My Beautiful, yet very Strong willed, son is giving me quite the run around with potty training. We cloth diapered him early on, but switched to disposables after he turned 2 because the family was going through a lot dealing with his new baby brother who was in the hospital. (The following year was really taken up caring for his brother...feeding tube issues following open heart surgery, therapies, etc...and that may be playing a part in this) We switched to Pull-ups about 6 months ago and really tried to work on potty training, but he just doesn't care to try. I have tried rewards for pee-pee and poo poo in the potty, but that works for a day and then it is old news the next day and he resists even trying to go. He has done both in the little potty AND the big potty and I am confident that he KNOWS what is going on, he just flat out resists doing it. He doesn't care if his diaper is wet or poopy and would walk around all day in them if I didn't change him. He even resists regular changings and I have to fight with him to change his diapers. I'm trying to be "encouraging" and not "forceful" on this and really just ask him throughout the day if he needs to go peepee. He tells me no, most of the time.
I don't know if I'm dealing with just his Will in this or some emotional need to "stay a baby" by keeping his diapers and therefore get more of mommy's attention. Incidentally, the year we were dealing with his brother's issues, we lived close to my mother who kept him a majority of the time. She helped raise him from birth and was very close to him. We have just moved to another state, away from family ;( and although he resisted potty training before, he is doing the same now too.......is the move a factor???
We as a family are about to start an internship with our church for the next 3 months and the kids are going to take part and have their own classes. My son has been home with me since he was born and this will be the first time he is with other kids and away from us for a good part of the day. He likes "school" and the kids, so I'm not worried about that, but he will have to be in the 2 yr old class if he isn't potty trained.
I know this is a complicated mess to unravel, but if anyone has any suggestions or Proven Methods to get him to WANT to try potty training, I would GREATLY APPRECIATE IT!
Thanks ;)
E.
I would try putting him in big boy underpants so that it he wets, he really gets wet, worked with my oldest tho he still resisted the poo part of it, finally decided to use the toilet for that after I had him help me clean his underpants (he didn't mind if I got my hands dirty but was a diff story when he had to help, lol). Sometimes as long as they have on something that will soak it up (diaper or pullup), they just don't care!
Until the child is ready in THEIR mind to tell you before they have to go OR just go themselves there is NO amount of forcing you can do... :-)
Our daughter was one of those kids that had her 2 yr birthday and took to the potty with no encouragement from us...
Our first son... haha... He was almost 3 when his little brother was born and no amount of trying to get him to use the potty was working. Hubby wanted him "trained" before his brother was born... It always ended up with mommy frustrated, him in tears, and nothing accomplished. So after a week of mommy going nuts and daddy saying "just MAKE him" while he sat at his desk at work... Mommy told daddy that if HE wants him trained... DO IT YOURSELF!!! lol That lasted about 3 hours before hubby agreed that we just needed to back off, and not worry about it. About 8 months later he showed interest and jumped on the potty bandwagon... (he'll be 6 soon)
Now our 2nd boy is almost 3 and I will not stress myself out about it. He will get to it when he is ready... Plus... I am due at the end of the month with our 4th (girl) so I have other things on my mind and in my body. :-)
Boys tend to be closer to 4 when trained... (In MY book a child is not trained until they no longer wear diapers, pull ups, etc AND havn't had any accidents in a month or more) Other wise they are still training... Having a child WANT to train is all about THEIR mentality. SOme are just ready earlier than others...
What is his motivation... It seems like he doesn't care about the rewards, etc... does he care about what class he is in? What his friends are doing? etc?
You may be suprized at howmany boys are in the not trained class. :-)
Good luck!!!
When he is ready he will let you know. Since it is becoming summer time outside have you tried letting him pee on a tree? My son loved this and this is actally what helped us potty train him. He would run down a flight of steps, past two bathrooms just to go pee on a tree, but it worked after our long struggle.
