One day, we walked in with nothing. It happens, it just doesn't seem like it when we're going through it. The main thing is be consistent, make some choice for them and be patient. Good luck to you....
I completely understand. To be honest, we have one of us stay home with our youngest at this point. While not ideal, at least the one who is there is able to participate better.
My daughter's favorite thing to have at church was a coloring book & crayons. Granted, you have to keep an eye out that he won't color in the hymnals or other church property, but that & a stuffed animal were all I ever took for my daughter. Now at 2 1/2 years, I haven't taken anything the last two weeks & she's been good. She still is getting up and down off the pews, but she's quiet. I do find that sitting around OLDER children (not too much older, but old enough to know appropriate behavior) gives her someone to imitate. If they are quiet and well behaved, that's what she wants to do. HTH!
i don't have much advice - we were just trying to get back into church when my son was this age, and we put it off over a year after a few disastrous tries. how at 4 he is muuuuch better. you'd never know he spent his first couple years a "heathen". but it is still a challenge, i think that's just my son. antsy, wiggly, and has a hard time sitting still and quiet. we tried all the same tricks with snacks and books and small quiet toys. (many of which still come to church with us today) i am also not a nursery-user, more because i wanted him to learn to behave, not learn that acting out means you get to go play. i don't have any advice, like i said, time was the only thing that helped us. but i can sympathize!! its embarrassing. but it is okay really...everyone there either is a parent, or was a kid at one point. you can only do what you can do.
At a mom whose kids are grown. I don't mind hearing a child chattering during church. It is part of life. Maybe you could talk to the church about starting a nursery program. Good luck.
dont go or find a church with nursery/sunday school
First of all... kids this age, do not yet have.... fully developed "impulse-control."
And, they have a hard time modulating their voice.
You can teach him how to 'whisper.'
Practice at home.
And, when tired or hungry.... this is not the time to take a Toddler to a venue in which it requires 'quiet.'
When tired or hungry... a Toddler's abilities and patience... is nil.
And, in some venues with a lot of people... Toddlers/babies/kids... get overly stimulated. Hence, they get all tantrum-ey.
A 'tantrum' also, for a young child, it serves to "SHUT-out" external noise and stimuli. It signals... that the child has had enough. And has reached the end of their rope.
And especially... at this age, a child's social skills is NOT yet fully developed either. So, they don't know the parameters of social engagement or not. NOR do they know the appropriateness or inappropriateness of situations. They do NOT have, social skills, mastered, yet.
So, the expectations of him/of a child this age... has to be congruent with the child's age/ability... not the venue.
A child this age ALSO... their "emotions" are not EVEN fully developed, either.
NOR their communication skills.
NOR their understanding of abstract emotions or the requirements of a certain venue.
Kids this age... are not able to sit still and just be quiet.
Your child, IS acting his age.
But the venues... he is in, is not congruent with his age nor his abilities nor his maturity.
He is a Toddler.
Not a 10 year old.
HA! HA! HA! good one T.!!
Oh...you weren't joking?
Me personally, I would wait to take him till he was older, if I were a church goer. Which I'm not. But having taken my kids to communions and confirmations for others, I'm familiar with the good, the bad and the ugly. I'd say if you and hubby want to keep going, take turns going each week with your daughter. It's good for the kids to have one on one time anyways.
