My son will be 3 in a month. I know he's at the age where he's pushing and testing his limits, but I'm out of ideas. For example, He takes the couch cushions off EVERYDAY and jumps on them and the couch. Our rule is NO JUMPING on the couch and DON'T take the cushions off. He goes in time out and loses his TV time. He continues to do it everyday...could care less about the consequences. We've tried taking away his trains (not related to the couch, but he LOVES his trains), giving him choices (your choice is to sit like a big boy and leave the pillows alone OR no TV), and telling him he's not allowed on the couch anymore for the day. He just doesn't seem to care if he gets in trouble. We've tried explaining that his little brother does what he does so he needs to show him how to be a big boy...that doesn't work either. Any ideas???? Overall he's a pretty good listener...he just refuses to follow the rules on this one! Thanks for your thoughts!
I let my kid take the cushions off and jump on the coach. Really, there is no harm in him doing it and it helps him exercise. Jumping also feels good from a sensory perspective too. If it bothers you, get him something else to jump on.
It's my observation that it's still hard to understand cause and effect/consequences at this age.
If I'm gentle and firm, my son obeys. If I get ticked off, he isn't as compliant.
Two ideas come to mind.Purchase one of the small trampolines used for exercising and surround the area around it with cushioned material of some sort.Or a twin mattress on the floor of a bedroom instead of a trampoline.
If this alternative jumping area does not work, perhaps when he jumps on the couch explain that the living room is off boundaries for him for that day.Can you gate the door ways off?
Ok this may sound a little weird but my daughter is two, and she took to sitting in her brother's baby swing. She is way too big for it! Anyway the more we said not for you and sat her in time out she did it. So I tried a different approach. I ignored her when she did it. Guess what she stopped sitting in the swing. She wasn't getting a reaction from us so it was no longer "fun" for her. Occasionally she will start to sit in it, but the funny thing is that if I happen to look over at her when she starts to she gets right out. Good luck. I tend to also agree with the first poster. They are couch cusions. If your not sitting on the what's the big deal. But that's just me. :-)
H. J
I would continue the "no jumping" and the time outs, etc. that you are doing. Also, make him put the pillows back on when he is done with time out and keep saying "no pillows". The bigger thing is to praise him and give him positive feedback more often so when he does hear no he will more likely listen. I have a 5 year old and a soon to be 3 year old and we are going through a similar thing. However, now that I have up'd the positive praise, he is listening more to my "no's". Of course, they are kids and don't listen all the time. Just be consistent.
Tracy,
Yes! Mini-trampoline is a must-have... we still have one in our t.v. room for our now-five-year-old (she's had it since around age 3). It's the only way we can all be in the t.v. room in peace, she can jump while we sit... she even jumps while she watches her shows (good exercise)! It's also a nice little soft surface for her to sit and spread out books etc...
That being said - keep being consistent about your no jump rule and praise good behavior as much as possible. He is old enough for a very simple sticker chart - each day he doesn't bounce, he gets a sticker, after four stickers (or whatever) he gets a special reward like a trip to the park with you or something he likes.
best of luck to you,
W
Hi Tracy:
Try finding something else he can safely jump on. Sounds like that's what he loves to do is bounce, like Tigger...
My first one was doing that, and I bought a small exercise trampoline at a garage sale, and we set up rules for safe bouncing, and he followed through, because he LOVED it even more than the couch. I was scared of t his using it at first, but once he put a foot through the springs, he learned really fast, not to go to the edges. You might want to find another option though, I think my son was about 3-1/2 or maybe even 4 yrs. old, I can't remember. He's 16 now!!
My son is almost three, too, and I find when he digs his heels in the most about something like this, it's his way of saying he wants my attention. Does he ever sit quietly and watch t.v. or is his t.v. time your thirty minutes to get things done for the whole day. He might be jealous. Good luck!
Dear Tracy,
You sound very frustrated. I can certainly relate... I have a 3 1/2 year old boy and a 2 month old baby girl. My advise is this: what is so bad about playing on the couch cushions? What could be more fun for a little boy stuck playing in the house? If he's not hurting himself, then why not let him play happily? I think with a 3 year old boy, you need to pick your battles. Saying bad words, hitting... definitely need punishment... but playing on the couch seems like a normal activity... I know our son has been doing that for a very long time, and all our friends' kids that are boys are even more nuts than our son when it comes to this sort of thing. Why not just say that he can play, jump around, whatever... but if he gets hurt or hurts his brother, then it's a time out? Good luck.
I sure feel your exhaustion and frustration as I read your experience of the ineffectiveness of living by a rule/punishment paradigm. Our home is much more happy and peaceful since we moved to more respectful parenting and living by principles instead of rules in our home. Here's an article that explains rule- vs. principle-based living: http://danielleconger.organiclearning.org/rulesvsprincipl...
Focus on mindfulness, solutions and meeting needs: He wants to jump and you want your couch for sitting only. So how can you help him find a way to jump that meets both of those needs? Is there a older bed or chair, a mini-tramp, etc than can be for jumping? And/or question your own attachment to the couch and what stories you're telling yourself about what letting him jump on it would mean or lead to. Children live beautifully in the moment and have very strong physical impulses- we can rail against that trying to control and punish it or we can honor and support it in ways that keep them safe and feeling respected.
My 5 year old son was like this. From the time he could walk, he jumped. It was a constant battle even now we'll turn around and he's doing head stands on my brand new Pottery Barn couch. He still gets in trouble but he's not near as bad as he was at 3...he really has gotten better, he's just very active and seems to have ants in his pants always. My advice is to stick to your guns and keep doing what you're doing and be consistent. Choose a punishment and keep doing that punishment. But make sure you overly praise and reward him when he actually sits there. Another thought is that my son would only do this after he was bored with television. I then limited his tv time to 1 show or 1/2 hour because of his attention span. He then got busy with something else before he wanted to destroy all the cushions. It's best that he knows boundaries now and how to treat furniture so it's easier to go to someone else's house and not have to worry about how he'll sit there. Hope this helps.
Don't use the word "don't". Say, "No jumping." instead of "Don't jump on the couch." Kids don't hear "not" instead they hear, "Jump on the couch! Take the cushions off!"
Be consistent. He's only three - he needs to be trained (for lack of a better word). Have you tried 1-2-3 Magic? If not, I recommend it. Also - praise for the correct behavior. "You left the cushions alone. Great job buddy!"
At this age, they do not have fully developed impulse control. What you are doing is good. I would just make sure you use the same consequence for the offense every time and be consistent with it.
