6 Year Old Bedwetting and Now Daytime at School

Hi
I had a problem with my son bedwetting. So I noticed that when I cut back his intake of soup or water or drinks at night, that it stoped completely. So, notice what or how many juice boxes or cups he's drinking. You could offer him big boy pullups also which will help his control messy problem. But I would try that first. It could be that he's afraid to use the bathroom at school or the teacher isn't allowing the kids to go to the bathroom. volunteer at the school if you have time, and ask to sit in the classroom for a few days and see what the schedule is or routine is for bathroom breaks. But don't tell them that's why you're there.

I don't think this is defiance, I think this is stress from the adoption and all of the changes that are going on in his life. I am the mother of two - both adopted. One at birth, one as an older toddler - children that age don't know how to express grief, or fear, or sadness, or frustration, or any of tons of other feelings. He's feeling scared, even though, from an adult perspective, there is nothing to be afraid of. There is a good resource here in Oviedo - The Beyond Consequences Institute. They have a great amount of information and training that can help you understand and deal with the fear. My guess is that something stressful is happening at school too - are they working on a project about their families? Sometimes that sets things off with adopted children. Try Beyond Consequences - Heather Forbes.

A little about me: Adoptive mom of 2, Dr of Developmental Psychology, Domestic Adoption Counselor

Hi Grandma-

I would have your daughter get your new grandson checked out medically. I had a cousin who wet his bed into his 20s. I think there was a hormone problem. I dont think this is an "open act of defiance" as he has "always been a bedwetter" and by the fact that he hides his clothes... probably out of embarassment (and fear of discipline). Maybe you can google the subject and report back to your daughter on any "medical reason" you find.

I would also STOP disaplining him for this!! It sounds like the child is going through a lot. Weather he has a medical reason or an emotional reason. His new parents have to show they believe him when he says he doesnt know when he is doing it...after all why would a 6 year old continue to wet himself on purpose knowing its totally embarassing at school and that he will get disciplined at home for it?? Iam SURE there is something else going on here.

Another reason not to discipline is that if you have already disciplined and you find it doesnt work. Then it is better to try and work WITH your child then against him. Otherwise for the parent its like hitting your head against a rock. You dont get anywhere, you put a wall between you and your new son and you get so frustrated you think your going to loose your mind!!!

Good Luck to you all!

K.

You said that you daughter was adopting this child. Does she know anything about his background? Going to the bathroom is one of the few things that children have control of in their lives. Most children, even the ones who are in a stable environment, will regress in some manor when a change is made in the family. For example children who have been potty trained for a year or two will regress back to wetting themselves (either at night, or day, or sometimes both) when a new sibling arrives, parents fight, they move, ect. When a childs world seems to be spinning out of control this is one thing that they can control.

Now, this little man might be testing his new parents with the wetting. He might want to see how they are going to react, how they will discipline him. Or maybe it is something that he really isn't aware of. But what your daughter really needs to do, is when he comes home wet, not yell at him or even really discipline him regarding this, instead talk to him, try hard to get him to open up about what used to happen when he wet his pants, reassure him that no matter what he does he is in a safe, loving home where he will be taken care of. Now she should tell him that it is not acceptable behaivor to wet himself doing the day but that they (herself and husband) understand that this is all new to him and that he might be a little afraid. I personally would have the husband in the room on occassion as well, and let him take charge. I think the most important thing you can do is let him know that he is loved and that their is nothing he can do that will make him go away. The more they talk to him and pull things out of him the more he is going to begin to feel safe and secure. Also I would tell this little boy and talk to the teacher about it, that when at school, he needs to go to the bathroom every 3 hours. He should be able to hold it for 3 hours. Just let him know that since he said sometimes he doesn't know when it is happening ask him to just try to go every 3 hours to empty his bladder. Also ask him to write down when he has an accident, because maybe something is happening at that moment to cause it. For example, maybe their is a child at school that is picking on him, or maybe the teacher had to correct him for something, maybe he got a wrong answer, so maybe this is something that triggers this behaivor.

Also with the bedwetting at night, so children aren't potty trained for years. You might actually want to go and see a doctor about that and make sure that he doesn't have a problem, because their are children who just have no control what so ever with their bladder at night.

It doesn't sound like he is doing this behaivor to be mean. My friend was a foster parent for a little boy who was 10 or 11 and he would go and pee on the walls in the room, or go into the bathroom and pee everywere except for the toilet. It was horrible and frustrating for her. But this boy came from a very broken home and had been shuffled around foster homes for years. He was scared and this was the only thing in his life he could control. He tested and tested her with this to see if she loved him enough to keep him around. It is exteremly said for these kids, and I would really think about the physicalogical aspect for the day wetting, but again would talk to a doctor about the night wetting (as well as the day).

