2 Year-old Won't Feed Himself

Sounds like he may be a little jealous of all the attention that his little brother is getting (that used to be all his). He will get over it. Maybe reward him with some special time (perhaps an activity of his choice) right after he feeds himself. Good luck!

Stop feeding him.

At mealtime, put him in his chair and put his food in front of him. You feed the baby. If he doesn't eat after a few minutes, put him down.

Don't offer food again until the next meal. He'll probably be pretty hungry by then! Again, put him in his chair and put his food in front of him. You feed the baby.

Repeat.

You are right! Your time is much better spent than spoon feeding a boy who is perfectly capable of feeding himself.

I agree with Laura and Ellie. Offer food when it is time to eat and only when it is time to eat. Take it away after a specific amount of time (20-30 minutes). He will probably cry because you aren't feeding him, but remind him gently that mealtime is over and it is time to move on to the next activity.

Allow liquids between meals. Watch out, though, he will probably get smart and say he's thirsty. Don't allow him to drink too much in between meals, or he will have a liquid diet and still not eat his really great home-prepared meals.

Also, he may get some joy in choosing his own silverware set that only he can use. His "Big Boy" set. This may encourage him to use them. My kids each had a melamine plate, bowl, fork, and spoon set. They eventually outgrew them, but they enjoyed having "their" dihes.

Best of luck. This is kind of like them holding their breath until they turn blue. They have to breathe eventually!

C.- Stop feeding him.
You are right, he can totally feed himself.
Put the food down in front of him and let him know that is his meal. If he decides that he just can't get the food to his mouth, then he doesn't get to eat. He will be pretty hungry by the next meal, so he will probably feed himself. If he doesnt', BOY will he be hungry by the next.
He will not starve himself. He is in a power struggle with you, and right now he is the boss. You give in and feed him every time because you feel like he wont eat if you don't feed him, that's not the case. NO child has ever starved themselves if there is perfectly good food in front of them
L.

Being around thousands of moms and babies through my business, I can tell you this is a very common issue and it's really more how you deal with it. It is very common for children right aroung 2-1/2 (give or take a few months) to decide to be babies again. They suddenly like to be fed. Some parents feel it's a control issue, others feel it's for attention, etc, etc. Most parents have been the most successful at resolving this issue by doing a gradual change back to independence. Many will compromise with decision making - give them a choice of picking what they want to eat and feed themselves or you will feed them, but you choose what they eat. Some serve them finger foods for a few days in a row to drop the issue and then reintroduce utensils after requests to be fed go away. Others will talk and reason with them and say they are big enough to feed themselves and sit there with them but refuse to feed them. They won't let themselves starve.

I found with my own daughter, it started when I served her spaghetti one night and she wanted me to spin the noodles around the fork for her. I did and put the fork down and she opened her mouth and looked at me like I was supposed to feed her. I did without thinking. Next thing I knew, she wanted to be fed all the time. I would tell her no, she needs to feed herself, just like mommy and daddy feed themselves. She still wants to be fed occassionally and usually it's when dealing with food that requires extra dexterity with utensils. So when serving meals now, I know when it's going to come up and when it shouldn't. If it's truly hard for her, I help her and don't make a big deal about it, but instead help her and try to teach her with each meal to build up that coordination. She gets so involved in trying to learn the skills, she forgets about being fed. So it's figuring out what need they are wanting met by being fed. With a new baby, it could be a bit of jealousy. He is acting like a baby to get your attention. With a little one-on-one quality time, he should feel better. Also a few ground rules and trying some of the techniques other moms have used should help you figure out what is best. The key is not to give in and simply feed him. It will become expected and harder to break the habit! Set some boundaries and stick to them so he knows what is acceptable and what isn't.

It's not a major issue and will resolve within a couple months or less depending on your methods. He is being perfectly normal. :)

My son is 5 1/2 and still wants me to feed him, because he says that when I feed him the food taste much, much better. Well, even he is the one and only I still don't feel like doing it all the time. Around age 3 we set few rules like he feeds him-self a bite, I do the next one or bribes - he feeds him-self, he gets a desert. Now I feed him only at breakfast and if I chose what he will eat. If he choses what to have for breakfast, he has to feed him-self. In our house the meals are time to interact and talk with each other. It sounds that you are doing it too. Daddy travels a lot and when he gets back home my son will ask him to feed him dinner. This is theirs way to seek more attention and to make sure that you still love them and it is up to you when and how to give it to him. Just make sure that you will do it. Yes, you can go cold turkey and refuse to feed him, he won't starve him-self, but he won't feel loved too. Good luck!