Hi, I hope I can help. It sounds like your little guy and the whole family have been through a lot of changes. The Move is a BIG factor, not just being in a new place witch is a huge factor for a kid anyway, but also moving away from his Grandma who has been a huge part of his life is going to take some getting used to. Emotional needs are a part of it as well. He also has more connection with his little brother than you might think all that has gone on with him effects the older brother as well. Children are VERY insightful even if we hide our feelings they get vibes they know what's going on. It sounds like he has had a great deal of stress, and would really benefit from some time without any big changes like learning how to use the potty. My advise is put potty training on the back burner for a while, and when I say a while I mean at least 3 months so he can have a chance to get used to his new surroundings, and have some stability. I don't know what this internship will entail, but if it means more changes and instability I would wait a while and give the kid a break, or maybe it would be better to move right into that, and then he can gain some stability. He will be fine I think he just needs some time to adjust without learning a new skill.
I was complaining about the frustrations of potty training to friends, and a wise mother told me he will do it when he's ready. I tried a bunch of tricks to get my son interested in the potty for over a year, when I relaxed and decided he will do it when he's ready he started doing it more. I told him to tell me when he want to do it. There have been some changes for kids with my own issues and he has regressed some that is totally normal, he will get back to doing it again. When I'm not stressing about it he's not stressing about it. Again though I would wait awhile. After a few months you can look at potty training again. What FINALLY worked well for my son was doing a combination of treats and timing, and a treat can be anything they like it doesn't have to be candy. For a while we used mini peanut butter rits cracker sandwiches they loved those. You could even have two different treats he could choose from. You could let him choose a toy from the dollar store, there is something to be said for getting away from using food as reward. The more he get's to choose the more interested he will be. After he has an accident I say in a sad voice oh that's to bad having wet or dirty underwear is no fun at all. I got to a point when he was close to 4 that I told him it was now his responsibility to clean himself up if he makes a mess. I helped him a little to know how to do it, but the next time he was on his own. He did not like that at all, it was a good motivator to make it to the potty. He loves superman, he got to earn his superman underwear one piece at a time after making it to the potty 3 times in a row. These things really helped. Just remember potty training is a process not an event. Each child will do it at there own pace. It's like learning how to play the piano it takes time and practice. It helped me to keep a little log of when they were going pee and poop, then I knew when to ask them. You can do tricky things like tell them remember to tell me when you need to go to the potty. That puts the idea in there head without nagging about it. I read a book called potty train in a day, I didn't end up using that method but I used a lot of the verbage I learned from it. My kids also liked the show "potty power" I got that from the library. I also would tell them when I was going to use the bathroom. I feel like I need to go pee pee I'm going to go use the potty because that's were the pee goes. GOOD LUCK, and be patient, he will get it.
All I can really is say is don't stress it - your son will do it when he is ready. You can only encourage but he is going to have to do it when he is ready. We tried to potty train our son when he was 2 1/2 and that was a HUGE mistake - it was a constant battle - he cried and we cried so we finally said enough is enough and we stopped!
Our son, who is in daycare, was in the 2 year old room and we he turned 3 they would not move him up because he was not potty trained (he would go pee-pee on the potty occasionally). Finally, after a few months, we asked if our son could just try the 3 year old room for awhile and if the potty was a really big issue then they could move him back. To our surprise our son was potty trained in about 2 weeks after moving up to the 3 year old room. It really helped him to see the other kids going on the potty all the time. By 3 1/2 years old he was good to go!
All in all, don't stress the potty training. Sounds like your family has had a lot going on lately so all the changes are h*** o* little ones so once he is comfortable and feels settled then he will get potty training down on his own time! Just stay positive! :)
put it on the back burner for a few months, even if he has to be in a different class. he'll catch on in his own time. both of my boys were over 4 years old before they showed any interest. my question is why is the school pushing a 3 year old to be potty trained? don't they realize kids develop at different rates?
My son just turned 3 on the 6th and although he will go in the potty while at home most of the time, he will have nothing to do with it outside of our home. Also, he wants nothing to do with sitting on the potty, he wants to stand. I'm sure when it comes time for him to learn to poop in the potty, we'll face quite the challenge. My advise is to let him decide when he's ready; he's been through a lot recently and needs his time. He won't be in diapers forever and if he's in the 2 year old room for a bit, maybe thats what he needs as an incentive to get potty trained so he can get into the 3 year old room with kiddos his own age.