Good luck to her and her new family. I hope that this helps.

I am a mother of two. I have dealt with the wetting issue with my now six year old. She started wetting herself at school at five. Kids sometimes have a hard time adjusting to new surroundings and this may be the issue here. This may just be something that they are doing while trying to adjust. I would defently talk to the teacher about the fact that it has went unnoticed and ask that they can maybe check thoughout the day to make sure he has not wet himself, so he is not wearing soiled clothing. I say give it a little time and hopefully he will grow out of it. I had a little cousin that was put in foster care and everytime he had a visit with his father (because he was not adjusting well with the change) he would poop in his pants. I hope that whings get better with this issue I know it can be stressful. Goodluck.

There may be a hidden reason for the child wetting the bed/himself. It may be because of a physical problem in which the doctor can diagnose. Sometimes it could be because of emotional trauma.

The child is going through a lot with changes in his environment - moving from one place to another. He is unsure of what to expect. He knew what his daily life was like before he was adopted but the UNKNOWN of adoption may terrify him.

He knew the people that took care of him and how they would respond to him.

Sometimes stress is a factor. As a child, I wet the bed. It was caused by a combination of factors: too much to drink before bedtime and issues happening in the home that caused me great emotional trauma (stress).

I finally outgrew the problem even though the home issues continued for many years.

I personally don't think "discipline" as you put it, is the answer. Try to get to the bottom of the problem without making the child feel he did something WRONG.

This approach could make the problem worse.

Try setting the clock and getting the child up in the middle of the night to help him not wet the bed.

Find positive solutions that encourage the child. Stay away from those that seem to make the child feel negative and like he is in trouble.

Hello and congrats on becoming a new nana! This will seem kind of lame, but trust me. I worked with emotionaly desturbed children for over a decade. Though the child may be thrilled about being adopted, it is still a very traumatic event. Hopefully the family is getting some counseling to ease with the transition. He is NOT wetting himself out of open defiance and PUNISHMENT WILL NOT HELP! Patience and understanding (even comfort if he seems embarased)will bring an end to the problem over time. It may take a few months, but just treating it like it's no big deal, they still love him, and could he please help by bringing his dirty clothes (if he had an accident) to the laundry room.

Punishment will just reafirm that he is a throw away child. Understanding and getting his minor assistance in cleaning up will reafirm that he is loved unconditionally. Suggest that he use the restroom at recess and lunch before he goes to play, but leave it to him, don't demand. When a child strives to please out of his own desire instead of under the fear of punishment, much more can be overcome and achieved.

For the nightime bedwetting speak to the pediatrician. He will have several ideas and once tried, if they don't work, he can prescribe a medication (short term) that will help. Once again approach from an "it's okay, we all have accidents, let's clean up and try again" position will get much further.

I wish your family lots of luck and happiness. It takes a special family to take on an love three children. Just remember the rewards far outweigh the trials!

#1 - Pray to God for him. Give him lots of hugs and kisses and tell him that everything will be ok and that you love him no matter what. Tell him that he is such a wonderful boy and that you are so happy to have him be apart of you family. Tell him that he is a wonderful gift from God.

#2 - Never discipline the child for having an accident in his pants. "MAKE SURE 100% THAT THE SCHOOL UNDERSTANDS THAT NO ONE IS TO TREAT HIM LIKE DIRT FOR WETTING IN HIS PANTS!"

#3 - Never talk bad about him or the situation in front of him or around the other child. Or in an area where he might be able to hear anything.

#4 - Get him some help. Take him to a Dr.
Find out if he was abused as a young child. Find out if he has a bladder infection that went uncared for.
He might have a medical problem.

#5 - Get him pull ups or something for his age so that he does not walk around smelling like PEE PEE. The other children will treat him like garbage if he smells like pee pee. They will laugh at him and call him Pee Pee pants.

#6 - Keep praying for him, ALWAYS. The Lord is GREAT and he will help you all and bless you all.

I will pray for you and your family. God Bless and take care.

http://www.pampers.com/en_US/ltpt_commHome.do?avatar=pcom...

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pull-Ups

[edit] Types/Sizes
Each Type has 3 sizes:

Medium 2T-3T for toddlers 18-31 lb (8-14 kg) - For children just under 2 years old to just under 4 years old.
Large 3T-4T - For Preschool Children to early elementary school age children 25-45 lb (11-20 kg) - For children from about 2 and a half to about 7 years old. The equivalent of size 4-6 underwear.
Xtra Large 4T-5T- For preschool to elementary schooled children 39+ lb (18+ kg). Ideal for children who have daytime accidents as well as younger bedwetters who are not quite ready for the GoodNites product. Fit children from 4 years old to about 8 years old. The equivalent of size 6-10 underwear.
The "NightTime" line only is available in the two smaller sizes.