Excuse my briefness but,

Put the food on the table and go about your whatever you need to do. Ignore any cries or pleas. (as hard as it may be) Don't reward him if he eats by himself--this is something he should do naturally. If he doesn't eat, put him down. I promise he won't starve himself. You can begin by putting something he really likes on his plate, then walk to the other side of the room or another room if possible.

This is positively a attention getting behavior. He wants your attention away from the baby. You need to find a way to pay attention to him in a big boy way.

What about "fun" foods i.e. carrot sticks that he can dip himself, or pasta that he can dip, etc? My older child is also a very light eater. She however loves dessert, so if she eats x-amount then there is dessert. Good luck.

He will feed himself when he is hungry enough. This is a battle of wills & you must choose your battles.

I agree with Ellie W, Lara U, K M & Michelle E.

I reccomend a sucction bottom bowl & usable toddler silverwear helped alot with my daughter. A spalt mat or shower curtian for you for easy clean up.

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Some children are deeply fascinated with just about anything more than food. My guess is that they're just bright (maybe brighter than average), curious kids who have never been really hungry.

I'm sure your son will learn to eat on his own if you stop feeding him. There could be a stressful adjustment period while he learns to recognize what hunger is. He could have emotional meltdowns from low blood glucose, trouble sleeping through the night, or other problems while he adapts. You could feel stressed that he's "not eating enough." He could lose a little weight. He could feel abandoned and jealous (and indeed, you are changing your behavior toward him so you can give more attention to the baby) and behave accordingly. If you are prepared to face all this, you could just stop feeding him. Or you might try phasing out the feeding over a week or two and soften the consequences a bit.

Since his stress would be stressful for you, too, you might want to consider another option that would free you up quite a bit. For many toddlers, grazing at will throughout the day is more natural than sitting through bigger meals. (In some indigenous societies, this is still the norm.) Have you considered leaving out a small selection of veggies, fruits, cheese, toast or crackers, scrambled eggs, leftovers and other healthy finger foods for him to nibble? This was a pretty helpful option for my grandboy, who would hardly feed himself at all when younger, and was very restless sitting through meals. We'd poke food into his mouth at frequent intervals through the day, and he'd nibble things he particularly liked if it was easily available. He's getting quite a bit better at 3 1/2, and without his parents making a battle out of it. The adults in his life have coaxed him at every meal to take a few bites on his own (but we don't have younger siblings to care for, so it's easier).

There are some likely pluses to a kid who won't feed himself, too. In my grandson's case, he was never inclined to put things in his mouth that didn't belong there. He's a slim, healthy weight. He doesn't eat compulsively to comfort himself, or out of boredom. He will eat just about anything an adult feeds him while he's preoccupied, which means he gets a good, balanced diet and has learned to accept a wide variety of foods. Though I'm not the one who has to be sure he stays well-nourished every day, I love it that his relationship with food is almost casual, and that he likes almost every vegetable and fruit. Now he'll carry around a chunk of cucumber, cheese, apple, or sweet pepper, and munch away while he plays.

Unless the grownups make an issue of some behavior that can arguably be seen as completely normal, I disagree that it's a "power struggle." Kids that young behave mostly out of pure, spontaneous impulse. It's adults trying to keep to a schedule, establish rules, or even just get some sleep, who initiate most power struggles in very young children, by frustrating a child's natural inclinations. Kids aren't puppets, and do have feelings and needs that sometimes adults either don't recognize or assume shouldn't be there.

But since adults have more power and the imagination to find other options, we can often come up with solutions to these problems that meet our needs AND the child's. Good luck, C.. I hope you find a solution that doesn't unsettle the family.

There is a time for eating and a time for playing, and never the twain shall meet!
Make him feed himself, he won't starve himself.
Good luck

I haven't read all the replies. I'm just chiming in with an "I've just been there!" My daughter is almost 3 and is just getting over a phase like that. She is finally beginning to ask for foods, tell us she's hungry, and feed herself. It's frustrating, isn't it?! Don't be afraid of snacks to get him by if he doesn't eat at the "meal-time." Good luck

I think some of these answers have been a little harsh. My son is the same way, and I'd heard from a friend that hers was the same way. We are both in the gentle, nurturing parenting school of thought. Toddlers can be bored at the table. They are in a very active phase of development, and I'm sure you've probably noticed they are all activity or none (fall down asleep). We did shovel food in his mouth a lot, because he didn't eat when he was hungry, he just got hungrier and crankier and then really almost couldn't eat. So now, we get him started, but we let him have something to play with at the table. And we play with him, or read to him. I've been reading while I eat (when alone) since I was a little girl. It's a way for me to unwind. I don't think there's anything wrong with distracting a toddler while they eat, they just have busy minds and bodies that they are learning to quiet down. It's a stage, and he will move on. Just follow the stage, and steer him in the right directions when he's able to.