Also, the thing that has worked out great for us was sticker rewards and letting him run around either naked or without bottoms on. With it being summer time soon, being able to do that a little more often and most of the day will be easy. That's worked best for us. Our little guy is more aware that he's got nothing to do in other than the potty. Good luck!
I am sorry to hear about his baby brother's open heart surgery. It musta been a hard for both him and the family. My niece had a similar issue that she got angry when we changed her diaper. It was really bad that she would throw her toys at us, crying and all drama. She just acted like we were torturing her. That thing was going on for about 2 months and my sister hasn't started potty training although she is 2 and half. I can't wait to start potty training to my niece. I heard the bigger they are the harder it is. My friend's daughter is only 14months old now and she does pooping or peeing only in a pot now.
My sister in law is experiencing the same thing right now - they've chosen to give-up for the time-being until he's ready. He's 3.5 and is playing the battle of the wills.
Our son was a little past his third birthday when he finally decided he was ready to make an effort.
We had an appointment this morning for our just-turned 2 year-old daughter. The pediatrician asked about potty training. We were honest that it hasn't started. He said not to push it until they're exhibiting signs that they're ready - otherwise, you face the issue of regression, accidents, and frustration instead of encouragement.
Good luck!
We have a 3+ year old boy who is just starting to recognize the need to go before he actually goes. He's still in the 2's at daycare because he doesn't go potty. We've been pretty frustrated, gotten lots of advice, and we've tried just about everything, including going "cold turkey" and letting him go in his pants. Did not faze him. I decided to back off and let him take the initiative. I have stopped talking to him about it, and nobody makes him sit on the potty. He knows what to do, but he needs to decide to do it. I can't force him and nothing I offer him seems to make him want to do it yet. I know that's not very helpful, but I think you should just stop talking about it and trying to get him to go.
forget it! Too many changes, too many things going on. Potty training will not happen until HE is ready to cooperate. & this is NOT about willfulness, just simply a lack of readiness. Patience is your best bet, rather than gimmicks. Just backoff & try later.
Hi E.,
We let our kids call Grandma as a reward for using the potty chair. They loved it! Grandma would really praise them. We clapped, gave them a sticker for their chart and a treat.
I didn't make a big deal out of accidents. We just said, "I'm sure you'll do better next time." (When my middle son was 3-4, we would have him help us clean up the accident, if he had one. He would have to wash his underwear out then take it to the laundry and wash his clothes in the washing machine. Our son didn't like to stop what he was doing to have to do laundry and clean up the bathroom -- but if your little one thinks helping with the laundry is neat that might not work!!)
I think the going naked method works really well too, especially for boys.
Keep in mind, in 10 years, this will not even be an issue!
God Bless,
A.
No pulls ups. They are a crutch and they'll go in them most of the time. Put big boy underwear on him, take him often, 15-30 min. whether he wants to go or not, reward when he goes, use charts, stickers, snack, whatever it takes within reason. Praise him when he goes every time. If he doesn't want to go the next day repeat the day before and so on. Shouldn't take long since he's gone before in potty and big stool and since he's understanding what is expected. You are in charge so you do most of the work, or the day care, etc. does. Just be consistent and patient and firm. Don't ask if he wants to go. Just take him. I have had many strong willed kids so it can be done! :-)
The most enlightened current thinking is that kids really won't get trained until they are both physically AND emotionally ready. And that training is as natural a part of their development as speech and walking, and that when kids are ready, they actually become willing and eager to train. Pushing them to be ready sooner creates problems and can actually reduce the likelihood of success.
What does this mean in practice? If you enter "potty training" in the search box at the top of this page, you'll seen that many moms were amazed that their children trained themselves quickly when the parental pressure was dropped.
Good luck. Your whole family as been through so much, and your son's experience has almost certainly been more difficult as a result. If he needs to be your baby for awhile, I hope you'll wholeheartedly give him as much of that as you can. It won't spoil him, but will meet his valid needs.