Hi, M., It's exciting becoming an adoptive parent but it is also frightening. Especially when things like this begin to happen. I adopted a little boy 4 1/2 years ago and life has been a rollercoaster of events occurring that other parents don't seem to experience. My first word of advice - breathe. What your 6 year old angel is going through is anxiety attacks and he is expressing his anxiety in the only way he knows. My son pooped his pants for the longest time after adoption. It was only after trial and error and counseling that I discovered why. He had been torn from the only environment he had known and given to this lady (me)that he had seen only a couple dozen times and never returned to his normal life. At that age they don't know how to cope with their feelings. I suggest alot of love and encouragement (which I'm sure is already in place), a change of clothes to be kept in his backpack, and Febreeze added to the rinse cycle. He, too, may need counseling to cope with the adoption because in his little mind he doesn't know if this will happen again or not. Tell your daughter to keep encouraging him and also tell your daughter to talk to the teachers and tell them to have your grand go to the bathroom every hour. When teachers are kept in the loop they can be an awesome tool for parents! Wishing your family the very best, from one adoptive family to another.
Kathy & Cody

Hello there nana!! Okay I've been a teaher since 97 and there are a couple thing to consider, comming home wet from school??? U need to nip that in the bud asap that is not okay at all.
Then sit and talk to him to find out why he's doing this something , a thought, feelings or anxiety is causing this , do u guys know anything about his situation before he was adopted?? Get that info and really look at it, and also, he's adjusting and maybe he consequences are to strict, its an accident and should be treated as such. At night give him pull ups and at school to. On the wknds send him potty every 30 minutes and no liquid after 700 pm .
Hope this helps , take care E.

M.,

I wish I had gone to read the other posts first..... First thing I noticed is that the child is adopted, the second is that there are consequences for wetting. Adoption itself might bring circumstances with it. However, it may be a medical condititon. Sometimes a boys bladder doesn't develop or grow as fast as it should - sometimes they just get so wrapped up in what they are doing that they "forget". They don't recognize the urge or feeling. Punishment just causes more stress, and, probably, more occurrances.

Nana,
I am a mom of 2 kids 7 yr old boy and 11 yr old girl, and also an elem school (2nd grade) teacher. As a mom, I did not encounter these problems, but as a teacher I have...many times. I am concerned b/c being a 6 yr old child in a relatively new home environment with new parents must be extremely stressful, so discipline should not be a factor in resolving the 'accident' issue. I feel this will make it harder for him to control his problem and put added stress on his young mind. Has your daughter considered visiting a pediatrician or child psychologist regarding the matter? It could be a physical reaction to an underlying emotional issue, of which he may have no control over.
I am also bothered that the school staff does not 'notice' the problem when it happens. If it is severe enough to be seen, or smelled, then it should be noticed. Possibly, the child could bring a change of clothes to school and quietly ask to use the restroom if an accident does happen (or go to the nurse to change, but that is more obvious to the classmates and may embarass him more). This way he feels in control of a small part of his daily life. There are also childrens Overnights undergarments he can wear to bed each night that mmay help alleviate the added stress of making a mess.
One more thought, being the oldest of 3 siblings is hard enough, but maybe your grandson feels he is somehow responsible for the younger siblings, assuming their original home life was obviously an issue.
I think the best route to take is first, the doctor to rule out medical issues, then, the psych to help him cope w/his new surroundings, and a LOT of TLC.

Best of luck and God Bless!

Consider the circumstances, its sounds like the wetting is due to something emotional/psychological. I'm assuming being that he is being adopted at 6 he has not had a "normal" childhood.
I do know however that shaming and punishment is NOT the answer, this in fact, will only lower a child's self esteem and can actually make matters worse!
I would first suggest having him checked by a pediatrician to make sure there is nothing physically wrong with him. Next, if he checks out fine, they should speak to a child psychologist.
Again, it is so important NOT to discipline him or shame him.
Please give them some reading information on the subjects such as the following articles:

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhe...
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey...

http://preventdisease.com/news/articles/older_children_st...

http://www.natural-treatment-guide.com/bedwetting/bedwett...

hey how just read your leter about the bed wetting and really don't think there is nothing that is gonna help cause i had got cousdty of my cousin's three kids which is 8, 2 and 1 month old at the time plus i have two daughhter's of my own that r 5, and 3 and the lil boy that is 8 years old he was wetting the bed and the doctor said that there is notting that u can relly do cause kids that have been taking from there family and placed somewhere else sometime's wet the bed cause they r scared cause of everything that they have been though so when they have to use the bathroom the r just rebellling from not being with there mom and dad so if this helps any cause i went though the same thing and this is what i was told when i ask...thanks D.

I have 3 girls, my oldest is actually my husbands daughter from a previous relationship, but lives with us full time. We got custody of her a little over 2 years ago.

The child had been through alot in her previous living arraingment, and had some bedwetting issues at first. I would definitely try and see what the pediatrician says, to make sure there are no urinary problems.

Also consider that small children don't know how to release the stress from the experiences that life has dealt them. They handle things in many different ways then we do, they are still learning how to deal with and control emotions.

My problems with my daughter got alot easier after we put her in counseling. She sees a child play therapist, who talks to her about her feelings, and teaches her ways through play to express them. It's great. The center we go to has big play rooms, that only the child and therapist go to. They feel safe, and comfortable. The whole place is the most kid friendly environment I've ever seen.

You said that they are being adopted, and my family has worked alot with adoptions and foster care. You could suggest to your daughter that she look for a Children's Advocacy Center in her area. They are great for helping family's with counseling, and in our case, supplied it free of charge.

Good luck, and enjoy those new grand-babies!! They are alot of fun!

I'm not a psychologist, but it seems to me that your grandson has been through quite a lot in his young life, and this may be his response to stress or change. The first thing would be a physical checkup to rule out urinary tract infection and so forth, and hopefully your pediatrician can advise you from there. But don't wait for the doctor to suggest mental health intervention if the problem persists; you must be an advocate for your own child and seek the help it might take if the behavior doesn't disappear on its own.
Most experts advise basically ignoring or having mild and natural consequences (like having the child put his laundry in the washing machine if he is able) and NOT emotional responses or shaming... along with plenty of positive attention at other times. Best of luck to you all.

Hi,
congrats on the new grands. My suggestion would be NOT to punish him. I seriously doubt it is open defiance... He probably is embarrassed. He is going through a traumatic time, and wetting is a common "regression" during times of turmoil. Abused children, if things I have read are any indication, commonly exhibit such behaviors. What kind of household were the kids in beforehand? Perhaps he is worried that he might not "live up to expectations" in his new home and be sent back to where he came from?
Reassurance is the best thing for him. Not anger or assuming it is intentional.
My 6 yr old daughter (who NEVER wet, even at night, and trained early on her own) wet herself at school MANY times when she was in K5... simply because she didn't want to "interrupt the teacher" to ask to go to the bathroom... or because they were in reading groups and they weren't supposed to talk when they weren't the ones reading. She would hold it until she came home, and if she didn't get home fast enough, well, she would be wet. It took a lot of 1) talking with her and explaining to her that it's okay to interrupt when you need to go to the bathroom... the teacher will NOT be upset about it; 2) asking her every day "did you use the bathroom at school today? " as a reminder; 3) Being patient and understanding when she didn't make it or was wet.
Your daughter (and son) should be supportive and try to figure out what he might be worried about... most likely it is worry about SOMETHING that is triggering it...
Best wishes...

I agree with the previous post that this may be an issue that is rooted in his history. I would reccomend a doctor visit right away. But as far as bed wetting goes, if it turns out to NOT be a physical or emotional issue,then you should know that bed wetting is VERY common. I have five children and out of the five, three of them were/are bedwetters. My oldest wet his bed until he was 12, and two of my kids still do (ages 8 and 4). However, none of my bed-wetters wet their pants during the day, which leads me to believe that there may be a different problem in your grandsson's case.
I have come to the conclusion that my bed wetters just sleep too hard to have complete control over their bladders during the night, but if they would have donr it while awake, I would have assumned something more was wrong.
Ask the doc to refer him to a urologist. My oldest son saw one about age 7 or 8 and we were able to rule out any health issues, which better equiped us (mentally) to handle the bed wetting. It also comforted us about it to the point where we don't even stress about it.
So he should see a doc and or a psychologist, just to rule out (or find) any emotional or health issues.
My prayers are with your family. ~C.~

this is a big question...when my brother was young her to wet the bed and his best friend did to.. the doctor said they would both stop before they got married and they did...
the doctor said he had wet the bed until he was 14......
my brothers son and my son( both the oldest in thier families were bedwetters) having it checked by a doctor is a good thing to see if it is physical..but my guess is emotional.
just loving them and not making a big deal out of it is best.
making a deal out of it is going to make it much worse. maybe seeing a naturopathic doc would help for some natural kind of help. i am sure this young man is just emotionally scared and embarrassed and doesn't want to do this.......my heart is aching as i read this and answer you because i have seen the pain to many time in those i have mentioned here and like you just want to hold him and love him...good luck.
oh. my middle son started wetting the bed when his father and
i were getting a divorce ..............after some time it stopped.